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Our Breaking Up Experts

MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

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Mike Riley

Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

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Melissa Kantor

Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

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Q&A

If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!

slurredspeech

Question:How do I learn to let go.. to start ot forget someone I have had in my life but we had to say goodbye for lots of reasons. Now I troubled having a hard time saying good bye and forgetting. I am blue.

Relationship has about five years. A passion existed but nature of life situations we had to part. I am sad and having trouble letting go. Want to move on but feel stuck.

Asked by slurredspeech on 11/24/08 3 Answers»
MJ Acharya

Answer:

Hi slurredspeech,

I'm sorry to hear that you're having trouble letting go. I know how that feels, which is why I wrote an entire book and created a website dedicated to the subject.

A suggestion that I have is to make a pro & con list of all the things you loved about him and all the things you disliked about him. Then keep the "dislike" portion near your computer monitor, or in your pocket. Every time that feeling of hope wells up in your heart, refer to that list. If you focus on his faults, it may help you realize that you can (and will!) do better than your ex.

Another exercise I recommend is to drive by your old boyfriend's house (the one before this guy). When you drive by your old boyfriend's house, think about how difficult it was when you broke up, remember how it felt to think you'd never get through the heartache, and remember how you thought you would never move on from him...then smile to yourself when you realize that you DID get over him and know that you WILL survive this breakup too.

Finally, you have to make the decision to move on. When you believe that you're ready, say it out loud in front of a mirror. Look yourself right in the eyes and say, "I'm going to let go of XXX now and I'm going to start living my life to enjoy each day."

You can reminisce about the good parts of your relationship AFTER you're over it. But for right now, focus on his faults, focus on yourself. Read, grow, do...it'll get better with time.

Feel better!
-MJ

Answered by: MJ Acharya on 12/17/08
VictoriaB

Answer:

as someone who stayed way too long I can say now, looking back, that i was much more lonely and unhappy in a bad relationship than i am now on my own. it takes time and you slip back into old patterns, but one day you wake up and realize you're happier living life on your own terms.

and that's the best part. you're not allowing yourself to be held back or put down. you're not making yourself sick with worry or questioning if you're good enough or pretty enough. you're not wondering where he is or when he'll come home. it's really quite liberating.

and that's what i can tell you about how it does get better, about how you will walk taller and smile more often.

in the interim, keep yourself busy with things you like to do and things you need to do for yourself. make dates with your friends, occupy your mind in healthy and reinforcing ways. it also doesn't hurt to take care of your overall health, like getting enough sleep, eating right, exercising and drinking lots of water.

all combined it just might help give you the push you need to put the past behind you and awaken to a more pleasant future where pain is stubbing your toe, not breaking your heart.

Answered by: VictoriaB on 12/2/08
muskokagal

Answer:

i wish i knew.. I am in the same boat.. I just don't know how to let go of my ex.. whenever i think about our breakup i get a awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and throat. He is sad and hurting and so am i .. he goes out with his friends and i stay at home.. i just dont know how to stop all the unbearable pain and lonelyness. please help

Answered by: muskokagal on 11/27/08
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