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Bill Ferguson on Getting Divorced

Bill Ferguson on Getting Divorced

Getting divorced can be a time of emotional turmoil. Bill Ferguson, a former divorce attorney and author of How to Heal a Painful Relationship and If Necessary, Part as Friends, can explain why. He has been featured on “Oprah” and runs a program called “Stop the Conflict,” which helps clients take the discord out of divorce. His most recent book is titled Get Your Power Back. Here, Ferguson shared his tips on keeping your head above water during a divorce.

Please describe the phases people go through during the first 30 days of getting divorced.

When we’re in difficult times, we’re usually in a state of resisting. This leads to fear and upset. The final stage is surrendering to truth.

Why are we often ineffective at handling the first 30 days of getting divorced?

Whenever there is a relationship or any area of life that isn’t working, it’s usually the symptom of an underlying condition. However, we continue to focus on what we perceive to be “the problem.” This tunnel vision forces us to act in a way that makes the situation worse. This leads to fears that upset us. In short, we’re very ineffective.

People are fighting the situation. To be most effective, you’ve got to be able to flow with what’s going on. What we fight is the truth. Our fighting doesn’t change a thing. My wife and I have a black and white cat. As much as I want that cat to bark, it’s not going to happen. When you can surrender to the truth—you don’t have to like it—you can see what you have to do. Whenever you fight the truth, you can’t see the truth.

What are the most important things to do during the first 30 days of divorce?

There are things to do on the outside, and there are things to do on the inside. On the inside, be willing to feel the hurt. The more you’re willing to feel the hurt, the less the circumstances are a threat. There are two types of hurt: the hurt you feel from the circumstances and the deeper hurt—on a subconscious level—of being worthless.

On the outside, you want to create a new life. Like it or not, you’re starting a new chapter in your life. Find things you love to do, and do them. The worst thing you can do is to withdraw because that leads to depression.

Who is it important to be during the first 30 days of getting divorced?

Allow yourself to be human. We put so much pressure on ourselves having to be a certain way. When the pressure is off, we can see clearly.

Why are the first 30 days of divorce so important?

Difficult times are high-growth times. It forces us to look at things and do things we wouldn’t do. Put your focus on healing inside. Focus on the relationship and ending the conflict, not as husband and wife but as one human being to the other. This sets the stage for how things are going to be later.

What’s the difference between someone who succeeds and someone who just “gets through” the first 30 days?

The difference is whether you handle your situation reactively or proactively. If you handle it like a victim, you can expect suffering.

What can we do to continue to progress beyond the first 30 days of getting divorced?

Ask yourself: “How do I want my life to be?” Then start creating it. Usually, you need to start a new network of friends. You want to move full-speed ahead to create your dreams. Use the time to heal. The key to healing fast is how you feel the hurt. If you feel the hurt as a victim, you can cry for days or months and have no healing. If you feel the hurt deliberately and purposefully, you can have healing in minutes. You’ve got to know how to do it. You’ve got to be willing to feel the emotion. Be willing to heal the deeper hurt—and make peace with that part of you.

The hurt doesn’t exist in reality; it exists in our minds and seems very real. “Worthless” is your reality, but so is “worthy.” When you’re at peace with the circumstance, the hurt surrounding it loses its relevance. Whatever the hurt is, we keep creating it. Once we heal it, life doesn’t bring it to us again.

SIGNATURE QUESTIONS

What is the belief you personally go to during times of change?

Change is no big deal. Only when you’re threatened is it a big deal. With unwelcome change or stress, you’ve got to get your peace of mind back. You’ve got to get that hurt out of you.

The best thing about change is...

...it’s an opportunity for healing and growth.

What is the best change you have ever made?

For me, the biggest change in my life was when I lost it all in real estate. My big fear was failure, and that was when I had to face my fear. It was one of the most painful times in my life, but one of the most valuable.

For more information on Bill Ferguson, visit Divorceasfriends.com, Masteryoflife.com and Relationshipseminars.net.

Posted: 9/19/07
ana654

My love life has changed for better since the interference of the most powerful spell caster on earth called Dr.Atase in my relationship, My testimony today is in regard of the help that Dr.Atase render me when my lover departed from me. My name is Anabel from USA and it gives me joy today in writing this testimony as a way of showing my appreciation to Dr.Atase and at the same time i am using this opportunity to advise those that are finding stress and pains in their relationship or marriages to contact Dr.Atase who is the best spell caster in the world through these contact details via email: indiaspelltemple@yahoo.com or his number +2348112796070.Because Dr.Atase is the only one that can restore your marriage or relationship with love. He can also help to win lottery spell,contract,sickness and more.

