First30Days - Relationships

Shot in the Act

2008-12-03T17:42:49Z

An Ohio woman is in the hospital being treated for a gunshot wound obtained during what her husband said was lovemaking. The gun went off when he was reaching for something on the bedside table... a glass of water, perhaps?

It seems awfully fishy, especially since the couple are not strangers to the courts and there was actually a restraining order in place.

Is that what they mean by mind-blowing make-up sex?

Let's hope this couple can stay estranged this time, before something fatal happens.

Break Up, Already!

2008-12-02T11:43:03Z

We're just going to come right out and say it: staying in a bad relationship just because you a) don't want to be alone for the holidays or b) don't want to be the bad guy/gal who dumped someone during the most wonderful time of the year is a waste. Why wait until after the new year (or worse yet, after Valentine's Day) to make a change and move forward? It's not going to be easy, but isn't it better to be free than to be dreading an impending breakup for the next couple of weeks or months?

Here are our top 5 highly unscientific reasons you should break up before January 1st:

1. No gifts to buy. Did you think that maybe the reason you're having such a hard time shopping is that your heart just isn't in it? Rather than give a token gift (or worse, a last minute drugstore buy with no thought in it at all), cut ties and save that cash for someone you really love, like a family member, roommate or yourself.

2. You can skip the trip to his parent's place. Let's face it, there's always some kind of family drama involved in the holiday, and it's usually because you're struggling to maintain your cool in the face of endless questions from your partner's loved ones about your career, living situation or having kids. Free yourself from the burden of traveling to where you don't want to be anyway.

3. You'll lose the nagging guilt. It can't be fun, fa-la-la-ing all over town on the outside and coming home in turmoil over the fact that you're no longer in love with this person. You're not doing yourself or your partner any favors by staying together. Give yourselves the chance to salvage the holidays separately, rather than stay together and be miserable.

4. The chance to kiss someone new. Mistletoe...a midnight countdown...we're not really suggesting that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but hey—the truth is, a little fun isn't going to hurt you. This is especially true for those whose home fires stopped burning sometime around July 4th weekend. Go out, flirt and remember that you're worth someone who appreciates you in all your glory!

5. You can celebrate all on your own. If you're holding on because you're afraid to be alone during the holidays, think back to the times when you were single and got through Hannukah, New Year's Eve and Valentine's Day just fine. You'll be able to do it again! Grab some single pals and hit a party, or just throw on sweats and spend the night in. Being on your own is heaps better than being in a relationship that isn't working for you—and in the grand scheme of things, you're probably not going to remember this as the worst holiday season of your life (that one probably happened around age 8, when you found out Santa wasn't real.)

Have you survived a holiday split? Tell us about your experience.

A Gift of Friendship

2008-12-02T10:26:50Z

With Thanksgiving over, the holidays are in full swing. It seems as if everyone is searching for ways to be more frugal in their shopping this year. As an alternative to giving traditional gifts, consider giving your time as a present. The Big Brothers Big Sisters organization is a mentoring program that pairs adults with at-risk kids. The organization is always long on kids who need a mentor but short on volunteers. Young boys are especially in need of positive male role models. By donating your services, you could directly impact a child’s life and help him or her improve relationships with others and pursue one's dreams.

It’s a great way to make a positive change chain reaction! In fact, a 1995 study showed that the at-risk youth (often referred to as Littles) who had a Big Brother or Big Sister (known as Bigs) were:

* 46% less likely to begin using illegal drugs
* 27% less likely to begin using alcohol
* 52% less likely to skip school
* 37% less likely to skip a class
* more confident of their performance in schoolwork
* one-third less likely to hit someone
* getting along better with their families

In many Bigs’ and Littles’ relationships, the mentor learns from the child as much as the child learns from the mentor. That’s the case with Carol Pacheco and her Little, Karla. Karla met Carol when she was 12, and since then, she's inspired Karla to return the favor and become a Big Sister someday. In return, Karla keeps Carol active and up-to-date on youth culture.

Do you do anything currently to help young people in your community? Have you thought about volunteering as a holiday gift?

TV Off, Relationships On

2008-11-25T10:03:28Z

Your parents warned you that too much television would rot your brain, but did they ever tell you it would also make roadkill of your relationships?

A new study from the University of Maryland found that people who are “not happy” watch 30% more TV than “very happy” people. The researchers went a step further saying that television watching could perpetuate an unhappiness cycle (and in the aftermath of a long election season and lots of late nights with the news channels, we tend to agree with that one.) Apparently those who watch more put off more "real life," becoming less and less engaged and happy. And the same standards apply to marrieds and they do to singles.

In fact, the study warned that for those who are having problems in their relationships–whether they are with a partner, friends or co-workers–television provides a method of self-medication. Sure, it seems better than medicating with food or drugs and alcohol, but all those things will land you in the same place relationally and affect your health, too. Bottom line? Don’t look to your TV as a means of improving your relationship.

On the brighter side, the study did say that happy people enjoyed watching TV too, just that happy people tend to watch less. While television can provide some wonderful discussion and bonding opportunities between you, your partner and/or your kids, the key is not to rely on it as a crutch. So watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade or "It's A Wonderful Life," but skip the "A Christmas Story" marathon. And if you need additional proof that turning off the tube will make you happier, know that couples who watch less TV are having about 30% more sex. Sounds like a great new holiday tradition to us!

How much TV do you and/or the members of your family watch, especially during holidays? Do you believe it’s as detrimental to our mental health and relationships as the study says?

Bad Dating Advice

2008-11-21T23:46:38Z

Your mother, your aunt, coworkers, grocery clerks and baggers–basically anyone and everyone who knows you’ve been single for the last eon–all have your best interest at heart when they offer tips on how to snag your soul mate, but let’s call a spade a spade: Some of that advice is crap.

Here are three rules not to follow when it comes to finding romance:

“Lower your standards.”
Usually, comes from a friend of the opposite sex who feels obliged to defend his or her own kind. Then again, sometimes it comes from Grandma or Grandpa who lived (and dated) in a totally different time. We’re here to tell you that no, your expectations are not unrealistic. A man or woman does exist that will love, honor, and appreciate you. And who will make you laugh…and clean…and cook…and…let you pick the movie…

“Always act busy.”
How about instead of pretending to be busy, you actually are busy? People who are highly involved and motivated really are more attractive. So rather than acting as though you’re one of those people, be one! Take all this single time to discover your passions and throw yourself into them. Volunteering, cooking, building, designing, training for races … all of these are excellent avenues to indulge your interests as well as–surprise, surprise–maybe meet someone new.

“Cater to their interests.”
Just because a new potential mate you meet loves sports doesn’t mean you have to suddenly immerse yourself in every game and know all the players. Sure, it’s nice (and generally a good thing) if you both have some things in common, but make sure to retain your own interests that keep you … well, you. While in theory it sounds awesome to date yourself, it would actually be totally boring and predictable. Spontaneity and differences are what keep a relationship exciting and worthwhile.

What other bad dating advice have you received over the years, and what have you gained from it?

Dating Equality

2008-11-20T11:16:11Z

eHarmony, the most popular online dating site on the web, has long been criticized for not allowing homosexuals to sign up. Soon, that's all about to change.

A New Jersey court ruled that failure to offer the dating service to gays is discriminatory, and the site must create a similar service for same-sex couples. The company has obliged and will launch their new site, Compatible Partners, by March 31st.

Though we're sad to see that it took this long and a court judgement to get eHarmony on the equality bandwagon, we're happy they've finally realized that homosexuals need help looking for love just as much as heterosexuals do! And though this is one small sign that the country is coming to terms with equal rights for gays, the very public fight against Prop 8 in California (a ballot measure that passed on Election Day to ban gay marriage) shows that homosexuals have a long way to go before they can truly find equality.

Do you think this change is long overdue? Do you think this country is ready to look past sexual orientation the way its beginning to look past race? [CNN]

Old Enough to Know Better

2008-11-20T08:34:53Z

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Your teenage sons and daughters would be ashamed of you.

