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How do you constructively deal with anger?
I have written before, but find myself constantly recycling things that happened in the relationship that caused me to question, resent or be hurt by my ex...now that we haven't talked in close to a month (my choice), how do I deal with all the anger I am feeling after depression lifts? I can't talk to him, and frankly don't think it would get anywhere, especially if he has moved on to other people...even if he has not, I don't want to make myself look bad in any way or say something I would regret, so I have no plans to do that. I have heard suggestions like distracting yourself, writing angry letters to burn, or punching a pillow, this all works -temporarily. My question is bigger picture - how do you exorcise the anger for good so it's truly behind you?
That's a good question. I do mention all of those things in my book - including an anger respository where you just keep writing your angry letters in a journal (keep them, don't burn them). But I think what helps is burning that anger off. Walk or run for 20 minute a day. Those endorphins will help you feel more mellow. Then, try meditation. There are tons of books you can read about the practice itself, but it really calms you down. Then you can go the opposite route if it won't alarm your neighbors - take time to scream at the top of your lungs. You can stand in front of mirror and just say everything that you want to say to him...or else just scream just to scream! It makes me feel better sometimes.
The anger stage is a necessary stage in your race toward acceptance (peace). And the fact that you're there is really good! Just work to get through this hurdle and soon you'll be at peace.