Getting Through Your Divorce

Though hiring a financial adviser is a smart move, hiring an aggressive lawyer can be a more critical key to success during a divorce. That doesn’t mean the process has to be acrimonious. It does mean that you need to have someone with the legal know-how to protect your best interests, whether it comes down to the division of property, custody or monetary support. Be sure to hire someone whom you are comfortable with and who is as accessible. If you need a recommendation, ask family members or friends for a referral.

Hiring a good lawyer is “the first step to a good post-divorce identity,” advises twice-divorced Victoria Nevins of Southampton, PA. “Some women—especially those who did not initiate the divorce—roll over and say, ‘Whatever.’ They’re perpetual victims,” she explains. “Don’t roll over. Come out of the box fighting. Empower yourself. Don’t let the divorce cripple you.”

Talking to the Kids

Though your feelings may be all over the map, your children will be caught up in the emotional maelstrom, as well. Even if you haven’t told them directly that you and your spouse are getting divorced, it is likely they have known the divorce was coming for a while.

The best scenario, says social worker Linda Kanner, is for the parents to tell the children together. She says younger children need to understand that “mommy and daddy won’t be doing things together with them” and parents need to explain the new living arrangements.

Children will naturally ask why you're getting divorced, and, Kanner says, that’s the most difficult part. “It’s important to be as non-biased as possible, to not bad-mouth the other parent,” she notes. Kids see themselves as a product of both parents, she explains, so if they think badly of one parent, it will reflect on their own self-worth.