Lessons in Grieving
Moving Beyond Grieving
The thought of moving forward may leave you riddled with sadness and guilt, but it’s important that you try to forge your new “normal.” Keeping busy and active, though difficult, will help you cope with your grief.
About a year after her husband died, Lisa founded Youngwidowsandwidowers.com, a web site dedicated to helping people find resources and support to help them through the tough times. “I get approximately five to 10 letters a week from those I have helped and it’s a tremendous feeling,” she says. “It helps honor [my husband] because I think of him when I am answering these letters. It shows him that I am as strong as he told me to be and that I can do what I need to do for my family.”
Michele found that being active in what she loves—writing humor—was a great way to forge ahead. “It would have been very easy just to lie in bed, pull the covers over my head and let the world go by,” she explains. “My mom would have come back from the afterlife and really let me have it. I knew that she would want me to go on—to live my life.”
After all, the grieving process is all about learning to live your life, not without your loved one, but with your loved one in your memories; in the traditions and love you pass to your children; and especially through the love you still feel in your heart.
Additional reporting by Desirée Lyle
Dear Leprechauns32,
Your post was the very first one I read after visiting this website for the very first time.
I think it was a real act of the universe that this was so, as I lost my Beloved Mum to ovarian cancer almost a year ago.
The pain never really goes away, but somehow the coping mechanisms do get better. I even feel better sharing my support with you. It doesn't stop me from random bursts of tears, but I like knowing that we are not alone in this.
God bless you and your family and know that I am thinking of you and sending you Aloha!!!
Im so glad I found this website. I have been having a really hard time im 30 years old. and just lost my mom who was 59 to ovarian cancer. I took care of her up until she passed on december 27 2008. I miss her so much i cant believe she is go ne. This is unbelieably painful and Im having a real hard time with it. its been 5 months now and it feels like yesterday.
your article was very touching Ive never had someone die in my life and she was the closest person to me
Dear Christyb62: There is no excuse for your husband's company not coming to your home or notifying you of his awful and untimely death. I am so sorry that you had to experience this event in such a cold hearted way. I would seek out an attorney at once as he suffered death at his place of employment. Death is never easy to experience, I have lost my mother to suicide, father to a heart attack at 81, my dog yesterday....Are there friends or relatives who can come and stay with you at this difficult time or caring neighbor to whom you can speak. I know that you probably feel like covering your head in your pillow and never live again.....Pray my dear. Ask God or your higher power to give you the strength to continue on. Use this website to pour out your heart on paper. There are many people in this world who have gone thru many heartbreaking experiences and who will help you along your journey. One step at a time, one minute at a time. I know right now you are devastated. Cry, let the tears flow. Just don't let anyone tell you to move on. Take the time YOU need to grieve. Set a realistic timetable for yourself to move on. Seek professional assistance if you think you need it, but take one day at a time. Make a space in your environment, whereever that is to devote to your husband. Maybe place a flower on a table, next to a picture, spray his favorite cologne on your pillow so you can smell him or sleep on one of his shirts. It may seem silly, but just smelling his smell will help you to cope. Do what you both loved. Take a walk, play music, meditate. And then when you are ready rejoin life. You have friends here who will help you thru this difficult time. I will pray for your healing dear. You are not alone.
My husband died on our wedding Anniversary in an industrial accident at work. It happened at 1:45pm No one c called me or came to our house! Yet when they wanted him to work over time on the week ends they ALWAYS called. I worked graveyard I had gotten up (he usually woke me at 4pm so we'd have sometime together). I turned on the 5pm news and there he was, covered up with a sheet. I'am so bitter because of the way I found out and because it was thier fault!! I NEED HELP PLEASE.
I can not keep from isolating. Any sugguestions there?
The article was very good, it helped me remember how I grieved thru many family deaths,friends death, even divorce. But what I am grieveing is my son is in Prison, a private prison, in a state 1000 miles away. I haven't seen him for 8 years, I am disabled and live on SSI. I have proof of total injustice, but have no means to pay a lawyer to present the case and time is almost up to present it. I love my son but cannot work miricles, or force family to care, My son is so abused now that he told me he hates me. My change is not change but a on going grief that my child is suffering and I have no way to stop it. I will not live until his release date , I feel a sad, agonizing, grief every day and night.
That was a very well written and helpful article, though my dad died 9/30/07, sometimes it is just like he went onto heaven yesterday! I miss him a lot;it has been especially hard for my mom, since they would have been married 60 years 10/25/07. He was just a great guy. My beloved pet cat, Cuddles died 6/25/07--both died of renal failure! I do cherish all the memories of my dad--and happy to say that I was with him when he went on to heaven and he died peacefully as well.