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Our Getting Divorced Experts

Martin Kranitz

Martin Kranitz

Author of Getting Apart Together: The Couple's Guide to a...

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Gayle Rosenwald Smith

Gayle Rosenwald Smith

Lawyer and author of Divorce and Money: Everything You Need...

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Bill Ferguson

Bill Ferguson

Former divorce attorney and author of How to Heal a Painful...

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Got a Question?


If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!


Question:Are you finding help here while going through a divorce?

We'd like to speak with anyone who is currently using the site and finding help with the information and community support offered at First30Days.
We're working on profiling people going through divorce or other major relationship changes who are being helped by what they have found here.
If you'd like to share your story with us and allow us to promote it, we'd like to hear from you. Please post here or send an email to feedback@first30days.com

Asked by VictoriaB on 8/19/08 3 Answers»


I have unfortunately been divorced twice. 1st time he asked 2nd time I asked. Now I have a new challenge. I am 50 and the man I found and love is 57. We both are on SSI and Medicare. We love eachother so very much. I love him more than I have loved anyone in a very long time. But. Yes, there is always a but isn't there. We both are on meds. If we get married it will screw up our med programs. It isn't fair that it has to be like that. I hate it. Now I have to live the rest of my life (legally) with my 2nd husbands name. But there are times, like at this site I use my new loves name. We bought wedding rings. In our hearts we feel married, we know we are married. We hate that because of the Gov. we can't get legally married. Our marrage and joint incomes shouldn't change his prescription income status. We should be able to fall in love and get married like everyone else. He lost his wife 4 years ago to colon cancer. He deserves happiness. And to us, happiness includes not only living together, combining 2 households, etc., it includes getting married. I am hoping that by coming to this site I can find some way to find peace with this situation.

You may contact me if you would like.

Answered by: grammyat50 on 8/21/08


The change, Divorce, has been helpful, and the suggestions seem to be "timed" to just when I need them the most.

Announcing that I wanted a divorce, and coming to where I am at this moment, has been so much easier than I ever imagined. The program, and as importantly, the support and shared experiences of folks like you AND the other members of First30Days, have made the difference.!

Also, of great help along the way, have been the changes, Being Happier & Depression, which gave me the extra strength needed to attempt this move. However, there are times when I feel regret, sadness, anger. . . . .(47 years is a serious investment in a marriage.) That's when I remember some of the suggestions and am able to pull myself back into a positive frame of mind.

It still hasn't completely sunk in, that when the divorce is final, I will be a totally different person and will choose what I want in this new chapter of the rest of my life.

There will always be life's lessons. It will take time to find my balance and adjust, but whatever comes my way, but I know I am strong enough to deal with it. And I will be free, Free, FREE!

Answered by: lilliede81 on 8/21/08


Yes, I am finding this change very helpful. Although I have been through the divorce process before (regretfully), it is very helpful to have the steps given to me, one day at a time. This is an overwhelming change, one without a clear sense of "is this the right thing to do ?" or "is this the right time to do it ?"
Your suggestions are like having a friend walk you through the process. Thank you...

Answered by: moore2do on 8/20/08
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