It seems that 30- and 40-year-olds think they’re too good for condoms and other safe sex methods these days. In a recent survey from the United Kingdom, only 38% of men and 29% of women ages 35 to 44 used protection for sex the first time with a new partner. In comparison, 68% of teens reported using condoms the first time they had sex with someone new.

The lack of protection among adults is contributing to an upsurge in sexually transmitted diseases and infections in that age group. And a fresh outbreak of herpes is no way to improve your sex life. In response, researchers are now urging a new educational campaign on the importance of safe sex practices among all age groups.

What is going on here? How or when did anyone get the message that it was OK to have unprotected sex when you’re not in a monogamous relationship?

Can We Be Friends?

2008-11-20T08:33:36Z

As you might have discovered, a divorce doesn’t always mean a clean break with your ex, especially when there are kids involved. Old habits die hard. When your ex drops off the kids, he or she may ask for gas money. Or if he or she is running late to pick them up from school, you may still get those last-minute calls to come to the rescue. These favors that were annoying to you when you were married make you downright livid now that you’re getting divorced.

But before you lash out at your ex, take a step back and realize that somewhere along the line, you’re enabling his or her behavior. If there are certain favors your ex requests that make your blood boil, simply stand firm and say “no.” Don’t bend. Don’t give in. You don’t have to be his or her friend right now. A strong support system comes in handy here because it can be very difficult to say “no” repeatedly. Eventually, he or she will learn that such requests are unacceptable and will stop asking.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Don’t become a “no” parrot, especially when certain requests have the children’s best interest at heart. The key is balance: You shouldn’t be taken advantage of, but you need not be a stone wall either. Try to remain empathetic with your former spouse. If striking that balance seems too difficult, don’t be afraid to ask for outside help from a professional, such as a divorce counselor.

How do you stay amicable with your former spouse? [CNN]

Sex Tips from the Animal Kingdom

2008-11-14T13:11:25Z

Have you ever noticed that when medical studies are purporting the health benefits of sex, the studies usually involve mice instead of people? That’s because scientists say mice are actually very similar to humans. But what would our sex advice columns look like if we followed animal recommendations for sex? Maybe a little like this:

Being Married Is Good for Men’s Health
Male mice that were in monogamous relationships had lower blood sugar and insulin levels, making their risk for diabetes lower than their partner-hopping buddies.

Bigger (and Sharper) Is Not Always Better
In the animal kingdom, many males practically have weapons for penises that induce pain in females when mating. So it’s no surprise that the guys with the least painful members get the most girls and create the most offspring. All you “average” men out there, rejoice!

For True Bliss, Join an Orgy
When rats mated in groups, switching partners often, they were able to better control their rate and duration, leading to a more pleasurable state of mind that lasts longer than the orgy.

Who Knew a Space Could Tell so Much?
Prairie voles are a highly monogamous species, so how do they pair off? The females look for the guys who have the greatest distance between their genitalia and their rear ends. The guys with the greatest distance in that area also had bigger testicles, which would theoretically imply they have more sperm.

Something tells us, guys might not like it if girls were to whip out the measuring tape on this one as a means of improving their sex life.

What other funny or bizarre animal studies on sex have you read or heard?

Is There an Ideal Age to Get Married?

2008-11-11T14:40:03Z

“When did you get married?”

It was a simple question that would be harmless to most people except that in this case it was “Today Show” host Meredith Vieira asking her co-host Matt Lauer, who is bordering on Ross Gellar levels of serial marriage and divorce. Although things got a little awkward, Lauer seemed unruffled by Vieira’s slip.

Vieira, who married in her 30s, represents a growing segment of the population who is delaying marriage. In fact, according to the U.S. Census, the average age for first marriages is almost 26 for women and 28 for men, which is the oldest age for marriage since the U.S. Census was started. But is this trend of delaying marriage improving relationships?

Experts are mixed on whether waiting to get married ultimately decreases the risk of divorce. Most experts agree that marrying before age 20 is likely to lead to divorce because the individuals are still in the process of self-discovery. But after that, couples who marry in their 20s run about the same risk for divorce as couples who marry in their 30s.

What do you think is the ideal age to get married?

Does Size Really Matter?

2008-11-10T15:16:19Z

Just how important is the size of the engagement ring? Of course, following through on a memorable marriage proposal is essential, too, but a girl can’t wear a proposal.

A man was preparing to propose to his girlfriend who had given him an ultimatum—either get married or get bent. His grandfather had promised him the 2.5-carat diamond he had given his wife after he had built a successful business. In the meantime, the man’s parents kept the ring in a safety deposit box. So when the time finally came, the man asked his parents for the ring he’d been promised. Instead, they showed up with a small, simple engagement ring that had belonged to another relative.

The man freaked. He’d already told his fiancée-to-be about the giant rock, and he couldn’t look like a liar. Fortunately, his girlfriend was not into jewelry, so when he mentioned the smaller ring, she said it was fine. All that mattered was that she get a commitment from him, until the next day when she changed her mind and decided she really did want the big ring. After all, did his family think she wasn’t worthy of the big ring?

Eventually, the man haggled with his parents and proposed with the 2.5-carat ring. In the end, it would seem size does matter, even when we try to pretend it doesn’t. We may want to believe we’re bigger and better and that material things such as large diamond rings don’t matter, but—darn those primitive urges—big, shiny objects will always catch our attention. Do you agree? [The New York Times]

Moving in Together

2008-11-05T15:00:28Z

Whether you’re getting hitched or embracing the modern tradition of premarital cohabitation, moving in with your significant other is a big deal. From fighting for the covers every night to waking up with the person you love each morning, this new chapter in your life—especially the first 30 days—may be rife with happy moments and potential conflicts.

While there’s no foolproof plan to avoiding relationship complications after you move in together, our new friends at The Frisky have some great tips for getting through the beginning stages of creating a home together without wishing you'd kept your own place, just in case.

For instance, they suggest establishing ground rules and decorating the new place together—that way, you feel like you're both investing in living there, not just perpetually spending the night. Also, you should try spending some time apart (no! really! it's a gem of an idea) which can help you appreciate each other more.

Read the rest of their tips here, and share your own! What have you learned from moving in together that would help others about to take the plunge into cohabitational bliss?

No Sex? Who Cares!

2008-11-04T13:29:52Z

If your sex life has been lacking lately, have you visited your doctor and ruled out any medical conditions that could be the culprit?

It might seem obvious, but almost 50% of women have some sort of sexual problem, according to a recent study in the November issues of Obstetrics and Gynecology. Of the more than 32,000 women ages 18 to 65 who were surveyed, 43% reported some type of sex problem, 39% reported a decrease in sexual desire, 26% reported arousal problems and 21% reported problems achieving orgasm.

Surprisingly, only 12% reported significant personal distress associated with their sexual disorder.

Your sex life should always been fun and enjoyable. If it’s not, your very first stop should be to your primary care physician. Get over your embarrassment and talk to your doctor about improving your sex life. Your doctor is a professional and wants you to be healthy in all areas of your mind and body.

How do you feel about discussing your sex life with your doctor? [HealthDay]

Scariest First Dates

2008-10-31T13:13:39Z

In honor of Halloween, we thought it would be fun to share some of favorite first date horror stories!

The beginning stages of a new relationship are filled with all sorts of fears. Will he or she like me? Do I look OK? Did I talk too much? Too little? The list goes on and on. Rarely, though, do we stop and ask, “Will my date turn out to be completely deranged?” As writer Diane Mapes learned, that should be the real scary quality to look out for in a new date.

Mapes was friendly with a guy who seemed to share similar interests. Their first date out to a movie was fine. It was the second date that had her totally spooked. Upon entering her new love interest’s apartment, she was enveloped in a shrine to serial killers. Her date tried to reassure her that his fascination was totally harmless, but when he showed her a painting he received from John Wayne Gacy (who killed more than 30 teenage boys) while Gacy was in prison, she knew it was time to flee the scene.

In another story Mapes shares from a woman’s first date, a gentleman met her at the restaurant...with his mother. Another woman admitted that she’s a terrible first date because she’s the one that scares away all her potential partners. She says she can communicate with the dead, and whenever she goes out with someone new, she “meets” their deceased family members as well and is compelled to pass on their messages.

