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Our Breaking Up Experts

MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

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Mike Riley

Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

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Melissa Kantor

Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

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Melissa Kantor on Breaking Up

Melissa Kantor on Breaking Up

Melissa Kantor, author of the young adult novel, The Breakup Bible, believes that breaking up is the great equalizer. She speaks from experience, having “officially” suffered through three or four major breakups and “all kinds of subtle but horrifying rejections early on in relationships.” Married with two small children, Kantor says “The love I feel for my husband is definitely deepened by all the breakups I went through before we met.” Here, Kantor shares the best methods for going through a breakup successfully.

What are some common thoughts that go through a person’s mind in the first 30 days after breaking up?

“Am I ever going to find someone else?” “It was all my fault.” “I never deserved him/her.” “I’ll be alone forever.” “I have nothing to look forward to.” “My life is a big black hole.”

Can you list the stages people might experience when going through the aftermath of a breakup?

Many people experience the stages of grief [that] Elizabeth Kübler-Ross recounts in On Death and Dying. These are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

There are real extremes. Often, panic attacks [occur]. Everything reminds you of your ex. Sometimes you experience euphoria when you convince yourself you’ll get back together. That can quickly topple into total despair when you realize that’s not the case. There can be self-hatred: “Why did I put up with all that bad treatment?” You might second-guess yourself. If infidelity was involved, you’re humiliated.

The bottom line: You will feel really bad for a while. If someone tries to convince you otherwise, either he’s never gone through a breakup or is trying to sell you something expensive. But learning to cope with these dark times is important—and ultimately will serve you very well.

What can help people get through these dark moments?

It’s about letting yourself go, but not all the way. “I’ll be damned if I’ll shower/get out of the house today because I need a rest. But tomorrow when I’m out in the world I’m going to look fantastic!” I’m a big fan of presenting your most fabulous self in public, like Melanie Griffith in "Working Girl" after she was dumped.

Of course guys usually don’t worry about how they look. The sad guy in a suit doesn’t look radically different from the happy guy in the suit, whereas the woman who hasn’t put on makeup or [fixed] her hair looks very different from a woman who’s getting all dolled up to go out after work. A man [will] compartmentalize. He’ll play basketball with his friends and not spend every moment thinking about the woman who dumped him.

What should people avoid doing in the first 30 days after breaking up?

You do have to meet your basic obligations—going to work, paying bills, living within your budget. Don’t drop the ball on that big work project, but this is not the time to plan a friend’s wedding shower or bachelor party.

Be gentle with yourself. If someone else in your life is suffering—say, an ill friend—don’t pressure yourself to take on major caretaking. If you can help [your friend] in some way, great. Being there for someone else helps you as well, and puts your problems into perspective. But don’t pressure yourself into taking on more than you can comfortably handle. Right now your most important task is keeping your life functioning. If you fall apart totally, you’re not helping anyone.

Should someone who has just gone through a breakup contact the ex?

Having contact stops you from moving forward. You’re still “in it,” so you’re not letting yourself grieve; and after the first 30 days has passed, you’ll have made no progress toward healing. If your ex asks if it’s possible to “stay friends,” say that for right now it’s not a good idea for you. At some point, that very well might be an option. But right now, things are too fresh.

Any more breakup advice to get past the first 30 days?

You can best lay the groundwork so that this is an experience you grow from by approaching the breakup as a change for the better, even though you are sad. When you try to dodge that sadness, or the realization that the relationship is over, you are not moving forward.

If you keep all your energy centered on your ex—wondering what he’s doing, fantasizing if she’s on a date, endlessly torturing yourself—it’s impossible to begin to reclaim yourself. And you are the important factor here.

When you start ruminating, distract yourself with an activity. Make a phone call. Work out. It might be helpful to make plans, especially on the weekends. Knowing you’re having brunch with your dearest friend gives you something to look forward to and think about. While you don’t want to make any permanent life changes at this juncture, you can make smaller ones like getting a haircut and cleaning your closets.

How can you succeed after the first month of a break up?

Start to contemplate the ways the relationship boxed you in and the times you were unhappy. Were those great times sandwiched between much more plentiful unhappy times? Think about the things you did wrong, not to punish yourself but to help yourself in future relationships.

SIGNATURE QUESTIONS

What is the belief you personally go to during times of change?

It’s all for the best. Everything that happens inevitably is for the best. Yes, it’s a kind of magical thinking but a useful one, as well as being true.

The best thing about change is…

…it provides an opportunity for growth.

What is the best change you have ever made?

I’m a high school teacher. I love it but always wanted to write. In 2002, I began doing that. I began selling articles to women’s magazines and eventually progressed to young adult novels.

For more information on Melissa Kantor, visit www.melissakantor.com.

