The Great Sex Paradox

You love your partner. You see each other every day, and with that familiarity you’ve found security and comfort. You laugh together, cuddle, and can talk about your deepest regrets, fears, hopes and dreams. If your relationship is so wonderful, how can your sex life be so lousy?

In American culture, we’ve been brought up to believe that love and sex go hand in hand. Yet the factors that promote a healthy, happy relationship—stability, comfort, safety—can sabotage even the kinkiest of libidos. Think about it. Your wildest times with sex most likely had one or all of the following characteristics: newness, spontaneity and the unfamiliar. This explains why “emotional fulfillment does not translate to sexual fulfillment,” as relationship expert Esther Perel writes.

So how can long-lasting lovers improve their sex life? Yes, new positions or places might help, but the biggest common factor that people worldwide said kept the spark alive was: distance. Whether the distance was real or perceived didn’t matter. The next time you find your sex life stuck in a rut, spend a few days away from your mate and see each other with fresh eyes and a new perspective.  [AlterNet]