What’s your most frightening dating story? [Seattle Post-Intelligencer]

The Great Sex Paradox

2008-10-29T16:21:34Z

You love your partner. You see each other every day, and with that familiarity you’ve found security and comfort. You laugh together, cuddle, and can talk about your deepest regrets, fears, hopes and dreams. If your relationship is so wonderful, how can your sex life be so lousy?

In American culture, we’ve been brought up to believe that love and sex go hand in hand. Yet the factors that promote a healthy, happy relationship—stability, comfort, safety—can sabotage even the kinkiest of libidos. Think about it. Your wildest times with sex most likely had one or all of the following characteristics: newness, spontaneity and the unfamiliar. This explains why “emotional fulfillment does not translate to sexual fulfillment,” as relationship expert Esther Perel writes.

So how can long-lasting lovers improve their sex life? Yes, new positions or places might help, but the biggest common factor that people worldwide said kept the spark alive was: distance. Whether the distance was real or perceived didn’t matter. The next time you find your sex life stuck in a rut, spend a few days away from your mate and see each other with fresh eyes and a new perspective. [AlterNet]

Be a Love Localvore!

2008-10-29T13:28:41Z

When it comes to getting groceries, you’ve heard it from dozens of different sources now, “Shop locally,” “Go to your local farmer’s markets,” “Buy organic.” These mantras are all designed to help us do our part to save the environment as well as improve our health. However, shopping at your local Trader Joe’s could also help you find romance like Gail Petersen and Alan Hock of Arizona.

Gail and Alan crossed paths in the produce section. Gail, in her 50s and a mother of two grown sons, had been single for 13 years. Alan, also in his 50s and a father of two grown daughters, had been single for 18 years. They ended up in the same checkout lane and made small talk. Small talk led to more talking in the parking lot that led to an exchange of business cards that led Alan to email Gail asking for a lunch date. That lunch date was the beginning of a new relationship where Gail and Alan learned they had either worked or lived a few miles apart from one another throughout the last 13 years. After one year of dating, the couple married.

Have you ever met a special someone while grocery shopping? What are some of your favorite local stories of how couples met? [The Arizona Republic]

Damp Nuptials

2008-10-22T16:32:49Z

Let's say, on your wedding day, that the groom's best man accidentally trips and pushes the bride and the officiant into the pool. Then, let's say that video becomes national news. How would you react?

Well, take a look at this video and let us know what you think.

Maybe the better question is, would you have your wedding in front of a pool?

The Unsettled Settlement

2008-10-21T15:12:09Z

As usual, tabloids are falling all over each other to be the first to break the news on one of the biggest divorce settlements of the century: Madonna vs. Guy Ritchie. Rumors were flying this weekend that the couple had reached an agreement with Ritchie getting a hefty $60 million plus the properties in Europe. The celebrity duo was estimated at $525 million, with the bulk of that sum belonging to Madonna. Ritchie's esimated worth is around $35 million.

However, Madonna’s publicist said Monday that the couple’s divorce settlement has not been finalized yet. In addition, no decisions have been reached regarding custody of the couple’s children. Madonna has a daughter, Lourdes, from a previous relationship, and the couple shares a biological son, Rocco, and David Banda, their adopted son from Malawi.

The stars did not establish a prenuptial agreement before they wed in 2000. While it’s understandable for those of us not raking in millions of dollars a year to worry about a prenuptial agreement, once you hit a certain income, it seems only natural to protect your assets. This becomes especially true if there’s as large of a disparity as what is between Madonna and Guy.

What are your thoughts on prenuptial agreements? Should Madonna and Guy have known better than to think it would last? [The Associated Press]

Be the Change You Wish to See...in Bed

2008-10-14T12:04:47Z

When Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world,” sex was probably low on his list of priorities. Yet this quote is highly applicable for anyone who wants to achieve a better sex life.

For most of us, it’s very easy to enter reactive mode when we’re talking about our sex lives. "We don’t have sex enough," or “Our sex life is totally boring" or "My significant other never initiates sex.” Pick a complaint. So you say you don’t have enough sex, but what actions have you taken to change that? Have you discussed with your partner how you feel and how he/she feels? Communication is the first step.

The second step falls on the significant other. Once you’ve heard the request, it’s time to open up with yourself and your partner. What’s holding you back from being in the mood more often? Stress? An illness? Young kids? Something else? If it turns out there are no real issues preventing you from getting busy, then you might want to initiate some nooky. You may not be "in the mood" when you start, but chances are highly likely that once you begin, you won’t be able to resist.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that when you approach your partner about spicing up your sex life, you should phrase it in a positive way. Do not go to your partner and say, “You never want to have sex with me.” That only antagonizes your partner, which of course, is not going to get anyone in the mood. Instead say something similar to, “When we don’t have sex for (insert time frame here), it makes me feel unwanted or unattractive. I want to feel closer to you.”

What change would you like to make happen in the bedroom? Did these tips help you make it happen? [MSNBC]

First Date Do's and Don'ts

2008-10-14T11:53:08Z

Perhaps you’ve just entered the dating pool or maybe you’re a veteran to the sea. Whether you’re a dog paddler or a seasoned swimmer, it never hurts to do a crash course in Dating 101 when you’re looking for a new relationship. The "Today" show's web site has 10 essential tips for dating, but here's the five most important ones:

Don’t: Give up
Yes, it can get discouraging when the last five dates you had tanked faster than our economy in the last month. However, just like markets, if you’re patient, things will turn up.

Do: Mind your manners
Your date will run for the hills if he/she witnesses you berating the wait staff. And if you are someone who has a short temper with service industry staff, get a part-time job in a restaurant or retail. It will completely change your outlook.

Don’t: Talk about marriage and babies
Remember the opening scene of “Baby Mama” where Tina Fey spills her life story regarding careers, babies and marriage in the first 10 minutes of her first date? It’s hilarious in a movie, but it’s a horror scene in a real-life date.

Do: Listen attentively
Eye contact: good. Subtle touches: good. Checking your cell phone every five minutes: bad.

Don’t: Spend the night on the first date
Of course, disregard this if you want to look as if you have no self-respect, restraint or dignity.

Got any discussion points that we missed for our Dating 101 refresher course?

A Treasure Hunt with a Twist

2008-10-10T13:37:06Z

When Stefano Poggi was preparing his marriage proposal for his girlfriend Joselyn de Leon, he knew it had to be something original and special. So he drew upon their mutual love of childhood games to inspire his proposal: a three-day scavenger hunt.

On the first two days of the hunt, Poggi had de Leon search around their apartment complex for Kinder eggs with toys inside. The third day was when Stefano brought the big guns out and started the real treasure hunt. He asked her to meet him for lunch. At the last minute, Stefano canceled but left her another Kinder egg with a clue inside. The clue instructed her to go to the closet where she found a bag packed with a dress, high heels, three Scrabble letters (W, J, M), $1.62 and an address.

After changing, de Leon went to the address which turned out to be an alternate address to one of her favorite spots near La Jolla Shores. She stopped at a vendor and bought a hot dog for $1.62. For hours, de Leon went from location to location gathering more scrabble letters. She went from her local library where a clue was in one of her favorite books, The Giving Tree, to the spot where Poggi told her he wanted to start dating her. Her last hint was (get ready to melt):

“For your final clue, please proceed to a place that is not often seen, but from which much can be seen. I always wonder why you ask to come here, since my favorite view is always you.”

De Leon knew immediately that the location was Mt. Soledad, one of her favorite spots. The sun was setting when she arrived to a picnic Poggi had arranged. He apologized for canceling their lunch and asked if she wanted to play a game of Scrabble. He took her Scrabble letters and arranged them so they said, “Joselyn Will You Marry Me,” and presented her with two-dozen roses and a ring.

Now how is that for a romantic and original proposal? If you want to give your guy some ideas, this is definitely one to pass along! What are some of the more original proposals you’ve heard (or received!)? [La Jolla Light]

Finding Mr. or Mrs. Awesome

2008-10-09T12:13:29Z

The other day, we talked about how almost 50% of the online dating scene was hashed out among niche web sites. Here’s an excellent example of one called Mingle2.com. It was started by two guys out of San Francisco who aim to provide “the weirdest, most unconventional dating site on the planet,” and help you “find someone as awesome as you are,” all for free.

