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Our Breaking Up Experts

MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

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Mike Riley

Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

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Melissa Kantor

Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

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Mike Riley on Breaking Up

Mike Riley on Breaking Up

Mike Riley is the co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days; A Day-By-Day Guide To Saying Goodbye And Getting On With Your Life. The book is one of the best-selling books on love and loss and is available in seven languages. His expertise is hard-won: he is a father who has suffered the sting of divorce. A successful inventor and entrepreneur, his success in business has taught him that readers need proven, practical ways to deal with the pain resulting from a breakup. Here, Riley shares how a couple of key coping exercises can help you get past the pain of a breakup.

What is the biggest challenge people face in the month following a breakup?

When you’re in such agony the risk of dumb behavior is highest. It feels like you’re in a big, dark room with no light. Grab a flashlight—in this case, fast remedial action. These remedies include calling good and trusted friends with a degree of wisdom, a physician or reading inspirational books. At those moments when you might be tempted toward self-destructive actions, such as stalking your ex or making anonymous phone calls, try one of these tactics. These same resources should be utilized if you’re drawn toward indulging in excessive drinking, doing drugs—anything to numb the pain. Later in your recovery you’ll be better equipped to deal with these impulses. When you’re on shaky ground, don’t hesitate to reach out.

What is your best piece of advice for people who are going through the first 30 days of breaking up?

You are not alone. This is an extremely common human experience. You have the ability to recover and you will. One of the most important things that can help keep you from slumping into depression is to develop an action plan. Make a list of positive measures you will regularly attempt, ranging from diet and exercise changes to crying, using humor or going to church—whatever provides you with emotional and spiritual comfort. Keep this list at your bedside and another copy at your office. Don’t worry if you don’t do everything on the list everyday. Do the best you can. The important point is knowing you have a series of remedies aimed at improving your state of mind.

What strategies can people employ to lessen the stress of a breakup?

At a time like this you’re most susceptible to anxiety and stress. And one of the most stressful things is noise. Studies have documented that noise above 85 decibels—just above conversational levels—leads to a rise in blood pressure, heart rate [and] the sweat on your skin increases. Therefore one sound strategy to limit stress is to soundproof or at least reduce the amount of noise you are exposed to everyday. Remedies include everything from noise-canceling headphones to thick draperies and carpeting to acoustic panels mounted on walls and in corners.

Touch is a sensory experience that can be used to reduce stress. In the bins of your local garden supply shop are “river washed rocks”—palm-able oval black rocks, preferably one to two inches in diameter. If you carry one around and reach into your pocket or purse to touch it in stressful moments, it will be extremely soothing.

Why should recent breakup sufferers cry for at least 15 minutes a day, and what should they do if the tears don’t come easily?

Studies have found there is a chemical difference between tears resulting from being sad versus tears induced from, say, wind blowing in your face. The former contain trace elements regarded as toxic, meaning that these tears are ridding you of byproducts of stress and depression.

To do a proper job of “flushing” your feelings of loss, set aside 15 minutes daily. Here’s an exercise to help stimulate tears: stand erect, place your hand above your heart, close your eyes and take short, sharp breaths while listening to music that brings on sorrowful feelings. Just be careful not to hyperventilate. If you start feeling dizzy, pause between your series of sharp breaths.

If someone in the first 30 days of a breakup suddenly starts feeling better, does that mean the worst has passed?

Unfortunately no. The first 30 days is a time of wild emotional swings—from extreme hopelessness to enormous relief to giddy excitement. It’s very unpredictable. Again, the best way to combat this is by having an action plan.

What is the one factor that is crucial for recovery to begin?

You must be able to let go. There are addictive qualities that make it extremely difficult for people to recognize that human relationships have a finite period of time, whether determined by death or a decision by one or both partners. This difficulty often leads people to construct fantasies in their heads rather than accept the reality.

What can someone learn from the pain caused by breaking up?

The acquired wisdom that suffering brings can help you use that suffering more intelligently. The idea is not to be afraid of love and to hold back, but to be mature and better gauge the next person you meet, as well as to better understand yourself. You are the one who creates your relationships. Your life and the love in it are up to you!

