Involving the Parents

Anyone who has seen “Meet the Parents” with Ben Stiller might be nervous about talking to the potential in-laws about marriage, but that movie is an exaggerated comedy. In most cases, asking the parents for permission to marry their daughter is a thoughtful act.

It's nice to follow tradition by asking her parents before you ask her. This is especially true if she’s close to her mom and dad.  It’s a way of saying to them, “will you accept me into the family? Do you think I can take care of, love and cherish your beloved daughter for the rest of our lives?” Since families are so important to most people, this is a nice, respectful gesture.

If you are asking for permission, remember to ask both the mother and father. Just asking her father could slight her mother, and you don’t want to start a marriage alienating your mother-in-law. That’s a no-no.

If you live 3,000 miles from the parents, a telephone call is an acceptable way of doing this. Of course, asking in person is preferable. If she’s not close to her family, you can likely skip this courtesy and not offend her.

Asking her parents for permission is not only a sign of respect, but it may also quell any fears you have once you’ve been accepted into the family.