While you’re searching for the special someone, you can check out hilarious cartoons created by the web site originators to help you navigate the crazy world of online dating. Recommended clips include “The 8 Phases of Dating,” “10 Reasons Why It Would Rule to Date a Unicorn,” and “9 Reasons NOT to Date a Tyrannosauras Rex.” After you check out the site, let us know what you think. [Mingle2]

Over Before It Started

2008-10-09T11:59:18Z

Our economy may be at an all-time low, but who can concentrate on that when teen musician heartthrobs Joe Jonas and Taylor Swift are breaking up? Us Weekly says that the adorable couple broke up almost as soon as they started dating officially. And by officially, they mean before it was reported in Us Weekly. According to a source close to Swift, Jonas “broke her heart.”

It may seem easy to make light of teen celebrity relationships, but think back to your teen years. Were breakups really that different from that of Swift and Jonas? How many times did you “go out with” one boy or girl at the beginning of the week, only to find out you had been dumped at the (insert high school sporting event here) later? And remember how unbelievably soul-shattering and heart-wrenching every breakup was? You swore you’d never be able to get over (insert miscellaneous high school flings here). Is it insecurity that’s at the root of all the partner-hopping in high school, or is it a legitimate need to explore as many different options as possible?

What were your high school dating experiences like, and how do they compare to the breakups you’ve experienced later in life? [The National Ledger]

The Divorce Diet

2008-10-07T11:34:10Z

Need to lose weight fast? Want those stubborn pounds to fall off already? Just go on the divorce diet, and watch your fat disappear!

Obviously no one in their right mind would really recommend such a diet, but testimonials and statistics show that divorce makes some people lose weight at an alarming rate. Why? One theory is that when you experience a traumatic event, such as getting divorced, you tend to burn more calories and eat less without even realizing it. People confess to literally forgetting to eat.

Of course, the opposite can be true too. While some are so in shock that they forget to eat, others turn to food for comfort and gain weight just as fast as others lose. And it’s not just women. Men have drastic weight reactions to divorce as well, but the more dire cases are common among women. For example, women who had eating disorders in their teen or early adult years might fall back into old habits because while they may not be able to control their personal life, they can control what and when they eat.

While the divorce diet can have extreme effects, some experts say that if it’s short-lived, it’s harmless. But is it really? Going through a divorce is a difficult change for everyone involved, and whether it’s unintentional or not, it’s not OK to neglect your health. Why not let a difficult change inspire you to take the best care of yourself possible so that you are more mentally and physically capable to meet your challenge head on? [The Dallas Morning News]

The Online Dating Pool

2008-10-07T11:23:19Z

Now that online dating has gone mainstream, most of us know or have tried the major players in the arena, such as eHarmony, Yahoo! Personals and Match.com. These love giants have run the online dating scene for the last seven to eight years. Competing against these gargantuan cupids takes some creativity, and it comes in the form of niche dating web sites.

Name one of your favorite hobbies, and chances are an online dating site is built around it. For example, online dating web sites exist for animal lovers, yoga enthusiasts, self-proclaimed geeks as well as atheists, just to name a few. And it seems the niche online dating market will only grow larger. Some experts predict the online personal market will grow to $1.9 billion by 2012 compared to $900 million as of last year. There's even a site using DNA samples from saliva swabs to find your perfect mate.

Is it better to have quantity over quality? Do niche dating sites provide a better common denominator for possible dating partners than the big players? Have you tried more specific online dating sites? What was your experience? [ABC News]

Yoga Students Do It Better

2008-10-03T11:02:02Z

It seems yoga can help you do anything these days. It’s been linked to all sorts of health benefits, like reducing blood pressure, keeping you fit, stress relief and better posture. But the rewards don’t end there: Engaging in yoga classes regularly can help improve your sex life, too. Here are just a hanful of ways you can experience bedroom bliss thanks to that downward dog pose:

Better Orgasms
Yoga can help you achieve stronger orgasms because as you regularly test your body with different poses, you strengthen your pelvic floor muscles and sex organs. The stronger these muscles, the easier and stronger your orgasms become.

Increased Energy
When you have no energy, you’re rarely in the mood, right? Yoga and exercise in general boosts your energy, and gets your blood pumping. When you’re relaxed and energetic, it’s a lot easier to be playful.

New Positions
Practicing yoga regularly challenges you to hold poses you wouldn’t have dreamed possible when you first started. Similarly, if you flip through a guide of the Kama Sutra, you’ll be amazed at the different positions you might be able to perform with your more supple body.

Better Foreplay
Yoga reminds you that you can’t just jump into challenging poses. You have to warm your body up first. Spending extra time on foreplay can lead to a more enriched sexual experience.

Heightened Sexuality
When you feel more confident, are in tune with your body and engaging in the best sex ever, it brings out your natural sexuality. You’ll feel sexier, happier and ready to keep the good times rolling.

Have you noticed an improvement in your sex life from your yoga classes? [Fox News]

Is There a "Right Time" to Divorce?

2008-10-02T14:52:33Z

When parents have raised kids together but find their marriage dissolving for whatever reasons, they often wonder whether they should tough out the relationship for their children’s best interest. News flash: this is rarely the right answer.

Most kids are not happy to see their parents split, regardless of their age. Even older kids who are teenagers or college students will be confused and upset by the new holiday arrangements. Teenagers, although more mature than children, will still struggle with the different sets of rules at the different households. Just as there is no right or wrong time to have children, there is no right or wrong time to divorce.

Kids and teens aren’t stupid. They can see when their parents aren’t happy. Why would they want two unhappy parents when they could have two happy, separated parents? While you might think staying together for your children is helping them, it could actually do more damage to them and negatively influence their perceptions of marriage and relationships. Kids respect and emulate parents who stand up for their own happiness. [The Dallas Morning News]

Workin' It Out

2008-09-30T17:27:45Z

It all happens so quickly. One day your eyes meet over the coffee maker, and the next you accidentally brush hands as she gives you a TPS report. The next thing you know, you're involved in a hot and heavy office romance.

While it may seem fun at first, the road to a successful workplace rendezvous is riddled with potholes and potential danger zones, especially when you get involved with a superior. Think about it; If one of you performs poorly in the bedroom, will it come back to haunt you in the boardroom?

Australian researchers say that it's about time to do an in-depth study on the subject of office romance gone wrong and are currently looking for people who are willing to tell their stories to use in a new study.

"It's such a messy area, I think researchers haven't wanted to go there," Ruth Byrne, the study's coordinator told The Age.

"But we do know that the effects are enormous - people end up leaving their job, even making attempts on their own lives."

We know that there are a lot of people who have been successful at finding romance in the work place, but what about those flings that haven't worked out? Do you think it's possible to make it work at work?

Play It Again, Harry

2008-09-26T11:59:24Z

Have you ever been in the middle of a romantic date at a nice restaurant, locked in your lover's gaze only to have it ruined by a roving band of mariachis singing "Cielito Lindo?" or a rogue violinist who can't seem to get the hang of the strings?

Being serenaded should be the ultimate romantic compliment, but when it's bad, it's oh-so-wrong. Fortunately for one Manhattan couple, one of today's famous modern crooners was on hand as they practically got busy at their lunch table.

According to Fox News, Harry Connick Jr. and his wife Jill Goodacre were attending a press conference at the plaza hotel for his new movie "Living Proof," and there just so happened to be a Steinway baby grand piano on the stage.

Goodacre noticed an amorous couple making gaga eyes at each other in the corner and gave her husband a nudge.

"I know what you're thinking—I am not going to play the piano," Connick said with a laugh.

"Harry, you have to," his wife prodded him. "I'll pay you."

After some encouragement from the small group at the press conference Connick took to the stage to play the Lionel Richie-Diana Ross classic, "Endless Love." Everyone had a good laugh and the couple surely went and got a room.

