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Our Breaking Up Experts

MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

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Mike Riley

Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

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Melissa Kantor

Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

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youngandconfused

Question:My question is are we on a break? We still talk everyday, sometimes twice a day for hours. In a way, I feel that we haven't broken up because we still talk so much and laugh, etc. But i do miss seeing her.

My girlfriend and I just broke up, but please help because I need perspective on what's going on. We were dating for just under 15 months. She's 32 and I'm 23, but I really believe that the age gap did not play too much of a role. She wants to be married and have kids - and to be honest, I want the same. Plus we wanted the same goal in a similar time frame of 3-5 years while she became better situated and I could better get on my feet, but she always said that she would be willing to wait. At any rate, she broke up with me because she felt that she was loosing a sense of herself and her direction. Since the break of 6 days, she has sort of retracted and said that she does see a future with me and wants to work on better figuring out her goals; she even went so far as to say that if she were to come back into the relationship that she hopefully can create goals with me and we can work on them together (which I'm all for). My question is are we on a break then? We still talk everyday, sometimes twice a day for hours. In a way, I feel that we haven't broken up because we still talk so much and laugh, etc. But i do miss seeing her because this is the woman that I can see my self being my partner in everything I do (i.e. marrying her). I'm hoping to get back togther with her, but I am confused. What should i do or consider? I love her so much that I would travel accross the world to be with her (although not necessary because she lives very close to me)..but just saying. During this pseudo break, we've both learned so much about ourselves - such as an amazingly strong bond that we didn't notice while in the relationship. Please help as I am scared that I could lose her entirely - what should i do?

Please help

Asked by youngandconfused on 8/1/09 1 Answer»
MJ Acharya

Answer:

Hello YoungAndConfused,

I noticed that you said you had been broken up for 6 days at the time of the article. So now it has been about 9 days.

You said you have learned 'so much' about yourself and one another since the break. It would be interesting to hear what kind of insight one week has brought your way. It is a very short period of time, but relationship breaks are funny that way. Once something is slipping out of your hands, you realize what you may be losing.

I wonder after reading this story if you have just asked her flat out what is going on. It sounds like you're still speaking with her, but avoiding the main question. If she says she sees a future with you, then you need to ask her what exactly that means and you need to ask her where exactly you stand. Tell her how you feel. But do it in person - not over the phone - so she can see how sincere you are.

I understand her reluctance, though. It is hard to be in your 30's and date someone still in their 20's. No matter how blind someone can be to the age difference, it is still there. But if you're on the same page regarding marriage and family, hopefully you can reconcile and move forward with that direction in mind.

If she is not ready to commit again, then you should try to understand why - meaning, ask her as many questions as you need to clarify her reasoning. You are confused because she is saying she wants to have a future with you, yet she broke up with you. It would confuse anyone. It is only fair that she explains herself.

Let me know how things progress. I hope that when you meet with her you get the answers to all of your questions and get back together.

MJ Acharya
Author - The Breakup Workbook

Answered by: MJ Acharya on 8/3/09
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