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When to know when a divorce man is damage goods, guarded and has not moved on? What early red signs in the first states of dating?
I dated this divorce man for two years. He decided to end the relationship the first week of October 2008.
I met this man from an online dating service. We done alot of things together: watched NFL footballs games, fishing, hunting, sung song together, live concerts, talked but God, politics etc. and any outdoor activity it was fair game (seem to avoid conversation about us).
There first time I notice a different part of him on our camping trip March 2008. We were on the lake crappie fishing. He was driving the boat towards the next tree stump so I can tie around the stump. That Sunday, (my time up the month came) I ask him which part of the tree his was driving toward, so I would know what preparation on what tree to tie. He said, I do not know, just help me out. I did mention I was feeling well because my period came. He started say are you help me or go home (He said it repeatedly in an authoritative tone- talking to me like was a kid). I was irritated, so I said, I wanted to go home. When we drove back to his house, (he said alot of things that hurt, the reaction I never saw before) he got my things put it into my car, back my car out, close his garage; end of story. He did not want event talk about what just happened. So we were broken up for about a month.
We got back together the last week of April 2008. Things was better, he was more helpful and more patient on how he wanted something done. I was more apt to help out more. Every once in awhile, when something does not go right, he would take it out on me. We went to the Biker Rally and I notice he was not affectionate in public as he said on the online dating service. But I was thinking maybe he needs more time and be able to grow with this relationship.
We had a mini vacation in Texas for a day and he seems distance in bed. He asks me to help out with direction (by looking at the map he printed out) I pointed us the wrong way. I tried to explain why, he would not listen, he just wanted hear the answer he wanted to hear. Leaving the destination, he took the wrong way going back home but blame it on me. I tried to initiate a conversation about this trip before our final trip together to California and Las Vegas. I tried to initiate the conversation with why he does like to kiss but did not want to talk about us (wanted to get of the subject).
Our final trip to California and Las Vegas, the first two days was great we were singing and having a great time. He showed me some areas in California I had not seen before. He used to leave in California before moving back to Texas. Wednesday evening in Las Vegas at the hotel I wanted us to hold his hands. He said he was trying to keep his hand warm in his pockets. (I was hurt for being rejected). Arriving on the first floor, I was walking and my sandals made clacking noise. He said can you stop your shoes from making that noise because people are watching us. So, I said, “Are you ashamed of me?” We walk back the elevator, going back to the room, in the elevator he started cursing at me, so I cursed back (I should not have cursed back, I should have tried to deescalate the conversation). Upon returning back to the room, I started crying because that hurt me. He did not show any remorse or concern. For the remainder time in Las Vegas until we arrived back to Texas, he gave me the silent treatment, did touch in bed. I tried to get him to talk to me, the only thing he said, I just want to get you home soon as possible because I am tired of arguing with you.” Arriving back to his house, once again he helps me with my thing put them in my car. I told him, I will miss him. He told me your are beautiful person, I am not going to change for you, you not going to change for me and you will find someone that will make you happen. He said the trip was ruined.
A couple of weeks later, I emailed about what happen (because he did not mean what he said). The email letter I send said the incident happen in Vegas was not about me and to open up to me, we can get through this together because I love you. In response from him, if you are going to where clacking shoes – that is Ghetto and you are too immature for me- I suggest you get shoe size that fit. I love you but not in love with you there is a different, you may not understand. By the way, I think may not ever fall in love again. Next time ask the question. There is no point of no return but if you can always come back for some good Cowboy loving with benefit. End the letter with laughter.
After reading the letter, it did hurt, so I knew at that point to move on. I decided no relationship with person at all. It was the 2nd year we were together when everything started changing. He never mentioned his ex-wife a lot (his ex-wife did estranged him from his daughter). So, I said to myself to give it time and that he put that behind him; in result, he has not let his pass go and is damage goods. I now question the real reason why his past wife wanted the divorce. I am taking the good and to learn what has happen. Why does it take a man divorce a lot longer to move on vs. woman? What signs to notice the first six month or year to know there is no future? One thing I have learn, I should have ask the question if he was wanting to married again. I have grieved and putting myself back on the market – Nov 2008. I decided not let this change me with prayer, self-motivation and inspirational book reading.
When to know when a divorce man is damage goods, guarded and has not moved on? What early red signs in the first states of dating?
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