Change Nation: Lou Paget (07/18/08)

Have better sex now with these tips from certified sex educator and best-selling author Lou Paget.

Advice on Change

You are a beginner, and beginners aren’t expected to know. That is the mindset to adopt. Beginners have the beauty of being open to learning and new information coming in. When people want to create a new beginning in sex life, one of the things is learning more about how to do different things. Most men get their information from the adult entertainment industry, and it couldn’t be further from the truth.

Think back to the best sex you’ve had. What made it so great? The attention and the attitude. Most people have found their best partners haven’t been best looking or had the best bodies, but have had the best attitudes. Your brain is your most powerful sexual organ, and if you have the intention of making it great, the amount of time and attention you put in makes a difference.

The easiest way to introduce a fantasy is when you are vertical, NOT horizontal. Please DO NOT tell someone that you’ve done this before! Say “Someone told me about this and I’d love to try that with you.” It allows you to discuss something more face to face.

Making love is your body saying what words cannot. The better you feel about your body, the better you can communicate. Better aerobic strength helps sex life. Many women say hockey players are some of the best sex partners they’ve ever had because they have amazingly strong hip flexors.

Women want more variety. Women tend to go to their best friend or a gay friend, and it’s usually about something sexually they want to try. It’s like food. People don’t want to have the same meal every night. Get something unique. We like comfort food, but it’s also nice to try new things as well.

Slow down and remember the basics. Men touch women the way they touch themselves, which is too intense and too firm. If there’s too much stimulation, it crosses from what feels good to a nerve overload and it hurts. Remember to kiss your partner—this is an area that often drops off in long term relationships and for many women, the number one thing that gets their motor running is a man who kisses well.