Posted: 10/3/07
Curtis711

Hello everyone my name is Varin Curtis is the most wonderful thing i have ever experience and i need to share this great testimony... I just want to say thanks to Lord Masuka for taking time to help me cast the spell that brings back my ex lover {now my husband},who suddenly lost interest in me after six month of engagement,but today we are married and we are more happier than never before,i was truly flabbergasted and shocked when my ex lover stefan start begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of words and joyful, and i don't know how much to convey my appreciation to you Lord masuka you are a God sent to restore broken relationship.he deeply enjoy helping people achieve their desires, find true love,getting their ex lovers back,stop abusive relationships,find success,attract happiness,find soul mates and more,contact him today. and let him show you the wonders and amazement of his Love Spell System. He deliver results at his best in real spell casting,email him for help lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or you can also visit his website Link or call him +2347053105287 or you can reach him on Skype Lord masuka or Facebook Harry Masuka

Curtis711

Hello everyone my name is Varin Curtis is the most wonderful thing i have ever experience and i need to share this great testimony... I just want to say thanks to Lord Masuka for taking time to help me cast the spell that brings back my ex lover {now my husband},who suddenly lost interest in me after six month of engagement,but today we are married and we are more happier than never before,i was truly flabbergasted and shocked when my ex lover stefan start begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of words and joyful, and i don't know how much to convey my appreciation to you Lord masuka you are a God sent to restore broken relationship.he deeply enjoy helping people achieve their desires, find true love,getting their ex lovers back,stop abusive relationships,find success,attract happiness,find soul mates and more,contact him today. and let him show you the wonders and amazement of his Love Spell System. He deliver results at his best in real spell casting,email him for help lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or you can also visit his website Link or call him +2347053105287 or you can reach him on Skype Lord masuka or Facebook Harry Masuka

Debbi03

This has really worked and I am proud to testify of it. I saw a post on how a lady got her man back by Dr. Trust who helped her to get her Ex Husband back. My relationship was crashed down for 3 good years and some months. Although I never believed in spiritual work I reluctantly tried him because I was desperate but to my greatest surprise Dr. Trust helped me to bring back my man and now my relationship is now perfect just as he promised. Getting your ex back permanently spell does not only bring back someone you love back,but it will also re-ignite your lovers feelings for you to be as happy with that person as possible. My man now treats me like a queen and always say he love me all the time. If you are passing through difficulties in your relationship Email him for urgent help.

Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com
websit: Link
Call +2348156885231 ....

  • By Debbi03
  • on 9/16/16 5:55 PM EST
Debbi03

This has really worked and I am proud to testify of it. I saw a post on how a lady got her man back by Dr. Trust who helped her to get her Ex Husband back. My relationship was crashed down for 3 good years and some months. Although I never believed in spiritual work I reluctantly tried him because I was desperate but to my greatest surprise Dr. Trust helped me to bring back my man and now my relationship is now perfect just as he promised. Getting your ex back permanently spell does not only bring back someone you love back,but it will also re-ignite your lovers feelings for you to be as happy with that person as possible. My man now treats me like a queen and always say he love me all the time. If you are passing through difficulties in your relationship Email him for urgent help.

Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com
websit: Link
Call +2348156885231

  • By Debbi03
  • on 9/16/16 5:54 PM EST
JERRYMILLER

BEST AND GENUINE SPELL CASTER ONLINE TO HELP SAVE BROKEN MARRIAGE AND BROKEN RELATIONSHIP
Am Jerry miler, I live in London, and I’m happily married with a lovely wife and three children. I had a very big problem with my wife few months ago, to the extent that she left the house with our kids to her parents' for almost 5 months. All efforts to bring them back proved abortive. Friends and Family were all in concern and my very close mate gave me an advice concerning a spell caster, and he quote; “There’s someone who can handle your situation, he’s always ready and able to do anything related to spiritual matters, I searched for a spell caster on the internet, his advert was everywhere, i found his number and called him on his mobile number +2347052958531. Although I never believed in spell casting, but he convinced me and I had no choice than to follow his advice, because I never dream of losing my lovely wife and I was desperate. So I did all what he told me to do and i did. He told me that I’ll get my wife back in two days after the spell is completed. I was skeptical. He casted the spell for me and i was so anxious waiting to see or hear from her, until the second day when my wife called and said she was coming HOME…..It was like a joke to me!!! That’s how I got my family back through spiritual means and our relationship is now stronger than ever. One of the price I was asked to pay was to tell it to people around me that problems like this, can always be solved by Dr Ewan. And this is his email too if you wish to contact him and solve your problem too covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com , my advice to you out there is to visit this great Dr Ewan and tell him your problems. He's capable of handling anything spiritual and spell casting. Thanks a lot for saving my marriage. covenantsolutiontemple@gmail.com. You can also add him up on watsapp on +2349057353987, you can also call him on his mobile number +2347052958531

