Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Breaking Up Was Your Idea?

If you initiated the breakup, you are probably not thrilled with the idea of rejecting someone. Once the deed is done the hard part is over, so the next 30 days shouldn’t be difficult, right? Marni Kamins disagrees. She explains that people who initiate the breakup often feel a sense of guilt afterwards.

“You might experience seller’s remorse,” Kamins says. “You wonder if you made a mistake. Maybe you’ll never meet anyone more suited. You begin to distrust your own judgment.”

Rather than attempting to suppress these feelings, make an effort to reach out to friends for moral support and to remind yourself why you made this decision in the first place.

Consequently, if your ex begs to see you “as a friend” or perhaps for no-strings sex, explain that is not a good idea (even if the offer is tempting). Don’t undo the hard work of moving on you’ve already completed. Limit contact with your ex to conversations that are unavoidable, like splitting of shared possessions or assets.

While you may feel ready to start dating, give yourself a breather. Look at why you were in the relationship in the first place. Kamins says, “Men—especially after a breakup—tend to rush into a new relationship, thinking that will make them feel better. It is more helpful to acknowledge they’ve suffered a loss.”

“The sooner they go through the process of mourning, the quicker they’ll get to the other side,” Kamins adds. “Since it’s hard for guys to talk to one another, they should reach out to a platonic female friend. Or else talk to a therapist. If money is an issue, consider a local non-profit counseling center that offers sliding scales.”