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Our Breaking Up Experts

MJ Acharya

MJ Acharya

Author, blogger and healer of broken hearts

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Mike Riley

Mike Riley

Co-author of How To Heal A Broken Heart In 30 Days

Shared by First30Days View Profile»
Melissa Kantor

Melissa Kantor

Author of the young adult novel The Breakup Bible

Shared by First30Days View Profile»

Meet all of our Relationships Experts»

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

The “it’s not working” conversation just happened. Perhaps the conversation was one you initiated and your first feeling is relief. Maybe the breakup has left you totally devastated and barely able to function. No matter what the circumstances leading to the end of your relationship may be, you know it is an end and thus a loss.

The good news is that this pivotal life event signals a vast potential for growth and openness to a new form of love. While it may sometimes feel like you will never again be a whole, functioning human being, the opposite is true. The first 30 days after a breakup are a crucial period not just for your recovery, but also in your ability to truly learn and evolve. “In the early stages, emotions are on the surface. You should take advantage of this rawness to grow,” says Patricia Covalt, Ph.D., author of What Smart Couples Know.

There are varying degrees of a breakup. Clearly the dissolution of an intense three-month romance does not shake up your entire life as thoroughly as the end of a five-year courtship, especially when children are involved. However, Marni Kamins, author of The Breakup Repair Kit: How to Heal Your Broken Heart, cautions, “The level of sadness and disappointment can be the same in both cases. It depends on the person. For example, if this short relationship was the first one in years that you felt excited about, the aftermath can be devastating. Your faith in love can be shaken.”

Embrace the Emotion

The first step of healing is vital. It’s OK to mourn the loss. If you attempt to run from the initial rush of raw emotion and pretend you’re fine, you are slowing your recovery. Ignoring these emotions would be like shoving things in a closet moments before company is due to arrive at your home. While your belongings are out of sight, the mess still lurks in the dark waiting to spill out as soon as the door opens. It’s the same with your pain. If not dealt with in a proper manner, your emotions could spill out at any time.

“Heartbreak is wonderful and terrible, and we should embrace it as much as we do the optimism and giddiness that comes before it,” says Erik E., whose relationship of three years recently ended. “As awful as I felt, I had this spark of hope because I could recognize potential and beauty and let myself believe in long lasting love.”

Feelings during these first 30 days may run the gamut from relief to anger to wistfulness. This seeming roller coaster of emotion can frustrate those who don’t know how to react to the news that a relationship is over. Barbara J. Rubin, Psy.D., an Atlanta-based psychologist who works with individuals and couples on relationship issues, says, “Immediately after the breakup there is often a feeling of disequilibrium, a lack of safety. You don’t feel in control.”

Posted: 10/3/07
Singh0009

Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Am Singh Darren from NY, USA. My wife divorced me year 2014 and went back to her EX husband. I felt heart broken and weak for i didn't know how to get her back. I did all i could do to get her back through my close friends and family members but nothing worked out. So, in my place of work, i tried searching for help online on how i can get her back and i found various testifiers of how a Doc named Osemu has been faithful & helpful with his spells. I gave it a try by getting in touch with him on his Email ( Doctorokpamenspelltemple@hotmail.com ) and i explained my problem to him. Doc Osemu prepared a spell for me that brought back my wife within 12 to 16 hours after i contacted him. Doc Osemu assured me that nothing can break us apart again and since 2015 till this moment, i have been full of joy with my wife. You out there that needs help why not contact him today and be happy again. Call me on +1 (914)-363-6524 OR what's app him on +2348135254384 for more info. Website: Link

Greenlee711

Hello friends i am very happy for the wonderful work lord masuka whose email is lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com has done for me i got married to my lovely husband last year February and we have a lovely son. things was going well with us and we were living happily, until one day my husband started behaving in a strange manner i could not understand, i was very confused with the way he treats me and my son. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was sad and also frustrated i did not know what to do,i was sick for more than a week because of the divorce. i love him so much he his everything to me without him my life is nothing. i told one of my child hood friend and she told me to contact a spell caster that she has listen to one woman who testify about lord masuka and she has been hearing about him that i should try him i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing but i just say i should try if something will come out of it. i contacted him for the return of my husband to me, he told me that my husband have been taken by another woman. that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want to divorce me. then he told me that has to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and my son, he cast the spell and after 1 day my husband came back home and started apologizing he said that he love me so much that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that lord masuka cast on him that make him come back to me,right now am so happy again. thank you lord masuka for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. this is to every one who is facing divorces or heart break by your lover i want you to contact him now because he can do it for you his powers is great and dont have any side effect in the future contact him through his Email: lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or lordmasukaspellhome711@gmail.com You can visit his website Link for more details about him or call him +2347053105287. You can also add him on facebook Harry Masuka or Skype lord masuka. contact him now and your problems will be solve for ever.once again thanks to LORD MASUKA.

