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Q&A

If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!

smcrowgirl

Question:How do I get through this

It has been almost 6 yrs. now since my x-husband abanded me. I still Love him as much today as I did the day he left me.
I don"t like what he did to me but I certainly don:t hate him either. Anyway he is now remarried and here I am still in a slump over it and just can"t seem to get through it. I go to counciling still and I am on Antidepressants for the depression.
My question is how do I gone on with my life and forget about this man?

Asked by smcrowgirl on 7/20/08 8 Answers»
runnindownadream

Answer:

When my ex decided to leave me one day out of the blue after three years of living together, I started seeing a great therapist. One of the things she told me is that part of the reason I was feeling so awful was because I didn't have any say in what was happening. He was the one who decided to leave me and end the relationship and there was nothing I could do about it. The best thing you can do is stand up for yourself and declare that you're going to take control. This doesn't have to mean in a relationship, but it could be anything from changing your diet to running a marathon to improving your work. If there's something you've always wanted to do but never thought possible, now is your time to give it a shot! I swear, you'll feel like a million bucks.

Answered by: runnindownadream on 9/8/08
mendy_aka_men

Answer:

i somewhat no how you feel im having a hard time myself going on with my life as far as dating im trying to believe not eveyone is a creep like my ex and i might be able to trust a guy again :)

Answered by: mendy_aka_men on 8/30/08
jubby45679

Answer:

get back on the horse and try again.find a man who is completely different from him and member life does not stop cause he left you.just sit back and watch him mess up with this new woman,and he will, and never let him come back to you

Answered by: jubby45679 on 7/29/08
sistercontrition

Answer:

Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm saying this more for myself than I am for you:

you have to want to get on with your life.

you have to be honest with yourself.

the truth of the matter is that we hang on to our sorrow and pain longer than necessary because we somehow feel that it is the only tangible thing we have left of the relationship. also, someone said that we hang on too long because its the only thing that makes us feel "alive."

my suggestion to you is to go into your therapist's office and say "i'm tired of seeing you. i'm tired of feeling this way. i want out. i want you to help me move out of this. what is the first thing i need to do?" write it down and then do it. maybe you need to change therapists and maybe you need to look into changing antidepressants. certain ones can actually prohibit us from moving forward because their job is to emotionally numb us.

are you signed up for the breakup? you should, it gave some great reference books to help move past it.

i'm feeling this same way right now. i'm 30 days into it, even though i only found this website a few weeks ago. i'm at that place where i have to make a decision to either stay with my suffering and be miserable or move through all these emotions to healing from what happened to me. trust me when i tell you that i too had something awful happen to me. the pain excruciating and crushing. its beyond anything i've ever felt before. i cried so hard i threw up. i've never done that before, even when my dad died. my heart hurts so much at times, i feel it trying to escape from my body. right now, i'm trying to navigate myself through it.

Answered by: sistercontrition on 7/25/08
nyvedya

Answer:

If you understood that you are someones love too you would see the difference. You parents love you boundless.
Do you think you are justifying their love for you by making your life miserable thinking about a person who only think about his happiness ?

Respect yourself. Love yourself. Enjoy the only life we ever live. Our heart is capable of loving unlimited. Trust me if not him you will find new love. What you are missing is not just him.Its someone who you can give your love to.. If your love is so profound and precious that you are holding on to the past for so long... Why don't you fill someones else's heart with it ?? Give the gift of love to another lonely beautiful heart.

Do not punish yourself. What he might have done to you was bad. You are making it worst. Only you can truly heal yourself. Eat , Pray ,Play and Love .

Now smile. You are adorable.


Answered by: nyvedya on 7/23/08
oldgold

Answer:

Why try to forget him, s-? It's probably impossible, without a lobotomy. Six years ago my sweetheart kicked me to the curb, with cruel indifference (a therapist's phrase, he wasn't very helpful even though his assessment was profoundly accurate) and I still miss her like I miss the sun after a week of rain. She once said to me, after dancing beneath the sheets, "I didn't know where I ended and you began." It was almost divine. How could that not endure? I have given up the need to 'understand' it. I found that reading Broken Wings, by Kahlil Gibran, helped. There's even an ennobling quality to deep suffering. My sister gave me the line, "I shall be richer all my life for this sorrow." and that has proved to be true. There's also the idea of 'embracing the pain'. I was always trying to ignore it, or pray to be relieved of it (and then "wait and watch" for it to go) but one day at work when I was incredibly distracted by thinking of her, I looked upward and said to myself, "This really hurts!" And then I just went about my work with my mind entirely present in that moment. And last, but not least, move a muscle/change a thought. My mental health, and my capacity for happiness, is much improved when I get daily exercise, even if it's only a ten minute walk. When I get busy I get better. Hang in there, kid.

Answered by: oldgold on 7/22/08
lilliede81

Answer:

smcrowgirl,

I know what you are going through is really tough!
Please believe that you are stronger than anyone has ever told you!

Like kristen says, you're doing many of the right things.

Just writing this question tells you that you are ready to put this all behind you.

Try to meditate, with the intention of being shown what it is that needs to be released so that you can move on. I know it's hard work, but it'll be worth the effort. See if this works.

Sometime each day, can you intentionally focus on the positive things you have experienced for that day, & log them into a journal? (That way when you are really down, you can look back at your entries & know you are getting to feel better.)

Can you focus your thoughts on the wisdom within the change "Being Happier," for the day, and each time you feel yourself wandering away from those concepts, consciously go back to them?

Each time you think about your "x" & his remarrying, can you pull your thoughts back to "Getting Happier?" (This may be the hardest thing you ever have to do.)

I realize that there are unanswered questions, & they may have to remain forever unanswered. Sometimes, that is just the way of life.

When you begin to feel better, you may wonder just what is the lesson this part of your life has for you. And if you do, how it will help someone else going through a similar experience. I believe you have much to give & share with all of us!!

I hope that these ideas help. Know that there are people to support you, as you walk this path.

Please remember, for each difficult life challenge, as Ariane said, there are always gifts given . . . .

Answered by: lilliede81 on 7/22/08
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