How can one transform the inevitable self-pity that comes with a breakup into something more transcendent?

Try this compassion exercise. Sit on a park bench and simply observe the strangers around you. Settle on one person. Feel your consciousness open around your heart and open your heart toward that person. This can be uncomfortable if you haven’t done it before, but if you do this you will experience empathy and compassion toward this stranger and an awareness of his or her sadness. Do not talk or interact with the person. Try to be unobtrusive as you gaze at him or her.

It’s easiest to initially do this exercise with a stranger, but you can then try this with people with whom you’re closer. Once you’re accepting and loving of others you can direct your empathy and compassion toward yourself.

Ironically, the best time to practice compassion toward others is when you’re wrapped in self-pity. This helps to restore a sense of trust, openness and optimism in yourself.

SIGNATURE QUESTIONS

What is the belief you personally go to during times of change?

When confronted with a change, I tell myself this situation is part of the flow of life. In managing to find the positive value in difficult circumstances, there is the possibility for tremendous growth.

The best thing about change is…

…it provides for maturation and growth.

What’s the best change you ever made?

I realized the corrosive nature of the negative feelings I felt toward my ex-wife was self-destructive, so I surrendered the bitterness.

For more information on Mike Riley's book, visit www.amazon.com

Posted: 10/3/07
Debbi03

This has really worked and I am proud to testify of it. I saw a post on how a lady got her man back by Dr. Trust who helped her to get her Ex Husband back. My relationship was crashed down for 3 good years and some months. Although I never believed in spiritual work I reluctantly tried him because I was desperate but to my greatest surprise Dr. Trust helped me to bring back my man and now my relationship is now perfect just as he promised. Getting your ex back permanently spell does not only bring back someone you love back,but it will also re-ignite your lovers feelings for you to be as happy with that person as possible. My man now treats me like a queen and always say he love me all the time. If you are passing through difficulties in your relationship Email him for urgent help.

Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com
websit: Link
Call +2348156885231

  • By Debbi03
  • on 9/16/16 5:55 PM EST
Debbi03

This has really worked and I am proud to testify of it. I saw a post on how a lady got her man back by Dr. Trust who helped her to get her Ex Husband back. My relationship was crashed down for 3 good years and some months. Although I never believed in spiritual work I reluctantly tried him because I was desperate but to my greatest surprise Dr. Trust helped me to bring back my man and now my relationship is now perfect just as he promised. Getting your ex back permanently spell does not only bring back someone you love back,but it will also re-ignite your lovers feelings for you to be as happy with that person as possible. My man now treats me like a queen and always say he love me all the time. If you are passing through difficulties in your relationship Email him for urgent help.

Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com
websit: Link
Call +2348156885231

  • By Debbi03
  • on 9/16/16 5:55 PM EST
Shannon64

.How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR. his phone number: +2348108737816.

Shannon64

How I Got My Ex Husband Back...........

I am Shannon by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Makospelltemple@yahoo.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.Mako. His email: Makospelltemple@yahoo.com OR. his phone number: +2348108737816.

JERRYMILLER

BEST AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER ONLINE TO HELP SAVE BROKEN MARRIAGE AND BROKEN RELATIONSHIP
Am Jerry miler, I live in London, and I’m happily married with a lovely wife and three children. I had a very big problem with my wife few months ago, to the extent that she left the house with our kids to her parents' for almost 5 months. All efforts to bring them back proved abortive. Friends and Family were all in concern and my very close mate gave me an advice concerning a spell caster, and he quote; “There’s someone who can handle your situation, he’s always ready and able to do anything related to spiritual matters, I searched for a spell caster on the internet, his advert was everywhere, i found his number and called him on his mobile number +2347052958531. Although I never believed in spell casting, but he convinced me and I had no choice than to follow his advice, because I never dream of losing my lovely wife and I was desperate. So I did all what he told me to do and i did. He told me that I’ll get my wife back in two days after the spell is completed. I was skeptical. He casted the spell for me and i was so anxious waiting to see or hear from her, until the second day when my wife called and said she was coming HOME…..It was like a joke to me!!! That’s how I got my family back through spiritual means and our relationship is now stronger than ever. One of the price I was asked to pay was to tell it to people around me that problems like this, can always be solved by Dr Ewan. And this is his email too if you wish to contact him and solve your problem too covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com , my advice to you out there is to visit this great Dr Ewan and tell him your problems. He's capable of handling anything spiritual and spell casting. Thanks a lot for saving my marriage. covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com. You can also add him up on watsapp on +2349057353987, you can also call him on his mobile number +2347052958531

