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Our Breaking Up Experts

MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

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Mike Riley

Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

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Melissa Kantor

Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

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Q&A

If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!

Lymarie

Question:How do I heal a broken heart? How do I mantain my dignity? I want to forget him but at the same time I am hurt.... I still see him and cannot stop shaking. I'm sure he can sense it and I feel as if he is laughing inside... what should I do? I want to

How do I heal a broken heart? How do I mantain my dignity? I want to forget him but at the same time I am hurt.... I still see him and cannot stop shaking. I'm sure he can sense it and I feel as if he is laughing inside... what should I do? I want to be able for him to see me and feel as ignored and worthless as he made me feel.

Asked by Lymarie on 1/22/10 2 Answers»
racpank

Answer:

First of all, you only THINK that he might be laughing inside but is he really?
We sometimes magnify the situations that we are in only to find out that people don't really notice them as much (or at all.)So, stop beating yourself for that.

Have you found closure? Were you able to get all the questions to your answers? Were you able to tell him all the things that you wanted to say?
If not, then it's time to do so. Let it all out and believe me, you will feel relieved. At some point you'll have to swallow your pride but so what? It's for your own good. Besides, what are you scared of? You've already shared a part of yourself with him so, might as well speak your mind about all your concerns.

Please try to get used to the pain by constantly thinking about it, in order to allow your mind and body to adapt to the change. (The more you supress it, the more it'll haunt you). Understand why you feel the way you do. Write them down in a journal. Once you've determined the reasons for your pain, list down the things that you are thankful for. What did you learn from that relationship? Are you happy with how things ended? If not, then, what should you do?

Finally, I know this'll sound cheesy but read self-help books and connect with people who are going through or have gone through your pain. It's always comforting to know that you are not alone and that you have the power to make things better.
Remember that YOU can make yourself happy-- it only depends on your mindset.

Now, dust yourself off, and smile to the world. It's high time you focus on yourself. Pursue your passions, find beauty in the simple things, connect with your loved ones.

Be happy, you deserve it.

Answered by: racpank on 8/15/10
miamigirl29

Answer:

It has been about a month since I broke up with my boyfriend of two-and-a-half years, and today is the second day in a row that I have not shed a single tear over it. I feel that with time, it will get easier. I also think that it is important to cut all communication with your ex—you should really go cold turkey. In the beginning, it felt like I was experiencing a death, and a flood of happy memories would creep up on me out of nowhere, but you just have to stay strong. I have relied so much on my family, especially my mother and sister, to pull me up. Every time that I thought of texting my ex or sending him an email, I would go to them for help and they would convince me to not contact him. It’s almost like breaking an addiction. When you are so accustomed to having a person in your life, it is really hard in the beginning to not reach out. But it is best, at least in the short term, to not reach out, to not be friends, until you are fully healed. I have been reading the book, “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person” by Howard M. Halpern, and it has really helped me see how emotionally abusive and unhealthy my relationship with my ex was.

I’ve also been working a lot on myself and on raising my self-esteem. My ex cheated on me twice; I forgave him both times, but when I discovered that he was cheating on me a third time, I finally ended it. I stopped making excuses for his behavior and stopped blaming myself. Going back to him chipped away at my self-esteem each time. I am finally building myself back up now. I make sure to wake up early each morning and exercise for an hour. It has helped me so much. I refuse to allow myself to have a pity party and lay in bed. It would be so much easier for me to keep hitting the snooze button on my alarm and let my mind wander to thoughts of the relationship, but I have to be strong for myself. As a result of exercising daily (and a curbed appetite because my stomach is still in knots over the break-up), I have lost ten pounds and am now a size 6! I have run in to some of my ex’s friends and ran into my ex once, and no one can believe how fantastic I look. I am not exercising out of vanity—it is out of necessity so that I get out of bed and live each day. And every day it gets a little easier. Losing the weight that I had put on during the course of my relationship is just an added bonus. :)

You really need to be good to yourself during this time because you need to focus on healing not only your heart but also your spirit. Discover what brings you joy. For me, spending time with my friends and family, taking photographs, window shopping, exercising, and engaging in creative writing have made me realize that so many other things and other persons can bring about joy in my life besides my ex; I have stopped missing him so much.

“This too shall pass,” is a phrase I often repeat to myself. The sooner you are whole and fully healed, the sooner you will attract healthy people and healthy experiences into your life. I hope my advice helps and please don’t hesitate to reach out to me should you need any further words of encouragement. Be well. :)

Answered by: miamigirl29 on 4/6/10
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