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lostinlove

Question:How do you make it to 20,30, 50 years? Let's hear from the Pros.

What makes a successful relationship? How do two people meet, fall in love, and then decide to commit to being and staying together happily ever after, and really make it work. I mean, them together in the sense that its not just because of fear, finance or comfortability, but rather that they actually enjoy EACH OTHER past the honeymoon phase, true life partners. No one-sided, abusive, unhealthy, unfaithful or just plain unhappy coupling. I mean really happy most of the time in love. IS THIS POSSIBLE??? and if so, HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? I mean really, somebody tell me the dirt. Is this truly obtainable or have I just been dreaming of a fantasy relationship. Granted, I know or I believe people will not get along 100% of the time, he/she will get on ones nerves, may they will fall in and out of love over the course of their relationship, however, I've developed a thought process that as long as there is a friendship built within the relationship and a mutual shared path/vision, that these things would allow for open lines of communications, honesty and trust, in addition those factors would strengthen the relationship and increase loyalty, which would deepen the friendship, which deepens the understanding & loyalty again...hence, falling in love over and over again. OR AM I JUST BUGGING OUT?????!!!!!!

It seems that every serious relationship I've had has turned out with the same conclusion or result....ITS OVER. Now mind you, I have had some harsh lessons to learn in picking and choosing more wisely. However, the results are still the same....when will I find that person for me....that really gets it and is committed to the same ideals that I am....When people are married for 20, 30, or 50 years are they truly happy or just going thru the motions? It seems that all of my married friends or friends with live-in relationships are unhappy as well.....WHAT IS GOING ON??? When you are single you want to be in a relationship and when you are in a relationship you want to be out??? I can't stand it. Let's hear from the professional couples out there....tell us how its done.

Asked by lostinlove on 12/18/08 3 Answers»
Brenda Della Casa

Answer:

I am a firm believer that respectful, open and honest communication between two people is the soil needed for the seed of love to grow and blossom.

Brenda Della Casa
Author, Cinderella Was a Liar
Link

Answered by: Brenda Della Casa on 12/18/08
lostinlove

Answer:

That's was awesome kristen, as always, and yea I fully get those parts...HOWEVER, where are the men that understand those principles as well??????? Are they already married???? HELP

Answered by: lostinlove on 12/18/08
kristen

Answer:

Well, I'm in my 30s and still single so I won't claim to be a pro, but I can tell you what I've learned from my parent's marriage. They've been married for 43 years.

1. Say I love you. Not because you have to, but because you mean it.
2. Be best friends. Your spouse isn't just your lover, he/she is your companion, your confidante, your shoulder, your champion and hero. Without friendship and deep mutual affection, eros will not last.
3. Laugh. My parents think they are hilarious and are constantly cracking each other up. My sister and I don't always think they're so funny, but whatever :)
4. Develop your own interests. My parents both enjoy travel, old films and great food and wine. But they read different books, and do different hobbies. My dad runs, my mom hates to exercise. My mom loves shopping and playing bridge, my dad could care less. They take the time to do things they each love to do.
5. Argue. Don't pick a fight just to pick a fight, but understand that sometimes disagreements are healthy if they can lead to greater understanding. It's OK not to like each other all the time, as long as you always love.

Hope that helps some!

Answered by: kristen on 12/18/08
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