  • By ana654
  • on 8/7/16 10:36 AM EST
SuePreedyKJ23346

Thank you so much Dr. Trust for restoring back my Broken marriage for 4 years of total separation with my lovely husband cos of her mistress who use a spell on him to abandoned me and our kids. i have contacted so many casters online several times but be scammed. i saw a testimony on the internet of one Juliana testifying of your good work, i contacted you which you assured me just 48 hours for an instant result. Sir just same 48 hours as you promise my husband came back home begging for forgiveness to love and cherish i and the kids forever, am so happy and thankful to you Dr. Trust,,,I am So Happy and Excited because as i am writing this Testimony, My husband is madly in love with me again. If there is any body Out there who is in Difficulties and need help should kindly Contact Dr. Trust on His Email ID and he is Ready to Help you no matter the Situation, (Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com call +2348156885231) Web Link

SuePreedyKJ23346

Thank you so much Dr. Trust for restoring back my Broken marriage for 4 years of total separation with my lovely husband cos of her mistress who use a spell on him to abandoned me and our kids. i have contacted so many casters online several times but be scammed. i saw a testimony on the internet of one Juliana testifying of your good work, i contacted you which you assured me just 48 hours for an instant result. Sir just same 48 hours as you promise my husband came back home begging for forgiveness to love and cherish i and the kids forever, am so happy and thankful to you Dr. Trust,,,I am So Happy and Excited because as i am writing this Testimony, My husband is madly in love with me again. If there is any body Out there who is in Difficulties and need help should kindly Contact Dr. Trust on His Email ID and he is Ready to Help you no matter the Situation, (Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com or Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com call +2348156885231) Web Link

JB12345

PLEASE BE CAREFULLY IN THIS BLOG, NOT ALL ARE REAL, I JUST LOST $ 1,200 dollars TO A FAKE IMPOSTER. CLAIMING TO BE A REAL SPELL CASTER, BECAUSE I WAS DESPERATELY IN NEED OF HELP TO BRING BACK MY BELOVED HUSBAND BECAUSE I WAS NOT ABLE TO GIVE HIM A CHILD, ALSO TO KEEP MY FAMILY IN PEACE BUT I GOT NOTHING. NOTHING GOOD COMES EASY, FINALLY I HEARD ABOUT THIS MAN CALLED. (Dr Purity) A REAL SPELL CASTER, A GREAT MAN INDEED SO I GAVE HIM ALL TRUST, AND GUESS WHAT? HE TRANSFORMED MY FAMILY BACK IN JUST A WEEK, MY HUSBAND CAME BACK! THAT IS NOT THE END OF THE GREAT SPELL CASTER Dr Purity ( THE CHIEF PRIEST OF ALL SPELL CASTERS) ALSO TOLD HIM I COULDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO A CHILD AND HE PREPARED A SPELL FOR ME, MY HUSBAND SLEPT WITH ME, NOW ON THE THIRD WEEK I MISSED MY PERIOD AND I WENT TO A LOCAL HOSPITAL AND THE DOCTOR SAID I AM PREGNANT, I WAS SO MAD I COULD NOT CONTROL MY EMOTIONS IN THE CLINIC. THAT’S HOW I GOT MY FAMILY AND LOVE BACK, LIKE BACK THEN WHEN WE STARTED. IF YOU ARE STILL IN THIS CONDITION LIKE THIS PLEASE WASTE NO TIME, CONTACT.HIM NOW ON Puritytemple@priest.com or +233237788725 contact him now and your problem will be solved.

  • By JB12345
  • on 7/27/16 11:01 AM EST
NatashaHaye

Get your Ex back right now no matter how hopeless your situation seems!! my husband back today and i am so excited sharing my testimony with everyone here. I am Natasha Hayes by name and i reside here in United Kingdom. I'm happily married to a lovely and caring husband ,with two kids.A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my husband .so terrible that he took the case to court for a divorce.he said that he never wanted to stay with me again,and that he didn't love me anymore.So he packed out of the house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get him back,after much begging,but all to no avail.and he confirmed it that he has made his decision,and he never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my husband .So i explained every thing to him,so he told me that the only way i can get my husband back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for him too.So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow his advice. Then he gave me the email address of the spell caster whom he visited.{Unityspelltemple@gmail.com}. So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address he gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my husband back the next day.What an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my husband who didn't call me for the past{7}months,gave me a call to inform me that he was coming back.So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and my children. Then from that day,our marriage was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster Dr Unity. So, i will advice you out there, if you have any problem contact Dr Unity and i guarantee you that he will help you and you will be the next to share your testimony to every one in the world!!. Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or call him on: +2348072370762.

