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Our Breaking Up Experts

MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

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Mike Riley

Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

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Melissa Kantor

Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

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The silver lining

poptart

I broke up with my boyfriend and then had immediate, torturous regret, to a point that I tried to salvage the relationship. He was so hurt he was already gone, and he then lashed out at me, which made things really painful and showed me his "true colors." I have these words of wisdom to share from the experience: Trust your own gut! It's natural to idealize people once they're out of our lives, and miss the things you shared, but don't lose track of yourself in the process of letting go. Isn't it for the best? Be proud that you were able to love, and know that a little bit of love will always stay with you for him, but if he doesn't love you, or work for the relationship on mutual terms, then he’s simply not the one.

Take care of yourself. Love will come again; you'll know how to recognize it, and if you trust your gut and take time to heal, you'll know what you want. 

Shared by poptart on 3/5/08
amaebay

this is really helpful....the same thing happened with me .....my boyfriend did the same thing lashed out on me and i got to see how he really could be..... it still hrts...

  • By amaebay
  • on 11/26/08 3:11 PM EST
indigoblue

I broke up with my boyfriend and had been journalling about it for over a year. Substance abuse irritated me, and I could never see me living with him. I planned my summer vacations this year already without him, prior to the breakup. In other words, i knew I was going to finally do this. So when i did, it felt good initially, but I had alot of withdrawal symptoms and called him two days later under the guise of seeing if he was allright. We touched base a bit, he called me after two days of silence, but refuses to discuss what went wrong and emotionally shuts me down. We claimed we wanted to be friends, he even agreed to go see my counselor with me, but he shuts down so much and part of me does not want him in there. It's sacred space. My problem is I knew it was over, i pushed this because I want something better. But I have a hard time being in this spot. It's hard to live in my skin and feel the pain. He says I am trying to rekindle things by following my therapist advice and seeing if he would go. But she said one thing that sits in my mind: Do you respect him? And I have to say that the actions I've seen him take with his kids, and how they've turned out, and his drinking make me say no. No, I don't respect him in those areas. He's helped me alot in my house and has been there on the phone, but not there emotionally. So it is over. But why, since I knew this and didn't want to celebrate our anniversary and couldn't find a valentine's day card for him, didn't want to celebrate it, why am I having such periods of pain and loss? I bought a book
called DO NOt Call HIm, and I plan to use it, as I have called him, missing that frequent ritual.
Words of wisdom anyone? I realize I am acting messed up, and I can guarantee that if we got together I would not want to stay because of his adolescent cave man attitude.

VictoriaB

That's fabulous advice.

I often think about the "one that got away" only what I am really doing is making up a bunch of things about how good it was, when, in reality, there was a reason we broke up.

Like you say, you need to trust your gut sometimes.

Your instincts will tell you what to do. You need to follow them and stay strong.

Thanks for sharing.