JB12345

PLEASE BE CAREFULLY IN THIS BLOG, NOT ALL ARE REAL, I JUST LOST $ 1,200 dollars TO A FAKE IMPOSTER. CLAIMING TO BE A REAL SPELL CASTER, BECAUSE I WAS DESPERATELY IN NEED OF HELP TO BRING BACK MY BELOVED HUSBAND BECAUSE I WAS NOT ABLE TO GIVE HIM A CHILD, ALSO TO KEEP MY FAMILY IN PEACE BUT I GOT NOTHING. NOTHING GOOD COMES EASY, FINALLY I HEARD ABOUT THIS MAN CALLED. (Dr Purity) A REAL SPELL CASTER, A GREAT MAN INDEED SO I GAVE HIM ALL TRUST, AND GUESS WHAT? HE TRANSFORMED MY FAMILY BACK IN JUST A WEEK, MY HUSBAND CAME BACK! THAT IS NOT THE END OF THE GREAT SPELL CASTER Dr Purity ( THE CHIEF PRIEST OF ALL SPELL CASTERS) ALSO TOLD HIM I COULDN’T GIVE BIRTH TO A CHILD AND HE PREPARED A SPELL FOR ME, MY HUSBAND SLEPT WITH ME, NOW ON THE THIRD WEEK I MISSED MY PERIOD AND I WENT TO A LOCAL HOSPITAL AND THE DOCTOR SAID I AM PREGNANT, I WAS SO MAD I COULD NOT CONTROL MY EMOTIONS IN THE CLINIC. THAT’S HOW I GOT MY FAMILY AND LOVE BACK, LIKE BACK THEN WHEN WE STARTED. IF YOU ARE STILL IN THIS CONDITION LIKE THIS PLEASE WASTE NO TIME, CONTACT.HIM NOW ON Puritytemple@priest.com or +233237788725 contact him now and your problem will be solved.

  • By JB12345
  • on 7/27/16 11:14 AM EST
NatashaHaye

Hi everyone!
I'm so excited my husband is back after he have left me for another woman.
My husband and I have been married for about 7 yrs now. We were happily married with two kids, a boy and a girl. 3 months ago, I started to notice some strange behavior from him and a few weeks later I found out that my husband is seeing someone. He started coming home late from work, he hardly care about me or the kids anymore, Sometimes he goes out and doesn't even come back home for about 2-3 days. I did all I could to rectify this problem but all to no avail. I became very worried and needed help. As I was browsing through the internet one day, I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help solve marital problems, restore broken relationships and so on. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and and told him my problems and he told me what to do and i did it and he did a spell for me. 24 hours later, my husband came to me and apologized for the wrongs he did and promise never to do it again. Ever since then, everything has returned back to normal. I and my family are living together happily again.. All thanks to Dr Unity . If you need a spell caster that can cast a spell that truly works, I suggest you contact him. He will not disappoint you. This is his Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com or call him on: +2348072370762. I am Donna Murray by name and I reside here in United States.If you have any problem contact Dr.Unity and guarantee you that he will help you.

ColbyKatlin

( 48hourslovespell4ever22@gmail.com )

I want to use this medium to tell the world about Doctor HEART who helped me in getting my lover back with his powerful love spell, my ex and i where having misunderstanding which led to our breakup though i went to beg her several times to please forgive and accept me back because i know i offended her but each time i went i always feel more deeply in pain and agony because she always walk out on me and would not want to listen to what i have to tell but on i faithful day as i was browsing i came arose a testimony of a woman whose problem was more than mine and yet Doctor HEART helped her with his spell so i was happy and also contacted Doctor HEART for help via email and then told him my story but the only thing he said was that i will wipe you tear with my spell so lucky for me everything want well just as he promised and right now i have got my fiance back and we are both living happily. there is nothing Doctor HEART can not do with is spell and just as promise my self i will keep testifying on the internet of how Doctor HEART helped me.Are your problem greater that mine or less i give you 100% guarantee that Doctor HEART will put an end to it with his powerful spell, contact Doctor HEART for help Via email 48hourslovespell4ever22@gmail.com


*I. BRING BACK LOST LOVERS IN 4DAYS.

*2. SPELL TO WIN SOMEONE HEART TO YOUR SELF

*3. REMOTE CONTROL OVER LOVERS.

*4. BREAKING OF GENERATION COURSE.

*5. GETTING OF JOB.

And many more, he is a supernatural man. He did a very surprising job for me. contact Doctor HEART for help Via email 48hourslovespell4ever22@gmail.com

barry005

DO YOU PLAY LOTTERY??

