I must say, I do not entirely agree with some, not all, of the advice here. Your head and your heart seem to only be synchronized with one another when you're at a pinnacle or deepest part imaginable. Otherwise, it seems like your head and your heart may never think and feel the same things at the same time... it is precisely this concept, this cognitive dissonance, that has magnetized us all, on different days, for different reasons, to this site. We seek not reassurance, or advice, or predictions for the future. We are all simply hungry for another set of eyes to review our issues, and provide a different angle from which to review our concerning situations. Then, catalyzed by this new light, maybe we can settle with confidence and closure one... or the other...
As for "letting go," and wondering when that last little bit of hope will dissipate, leaving you free to “move on”: this will not just simply "go away" when you decide you’re ready for it to. When was the last time anyone just simply flipped a switch and changed their emotional state? (Other than a toddler)…
Here, now more than ever, is a situation comparable to, “which came first: the chicken or the egg?” I believe that we need to WANT to emotionally “move on”… and only THEN can we try to physically “move on” and find ways to meet new people. But, ask the inner person who still believes there’s a future with him this: “have I provided you ample chance to mourn?” If so, then you’ve given her every opportunity to “pipe down” on her own… then, reinvent yourself socially. But, if our “inner person” has not had such a chance to grieve, she needs it as chance to digest what has emotionally happened in order to make cathartic sense of it, and then she’ll agree that it’s time for a fresh start.
I am in a pretty comparable situation… except it’s been 10 months now. I know, there’s a “light at the end of the [emotional] tunnel,” and I hope you have faith in yourself, and know that we women are intricate creatures, and sometimes it’s like an act of Congress to get all parts of you to agree… but when everything emotionally, spiritually, physically, mentally “comes together,” you’ve got one powerful, confident, and coordinated person!! Good luck! :)

OMG!!! I'm so glad Adriane created this site. We so needed this type of positive, yet ventilating type pow-wow for change forum. It makes me feel so normal and human to see that so many other individuals, especially women, are dealing with the same issues and problems I go thru. It is very comforting to know that I am not alone in my feelings of not wanting to let go and continuing to long for hope in something that is clearly dead or been long over/gone. I don't know about you all, but this site has been helping me, more so than my close friends, to realize that I'm not crazy, pathetic or anything else demeaning, but rahter just human and I can and do have the power to change and move forward...when I'm ready and if I want to.

KNOW that this too shall pass and the sooner we let go and let GOD, the sooner we will be better off and living the devine destiny that he has in store for us.

We have to trust that we deserve better. Its okay to think that way, of course some people don't want to get overly cocky thinking no one is good enough, but again there is nothing wrong with believing you deserve more or better, and setting standards to hold yourself accountable so not to allow yourself to pick or settle for less than you deserve.

We must also trust ourselves, our gut instincts that you will know when its not right. So often we choose to ignore the warning signs of a potentially unhealthy partner/relationship and continue to subject or thrust ourselves into situations that would be less than satisfying in the end, but we do it for so called LOVE....but really, its fear, insecurity, and/or desperation. In these circumstances we must be courageous and strong, knowing and realizing that there is something better for us is in the distance if we just trust in God & ourselves, pushing forward even when it hurts and/or you are scared.

Good Luck to all of you in finding the power to change.

Women have an innate quality to nurture and want to "fix things." We want to keep the peace. But it takes two to tango - it takes two people to compromise, be compassionate, and be committed.

Doesn't it seem when we are in turbulent times we naturally want to focus on what is good - we have very selective memories. When we feel we are losing something, we want to hold on to what was good - even if the bad outweighs the good. And, we have a tendency to fear the unknown, of being alone - what if we never find anyone - so we allow ourselves to remain locked into believing we would rather settle for what we have than risk the loneliness and discomfort. In Ariane's book, she points out that we are so much stronger than we believe we are - and this is SO true! Instead of fearing the unknown embrace the unknown! Get excited and look at this change as an exciting new chapter in your life!

I love Victoria's suggestion of writing a letter to the person you are removing from your life - even if you do not send it. It can be great therapy to put your feelings in writing. Visualize what you want - what would your ideal relationship feel like? How much more enjoyable would it be to go through life with someone who truly loves you, TRULY supports you - is your best friend. Someone to have fun with and someone to be by your side during the stormy days. How does that feel and had you not made the brave decision to walk out of a relationship that was unhealthy for you - you would never know this joy.

Two great quotes:

"Our worst mistake is underestimating ourselves and underestimating Life." - Ariane de Bonvoisin

"Life is a series of challenges. How well you face them is how well you live your life." - Cindy Hensley McCain

I love what eherzer says (you are so wise!) and, of course, it's advice I need to take myself. I have a tendency to want to fix things, people, situations. I'd be in there trying to fix, fix, fix and probably get my heart broken in the process.

I agree the best thing you can do is walk away (emotionally) from a relationship that appears will never give you what you need. We're meant to live in joy, not sadness and to be with people who stimulate and support - not confuse us.

As women I think we have a tendency to feel sorry for and want to nurture people who are broken. We neglect our own needs and settle for less than we deserve. I don't think anything good can ever come of that.

You might want to write a letter releasing this person from your heart. Even if you never mail it, it might be a good exercise to get it all out on paper.

I empathize with all of you and it easy much easier to tell people what they should do than do it. I had my heart broken by a man that I completely changed and uprooted my life for. I loved him so much I felt as if I were having the life sucked out of me when we broke up. And every time I would try to move on, he would come back - he did not really want me, but he did not want to let me go or anyone else to have me. I spent two years going through this cycle with him. Once. I made the decision to move on and live my life, I was so much happier. I do think it is possible to get over someone you loved. Surround yourself with positive people, experience life and read books that will help you. And if you need a therapist you should enlist their help. I think you will always have wonderful memories and a place in your heart for someone you have loved, but as the saying goes, one door must close before another will open. My advice would be to focus on YOU, creating a life that is important and meaningful to you. When you do, you will attract into your life someone who will complement your life and vice-versa. Love is not perfect, but give your love to someone who deserves it and will treat you as you deserve to be treated and loved. Here is a quote I love and hope will help... "The last thing you expect or want in life is often the first thing to take you on your journey in life." - Timothy Shriver

The final bit of hope will go away when you choose to let it go.

You say he still loves you and misses you...that doesn't jive with the behavior you've described. I think say to ourselves that we're "supposed" to be with someone when we have convinced ourselves that we don't deserve better.

You do deserve better, my friend. Better than someone who walks out without saying goodbye. The others here are tight that there's a difference between knowing that in your head and in your heart—here's praying that your heart is restored a bit each day and that you'll be stronger for it.

Hi, ladies
I know what you are going through, I was in a abusive relationship, not physical but mental, depressed and everything. Many years went by, then I finally opened my eyes and seen a clear picture. I was wasting my life away on a man that did not deserve me. When I was down, I only had self help books to thank for that got me on the straight path. Try reading books with meaning, they will do wonders. The two that I can recommend: Enough is enough, and Don’t say yes when you mean no. You need a lot of positive energy to enter your minds. Thoughts do a lot, just remember you are all special, valuable and deserve better. Remember thing all happen for a reason, and its always because something better will come its way, just be patient and open to the new possibilities. Start living your life. Don’t let anyone let you down. Repeat this every time the feeling come back. I personally love this quote “ live each day as it were your last, ‘cause one day it will be” Start living and don’t look back!