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If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!

chasman1945

Question:I need some help here - it seems that most of what I am reading, makes the man out to be insensitive - I have been married for over 40 years, and my wife chooses to no longer be married - saying she is the type that should not have gotten married in the f

Asked by chasman1945 on 9/10/08 5 Answers»
peaceful1

Answer:

I agree with you my husband who wants the divorce he is very sensitive but he never would let me in he felt that i didn't need to know. he went to other women even cheated on me three times and i still kept forgiving him hoping that the marriage will get better.so how do you think women are suppose to feel when you keep getting pushed away and the only time the men notice you is when you get youself in a jam and the wife have to get you out. women do get tired.

Answered by: peaceful1 on 9/11/08
VictoriaB

Answer:

My best guy friend belongs to a men's group in his neighborhood. They get together every other week. The meeting begins with a "check in" to see how everyone is doing and then they either have a topic they discuss or focus on helping someone in the group who really needs support at the time.

I know he really enjoys his time in this group, the change it gives him to share what's going on in his life with a peer group as well as get and give support to other men going through the same or similar things.

I would suggest trying to find one of these groups in your area or starting one. I bet there are other men who would find this experience beneficial and it couldn't be easier ... all you need are a few people and a place to meet. The rest takes care of itself.

Answered by: VictoriaB on 9/10/08
Eva1873

Answer:

I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time. Yes, men have just as many feelings as women, though sometimes you are better at hiding them than we are.

It looks to me like part of the challenge is that most divorce books and resources for men reinforce the stereotype Lizzie mentions—every Google search turns up volumes on the business end of divorce (custody, property, etc) and nothing on how to deal with the emotional fallout.

Is there a divorced men's group in your area, perhaps at a local place of worship or community center? Or a therapist who specializes in these things? It sounds like you could use someone to talk to. I hope you do find someone to help you through this time.


Answered by: Eva1873 on 9/10/08
Lizzie314

Answer:

I saw the rest of your question on a different thread. I think that there is this stereotype that men are able to shut their emotions on and off and aren't allowed to be emotional, but as you point out there are many different types of people in the world and just as there are insensitive women there are also sensitive men. It sounds like you've been really hurt by your divorce, and so it's ok to feel sad and cry. This is a grieving process for the loss of your relationships—you shouldn't let stereotypes hold you back from feeling what you're feeling. It may help to talk to some understanding friends, who will let you express your feelings in an open way. It will take time, be patient with yourself.

Answered by: Lizzie314 on 9/10/08
Lizzie314

Answer:

I saw the rest of your question on a different thread. I think that there is this stereotype that men are able to shut their emotions on and off and aren't allowed to be emotional, but as you point out there are many different types of people in the world and just as there are insensitive women there are also sensitive men. It sounds like you've been really hurt by your divorce, and so it's ok to feel sad and cry. This is a grieving process for the loss of your relationships—you shouldn't let stereotypes hold you back from feeling what you're feeling. It may help to talk to some understanding friends, who will let you express your feelings in an open way. It will take time, be patient with yourself.

Answered by: Lizzie314 on 9/10/08
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