If you could be serenaded by any artist as you were sparking up a new romance, who would it be? [Fox News]

Congratu-freaking-lations

2008-09-26T11:59:19Z

Imagine you've recently signed divorce papers, you've had a hard day at work and open your mailbox to find what looks like a party invite.

"Oh," you think. "How sweet!" But then you open it up and it says, "Come help us celebrate our 25 blissful years of marriage." You'd probably want to look for your nearest punching bag.

That's exactly the type of scenario Alice Mills and her husband Dan Black were trying to avoid when planning their silver wedding anniversary party. The couple says that many of their potential invitees had recently divorced.

"I was wondering if people might feel bad after going through a divorce. I mean, here we were having this big celebration of longevity," Mills tells The Globe and Mail.

In order to keep the whole "we're still married and you're not" sentiment out of their anniversary party, Mills and her husband opted for a subtle "celebration of love" theme and opted to hold off their vows renewal for a later date with a smaller venue.

Would you be hesitant to attend the celebration of a long-lasting marriage after yours has fallen apart? Do you think your friends are obligated to keep your feelings in mind?

Sinking the Friend Ship

2008-09-26T11:33:07Z

Instant gratification is always fun when you're talking about a great pair of shoes you found on sale or an ice cream cone. But when you're dealing with your emotions you're getting into a whole new flavor of potential danger.

According to a study by researchers at Michigan State University, 60% of college co-eds admit to having a friends with benefits relationship. At the offset, the idea of having great sex and a great friendship without the fuss of an actual boyfriend or girlfriend sounds like it would be a win-win situation. However, if you're headed for FWB-land, you could be charting dangerous territory. It's almost 100% guaranteed one of the friends will end up falling for the other and end up getting burned.

"Biologically speaking, sex is a drug," writes contributor, Simcha, on The Frisky. "Or at least it feels that way for women, thanks to oxytocin, the hormonal transmitter that makes you feel happy, relaxed and bonded to your partner after sex."

Another setback for both male and female participants is that if you're devoting time to an FWB relationship, you're sucking up energy that you could be put into finding a new romance.

Be honest. If you feel like the friendship you've developed can turn into something more, tell him or her. It's better to know early on if you've got a shot than to drag it out and maybe even get hurt.

Watchamacall-em?

2008-09-26T11:21:14Z

What would you do if your Aunt Shirley introduced you to her "lover?" What if the woman you had been dating and living with for three years referred to you as her "significant other?"

The language we use to identify our loved ones can be very powerful, but unfortunately, we don't seem to have a wealth of updated versions to suit the spectrum of relationships that exist today.

A USA Today article examines the fact that with many Americans dating into retirement age or choosing to live with a partner and not marry, terms like "boyfriend," "girlfriend," "husband" and "wife" just don't cut it anymore.

"I've talked about this with some of my female friends," Lynn Bartholome, a 57-year-old professor and popular culture expert, tells the newspaper. "I don't know what to say. I say 'the guy I'm dating.' I really honestly feel weird calling him my 'boyfriend.' Is a man you date and are intimate with a 'beau,' 'a significant other,' a 'partner?' I don't know."

While terms like "lover" may be appropriate among close friends, do you really want to announce to the world that you two are schtuping regularly every time you introduce each other? We think we should start coming up with some new terms of endearment. What do you call your lover/girlfriend/partner/sweetie pie/ball and chain?

America's Funniest Dating Videos

2008-09-23T14:11:50Z

What would happen if YouTube and Match.com went on a date?

It would probably result in something like WooMe TV, one of several sites that are now incorporating videos into their online dating tool arsenal. WooMe allows users to engage in 60-second video introductions and they then have the option of posting the exchange on the site. The result is a bit of self-promotion for the daters and endless fun for the rest of us online voyeurs.

The TechCrunch.com reporter working on this story even got in on the action. "In my own testing, I am often left cracking up after particularly awkward exchanges," he writes about watching the videos.

Perhaps there is also potential for turning these exchanges into online study guides. If you're looking for tips on how to woo an online date, you can observe how the successful daters operate.

Would you be willing to broadcast your online interactions to the world, or is having a profile already too personal? [The Washington Post]

Lessons Learned

2008-09-23T06:35:20Z

All of the little things brides ask of their wedding guests seem so simple—an on-time R.S.V.P., adherence to the dress code, a gift straight off the registry. But, as Brides.com writer Zibby Right confesses, unless you've been a bride yourself, all of those little things can seem like no big deal.

Right recalls begging one friend at the last minute to allow her to invite her latest boyfriend of only six weeks. They broke up shortly afterwards

"I'm mortified by my past behavior, but thankful that this friend and others let it all slide," she writes "And now that I'm in their position, I'm trying to do the same."

Are you frustrated by the "rude" behavior of some of your invitees? Keep in mind that a lot of them may have never planned a wedding before and therefore don't understand what it's like to wait by the mailbox for an R.S.V.P. or what squeezing in just one more guest will do for your budget and your sanity. Remember that they love you and are excited about attending your big day; they might just need a little extra kick in the pants. [MSNBC]

High Fidel-ity

2008-09-19T13:54:15Z

You want to improve your sex life? Well, it's easy. All you have to do is create a leftist coup and become the dictator of a small Caribbean nation.

If reports from Page Six are to be believed, Cuban leader Fidel Castro blows Gene Simmons out of the water. According to a new documentary, Castro has slept with 35,000 women over the years. One of his former officials, "Ramon," told a filmmaker that el comandante has slept with at least two women a day for the past 40 years.

"I don't think he would have stayed on as long as he did if not for all the incredible women he had access to as president," "Ramon" told documentary filmmaker Ian Halperin.

Can you imagine the conversation Castro had with each of his lovers? They probably would have gone something like this:

Dalia: So, Fidel, what's your number?
Fidel: Mmm, we're talking ballpark figures here, right? Because I could probably fill a ballpark. What about you, my darling?
Dalia: Um, five.

We're not going to get into what turns him on, because that would be gross. But we are curious if you've had the "numbers" talk with your partner. Did it affect the way you felt about your relationship? We've heard that men tend to inflate their numbers while women will downplay them. Do you think this is true?

Puppy Love

2008-09-18T12:44:20Z

A nine-year-old girl got a lesson in married life recently when she married her town's resident stray dog. We kid! Well, the part alluding to men being dogs was a joke. She really did marry a mangy mongrel.

When Karnamoni Handsa's family discovered she possessed what her tribe considered to be a bad omen, a tooth rooted to her upper gum, they took her to visit a village jury that determined she either had to marry the dog or face the bad omen. Her family planned a wedding for 100 guests including live music and homemade alcohol.

"I have no regret in marrying the dog, Bacchan. I am fond of the dog who moves around our locality," Karnamoni told the AFP. "Bacchan is a stray dog who survives on leftovers. I will take care of the dog."

(Insert another joke about stray dogs and husbands here.)

According to BBC News, Karnamoni's symbolic marriage to the dog won't affect her future relationship prospects. Her mother tells them that they will find her an appropriate mate when she's old enough.

If you thought you had an embarrassing childhood memory that could stop you from getting married, chin up! At least your family didn't make you marry a dog. If Karnamoni can have a good attitude about her little furry husband, so can you.

Be Prepared

2008-09-18T12:39:29Z

The latest trend in the hotel world doesn't involve 24-hour maid service or an extra item on the continental breakfast buffet. It has more to do with the more intimate side of accommodations.

Posh hotels like The Water Club in Atlantic City and Six Columbus in New York are now offering intimacy kits and "shag bags" that are for sale along with the rest of the items in the mini bar. The kits contain condoms, massage oil, and other intimate items and are a huge hit with guests.

"I actually had one woman get upset because there was only one kit in her room," The Water Club's vice president Drew Schlesinger told the Associated Press. "I didn't ask why."

Do you have your own personal love kit at home? If you don't, you should. A hasty trip to the corner convenience store could put a serious downer on your mood, or worse you might get so caught up that you hesitate to use condoms altogether and that can only end with one kind of happy ending.

