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Our Breaking Up Experts

MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

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Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

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Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

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SomethingTimeless

Question:Six months ago, I ended a relationship that I was not "secure" in. I had so many doubts in myself, in who "we" were together, in our potential... that all seemed to stem from the other insecurities (school, work, money, etc). Eventually, I just said, "loo

Asked by SomethingTimeless on 11/2/08 3 Answers»
marah2448

Answer:

You will have to step away and give it time. When you broke if off with him(a man - they take break ups alot harder than you/us(women). If he is allowing communication between the both of you, he does think about you. Continue to conversate with him/touch base. Do not worry about the relationship he is in right now. I suggest continue to focus on yourself - Do your thing girl. Leave it in Gods hands. If you and him are ment to be; it will happen. Do wait on someone and stagnant your life.

Answered by: marah2448 on 11/7/08
SomethingTimeless

Answer:

Here's the rest of the question. I wasn't quite sure how this worked the first time I posted on here (this question). :)


(SORRY THIS IS SO LONG... PLEASE READ, AND I APPRECIATE ANY ADVICE YOU CAN AFFORD):

Six months ago, I ended a two-year relationship because of timing: while I love/loved him immensely, I was preoccupied with my other “instabilities” (i.e. money, school, work, etc). So, I told him that, despite how happy our relationship made me, I was not able to commit to someone the way that we were, at that moment in my life (we talked about getting married, eventually). I knew I still had a lot of other preparations to undergo (and confidence to seek) before I could really love someone the way you should before you commit your life to them.

While he spent the last six months trying extremely hard to put us back together, I kept him at arms length, as a “friend” at best. In the past six months (approx), I’ve moved into a beautiful place, received a promotion (two raises), started my MBA (a program for working professionals on the weekend, which the company I work for is funding), paid off my car, emotionally re-attached myself to my family, etc… So, here recently, I realized that I am here:
Love (I am still in love with him) + Stability (work + school + finances + family) = Emotional Bandwidth (to really “be” in a relationship; whereas before I was sort of “going through the motions,” being mentally consumed by my other insecurities. Previously, I was physically there, but not mentally there, in terms of our relationship).

One day about three weeks ago, we were on the phone for over an hour, talking about nothing (small talk, jokes, stories, etc). I asked him to come over so we could talk about “us.” He then said he couldn’t… because he’s been dating someone else (for two weeks). So, I hate to say it but, I lost it… he ended up coming over anyway, and in between tears, I said, “my heart believes we are meant for each other, so if that’s accurate, and one day you feel the same way, maybe we can be together then.” He, also crying (hard), said he was scared to try again and have the break-up hurt even worse than it did the last time, if it doesn't work out. He’s also afraid that, if we’re not supposed to be together, he’ll wake up thirty years old, at relationship “ground zero.” (At the start of this next year, he's 28 and I am 24). On this day (now three weeks ago), he said he needed “some time to think” (meanwhile, he’s still dating this other girl although I don’t know how often/seriously); and, in the past three weeks, we still talk regularly (emails, text, phone calls, etc), but nothing conclusive.

Crushed, I feel like I've been preparing for the lead role in a magnificent play, and I’ve just been demoted from the staring role to be an understudy. For the record though, I do feel like I owe him the same time for self-maturation that I asked for six months ago (even though my personal growth sabbatical didn’t include dating other people)… Is there any way to really know if it's "over?” Or, will only time tell? And, if “only time will tell,” what can I do to cope with the situation at hand?

Answered by: SomethingTimeless on 11/4/08
kristen

Answer:

Please come back and ask the rest of your question! (When you input a question, be sure to use the box that allows you to input more details so you don't get cut off.)

It's good, I think, to step away from a relationship that you don't think you're living up to your full potential in. There's so much growing to do in your 20s.

Answered by: kristen on 11/4/08
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