Tips
Breaking The News
Telling your children about your impending divorce is often one of the most difficult aspects of the entire process. One mother relates how she did not eat or sleep well for months prior to this monumental day.
Before you break the news, it is advisable to meet with a counselor or therapist to discuss the best way to broach the subject. Your approach will vary based on your children’s ages and personalities. Most couples speak to their children together; however, each case is different. And you may choose to speak to your children together, individually or both.
Most children, regardless of their age, want to know how the divorce will impact their lives. You need to reassure them that, while you and your spouse will no longer remain married, your love for them will not waver. Explain to your kids the new living arrangements in the short and long term, as they unfold—such as whether the house will be sold, whether one parent move out and where the children will stay during the school year.
Emphasize to your children that they are not the reason for your divorce. As tempted as you might be to share details of what caused the breakup, don’t. That is, don’t offer more information than the children want or need. They do not want to be put in the middle of things—and they shouldn’t be. Children need to be allowed to love both parents unconditionally.
That said, it is easier to break the news to family and friends. Depending on your relationship—and geography—you may choose to tell them in person, over the phone or via a handwritten letter.
Before you break the news, it is advisable to meet with a counselor or therapist to discuss the best way to broach the subject. Your approach will vary based on your children’s ages and personalities. Most couples speak to their children together; however, each case is different. And you may choose to speak to your children together, individually or both.
Most children, regardless of their age, want to know how the divorce will impact their lives. You need to reassure them that, while you and your spouse will no longer remain married, your love for them will not waver. Explain to your kids the new living arrangements in the short and long term, as they unfold—such as whether the house will be sold, whether one parent move out and where the children will stay during the school year.
Emphasize to your children that they are not the reason for your divorce. As tempted as you might be to share details of what caused the breakup, don’t. That is, don’t offer more information than the children want or need. They do not want to be put in the middle of things—and they shouldn’t be. Children need to be allowed to love both parents unconditionally.
That said, it is easier to break the news to family and friends. Depending on your relationship—and geography—you may choose to tell them in person, over the phone or via a handwritten letter.
Posted: 11/21/09
My husband and I don't have children, but telling people is not an easy task. Please provide some advice for those who are going through this heartbreaking process without kids. Is is my responsibility to call everyone I know to let them know, or is it acceptable to tell a few and assume news will travel? In the age of Facebook and Twitter, how much is too much to post online? Since I'm using First 30 Days and he is not, do I break the news to his extended family and our mutual friends through him?