"Beautiful website. And beautiful intentions it holds" -Rich
Read More Testimonials»

Our Breaking Up Experts

MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Mike Riley

Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Melissa Kantor

Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

Shared by First30Days View Profile»

Meet all of our Relationships Experts»

Got a Question?

Q&A

If you have questions about this change, you're in the right place. Our editors, experts, and community of change optimists have answers!

meself

Question:my husband and i have separated , i know at the end of the day its my choice but some help, advice.. be helpful:) thankyou

my husband and i have separated, i believe relationships do not fail , it is a choice to grow, continue, experience the full expression of love . I believe my husbands and my marriage is worth saving and can be saved. Hes not so sure of that and seems he has given up before hes even began, we had been married 4months when he left, that was 4 months ago. I believe we create all we experience and have written about this for years and had lived alone for years b4 i met him and was very happi in my life when we met, content with just me. He was selling paintings and knocked on my door. So.. where am i , why have i created this and he also.. this site is about me but it takes two to create separation in marriage. Perhaps i dont want this marriage and created that even though i think i do want it. Confused. Husband very negative and will not communicate with me. I want to talk, work it out.. but , hate to say it ... feel like just giving up . Giving up on everything some moments. He has left the country gone back to his home country, Israel and his jewish family and friends.. they have all stop talking with me except my sister-inlaw, who loves me and just wants me to feeeel goood. I agree. I love him, what more can i say... have tried to let go, forget him , even hate him.. silly. nothing i do changes the truth of my love for him. Maybe i should just walk and try to move on but the truth lives within me and i cant deny it.. surface level i can fool everyone , even future men but my inner truth will remain. i know me better than anyone. Maybe i just need to change me and make me happi again and in time once i achieve this all will be ok.. you know manifest abundance , recreate me.. do all the things i know and stop running away. my husband mirrors back so much.. relationship is such a guide to our own behaviour. So , forget it all.. just focus on making all my dreams manifest and at least then i will be happi, wealthy and doing whatever i choose. Any advice anyone????? most welcome :)

Asked by meself on 7/18/09 3 Answers»
Forseer

Answer:

In my opinion, you can't force someone to do something that they aren't willing to do. He left the Country, so at this point, unless he's willing, sadly I don't know if you can do anything about your situation. Maybe in time there can be a reconciliation, but only time will tell. I wish you the best for a happier future.

Answered by: Forseer on 11/28/09
meself

Answer:

thanku jbrstrategies for your answer.. much appreciated. I will take your advice and try the exercises you mentioned. Your right about the conflict, i have even noticed that i am tossing and turning in bed from one side to the other.. being aware of why im doing this,
so thanku and namaste

Answered by: meself on 8/2/09
jbrstrategies

Answer:

You are clearly dealing with a very tough situation, meself. I admire that you are able to step back in the midst of it and remember what your values are and what's important to you. Not everyone can do that, so you might take some heart from that!

It sounds like part of you wants to try and make it work with your husband, and part of you feels like you should cut your losses and move on. That conflict I'm sure makes it even harder to take some action and move forward.

One thing you can try is to play the "what if" game. Imagine that you chose to stay married and create the marriage you want with your husband. Picture it in your mind, how are you feeling, what do you notice? What comes up for you when you follow this choice into the future - have things worked out as you wanted? How does your body feel in making this choice - tense, relaxed, nervous? Do you feel excited, afraid, hopeless, hopeful? It can also help to write some of these things down to process them some more.

You can then repeat the same exercise with the choice to move on. While this exercise probably won't give you THE answer you're looking for, it can be a helpful way of processing all the thoughts and feelings you have.

Keep staying connected to what's important to you, too. Use those things as your anchors during this time.

Take care.

Answered by: jbrstrategies on 7/31/09
Got an Answer?