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What do you do when only one spouse wants the divorce?
To put it plainly my husband messed up, big time. Porn additction, bad job, bad credit, not helping around the house, text messages to an ex-girlfriend...etc. I made up my mind 6 months ago that it was over and told him so. He is crying all the time, begging for counseling (which I went to and the counselor validated my feelings) but I am still not attracted to him or emotionally tied to him anymore. No intimacy for the last 4 years (married for 6). Although I feel guilty because there are minor children, I don't want to live my life in a marriage that I am emotionally detached from. What now?
I give you a lot of credit for considering his feelings. Plus, you have children and you invested a fair amount of you life and time with this person. Still, you seem pretty clear on how you're feeling and certainly no one could blame you for wanting to move on ... to perhaps find someone who will honor, love and protect you and give as much as you give to the relationship.
It must be very stressful to be in the between time, so it's probably best to make as clean a break as you can, as soon as you can and get on the road to feeling better.
While my marriage didn't have the issues that yours did, the result was the same. My husband didn't want to be married to me. After counseling, thought, deliberation and prayer, I asked myself one question -- why did I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me and what did I have to gain by staying? I have a lot of great qualities to share or keep to myself, but life is too short for me to spend time spinning my wheels. So, we are getting divorced. I actually think my husband was surprised, becuase I was so adamantly against it for so long,but I feel much better and I'm looking forward to a bright future.
I am on the other side of this, where my wife is wanting the divorce and I do not. While my sin is completely different the end result is the same, my wife is not longer emotionally attached to me and has not for at least 2 years. For the last 6 months she has been in a relationship and will be marry this fellow in December [its the cheating that has hurt me the most]. This is also our 2nd divorce from each other and we have a boy (13) and two girls (7 and 4).
So, the thing is you do not want to stay in your relationship just because of what he wants. It will only get worse and before you know it you might end up cheating on him. While knowing my wife does not love me is very hard, knowing that she has had a affair and been planing a new marriage before I even knew we where getting divorce is crushing me.
So, if he really loves you, he will set you free and *if* you guys should be together then perhaps you guys will get together again.