First 30 Days Blog

05 dec

Happy Thanksgiving…I’m Dating Dad

It wasn’t quite what I was expecting from a call on Thanksgiving morning to my Mom who lives in another state with my sister. After exchanging pleasantries and the update about my 2 year-old son’s latest pre-school artistic abilities with paint (mostly on his clothing) and playground sharing protocol, the conversation segued to a few changes in her life which had energized her. I was happy to hear this since she’d become somewhat isolated in her current living situation.

At first she was coy about the changes she was referring to but after some prodding she dropped the familial bombshell–she was “seeing” my Dad. Yes, my dad whom she’d divorced more than 3 decades ago. Yes, my Dad whom she’d had such a volatile relationship with during their 15-year marriage and for whom she’d harbored so much anger for many years. Yes, my biological Dad, whose most significant role in my life was at conception and then being his namesake. I legally changed my first name at age 36 and gave my son my wife’s last name at birth.

My mom had recently reached out to him to offer her condolences and advice is grieving for the death of his wife. Both of my parents remarried shortly after their divorce in 1974 and remained with their partners until their deaths. My stepfather passed away in 2005. Ironically, each partner succumbed to the effects of alcoholism, despite the fact that both of my parents are non-drinkers.

My mom informed me that she had been speaking with my Dad for the past six months and admitted that these conversations sparked old feelings and presented an opportunity for reconciliation on a number of issues. While it’s true they’ve seen each other from time to time in the past decades, I never imagines nor pined for them to be together again, as some children of divorce often fantasize about.

At first I was stunned by the news, but then took on the role of parent by offering advice to proceed with caution. They’re planning to spend some block time together within the next month in my father’s hometown to get reacquainted and see where it leads them.

While some may see this situation as somewhat romanticized I’m taking a wait-and-see approach with this major change in the dynamic of our family. Despite my non-existent relationship with my father I will not jeopardize my mom’s happiness should it proceed in that direction. Each relationship is repaired in different ways and I will have to reconcile this if he becomes part of my life by extension in the future.

Shared by mannyb.

Posted by First 30 Days on December 5th, 2008 in Personal Stories | 1 comments

  • Add Comment

One Comment

  • That is an amazing story. You have to wonder why it is happening now. It might just be so they can work out any lingering “bad” feelings, in which case I think it’s a blessing.

    Shared by VictoriaB.

    — Added by First30Days on August 28th, 2009

Share Your Thoughts

You must be logged in to post a comment.