I will assume you do or you wouldn't have ended up here on this webpage. But do you WIN the lottery? I will assume you don't, or you wouldn't have ended up here on this webpage...

If you want a spell to win the lottery, look no further. Dr. Ken lottery spell is amongst the most powerful spells I have expirence, and you will feel the power once He is done with your lottery spell.

The spell uses a wide range of magical sources, then combines and funnels those energies into one single "beam" of luck attracting, destiny controlling, wealth manifesting pure magical power.

Incorporating herbs, candles, the elements and much more simple magical techniques, this spell can be cast in a few minutes using a few very simple ingredients in His temple.

I am a living witness of his power because he just help me with his lottery spell and i won a huge amount of money, thanks to you Dr. Ken. Contact him for help through his emaill: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com or through his number +2348074433380.

Whatever the type of lottery you play you can use this lottery spell, to help you win. if you need help on how to win on lottery hastily contact DR. KEN for help now. emaill: supersolutionhome1@gmail.com or supersolutionhom@yahoo.com or through his number +2348074433380.

Tracey23

For the past 3 months now I have been looking for good and geniue spell to bring back my ex lover back and also help me to win lottery. and it has been a hard time for me finding the right place until I get in contact with Dr Alika who gave me powerful prayer and assured me that it will take two days before the spell will be effective, truly 2 days later, my Ex Lover rang me, i answered the call, he started apologizing, we are together Now. Thank you for making her to know that we are meet to be together and also making my dreams come true. And he did a spell that make me to win lottery. Please if any body needs LOVE SPELL,LOTTERY,PREGNANCY SPELL, DIVORCE SPELL, GET YOUR PARTNER. BACK AND MANY MORE YOU MAKE NEED. Email him now for your own help. lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or Link call him +2348072718865 All thanks goes to DR.Alika for the excessive work that he has done for me.

Tracey9812

For the past 3 months now I have been looking for good and geniue spell to bring back my ex lover back and also help me to win lottery. and it has been a hard time for me finding the right place until I get in contact with Dr Alika who gave me powerful prayer and assured me that it will take two days before the spell will be effective, truly 2 days later, my Ex Lover rang me, i answered the call, he started apologizing, we are together Now. Thank you for making her to know that we are meet to be together and also making my dreams come true. And he did a spell that make me to win lottery. Please if any body needs LOVE SPELL,LOTTERY,PREGNANCY SPELL, DIVORCE SPELL, GET YOUR PARTNER. BACK AND MANY MORE YOU MAKE NEED. Email him now for your own help. lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or Link call him +2348072718865 All thanks goes to DR.Alika for the excessive work that he has done for me

gloryfred

GOD BLESS THE DAY I CAN BE-LIVE THIS WHAT DR OGUMEN HAVE DO FOR MY LIFE

Hello my name is GLORY FRED from USA, My life is back!!! After 8 years of marriage, my husband left me and left me with our three kids. I felt like my life was about to end, and was falling apart. I contacted you and after I explained you my problem. In just 3 days, my husband came back to us and show me and my kids much love and apologize for all the pain he have bring to the family. We solaed our issues, and we are even happier than before you are the best spell caster Dr OGUMEN i really appreciate the love spell you castes for me to get the man back to my life i will keep sharing more testimonies to people about your good work Thank you once again at (ogumensolutioncenter@yahoo.com ). in case you are in any problem you can contact this man for help he is always there in his temple to help you solve your problem Contact Email is (ogumensolutioncenter@yahoo.com )

veartwani

Hello

My name is veart(single). I was impressed when i saw your profile today at and i will like to establish a long lasting relationship with you. In addition,i will like you to reply me through this my private e-mail box(veartwani@ymail.com)
Thanks
waiting to hear from you soon.
veart
I will send to you my pictures in my next mail through this my mail box

veartwani@ymail.com

BTimsongill

Thank you so much Melissa and to Ariane and "The First 3o Days". I am 3 weeks into a Break-up of almost seven years. It was not initiated by me and has been very sad and painful. I am very spiritual and know that in time I will see the "lessons" and "growth" in this hard situation.
Thank you for "Being There".

raintree

where were you 2 mos ago when the "love of my life" left when I was at work and leaving a note saying "I don't love you like you deserve, gotta go". It surely was for the best but I took it harder than my divorce (which was pretty horrific, though my decision). I guess 'cuz I'd thought we were finally "it". Ignored all the signs and allowed myself to let it go on. It's so hard to find the werewithall to let go. My only child left home (scheduled) 2 days after all this. I was crushed and almost had a nervous break down. No man is worth that. For him to behave that way especially when he did was devastating.
Anyway, I am still sad but really trying to move on. I realize it wasn't meant to be and I am still finding lessons in all this but I welcome the opportunity to grow and I'm looking forward to life on my terms. Eyes wide open!

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