Greenlee711

Hello friends i am very happy for the wonderful work lord masuka whose email is lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com has done for me i got married to my lovely husband last year February and we have a lovely son. things was going well with us and we were living happily, until one day my husband started behaving in a strange manner i could not understand, i was very confused with the way he treats me and my son. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was sad and also frustrated i did not know what to do,i was sick for more than a week because of the divorce. i love him so much he his everything to me without him my life is nothing. i told one of my child hood friend and she told me to contact a spell caster that she has listen to one woman who testify about lord masuka and she has been hearing about him that i should try him i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing but i just say i should try if something will come out of it. i contacted him for the return of my husband to me, he told me that my husband have been taken by another woman. that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want to divorce me. then he told me that has to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and my son, he cast the spell and after 1 day my husband came back home and started apologizing he said that he love me so much that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that lord masuka cast on him that make him come back to me,right now am so happy again. thank you lord masuka for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. this is to every one who is facing divorces or heart break by your lover i want you to contact him now because he can do it for you his powers is great and dont have any side effect in the future contact him through his Email: lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or lordmasukaspellhome711@gmail.com You can visit his website Link for more details about him or call him +2347053105287. You can also add him on facebook Harry Masuka or Skype lord masuka. contact him now and your problems will be solve for ever.once again thanks to LORD MASUKA.

Greenlee711

Hello friends i am very happy for the wonderful work lord masuka whose email is lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com has done for me i got married to my lovely husband last year February and we have a lovely son. things was going well with us and we were living happily, until one day my husband started behaving in a strange manner i could not understand, i was very confused with the way he treats me and my son. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was sad and also frustrated i did not know what to do,i was sick for more than a week because of the divorce. i love him so much he his everything to me without him my life is nothing. i told one of my child hood friend and she told me to contact a spell caster that she has listen to one woman who testify about lord masuka and she has been hearing about him that i should try him i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing but i just say i should try if something will come out of it. i contacted him for the return of my husband to me, he told me that my husband have been taken by another woman. that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want to divorce me. then he told me that has to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and my son, he cast the spell and after 1 day my husband came back home and started apologizing he said that he love me so much that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that lord masuka cast on him that make him come back to me,right now am so happy again. thank you lord masuka for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. this is to every one who is facing divorces or heart break by your lover i want you to contact him now because he can do it for you his powers is great and dont have any side effect in the future contact him through his Email: lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or lordmasukaspellhome711@gmail.com You can visit his website Link for more details about him or call him +2347053105287. You can also add him on facebook Harry Masuka or Skype lord masuka. contact him now and your problems will be solve for ever.once again thanks to LORD MASUKA.

Greenlee711

Hello friends i am very happy for the wonderful work lord masuka whose email is lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com has done for me i got married to my lovely husband last year February and we have a lovely son. things was going well with us and we were living happily, until one day my husband started behaving in a strange manner i could not understand, i was very confused with the way he treats me and my son. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was sad and also frustrated i did not know what to do,i was sick for more than a week because of the divorce. i love him so much he his everything to me without him my life is nothing. i told one of my child hood friend and she told me to contact a spell caster that she has listen to one woman who testify about lord masuka and she has been hearing about him that i should try him i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing but i just say i should try if something will come out of it. i contacted him for the return of my husband to me, he told me that my husband have been taken by another woman. that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want to divorce me. then he told me that has to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and my son, he cast the spell and after 1 day my husband came back home and started apologizing he said that he love me so much that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that lord masuka cast on him that make him come back to me,right now am so happy again. thank you lord masuka for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. this is to every one who is facing divorces or heart break by your lover i want you to contact him now because he can do it for you his powers is great and dont have any side effect in the future contact him through his Email: lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or lordmasukaspellhome711@gmail.com You can visit his website Link for more details about him or call him +2347053105287. You can also add him on facebook Harry Masuka or Skype lord masuka. contact him now and your problems will be solve for ever.once again thanks to LORD MASUKA.

lantee711

"" HOW I GOT MY EX BOYFRIEND BACK""

I want to use this great medium to thank LORD MASUKA for helping me to get my boyfriend back after he dumped me for 3 months .My boyfriend breakup with me because he see another girl at his church and told me he is no longer want me and live me in pain and heart break.I seek for help on the internet and i saw so many good talk about this great spell caster LORD MASUKA of lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com and i contacted him also and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get back my boyfriend within the period of 3 days and i am so grateful to him for the good work he has done for me,that is why i also want to let everyone who is in need of help out there to also seek help from him so he can help.His email is lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or lordmasukaspellhome711@gmail.com or call +2347053105287 or view and contact him on his website:
Link you can contact for any kind of help and he will help you. And you can also reach him on facebook Harry Masuka or Skype Lord masuka


lantee711

"" HOW I GOT MY EX BOYFRIEND BACK""