Friendly Fire

2008-09-17T11:46:07Z

In a perfect world, each party involved in a divorce will end up with his or her fair share of assets, including friends. However, divorce experts say that after all is said and done, it's usually the more dominant character that ends up keeping a majority of the friends. In the case of Cécilia Attias, the former wife of France's President Nicolas Sarkozy, if one spouse holds more social power than the other, it's very difficult to hold on to your social circle.

"I was betrayed by close friends. I don't hold it against them. Such is human nature," she told a Swiss newspaper. "I understand that the gold of the French Republic could tempt more than one."

Attias may be charming and beautiful, but it's her husband who holds the keys to the Elysée Palace. This betrayal is indeed unfortunate and unfair and you don't have to be married to a former world leader to suffer a similar fate. However, this type of experience can also be extremely valuable.

If your former friends are so anxious to jump ship during your difficult time, were they ever actually true friends in the first place? Like Attias, you're likely to have a small circle of family members and confidants who will stand by you no matter what. Focus on the love and support they're willing to give and be happy you have a chance to root out some of the negative forces in your life. [The Independent]

Statistics Schmatistics

2008-09-16T11:57:59Z

In 1986, female readers of Newsweek magazine were told something that likely made them spit out their morning coffee. According to a cover story called "Too Late for Prince Charming," unmarried spinsters might as well have just resigned to a life of chaste solitude because statistics at the time said that, "40-year-old women are more likely to be killed by a terrorist" than to be married.

Can't you just see the "Cathy" cartoon? ACK!

Just how this factoid made it into the national vernacular is a bit fuzzy, but it basically comes down to a journalistic version of the telephone game. You know, when a group of kids sit in a circle and whisper a secret like "Johnny sniffs glue" until it turns into "I'm in love with you." The premise of the claim was taken from a joint study between Yale and Harvard researchers about the difference in marrying rates between whites and blacks, but it turns out that their mathematical model was incorrect.

If you've read any alarming statistics lately, take them with a grain of salt. If you want to get married after 40, lose 20 pounds or fly to the moon, don't let some silly statistics hold you back. After all, out of the 14 single women Newsweek originally interviewed in 1986, about three fourths are now married.

Heard any crazy love stats lately? [ABC Australia]

Electrical Charge

2008-09-15T10:15:52Z

When was the last time your toaster gave you relationship advice or your washing machine reminded you of an important anniversary?

When it comes to improving your relationship, most household appliances don't hold any mettle. The digital video recorder, or DVR, however, is apparently the Dr. Phil of household technology.

According to a new report by a DVR technology company, 79% of 1000 people surveyed reported that DVR's have improved their relationships.

"It's one of those technologies that, once you use it, it makes you wonder how you coped before," Steve Tranter, vice president of NDR, a DVR technology manufacturer told The Hollywood Reporter.

Although the article doesn't get into specifics as to how this technology actually improves relationships, we're willing to venture a guess; it completely takes the whole remote control power play out of the picture.

Just think about how many less fights you're having now that you don't have to fight over whether or not you'll be watching "Lost" or "Ugly Betty."

Is there a certain device that has helped improve your relationship, or do you think it all boils down to interpersonal communication?

Adrenaline Rush

2008-09-15T10:10:25Z

Love is like a roller coaster, but is a roller coaster an impetus for love?

British author Richard Robinson told scientists at the British Association's Festival of Science in Liverpool that during high intensity activities such as riding roller coasters, bungee jumping or eating at the $9.99 Chinese food buffet will produce a hormone called phenylethylamine.

"Phenylethylamine is secreted when you see someone across the room that you really, really fancy," he said. "It is the hormone of euphoria, it is the hormone of joy and ecstasy."

Ok, so if you're trying to woo your next romance, we've got the perfect date planned for you.

Step 1: Lunch at a nice restaurant overlooking your local shooting range.
Step 2: A jaunt to your local amusement park for a round of roller coaster rides.
Step 3: Take in a Quentin Tarantino movie and hold hands over your popcorn. Throw some jalapeños in for good measure.

How do you keep that feeling of euphoria in a new relationship? [The Daily Mail]

The Backup Plan

2008-09-12T12:02:14Z

Life is full of back-up plans. Back in elementary school when we were plotting out our recess agenda, we had to decide which piece of playground equipment we would use if someone had already claimed the best swing. As we grew up and started paying attention to birthdays and bar mitzvah, we had to mentally prepare ourselves with alternate plans in case we didn't receive a coveted invite.

Fast forward to our adult lives and we're still concocting elaborate backup plans, only now they've gotten a little stickier. Psychology Today has published a fascinating article about the science behind courting a backup mate. All of us (well, most of us) have had an alternate waiting in the wings at some point, even while we've been in happy, healthy relationships.

"The Plan B partner, or backup mate, highlights a problem that both sexes struggle with throughout their reproductive lives, regardless of whether one is single or coupled," writes psychologist Nando Pelusi. "People need to accurately gauge their own romantic market value at all times, in order to find a suitable partner or maintain an optimal relationship."

While having and/or being a Plan B partner may be good for the psyche, it can also lead to a tangled web of confusion for both parties, especially if things start to get physical. If you've got a little back-up plan action going on, proceed with caution. Just like those days on the playground, you may end up on a dangerous merry-go-round.

Animal Attraction

2008-09-11T12:24:24Z

Birds do it, bees do it, even monkeys in the trees do it; It's online dating!

Zookeepers have long used studbooks, an animal matchmaking device not unlike the little black book, as a way to match up animals with suitable mates around the world. Now new software is allowing them to take the information online.

Instead of profiles that feature a female's preference for chai iced tea or romantic walks through the petting zoo, they feature details like the fact that a koala named Killarney once smacked an amorous male in the face. Other animals, like Tumpe the African elephant have had more luck.

"She is now cohabitating with a very handsome young male," John Lehnhardt of Disney's Animal Kingdom in Orlando, Fla told the Associated Press. "We have put these two together in the hopes that we'll have some success."

Zookeepers say that although the animals aren't finding love, they're helping to make sure the species survive. They do this by regularly updating the online studbooks to ensure the most compatible mates.

Have you updated your studbook lately?

Back to Work

2008-09-11T12:23:52Z

It was back to work this week for one of America's most beloved blushing brides. Ellen DeGeneres married her girlfriend of four years, Portia de Rossi, after California made it legal for same sex couples to wed. The couple planned an intimate wedding with family and friends in August, but it was back to work on Ellen's hit daytime show this week.

"Planning a wedding is very stressful," DeGeneres told E! at the Daytime Emmy Awards. "It is crazy. My gardener is now invited." Now that the big event has passed, the couple has returned to regular life with some slight differences. The show was full of Ellen's signature dance moves, but she also had a cheerful announcement:

"This is my first show as a married lady," DeGeneres told an enthusiastic audience.

Are you planning your return to work after your honeymoon? It's fine if you want to show off your new ring and some of your favorite pics to your colleagues, but you probably don't want to go overboard. Everyone knows that one colleague that brings in pictures of their precious schnauzer and shows them off ad nauseam. You don't want to take their place as the office bore! [Associated Press]

Hug It Out

2008-09-09T09:43:26Z

Normally the male-female relationships we discuss on this topic are of a romantic nature, but the political news dominating the airwaves lately has brought up some interesting aspects about improving professional relationships.

Influenced by the interaction between Republican Presidential nominee, John McCain, and his running mate, Sarah Palin, The New York Times recently published an entire article about the etiquette of hugging between male and female colleagues. They pointed out that the senator favors a chaste embrace with Palin followed by a kiss for his wife, Cindy, much has changed since the 1980's when Walter Mondale and his running mate Geraldine Ferraro greeted with a more formal handshake.

"It's a form of professional endearment," The New York Times quoted one business etiquette expert as saying about the modern hug. "Getting closer than two arms' length when you know the other person says, 'I respect you, we have a comfort level, we have a professional bond.'"

Other experts such as Leticia Baldridge, former social secretary to Jacqueline Kennedy, say that a warm handshake between male and female colleagues is best.

Basically, it comes down to your level of comfort. Anytime a person—male or female—oversteps his or her bounds when it comes to personal space, it can make the situation uncomfortable for anyone involved.

What sort of greeting do you prefer with your colleagues? Do you share the same greeting with male and female colleagues?

