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A Mother's Guilt

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How is my child doing? Is he safe? Is he happy? Did I make the right decision? Would he be better off if I stayed home? You aren’t the only one with questions like these swirling in your sleep-deprived mind. Sarah Hutter, an executive editor at a large media company, is one of many moms who felt similarly when she returned to work at the end of her maternity leave. “I had so many questions that I knew I would never really know the answers to and realized pretty quickly that I had to find a way to stop torturing myself,” she explains. “Seeing my child happy and healthy when I saw him at the end of the day was very reassuring.”

It’s common to experience self-doubt as Sarah did. In addition to worrying about separating from your child and his well-being in the hands of another caregiver, you may feel anxious about tackling so many new responsibilities. Keeping in contact with your babysitter or daycare center may boost your comfort level. To ease separation, many women perform a “hello” and “goodbye” ritual to teach the baby that mommy always comes back. It can be as simple as saying or singing, “Goodbye. Mommy is going to work but mommy always comes back” in the morning and “Hello! Mommy is home. Mommy came back” at the end of the day. The game peek-a-boo is also a good warm-up to this exercise, because it introduces babies to the idea that even if they can’t see something, it still exists.

If you are wondering if you will be able to pull it all off, allow yourself the time necessary to work out the kinks. Remember when you didn’t even know how to change a diaper? You are asking a lot of yourself, but it will all become old hat before you know it.

Posted: 3/29/24