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How do you know if you are ready to let go and file for a divorce? I hate what he is doing and where he is , but I can't help but hope he will change.
There is verbal abuse, drinking, an affair. I know I am suffering but how do I really know when it is time to file. I can not stand being hurt and watching him self distruct, I want so badly to help, but at this time he can't see the forest for the trees. We only had 4 sessions of counseling in less than 2 months and never really got down to the nitty gritty of things with the counselor, because the counselor was not a good fit. I still wish and hope for the chance to work on it but it can't be done alone. Help here would be great!
The first thing that must change is the drinking, and that's out of your power. A group like Al-Anon can provide you with support—you are not alone in being abused by someone with a dependency. Please find a support system like Al-Anon in your area!
You do have a big heart for wanting to work it out, but keep in mind that the addiction may be bigger than you and that you may need to prepare yourself to walk away. Building a support system will help you stay strong.
Honestly, I think many of us stay in relationships longer than we should and we only realize that in retrospect.
That said, you're in fix-it mode now and if you want to keep trying to fix it you can find another counselor who is a better fit and try again. Communication is so key and doing it with a facilitator can sometimes be very helpful and illuminating, so don't hesitate to shop around for someone you think can really help.
I really hope you can work it out. Your heart sounds big enough for two ...