Walk This Way

2008-09-09T09:43:17Z

If the Bee Gees were re-writing "Stayin' Alive" for modern times, they might want to consider some updated lyrics: "Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, that I have vaginal orgasms..."

Scientists from the University of the West of Scotland believe that by studying a woman's gait one can discern whether or not she is capable of achieving a vaginal orgasm. In an experiment that sounds more like a night out at the pub, a group of trained sexologists watched 16 random women walk by and—using a ratio of stride length and vertebral rotation—guessed whether or not they were able to achieve vaginal orgasm. They were correct 80% of the time. In addition to physical measurements, the researchers predicted that the orgasmic women might have a more confident gait.

"Such confidence might also be related to the relationship(s) that a woman has had, given the finding that specifically penile-vaginal orgasm is associated with indices of better relationship quality," the authors state.

In other words, the ladies had a little extra bounce in their step? Maybe this whole walking theory can work in reverse. Ladies, put a little more groove into your steps and maybe better sex will come your way! [Physorg.com]

Say What?

2008-09-05T10:07:25Z

A while ago we warned you about making too much noise while in the heat of the moment, now we're going to the nitty gritty—the content of your exclamations. It's incredibly easy to get carried away during a hot love making session, and we've all done it once or twice.

The web site ComicvsAudience.com has produced a hilarious graphic with variations on what and what not to say during sex. It looks like one of the flow charts you used to use in high school literature class, only instead of drawing plot outlines, it provides
examples to help you in your moment of passion.

For example, the bubbles on the good side map out the following sentence:
"Thanks…A lot …Peaches."

And on the bad:
"Thanks… here's a dollar…in change…mostly pennies."

We've all said some pretty silly things even during a hot make-out session! But should we be ashamed if we should happen to let it slip that he makes you, "feel like a natural woman?" or she "makes you want to fall asleep in her bosom?" Nah! It's all part of the fun. If you're really embarrassed just fess up and tell your lover you've been reading too many romance novels. The two of you can laugh about it later.

What's the most embarrassing exclamation you've ever made in the heat of the moment and how did you play it off later? Do you think getting creative improves your sex life?

One Wedding and a Funeral...Parlor

2008-09-05T09:55:35Z

When Jason and Rachael Storm informed their guests of their wedding location, many acted as if they had seen a ghost. That's probably because Jason, a funeral director, decided to take advantage of his resources and hold their celebration at his place of work, the Starks and Menchinger Family Funeral Home.

"I look at it as, if you go to a church and get married, how many caskets do you think have been rolled down that aisle?" he told The Herald-Palladium of St. Joseph, MI.

Talk about thinking outside the box! Ok, ok, excuse our morbid pun. But this couple probably saved a lot of money by planning a wedding in a place already available to them, and they probably got a good discount on flowers and an organist. Although many of the guests initially refused to attend, most of them showed up on the big day and enjoyed the festivities.

If you've got an idea that's a bit outside of the norm, don't let initial reactions be a deterrent. Follow your heart and your guests will too.

Would you ever hold your wedding in a funeral parlor to cut costs, or is the irony too much for you to take? [Associated Press]

Them Cheatin' Genes

2008-09-02T11:22:06Z

Just when we thought we had heard every justification for cheating--"I was sleepwalking," "I was doing it for you," "It depends what your definition of 'is' is,"--some crazy scientists are now trying to tell us that men with certain genes may be more likely to stray and end up divorced.

Researchers from the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, Sweden singled out a protein that responds to a bonding chemical called vasopressin. Men with one variant of the gene tended to be single or to have significantly higher rates of dissatisfaction within their marriages, and men with two copies of the gene were twice as likely to have had a marriage crisis in the past year compared to those without it.

"There are, of course, many reasons why a person might have relationship problems, but this is the first time a specific gene
variant has been associated with how men bond to their partners," researcher Hasse Walum told The Telegraph.

Scientists say that now they know the gene exists, in the future there will be potential to develop drugs that could help marriages stay together longer.

And you thought Viagra was making things interesting!

We're not sure how we would feel if we knew our partner was only remaining faithful because his meds were keeping him from straying. What do you think?

Retrosexual Revolution

2008-08-31T19:40:17Z

Are the ideals of equality and self-empowerment just a passing phase? In the past three decades, women have moved out from underneath the glass ceiling into a world of seemingly endless opportunity, and men have gone leaps and bounds to discover their feminine sides. However, a recent survey of British singles has found that many of us are longing for more old-fashioned conventions.

Out of 1500 British adults surveyed, 44% of men listed "taking care of home" as the number one attribute they look for in a mate and 38% of women listed "financial stability" in the same category.

"A lot of women used to think they wanted a metrosexual man," Tanya Jackson, one of the experts behind the study, told Britain's Daily Mail. "But then they realized they were fed up with a man who spent longer in the bathroom than they did. Many women now feel they actually want a hunter-gatherer and they will look after their man in return."

It's unlikely that we'll return to the unequal days of yore, but we're probably headed for a time when marriage is more of a partnership than a tit-for-tat business deal. If you want to improve your relationship, it's important that each partner put in equal effort whether it's in the kitchen, around the house or purely on an emotional level.

Ladies, will you be heading up to your attic to clear the cobwebs from your aprons and cookbooks? Fellas, will you soon be going back to the days of returning from work for your nightly steak and potato dinner?

Go Team!

2008-08-29T12:21:41Z

If you're in a relationship with a hardcore Miami Dolphins fan, you might want to start preparing for a rocky sexual season.

The web site AreYouRomantic.com polled more than 700 people and found that 30% of men had better sex after their favorite teams won a game and 10% said it was bad after a loss.

As if that wasn't depressing enough, one quarter of the men surveyed said they would put off sex for a month if it meant their teams could win the Super Bowl. Thank goodness that would only be possible in a really terrible Hollywood movie staring Adam Sandler or Will Smith.

Even if your mate has a winning team, you probably already know that Monday nights will be a ghost town in the bedroom.

"I could be on fire in the room right next to him and he wouldn't notice," wrote one poll correspondent.

The Dolphins, who only won one game last season, were among the worst teams in the NFL last year and aren't expected to do much better this year. Other teams to look out for are the St. Louis Rams, Atlanta Falcons and the Oakland Raiders.

Now that you know winning teams can be such a turn on, will you be picking up a pennant and rooting along with your lover? Keep in mind, a couple extra touchdowns for them can mean a major score for you too. [UPI]

Desperado...

2008-08-29T12:12:35Z

Askmen.com recently ran an advice column about how to avoid "undatable" desperate women. Their relationship correspondent Andrew Moore cited Jennifer Aniston's recent breakup with John Mayer as an example of how when a woman sets herself up on a timeline for marriage and motherhood, it's ultimately a detriment to a relationship. According to the column, telltale signs of a desperate woman are referring to her pets as children, obsessively planning all of your future dates and never expressing an opinion of her own.

Moore doesn't touch on the subject of desperate men, but they're out there too and tend to possess many of the same characteristics of their female counterparts; they immediately say "I love you," agree to all of their partners' opinions and dating ideas, and have a long overlapping string of ex-girlfriends.

So what do you do if you are one of the desperate daters in question? You may not realize that you're putting out a frantic vibe, but chances are if you've set up any kind of timeline for yourself, your partner is going to feel it. It may seem like a radical change, but try rearranging the priorities in your life. There's nothing more attractive than someone who's striving to perfect his or her career, art or community. If your focus is on your professional life, you'll have less time to obsess about your relationship and chances are you'll find romance when you're not even looking.

Wht R U Up 2, Sxy?

2008-08-28T13:48:21Z

Maybe lately, your partner has been giving you a weird vibe. She's been coming home later from work, has a new sexy haircut and every time she receives an SMS message her face turns three different shades of red. And then, she goes to take a shower and leaves her cell phone out in the open where it taunts you to come over and investigate just what exactly has been making her blush. Do you pick up the phone to investigate before she can rinse the shampoo from her hair?