JB12345

PLEASE BE CAREFULLY IN THIS BLOG, NOT ALL ARE REAL, I JUST LOST $ 1,200 dollars TO A FAKE IMPOSTER. CLAIMING TO BE A REAL SPELL CASTER, BECAUSE I WAS DESPERATELY IN NEED OF HELP TO BRING BACK MY BELOVED HUSBAND BECAUSE I WAS NOT ABLE TO GIVE HIM A CHILD, ALSO TO KEEP MY FAMILY IN PEACE BUT I GOT NOTHING. NOTHING GOOD COMES EASY, FINALLY I HEARD ABOUT THIS MAN CALLED. (Dr Purity) A REAL SPELL CASTER, A GREAT MAN INDEED SO I GAVE HIM ALL TRUST, AND GUESS WHAT? HE TRANSFORMED MY FAMILY BACK IN JUST A WEEK, MY HUSBAND CAME BACK! THAT IS NOT THE END OF THE GREAT SPELL CASTER Dr Purity ( THE CHIEF PRIEST OF ALL SPELL CASTERS) ALSO TOLD HIM I COULDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO A CHILD AND HE PREPARED A SPELL FOR ME, MY HUSBAND SLEPT WITH ME, NOW ON THE THIRD WEEK I MISSED MY PERIOD AND I WENT TO A LOCAL HOSPITAL AND THE DOCTOR SAID I AM PREGNANT, I WAS SO MAD I COULD NOT CONTROL MY EMOTIONS IN THE CLINIC. THAT’S HOW I GOT MY FAMILY AND LOVE BACK, LIKE BACK THEN WHEN WE STARTED. IF YOU ARE STILL IN THIS CONDITION LIKE THIS PLEASE WASTE NO TIME, CONTACT.HIM NOW ON Puritytemple@priest.com or +233237788725 contact him now and your problem will be solved.

  • By JB12345
  • on 7/27/16 11:05 AM EST
NatashaHaye

Hi everyone!
I'm so excited my husband is back after he have left me for another woman.
My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a spell for me. 24 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. This is his Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or call him on: +2348072370762. I am Donna Murray by name and I reside here in United States.If you have any problem contact Dr.Unity and guarantee you that he will help you.

barry005

DO YOU PLAY LOTTERY??

I will assume you do or you wouldn't have ended up here on this webpage. But do you WIN the lottery? I will assume you don't, or you wouldn't have ended up here on this webpage...

If you want a spell to win the lottery, look no further. Dr. Ken lottery spell is amongst the most powerful spells I have expirence, and you will feel the power once He is done with your lottery spell.

The spell uses a wide range of magical sources, then combines and funnels those energies into one single "beam" of luck attracting, destiny controlling, wealth manifesting pure magical power.

Incorporating herbs, candles, the elements and much more simple magical techniques, this spell can be cast in a few minutes using a few very simple ingredients in His temple.

I am a living witness of his power because he just help me with his lottery spell and i won a huge amount of money, thanks to you Dr. Ken. Contact him for help through his emaill: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com or through his number +2348074433380.

Whatever the type of lottery you play you can use this lottery spell, to help you win. if you need help on how to win on lottery hastily contact DR. KEN for help now. emaill: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com or through his number +2348074433380.

barry005

DO YOU PLAY LOTTERY??

I will assume you do or you wouldn't have ended up here on this webpage. But do you WIN the lottery? I will assume you don't, or you wouldn't have ended up here on this webpage...

