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with a man who is an addict, how do i deal with his raging anger and help him work through his withdrawls?
i have been with a man for the past yr and a half. he is in recovery from a 20 yr addiction. he has been clean for almost a yr and with help has been doing well. but lately he has had bouts of anger and rage. nothing physical but some emotional. it is really starting to affect our relationship. how do i help him better to deal with his wanting to "run" and deal with the problem at hand?
Those sure are two beautiful little angels in that picture with you, t-b, quite a responsibility. Just this evening I was telling my four year old granddaughter (she wanted to stay out and play, her one year old sister wanted to go home)"Kaitlin, it seems unfair but the needs of the little ones always come first." I am so glad you are actively seeking help. Kristen suggests an outstanding resource in AlAnon (or NarAnon), these women have found a path thru the wilderness and can help you find safe passage. There's a saying in recovery circles "To thy own self be true"[and thou cannot be false to any man. Wm. Shakespeare]
I know an old timer who'd been sober 40+ years who observed 'for every year a guy drank he needs about a month to clear up' and even after 10 years he still got "edgy" every year around the anniversary of his last drink. If your man is almost a year clean maybe that's the cause of his anger, but he's not having physical withdrawals unless he's been using, and if you have even the slightest suspicion (more than once) that he has... your probably right. Gosh, it's such a tough spot you're in and I so much wish that I could offer you some hope, but hope is a fragile thing. Just like a child it needs daily care and nourishment. Your daughters should not be exposed to regular displays of anger and I assure you with absolute certainty that the space between rage and assault is one single human heartbeat. The people who respond to 911 calls are trained, equipped, and prepared to deal with angry men. It's a tough call to make, real tough, but if you hesitate, topb_tch, you just might lose the only chance you'll get to protect your little angels. You all will be in our prayers.
First and foremost, your concern should be for your well-being and safety (especially if you have kids.) It's commendable that you do want to try and work things out and help him. Do you (or does he) know what's causing these bouts of anger? Is he still going to meetings and seeing his sponsor regularly?
Sometimes the best way to help someone we love change behavior is letting them know it's unacceptable. Don't make excuses for this person, and don't accept excuses. If you need help, go to Al-Anon. You can find help and support there. You are not alone!
Please check back in, let us know how you are doing.