According to a survey by Virgin Mobile Australia, spying on your partner's text messages is a fairly popular practice. Not only did 73% of the 500 survey participants admit to sneaking a peak while their partner was in the shower, but 41% admitted to checking while their partner was in the same room! Some partners were not happy about what they saw, and 10% of the text checkers said they had broken up with their partner after discovering a suspicious message.

"In a society when we very rarely let our mobile phones out of our sight, it's quite amazing to think that for a lot of us the minute we jump in the shower, someone might be checking up on us," Amber Morris of Virgin Mobile told Reuters.

Generally speaking, if you're feeling suspicious enough about your partner that you feel you need to check his or her texts, there's probably something up anyway. Save yourself the heartache and angst of deciphering a cryptic message and have a talk with them instead.

Have you ever discovered a cryptic message on your partner's phone? What did you do about it? [Reuters]

Turn the Page

2008-08-26T11:49:51Z

Sure it's fun to read the sex tips in magazines like Cosmopolitan, Glamour and Men's Health. But it's hard to take advice like "have a mini grope sesh," or "give him a 'Want it? Then come and get it!' grin," seriously. But when 37-year-old Cathy Alter found herself recently divorced, with a going nowhere sex partner she decided to see what would happen if she took magazine advice to heart.

"I thought it was the smartest idea ever, the idea that I could read all these magazines that were silly and fun," she says. "I didn't expect it to have such an impact on my life. I had no way of predicting how all these magazines would work on me."

Much to Alter's surprise, her life turned around after she started taking the advice literally. One magazine's suggestion to wrap lunch in plastic wrap enabled her to escape her routine of hitting up the office vending machine and carousing with a no-good co-worker.

Alter documents her yearlong experiment in her book, Up For Renewal: What Magazines Taught Me About Love, Sex and Starting Over. At the end of her journey she lost weight, stopped eating out of vending machines and found a new mate.

What's the best sex advice you've ever gotten from a magazine? [Media Life Magazine]

Bipartisan Romance

2008-08-26T11:03:15Z

Since it's an election year, you'll probably find yourself asking some of these questions when you're out searching for a new romance:

* Are your eyes glued on Denver, or are you holding out for Minneapolis?
* Are you an Obama girl or a McCain man?
* Do you dig donkeys or fancy yourself an elephant?

If you're a big-time political nerd, dating someone from outside your party might seem like outright sacrilege.

"I know there are quite a few 'mixed marriages' that have showed that love will conquer all," president of Young Democrats of Atlanta Mijha Butcher told the Atlanta Journal Constitution. "By the same token, I also know many folks, including myself, who couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a Republican."

A difference in party loyalty can signal many contrasts in personal beliefs and ideals, but it can also lead to some very passionate
dinner conversations. There are couples, such as Rob and Heather Teilhet, who have proved political opposites attract. Rob is a Georgia Democratic state representative and Heather used to work for the state's Republican governor. They spend their evenings engaged in lively debates and Heather tries to ignore Rob's Barack Obama stickers.

Could you date or potentially marry someone with different political beliefs? [Atlanta Journal Constitution]

Shout it Out

2008-08-22T10:27:40Z

There's no better way to let your lover know they're doing a bang-up job than to exclaim your appreciation out loud. However, if you're like most Americans and live within screaming distance of your neighbors, you probably already know there's only so many times you can tell them you're holding wrestling try-outs in your living room before they catch on to your cover-up story.

One British couple caused so much of a ruckus with their lovemaking that they have been banned from being in the same apartment together. Adam Hinton and Kelly Morris were accused of constantly banging headboards and screaming obscenities, and Morris was also accused of sunbathing nude in her yard where many of her neighbors could get a view.

"She is a classic nightmare neighbor," city spokesman Mike Taggart told the Associated Press. He said that the loud sex was only at the surface of the problem. "It's about allowing your neighbors to have a normal decent life without being disturbed."

If you crave a good shout fest, we suggest planning a special rendezvous on a Friday or Saturday night. Tell your neighbors you're throwing a party but that you promise to shut it down at a decent hour. Crank up some music and shout away. Do you worry that your sex life might be too noisy? What tips do you have for turning it down a couple of notches? [AOL News]

Dissed and Dismissed

2008-08-22T10:27:29Z

Amanda Beard didn't make it to the Olympics in Beijing this year, but that didn't stop the former gold medal swimmer and Playboy model from chatting about the sporting event on Arizona's "Johnjay and Rich in the Morning" radio program. Surprisingly, her most scandalous topic of conversation wasn't about her nude anti-fur campaign photos, but about finding romance. One of the DJs asked Beard if she had ever kissed Michael Phelps.

"Ew, no," she blurted out during the broadcast. "I have really good taste. He's not really my type, personally."

Burn! That girl is loco. Who wouldn't want to date one of the greatest athletes of our time?

Beard's blow off shows that being dissed is an often-unavoidable roadblock on the road to finding romance—even if you're a 14-time gold medal winner.

If your love interest tells you he or she can't go out because it's hair washing night, or he or she is just not that into you, take a few moments to pick up your pride from the spot where they ground it into the floor and then hold your head up high. Like Phelps, you probably have more medals on your shelf anyway. [Boston Herald]

Gay Marriage: It's in the Cards

2008-08-21T14:15:51Z

California and Massachusetts may be the only states where gay marriage is legal, but that hasn't stopped Hallmark from joining in on the celebration.

The greeting card manufacturer announced that it will now be selling same-sex themed greeting cards. This comes as great news to anyone planning on attending a same-sex wedding or commitment ceremony.

"When I have shopped for situations like babies or weddings for gay friends I have good luck in quirky stores," Kathryn Hamm, of the web site gayweddings.com, told the Associated Press. "But if you are just in a generic store it becomes difficult to find some that are neutral but have some style."

A spokeswoman from The Greeting Card Association says that a company as prominent as Hallmark marketing to this niche market is indicative of a change in attitude.

Are you planning a same-sex wedding? Have you had any trouble finding traditional wedding elements that will match your style?

Gotta Get Away...from Each Other

2008-08-21T14:15:03Z

Although a vacation can seem like just the right jolt you need to improve your relationship with your spouse, many relationship experts warn that the shining sun of a tropical paradise could shed light on already-existing problems. In Great Britain, divorce lawyers say their offices are extra busy during the post-vacation months of August and September.

"In daily life, couples can be so busy with work and social commitments that they spend little time together," Edinburgh relationship coach Jackie Walker explains to the International Herald Tribune. "But sometimes all day, every day, for a couple of weeks is too much. If you are used to having time apart in your daily lives, allow for this when you are on holiday."

This doesn't have to involve sleeping in different rooms or bringing along your laptop so you can spend an afternoon catching up on emails. It can be as simple as scheduling a guys-only golf day or a trip to the day spa. If you're traveling for a week or more, you could even schedule separate side trips. For example, if you're going to Los Angeles, one of you could do a solo weekend at Disneyland and the other could head for the mountains for a night. When you meet up again, you'll be refreshed and have plenty to catch up on.

Have you tried spending time alone on your vacation with your significant other? How did it go? Do you think you'd both have a better vacation if you spent a little time apart?

The Mother of All Profiles

2008-08-19T11:16:40Z

So you're a sexy young thang living in Renaissance-era Italy, and you want to get your fine self married. There are plenty of eligible Renaissance men (hey, where do you think the term came from?), but you're stuck at home all day learning Latin and chatting with your girlfriends about the latest Milanese fashions. Online dating won't be invented for another 500 years, so how are you going to make sure your betrothed can see your profile?

That's easy. You just head over to that crazy guy Leonardo's house and ask him to take a break with that grumpy Mona Lisa dame so he can draw you a little profile.

Experts believe that a profile drawing of a 15th century woman once attributed to an anonymous German artist, was actually created by Leonardo di Vinci with the purpose of being used for a long distance marriage proposal.

Although many of the portrait's elements, such as the woman's style of dress and the fact that it appears to have been drawn by a left-handed artist smack of DiVinci, experts still have to verify that it's authentic. If so, this mother of all dating profiles could be worth millions of dollars.

Who knows, maybe that winning shot of you on your online dating profile could also be a valuable piece of art some day, so choose a good photographer! [Associated Press]