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no change.....

elrod1

Change is not a word my spouse understands, I think if do not change then we do not grow as people. He thinks i want to control everything he does, who he hangs out with,{ granted we are talking about a 50 plus years old man}.I want him to want to spend time with me. The bars are more important. Very sad time right now.I am not sure where to turn.     

Shared by elrod1 on 6/20/08
elrod1

Well guess what I left in Febuary and i could not be happier most of the time. He is now more than a regular {at his local hang out} and that is okay with me. I am finding out who I really am. I never left before because I was scared of being alone. I have better coping skills than i ever realized. It is lonely at times and i have made one mistake so far i regret, nothing that is life threatening. i am going on with life i am now alive again not just living in a void.

  • By elrod1
  • on 7/21/09 3:10 PM EST
dragonfly3b

As I have learned, Change is inevitable...struggle is an option! As for your husband thinking you are trying to control...that is obviously his way of making you feel uncertain about your own intentions on this very important matter. If he makes you focus on you, then you will not be focusing on the change. Very clever of him. The only thing a person can control in life is... how they ACT on issues that are presented. When you ACT and change your thinking he will notice the change in you. Move a muscle change a thought! Hopefully he will not try to supress the positive changes and actually learn some for himself. The power of example is a very mighty weapon towards eventuality. lol Be good to you!

coleman

I agree with acatt35. Prove that you are not controlling and do your own thing. If you truly love him, be a wife..be there for him but find things that you like to do and make you happy. I really think that marriage has ebbs and flows and if it's a healthy one it rides it out.

  • By coleman
  • on 9/24/08 10:58 AM EST
acatt35

Alot of don't want change,for fear of the unknown.It sounds like a possible mid life crisis,an acceptance with his peers and with like losing control.Believe me I fully understand,where you are coming from,it's very frustrating!However,nothing stops me,from continuing to move on and do my own thing,I don't depend on him to make me HAPPY!(My spouse)see how I adressed him?Is a very negative person now with numberous joint replacements, only 45 years,now with what seems to be a RX,problem.He has said in past,that I am a control freak,however I haven't seen much leadership skills.