Hi Esthechica
Wow I am so bad at keeping up with this site :)
that was a good thing to do to get out and enjoy yourself. At the end of the day I think we have to make ourselves happy regardless if we have a significant other or not. It's hard at times.
No worries I'm glad any insight I can give helps.
Hugs,
Cristagali

Thanks! I know I realized that about trying to become psychic and "read" his behavior before and after the relationship. I have wished he would call anyway, just to let me know he had cared for me, but I made it clear no contact. I realized along the way that not cutting him out would have seriously held me back and kept me connected in a way that he would not have been. I don't know if he is quite that cold as a stone or if that is what he is wanting to project, but I made up my mind I am done. I saw him online today and busied myself reading other material, and found I had actually forgotten about it for a while. I believe if he really intended to talk again, he is capable of initiating, but that it is better that he doesn't for my progess's sake.

I know about returning to square one. If you are in my spot, it only serves to make you pine again and hope, or makes you angry, and in your case it probably reawakened some guilt and regret.

Don't despair! You had a weak moment, so what? You checked out your curiosity and now you know. Forgive yourself, it's really ok. Look it just strengthen's your resolve to NOT do it again cause it doesn't feel good, right? New rule: don't do anything that feels bad or you know will make you feel bad.

Me? I looked at his facebook photo album and who he's added every so often, then I finally realized that afterward, I have a headache, my chest hurts and I'm pissed! It hit me over the head that this feels awful, so don't friggin' do it. LOL.

I have spent the last week going to the beach, floating in the water, giving myself some peace. Writing all my crappy feelings in a journal, following breakup exercises in a book. I'm now in the middle of a vision board and realize how unfocused I became during and after the relationship, and how focused on him I was!! I need to get myself back and forget it. Every time I start the headachey feeling again, I picture myself floating in the ocean and it helps!

Go do something that makes you feel really good, and forgive yourself. It's hard with all these ups and downs, trust me I know! I still have them.

I'm really glad to have gotten a chance to get your insights and support. :)

Hey Esthechica
thanks for the advise. I have three journals that I have used up so far with this situation. Being the one leaving was hard. I can't speak for anyone else but to give up the comfortabliity that you was used to is a lot. I tried to be strong but it still hurts. And foolish me I called and it made all the so called work I did to get over him come undone. We as women are more sensitive then men. Some find it easy to find someone else and not give a thought to the one they left or was left by.
Your anger is ok you are doing the right things. I hear exercising works to release some of the other feelings so try it and see.
One thing I can say is get out of your head. I mean don't worry about what he is or isn't doing because it is only going to drive you up the wall. I was doing the same thing and that is why I called and now I am back to square one.
I hope that helps
Hugs
Cristagali

Hi Cristagali -
I know what you mean, what is with all this self doubt? If these guys were the right ones, we wouldn't be sitting here doubting ourselves and missing them, or in my case being pissed and missing them (go figure), we'd be having a relationship with them and not asking questions. They weren't right, but I guess you have to date them to find out!

I think where your input has helped me is that I always assume (and have been told) that the dumper, so to speak, feels the pain of the breakup before it happens...having to do it, hurt someone, and guilt afterwards, but for the most part, they feel "free" and looking forward to the next person. I certainly got this idea from my ex bf. As I said, he backed away, got real "busy" and then went through a series of big talks with me that basically told me he didn't want to be a boyfriend, was not invested enough to fix this, and wanted to "do whatever" he wanted, which from his Facebook (before I deleted it) looked like it included keeping and meeting younger women around (we are both 45). He then wanted to keep me around too, but I broke off communications with him. I felt his silence meant he could care less and moved on to others quickly.

In truth, I have no idea what's really happening with him, only my own assumptions. I wanted to know what the dumper feels, if anything, and your post made me realize that no matter what a person does, there are still feelings underneath the actions, regrets, maybe second thoughts. If it doesn't hit immediately it eventually does. No way to know if this is true of him, but certainly true of you in your situation!!

I have found that rebounds rarely work. It is nice for a while to have another person to lean on, mentally and physically, and get comfort from, but if your heart is still not healed or elsewhere, you really cannot give yourself to the new person. Even though it hurts, I think you are doing the right thing for yourself to give yourself time to heal from ALL of it. I hope you are getting some therapy or have some really good friends to help you talk it out. Try journaling!!! I have found guided journaling to be really helpful in getting all my feelings out. I designated a time I could vent and time limit, it helps. Doesn't keep all the wayward thoughts at bay, but I try to remember too that if I wait them out they will pass, no matter how intense. I hope that helps you too!! Keep going forward! :)

Hi esthechica,
Sorry it has taken so long to respond. Thanks for the advise. I hope things are going ok with you. to answer your question:
I realized that it wasn't something he didn't or did do. It was time for me to move on. And our relationship started all wrong. My son's father left me so this last relationship was a rebound. And all the pain I still had for my son's father was along in this one.
Even though I left it is still hard sometimes. The insecurites and self-doubt. I tell myself all the time why things will not work but there are times when the good pops up and you are like man I missed that.

I mean "wrote"

I also write a really long response to your other question. Hope you got that too!