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aqua222

Question:How does one be on the own when they never had to be alone?

I just broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years, as he is a nasty verbally abusive alcaholic and i can't take anymore.I was married at 19 yrs old and widowed at 38, I met this last boyfriend several weeks later because I did not want to be alone, and also I wanted someone to drink with so I could go numb. Problem is I have always been in a relationship, and am sometimes wanting to hold on to the current relationship because I do not want to be alone.I broke both my ankles awhile back and have chronic pain and can not drive,so I'm sure thats a part of it.
I'm currently 45 yrs old.

Asked by aqua222 on 7/13/08 2 Answers»
onesweetapple

Answer:

Hi, I know what you are going through. I am 39 years old, and I have panic attacks. They used to be much worse and I was housebound, then I became stronger and more confident, but now I am starting to worry again about getting worse, and depressed.
I was married for just a few years when I was 26. That was rough because I was young and had no experience. I dated for awhile after that and 6 years later I met a great guy. We spent 5 years together and planned to get married, but for various reasons, he never followed through. We fell into a pattern of having terrible draining arguments and his anger was escalating. He's now seeking treatment for it, but we broke up a few times over the past few months. After we broke up the last time, we emailed, and after stepping back, I could see some of the mistakes that I had made, as well as the ones that he had made, and I took responsibility for myself. Last week we began to talk and we spent the night together Friday. I didn't consider us to be back together again, but I remember how happy I was when I woke up Saturday morning, and he was here with me. I had forgotten how much I missed him, how much I loved him. There is no doubt in my mind that we still love eachother.....but less than 48 hours after a wonderful few days together, we were arguing again. It will probably not work out, but I am all alone. And I miss him. My friends all live out of town, and my family is not supportive of one another. I don't have anyone to rely on. I've recently had some health problems and combined with being alone all of the time, it has been really depressing. Yesterday I had to go to the dentist--emergency visit on a Sunday! I was so scared, and I couldn't find anyone to go with me. I thought for sure I was going to have a panic attack but I didn't. I am going to have oral surgery soon, and I am scared and lonely. I don't have someone to drive me home (after anesthesia) and I don't have anyone to call in an emergency who would be reliable. I am tired of being alone. This isn't the life I dreamed of....no kids, no partner, and nearly 40. I'm so sad. I am seeing a therapist, but other than that, I'm on my own. The hardest part is trying to find time to occupy my time away from work.
I don't know how to stop thinking about him. I wish I didn't love him. I wish he wasn't the only "family" I had, because I can no longer count on him.
lol, I wish you and I lived in the same town, we could keep eachother company! I wish you the best of luck and will be praying. I try to get out....even if it's just to Starbucks, just to be around people so I don't fall into depression. Try to be around others, even if you don't feel like it. It's better than being alone.

Answered by: onesweetapple on 7/14/08
kristen

Answer:

I'm so sorry for your loss—I can't imagine what it must have felt like. It takes a lot of boldness and courage to leave someone like that...please know that you have done the right thing for yourself!

And even though you may be lonely, you are not alone. Who are the other people in your life you can talk to? Friends? Family? If you don't feel like you have that support network, try seeking it in a support group like AlAnon, church or the like (realizing you don't drive, perhaps there's a local service in your area that can help you get places?) There are people who will help you and walk with you in this time! Don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out and ask.

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Praying tonight for you to feel loved, comforted and connected.

Answered by: kristen on 7/14/08
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