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sbasman

Question:I've been with my bf for a little over a year and a half and moved in together about 5 months ago. We've had ups and downs and wanted space to think about the relationship not knowing if we should continue on together, yet he says he doesn't want to lose

Asked by sbasman on 8/21/08 2 Answers»
LauraLee311

Answer:

You don't say your age, but I'm assuming you're in your 20s and this is the first time you've moved in with a significant other.

I think a lot of us (20-somethings) move in with our significant others too soon sometimes because of the convenience factor. My parents (who are divorced) were always against me living with a boyfriend because "it changes things." I could never get them to elaborate, so I blew off their advice. But after having lived with my boyfriend for more than a year, I completely understand what they mean. It’s difficult to explain in just one post, but living together definitely does “change things.” I feel lucky because moving in together has worked out for my boyfriend and me (we are currently engaged). However, I have several friends who moved in with their boyfriend/girlfriend and then it didn't work out and it was a terrible, frustrating breakup for them.

If you rushed it with moving in together, it's OK to acknowledge that and re-evaluate the situation. It sounds like you're both being very mature in that respect. Of course, there's always the fear that what if moving out means you're going to lose the relationship, but that's a risk you have to be willing to take if you want you (and possibly the relationship) to grow. Either way, you will both end up for the better by taking some time apart to see if living together really is the best option for you both.

Answered by: LauraLee311 on 8/24/08
VictoriaB

Answer:

Hi, sbasman

If there's no rush, then don't rush it. Most relationships have their ups and downs. The question is do you think you've had too many ups and downs in too short a period of time? Maybe you would benefit from a break. Living together is a huge step. So much is involved in becoming a couple. It could be putting too much strain on a new relationship.

You're young. You have your whole life ahead of you. A life filled with so much possibility for love and friendship and healthy relationships. Make sure you know how to be good to yourself and how to love yourself and make yourself happy. Knowing what you want and need in a relationship and being clear about that with yourself as well as the person you love will go a long way toward finding the person who to share your life with.

What's that expression ... if you love something let it go. if it comes back to you it was meant be. There's something in that to think about.

Answered by: VictoriaB on 8/21/08
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