First30Days

The 24-Hour No Blame Challenge

I recently joined WebTalk Radio host Paul McLoughlin for a wide-ranging interview addressing the anxieties currently gripping the nation and how to navigate a host of changes.

Adapting to change is the number one life skill we can cultivate right now. During the interview, Paul asked "What gives you the right to talk about other people's change?" Good question. My passion over the past five years has been to meet and interview thousands who have undergone change--they've lost their money, started businesses, divorced, lost a loved one and suffered the gamut of life issues. All these people have had to find a way of getting through tough and some great changes. I've seen the patterns and principles of change that truly make a difference in a time of crisis. I've gone through my own share of changes-leaving jobs, starting a business, losing loved ones, breaking off an engagement and losing most of my savings a few years ago. Take a moment to listen to the interview. We covered changes in the markets, education, health and our jobs. I can't think of any area Paul didn't ask me about. 

Bringing it back to a macro level, a lesson I've learned is that companies don't change--people change. Countries don't change, people will have to change. It will be the individuals that precipitate change.

I recently read that when we are faced with times of crisis, our primary emotional patterns will come out even more strongly during the upheaval. So, angry people will become angrier, people who blame will blame even more, people who are full of fear will become more fearful. And people who are grateful will become more grateful, people who are focused on helping will find more ways to help. So, what is your primary go-to emotion these days? You are most likely doing more of it.

Here's a suggestion, since there's so much blame energy going on right now in the country and I really do believe change starts with each one of us. Tomorrow, for just 24 hours, don't blame the President, the government, your boss, your broker, yourself, the cab driver, your partner or anyone else for what's going on. Notice how much time and energy in your day is consumed with being focused on blame. Regardless of whether you're justified or not, blame never achieves anything. We really need people to contribute more hope than fear right now.

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Three Rules for Change

It's been an eventful last few days. At the Pennsylvania Governors Conference for Women, Elizabeth Edwards, the keynote speaker had to cancel last minute for health reasons. I was asked to step in and take the main stage in front of 6,000 people. If that's not stretching your change muscle, I don't know what is...it reminded me of what Eleanor Roosevelt once said—"you learn by living." You gain strength, courage and confidence by every expierence in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

I interviewed Bob Harper (a trainer on NBC's "The Biggest Loser") about health and fitness. I loved what he has to say about how we are all "drinking our calories" with coffee drinks, smoothies and alcohol. If you're committed to living healthier, check out the Change Nation interview I did with him a few months ago that explains why drinking our calories isn't the healthiest behavior and find out what you can do instead. If you want to make that change, now's the time. Believe me, its easier to start today than on January 1!

After I returned from the conference I went to the Giants game here in NYC with Steve Tisch, their co-owner and chairman. It's a great way to see your first ever professional football game, I must say, as a European!! I met most of the players, including Eli Manning, and watched as the team played an incredible game beating the Seattle Seahawks 44 to 6. I got to ask Steve a few 'change questions' (of course. How could I not!) The best change he ever made was moving his family back to NYC from LA when he heard his dad had been diagnosed with an incurable brain tumor. He is a believer in the change guarantee—that good things always come from even the hardest changes you can imagine. He shared 3 pieces of life wisdom that stuck with me during our conversations:

• Remove the words fair/unfair from your vocabulary when thinking about your life and circumstances
• Luck is the residue of your dreams and desires
• Life is much easier when you stop caring about what people think about you

I'm in NYC this week. What a concept—no traveling! There's a bunch of good press coming out on us so check back on our home page regularly, especially for articles to help you stay on track during these times of change in the country.

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Overwhelmed by Change?

I'm on my way to the Pennsylvania Governor's Conference for Women, where I'll be speaking on a panel on "Second Acts and New Beginnings." These are things I know well, and get asked about often. In fact, I recently got asked the following question via email from one of our members:

"What do you do when there are so many things that have to change (health, income, house, relationship status) that you get overwhelmed?"

We have all felt this—we go through a break up and then our job changes. We are in the process of getting our finances under control and then someone we know gets a staggering health diagnosis. Changes do often come in twos, threes or even more these days given the state of the world!

Here is what I would say to begin with. If you're dealing with multiple changes life has thrown your way, although they are all unique and different, there really is only one thing that you need to focus on—your personal ability to handle change. The skills you need to manage one change are the same as managing more than one change. The changes might be different, but you are the common factor in all of them. When you change on the inside you won't feel as overwhelmed.

Take your beliefs, for example. If you think you're bad at change, that change is hard, that these changes are bad, etc., just changing these beliefs will have a "trickle-down effect" to every other change you are faced with. You will know you can change, you are better at change than you've ever been told, you are never too old or too young, that good things will come from any change (this is the change guarantee).

Another principle to adhere to if you want to become better at change is to decide to accept change. Stop resisting it—you will bring this attitude of acceptance across all your current changes.

If you remember that none of us gets through change alone and you have a support team around you, if you ask and allow others to help, these people can help you through more than one change.

So there's really only one change to focus on, and that is you—your view of change, the things you do to manage change, what you can control. There are things that people who are good at change do, think, believe and say, whether it be a health change, financial change, home or relationship change that you mention in your question, so the real secret is knowing what makes someone good at change.

This is what I wanted to share and offer in my book. Once you get good at change, it stays with you. Please, give yourself the gift of getting good at change. Give it to someone else, it's the most important life skill to get good at. Buy the book now. And if you need a bit of help getting started today, check out Making Change Easier on the site. You can sign up and receive email tips, ask questions and read and listen to experts share their wisdom for handling change.

Now, one last point—if you are the person who wants to initiate change in your life, I would recommend taking on only a couple of changes at once. You want to set yourself up to succeed. Your self esteem will be higher as you make progress in one or two changes, you will have more time to dedicate to focusing on changes that really matter to you. Don't be impatient. We all overestimate how much change we can take on in a month and we all underestimate how much our lives could change within two or six months. Give yourself some time. Like the change guarantee says, from this something good will come.

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Here Comes the Sun

For those of you in the NYC area, I will be at the Here Comes the Sun event in Central Park this Saturday, September 27. The event is sponsored by our good friends at Health magazine and we have been anticipating it all summer long! My team will be out all day with First30Days goodies for each of you who stop by (as long as they last, of course)! We'll also have a few copies of my book on hand, and I'll be speaking at 2:00 at the Author's Tent.

Here are the details:

11am-4pm, Wollman Rink in Central Park

20% of the proceeds will benefit the Step Up Women’s Network and the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund. The event will include:

• Yoga classes for all levels featuring Sara Ivanhoe and expert instructors from YogaWorks®
• The chance to learn Vinyasa Flow, Yoga for Beginners, Detox Flow, Mat Pilates, and much more
• Beauty consultations, delicious tastings, sponsor samples, and fun giveaways!
• Live musical performance

It should be a fantastic day, and I hope to see you there!

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