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runnindownadream

Question:Is Distraction the Answer?

I've developed strong feelings for this guy who is totally wrong for me. I'm trying to get him out of my head by going out and meeting and going on dates with other people. It's been fun, and I'm slowly inching away from Mr. Wrong, but when I see him it all comes back!

Asked by runnindownadream on 9/25/08 2 Answers»
aliciak

Answer:

Hmm why do you sense he's wrong for you? Have you gone out on any dates with him?

Answered by: aliciak on 11/21/08
SomethingTimeless

Answer:

Wow, that can be tough! Well, it seems like you have the personal strength and know your true identity confidently enough to specify what/who is "right" versus what/who is "wrong" for you... so, kudos for that!! So many times, I've seen people somehow find a way to justify the "here and now," and ignore their inner voice that says "STEP AWAY FROM THIS/THAT." That's amazing; and it's also very impressive that you're confident enough, amidst the situation, to make efforts in the "other" direction, away from this person.

As for advice, I would definately say, take five minutes, a weekend if you need, and sort of relax long and quietly enough to be able to really identify what part of you is saying he's "wrong" for you. And, then identify "why" that part of you says that he's wrong.

First, is it a). your head... or b). your heart. If it's your heart, then it's easy to believe that you've maybe been hurt in the past by someone of his nature or with similar characteristics; it's probably best to stay away. Maybe the healing from the past relationship that in some way, even the slightest, resembles this scenario. The hardest thing to do in matters of the heart is climb all the way up that ladder, only to realize that it's leaning up against the wrong building. If you're somewhat sure that it's the wrong building already... it's best to stay on the same intrinsic path you seem to have elected and do what you can to put your mind, maybe even your heart in other places. Or... is it b). your head? If it's your head, then of course you'll still want to find out "why" your head says he's "Mr. Wrong." If it's because you cannot fabricate the possibility of being in a relationship right now (you're too focused on other things)? Or, is it that you cannot fathom being in a serious relationship with this particular person? If then, ask "why" not this relationship, or this person. Once you've meditated long enough to answer said questions... you should have a strong confidence in either "yuck, this guy really IS all wrong for me." Or, feel enlightened as to why you maintain that impression... and where that feeling is coming from. This should also help you to compartmentalize these feelings if you feel the need. Otherwise, the greatest disservice anyone can do for themselves is to completely neglect matters of the heart... just like neglecting anything else, it will either fester or die... neither are positive.

So, good luck wherever this and your other social opportunities take you. It seems as though you have a strong grasp on what you want, and "doing right by you." I would be curious to see how this turns out for you! But, either way, you'll end up with all of the confidence in the world with which you can either approach this situation, or walk away.

Answered by: SomethingTimeless on 11/5/08
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