iPhone Application iPhone Application Get our Ariane's Change Secrets iPhone App and you'll be able to access all the change inspiration we can offer.
"What an awesome place this is! I can't wait to suck up as much knowledge as possible about pursuing my dream! Thanks for providing such a wonderful guide!" -Laura
Read More Testimonials»

Micromanage This

Micromanage This

A microwave sends tiny little waves through your food and beverages to heat them up. In a similar fashion, micromanaging sends little waves of annoyance through everyone you know as you attempt to do things that are—let’s see, how should we say—NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Making copies? Here, let me help you set the quality. Mmm…those eggs smell good. Better turn the pan down before they burn.

Don’t you have anything better to do? It’s no wonder you never finish anything. You’re too busy letting us all know how smart you are.

Take a step back, bite your tongue—do whatever it takes to stay out of it. Notice when you’re about to get involved, and then make a conscious effort to let people do whatever they’re doing without your help.

Especially if you’re a parent. Kids need space almost more than adults. What’s the worst that can happen? They’ll make a mistake?

Good, they might learn something. Other than how you would do it.

Posted: 3/11/09
«Previous Tip 3/10/09
3/12/09 Next Tip»
lilliede81

This subject is so well written!It was a really good read.

Negativity, verbal & psychological abuse, manipuliation and control, and this, is pretty much the reason why I'm in the process of divorcing my husband of 48 years. And yes, I'm probably a slow learner.

It took finding this site, going through the 30 day program for "depression" and "getting happier," before I realized that I'm strong enough to go through with this at this time in my life! I look forward to the peace of mind I'll experience when I'm on my own!

jds81051

this is me your talking about.Its hard to bite your tongue,I make the wife and kids so mad. I was just trying to help,But help is not always asked for.

joylisa

Oh this is so me! Well, when I read this article, I was taken aback~knowing that I DO meddle in my sons' lives..and their relationships, thinking that I USED to be really productive, boy did I ever learn a lesson! I have been working on this issue for a good 6 months, consciously, and they all know it, too. See, I have 3 grown sons, and sometimes I get myself stuck and or dragged into the middle of these relationships, on a dime. it usually goes like this: She said, She said~(it's their 'gals' that bicker back and forth, about ME, and who loves who more! Whew!) and I used to be the peacemaker, thus making my own life hell! Not working on my OWN issues has lead to deep depression and everything that comes with it~the snappy remarks towards my own partner, and troubles keeping all the stories straight, if you will. At the beginning of this winter, I told each and every one of my kids (yes, d-i-laws too) that I was working on 'backing off', and staying OUT of their relationships (with each other, & with the grandchildren,((to a point that a mother can do so!)) who range from 10 years old to 3, and expecting another in August)! It was a daily effort on my part, verbally telling them that mama was going to start staying out of 'it'. Then I started to remind them weekly~now, I hardly have to mention anything at all! I was always, always giving advice, which is okay to a point, but I was getting in the meddle of some real territory wars,(Peeing contests, I call them) and relationship wars, where one of my son's g~friend of 7 years actually left my son~grrr! My hair stood up on my neck...and they worked their way back to each other, yes, with some help from me~but...it wasn't as tho I was standing in the 'court with a whistle' either! This article reminds me to be patient with myself as well, and accept the help I need, without picking it apart. I always used to say: 'now, I do it THIS way', or, 'it is better if you do this...'. Not that I have stopped totally, come on! ;-) Thank you for your very useful tools and articles like this, I need them, every day~! joylis from New England (yes, that IS in the US!)

  • By joylisa
  • on 3/11/09 7:41 AM EST