HarrisNtasha

Today has being the most happiest day of my life after 1 year of sadness and sorrow without being with the one i love, i tried all my possible best to make sure i make my lover happy but it never seems to work out well it was like am doing everything in vain but all thanks to Lord Alika for coming to change all my worries and sadness to Joy. i knew the great man when i read some wonderful reviews about Lord Alika how he has helped a lots of people on there relationship problem i was reading a magazine which then i saw great testimonies as well which then i decided not to waste time.he told me not to worry that he assures me that within 48 hours everything would be sorted out i believed Lord Alika so much because i believe he can't fail me and i sent him all my details. Truly Lord Alika never failed me,my husband who left me for good a year come back to me. My husband and i have been living contentedly since this spell caster reunited us together with his love spells. Thank you so so so much Lord Alika for your powerful spells. expressions are not sufficient to say thank you. here is his email address lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or Link call him +2348072718865

peggygoldd

A GREAT SPELL CASTER THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX LOVER.

What a wonderful and a straight forward spell caster that has brought back joy and happiness into my life!!! Am giving this testimony because am so happy, I want to thank Dr. Ken for the great thing He has done in my life , He brought happiness back to my life, I never believed in spell casters until my life fell apart when my lover of 6 years decided to call it quit almost when we wanted to get married. I was so emotional breakdown to the extent i could not do anything reasonable again, after 3months in pain before an old friend of mine introduced me to a spell caster on line called Dr Ken, this was after I have been scammed by various fake spell casters. I was introduced to Dr Ken a true Spell Caster. In less than 38 hours i saw wonders, my lover came back to me and my life got back just like a completed puzzle, and after 1month later we got married and it was just like a dream to me because i thought i had lost him forever. Thank you Dr. Ken for helping me but most of all, Your Honesty and Fast Accurate Results. EMAIL HIM FOR HELP: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com or through his number +2348074433380. You can also read my testimony on my blogger: Link

peggygoldd

A GREAT SPELL CASTER THAT HELP ME BRING BACK MY EX LOVER.

What a wonderful and a straight forward spell caster that has brought back joy and happiness into my life!!! Am giving this testimony because am so happy, I want to thank Dr. Ken for the great thing He has done in my life , He brought happiness back to my life, I never believed in spell casters until my life fell apart when my lover of 6 years decided to call it quit almost when we wanted to get married. I was so emotional breakdown to the extent i could not do anything reasonable again, after 3months in pain before an old friend of mine introduced me to a spell caster on line called Dr Ken, this was after I have been scammed by various fake spell casters. I was introduced to Dr Ken a true Spell Caster. In less than 38 hours i saw wonders, my lover came back to me and my life got back just like a completed puzzle, and after 1month later we got married and it was just like a dream to me because i thought i had lost him forever. Thank you Dr. Ken for helping me but most of all, Your Honesty and Fast Accurate Results. EMAIL HIM FOR HELP: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com or through his number +2348074433380. You can also read my testimony on my blogger: Link

veartwani

Hello

My name is veart(single). I was impressed when i saw your profile today at and i will like to establish a long lasting relationship with you. In addition,i will like you to reply me through this my private e-mail box(veartwani@ymail.com)
Thanks
waiting to hear from you soon.
veart
I will send to you my pictures in my next mail through this my mail box

veartwani@ymail.com

veartwani

Hello

My name is veart(single). I was impressed when i saw your profile today at and i will like to establish a long lasting relationship with you. In addition,i will like you to reply me through this my private e-mail box(veartwani@ymail.com)
Thanks
waiting to hear from you soon.
veart
I will send to you my pictures in my next mail through this my mail box

veartwani@ymail.com

nwesigwa

Hello dear friend,
To love someone is nothing, to be loved by someone is something, to love
someone who loves you is everything. Looking here for everything of my
life, I write some words. I am single and not engaged. I am in search of
true happiness and am hoping the future brings it. I am almost too honest
for my own good - and hate game playing.
nI am trying to handle some pretty encompassing issues in my life... but am
waiting to remain open-minded where the idea of romance exists. I am
looking for Honest, caring, patient, funny and loyal person. A man that
can be himself in the beginning and remain that same person all the way
through to the end of time !
nIf you are willing to love and be loved with your whole heart & willing to
make the people in your life a "solid' part of your soul... then maybe you
and I will connect. We might just have a lot to talk about through my
private e-mailbox(maryluveu@hotmailcom)
my contact info is.
Take care,
Ms mary maryluveu[at]ho/t/m/a/i/l/com