"I was actually waiting for your book to come out at Barnes and Noble, and reserved it two weeks before it came out. I told my therapist about it and your web site and how you made a positive impact on me." -M
Read More Testimonials»

On the Relationships Blog

3 Ways Families Are Like Conveyor Belts

Conveyor belts are a great asset to businesses, whether they're used in warehouses, assembly lines, or other applications. In the same way, families are a great asset when each...

Read More About 3 Ways Families Are Like Conveyor Belts»

Our Finding Romance Experts

Wendy Atterberry

Wendy Atterberry

Contributing writer for The Frisky

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Helen Fisher

Helen Fisher

Anthropologist, author and advisor to Chemistry.com

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Amber Dotts

Amber Dotts

Motivational speaker and coach of workshop series "The Three...

Shared by First30Days View Profile»

Meet all of our Relationships Experts»

News

The latest news on this change — carefully culled from the world wide web by our change agents. They do the surfing, so you don't have to!

Bad Dating Advice

Your mother, your aunt, coworkers, grocery clerks and baggers–basically anyone and everyone who knows you’ve been single for the last eon–all have your best interest at heart when they offer tips on how to snag your soul mate, but let’s call a spade a spade: Some of that advice is crap.

Here are three rules not to follow  when it comes to finding romance:

“Lower your standards.”
Usually, comes from a friend of the opposite sex who feels obliged to defend his or her own kind. Then again, sometimes it comes from Grandma or Grandpa who lived (and dated) in a totally different time. We’re here to tell you that no, your expectations are not unrealistic. A man or woman does exist that will love, honor, and appreciate you. And who will make you laugh…and clean…and cook…and…let you pick the movie…

“Always act busy.”
How about instead of pretending to be busy, you actually are busy? People who are highly involved and motivated really are more attractive. So rather than acting as though you’re one of those people, be one! Take all this single time to discover your passions and throw yourself into them. Volunteering, cooking, building, designing, training for races … all of these are excellent avenues to indulge your interests as well as–surprise, surprise–maybe meet someone new.

“Cater to their interests.”
Just because a new potential mate you meet loves sports doesn’t mean you have to suddenly immerse yourself in every game and know all the players. Sure, it’s nice (and generally a good thing) if you both have some things in common, but make sure to retain your own interests that keep you … well, you. While in theory it sounds awesome to date yourself, it would actually be totally boring and predictable. Spontaneity and differences are what keep a relationship exciting and worthwhile.

What other bad dating advice have you received over the years, and what have you gained from it?

Posted: 11/21/08
runnindownadream

My mom always told me I needed to put on more lipstick, "or at least some mascara!" I hate make-up! I guess it's not necessarily bad advice, just an example of how we all have different preferences.

aliciak

I don't like when there are "rules" about what should or shouldn't happen in the early days of dating...when should he kiss you, when should he call you, etc. etc. Love, dating and relationships aren't so formulaic...just go with the flow and see what happens!

  • By aliciak
  • on 11/21/08 12:28 PM EST