If you want a spell to win the lottery, look no further. Dr. Ken lottery spell is amongst the most powerful spells I have expirence, and you will feel the power once He is done with your lottery spell.

The spell uses a wide range of magical sources, then combines and funnels those energies into one single "beam" of luck attracting, destiny controlling, wealth manifesting pure magical power.

Incorporating herbs, candles, the elements and much more simple magical techniques, this spell can be cast in a few minutes using a few very simple ingredients in His temple.

I am a living witness of his power because he just help me with his lottery spell and i won a huge amount of money, thanks to you Dr. Ken. Contact him for help through his emaill: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com or through his number +2348074433380.

Whatever the type of lottery you play you can use this lottery spell, to help you win. if you need help on how to win on lottery hastily contact DR. KEN for help now. emaill: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com or through his number +2348074433380.

Tracey9812

For the past 3 months now I have been looking for good and geniue spell to bring back my ex lover back and also help me to win lottery. and it has been a hard time for me finding the right place until I get in contact with Dr Alika who gave me powerful prayer and assured me that it will take two days before the spell will be effective, truly 2 days later, my Ex Lover rang me, i answered the call, he started apologizing, we are together Now. Thank you for making her to know that we are meet to be together and also making my dreams come true. And he did a spell that make me to win lottery. Please if any body needs LOVE SPELL,LOTTERY,PREGNANCY SPELL, DIVORCE SPELL, GET YOUR PARTNER. BACK AND MANY MORE YOU MAKE NEED. Email him now for your own help. lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or Link call him +2348072718865 All thanks goes to DR.Alika for the excessive work that he has done for me

veartwani

Hello

My name is veart(single). I was impressed when i saw your profile today at and i will like to establish a long lasting relationship with you. In addition,i will like you to reply me through this my private e-mail box(veartwani@ymail.com)
Thanks
waiting to hear from you soon.
veart
I will send to you my pictures in my next mail through this my mail box

veartwani@ymail.com

NICOLA8

HI MIKE, I'M ALMOST FINISHED WITH YOUR BOOK
'"HOW TO HEAL YOUR HEART IN 30 DAYS" I BROKE UP WITH THIS GUY ABOUT A YR AGO. WE WENT OUT FOR ALMOST 12 OR 13 YRS... NO KIDS, AND NEVER MARRIED... IN SA WAY IT WAS A GOD SEND.... STILL READING YOUR BOOK IT'S BEEN MORE THEN 30 DAYS THAT I'VE HAD THE BOOK!! I'VE PICKED IT UP AND PUT IT DOWN SO MANY TIMES. NOW I CARRY IT AROUND LIKE A BIBLE...LOL IT'S HELPED ME A LOT THOUGH. i KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG NOW... AND IT'S TOO LATE!!! HE'S THE ONE THAT LET ME GO !!! I WANTED TO DO IT SO MANY TIMES, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW.... ANY WAY IT'S OVER AND I'M VERY HAPPY ... IT'S WIERD!!! I THANK GOD EVERY DAY NOW , WELL AT LEAST I TRY TO REMEMBE..... AND MANY THANKS TO YOUR PARTNER TOO HOWARD BRONSON.... I KNOW I NEED TO READ THE BOOK A FEW TIMES *-* YOU GUYS NEED TO GET ON FB.... THERE'S A HUGE AMOUNT OF HURT AND BROKEN HEARTS OUT THERE.....
nICOLe

  • By NICOLA8
  • on 5/21/11 5:33 PM EST
PageGeneva29

Following my own investigation, billions of people on our planet receive the business loans from good creditors. Hence, there is great possibilities to get a term loan in every country.

connectionscount

great suggestions for a challenging time..information about crying releasing toxins to stepping outside your own pain to see and focus on another's pain, and seeing the ebb and flow of relationships as both growthful and a part of life.

GheeWiz

This is an excellent and helpful interview. I've read this book and the balance of guidance and support are ideal. It really is one of the more helpful books out there. You will feel better.

  • By GheeWiz
  • on 2/11/08 6:37 PM EST