VBianchini

You might want to check out Dr. Harvey Karp.
He has been profiled on TV many times showing how to calm crying babies. Here is his web site:

http://www.thehappiestbaby.com/

He uses a method called the Five S's, which are explained here:
http://www.babyslumber.com/happiestbaby.html

I agree with monkeesno1 in that you may not be a candidate for surgery (or you may not be able to afford it), so, really, the best course of action is to eat less and exercise more.

Easier said than done, I know, but there are so many inspiring stories to take comfort and strength from. The one I often reflect on is an older story ... the woman by the name of Susan Powters. You may remember her from the 1990s. She lost more than 130 pounds. I think she was close to 300 pounds when she just said "no more" or "stop the insanity" and she started by walking around the block. I remember her saying she was so heavy that her legs were banging together and she was in pain and she was embarrassed, but she knew she couldn't keep on the way she was going, so she just started moving.

Here is her web site, if you want to learn more about her.

http://www.susanpowteronline.com/

I found a good article at about.com from the Guide in charge of a topic called Busy Cooks.

It's called
"Got $10? Make a Meal"

Here is the link:
busycooks.about.com/od/dinnerrecipes/a/tendollarmeals.htm

Hi

First you have to give yourself credit for how far you've come. It's really important to feel good about and celebrate our successes. If you can afford it, why not do something nice for yourself, like a spa day, weekend away or by purchasing a new outfit.

You should feel proud because whether you know it or not you are an inspiration to others.

As to how to get moving from here. We have many great quotes on the site and one of the many that I like to repeat is that 'the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.'

So, take that to heart and start slowly ... and start anywhere, but just start ...

We have many great resources on this site in the various life changes. Look around at the experts list and the books and web site links. You can find inspiration and information from any number of places here ... being happier experts, pursuing your dreams books, making change easier tips, especially Ariane's Nine Principles of Change.

This is the condensed version:

1. Have positive beliefs about change, about life and about yourself.

2. Know that change will always bring something good into your life.

3. Know that you are resilient, strong and capable of getting through anything.

4. Know that your emotions, including the negative ones are there as a guide and that you can replace them with positive ones -- so when you find yourself getting down on yourself of saying you can't do something, quickly turn that thought around and think about how far you've come, knowing you've accomplished tremendous things already.

5. Know that the quicker you accept or choose change, the less the pain and hardship will be.

6. Use positive words, thinking better thoughts and allow every feeling (good or bad) to come up and embrace it ... work through it.

7. Know that you are connected to something bigger -- your soul, your spirit, your higher self.

8. Surround yourself with people who can help and who have an optimistic mind-set and create an environment that supports change.

9. Take action, make a plan and take care of yourself.

If you think you might like to speak to someone, find an objective source of comfort ... not a friend, but someone like a social worker, therapist, pastor, rabbi or priest... someone who is trained to listen and offer loving support... someone who can help you see all the goodness inside of you.

Consider doing volunteer work. We've heard time and again about people who feel so much better about their lives when they spend even a little bit of time doing good for others. When you do something for someone else -- perhaps someone worse off than yourself, you get a shot of self esteem, which is something you just can't buy.

Get moving ... one of the other things we've learned and that we preach to a certain degree is motion ... motion changes emotion. You can't feel stuck or depressed when you're moving, so take up walking, jogging, bicycle riding, swimming, whatever you think your body can tolerate. It will help get more oxygen flowing to your brain, which will improve your mood and may even speed up the changes you're going through or at least help make you feel better about doing something good for your body.

I hope all of this helps. Know that you are loved by more people than you know and that more people are pulling for you than you imagine, including now me!

Oh. one more thing and this is something that I really enjoy. I get these emails every day from a site called the Tut Adventurer's Club. The emails are called Notes from the Universe and it's like a daily personal cheering section. You can't help but feel better every time you see one.

You can find the emails here:
http://tut.com/about_nftu.htm

It sounds like you're in need of professional help, so I would suggest trying to find a social worker, therapist or psychiatrist who can really understand and take an interest in getting to the bottom of what's going on with your children.

While you have been able to determine some real medical issues going on, it's also likely that habit have developed that you don't want to see continue.

Children crave routine and discipline, believe it or not. They want to know what their boundaries are and how far they can stretch things. I think you've observed this because you say they are different in school, meaning they know what their boundaries are there and they are mindful of them.

Another thing you might want to consider is establishing some routines... things that are done every day at around the same time everyday. Maybe you make it a family thing, but make sure to do it every day, the same time and don't back down.

And, believe it or not, there is something to the idea of nutrition in all of this. I've done some reading recently about children with various conditions who seem to respond better and behave better when they are on a vegetarian diet. There has also been some studies done in school that show that less sugar has a positive impact on children and their moods and behavior.

I'm going to encourage you to look at the resources in our new mom and new dad topics as I think you might find some experts and some books that might be helpful in this regard as well.

Remember you are the parent and take back your power... don't let your children usurp your power in this way. It sounds harsh but you need to demand respect and make sure you get it or your authority will be diminished in their eyes.

Perhaps you can find a sympathetic teacher who can help you network to a dedicated social worker who will take an interest in sticking it out with you. People like that are out there and really do want to help you.

I wish you all the best. You can do this.

It sounds like you had a very special bond with your husband that will not be easy to replace. That doesn't mean you can't have that again or you will always feel alone. You are dealing with your loss and your grief on your own terms. No one can say how long this should last. However, I'm sure one day you will realize you feel a little better and then things will improve from there.

You can likely see the company and support from others in similar situations. Grief support groups do exist. I know my mom found help connecting with other women who lost their husbands to cancer when my dad passed away.

It's going to take time and you will need to establish some new habits and make some new friends. Start by being good to you and look for things that will make you happy, because I'm sure your husband does not want you to be sad.

Think about what he would have wanted for you or things you would have wanted to do together and see if you can't honor some of those wishes.

Take comfort in knowing you are loved.

I think it has to do with the attraction factor. Most people, not just men are attracted to what their definition our physical beauty is. Some men think heavier women are beautiful, but most men have a picture in their head (formed by society) of what physical beauty is ... like the models we see on tv ... or barbie dolls... a somewhat unrealistic view of the female body.

I'm sure ego plays a part in this as well. Some guys want to look good to other guys and having an attractive woman next to them is important to those men. You'll notice I didn't say beautiful woman because I think attractive and beautiful are not the same. Beauty comes from within and, as you say, if a man doesn't see and appreciate your beauty, he's probably not worth your time.