I want to use this great medium to thank LORD MASUKA for helping me to get my boyfriend back after he dumped me for 3 months .My boyfriend breakup with me because he see another girl at his church and told me he is no longer want me and live me in pain and heart break.I seek for help on the internet and i saw so many good talk about this great spell caster LORD MASUKA of lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com and i contacted him also and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get back my boyfriend within the period of 3 days and i am so grateful to him for the good work he has done for me,that is why i also want to let everyone who is in need of help out there to also seek help from him so he can help.His email is lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or lordmasukaspellhome711@gmail.com or call +2347053105287 or view and contact him on his website:
Link you can contact for any kind of help and he will help you. And you can also reach him on facebook Harry Masuka or Skype Lord masuka


lantee711

"" HOW I GOT MY EX BOYFRIEND BACK""

I want to use this great medium to thank LORD MASUKA for helping me to get my boyfriend back after he dumped me for 3 months .My boyfriend breakup with me because he see another girl at his church and told me he is no longer want me and live me in pain and heart break.I seek for help on the internet and i saw so many good talk about this great spell caster LORD MASUKA of lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com and i contacted him also and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get back my boyfriend within the period of 3 days and i am so grateful to him for the good work he has done for me,that is why i also want to let everyone who is in need of help out there to also seek help from him so he can help.His email is lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or lordmasukaspellhome711@gmail.com or call +2347053105287 or view and contact him on his website:
Link you can contact for any kind of help and he will help you. And you can also reach him on facebook Harry Masuka or Skype Lord masuka


flossglee

I run an entertainment blog and one thing that pisses me off, is the numerous comments I deletes about spell casters and their clients, because I see them as fake. When it comes to love affairs, I give the best advice and I can attest to helping so many.

But I couldn’t help myself when breakup knocked on my door. My 7 year old fun-filled relationship crashed because of disagreement and lies, I was lonely and needed professional help, after trying from all my sources.

I had no choice, but to consider some of the comments on my blog, where I noticed some testifiers are just copying from testimony about Dr. Wakina, that’s when I was convinced that Dr. Wakina is real and reliable.

I emailed him for the professional help through: dr.wakinalovetemple@gmail.com

Thanks to him for casting a spell, according to our wish, that added positive impact in our new life, I will always appreciate Docs help and approve comments about him.

sunsetjera

I'm just taking it a day at a time. I initiated it. The relationship for me was becoming toxic. He was unstable. Though a loving guy offered no guarantees. It was affecting me ulitmately and my love for him. Every issues was handled with him threatening to break it off. Any issue I had was dismissed. I just got tired. Sometimes love really isn't enough .so everyday I second guess myself, shld I have tried harder? But I think almost 2 yrs was hard enough with no real change. I'm just kind of lost right now cos I really wanted it to work and I FOUGHT so hard for it. It was the first significant relationship if been in in years. But something just felt wrong. I had to cut off the chord. It sucks cos I know he probably thinks I was ungrateful etc. But something that bothered me greatly was just never addressed to a point I got tired of fighting. I keep telling myself it shld never be that hard to love someone. In 30 days hopefully I'll be more confident of my decision

csales

I just found out devastating news at work today - my boyfriend decided to break up with me. I felt like my whole world had been shattered, but I know that it happened for a reason. This article has really helped me, along with other articles & support from others in my life. I can only hope that things will get better as time goes on.

  • By csales
  • on 7/9/14 12:12 AM EST
Divolily

Great article:)

clicktauato

Thanks for this article. I was feeling low before I visited your site but now I feel much more empowered to face the situation that I am in.

aklein

great and well detailed article about the different phases in a break up and the positive outcome of a break up. Thanks and Merry Christmas : this is your Xmas gift to me : the best for now.

  • By aklein
  • on 12/25/09 7:32 AM EST
gsrocks

I guess for me, I had never been one to be in long relationships or let someone get close to me,So when i met her in January, i felt like i had met the one that i could be with forever, 5 great months,and then all fell apart,found out she wasnt really who i thought she was,she had many secrets..and well in the end..ends up i was just needed for a certain amount of time to get her to time in her life that she knew was coming when she met me..so for me to finally open up and lay my heart on the line, and to have it crushed like this..i did thing i would never get over it,i still struggle with it, i feel as if it will be awhile before i can even open myself up to even date someone again.
I think it does get easier everyday now, its more the pain of knowing i was giving her my all,and she was giving me what i wanted to hear and feel. All this from a person i would of given anything too.

Ariel1

My situation is pretty uniqe and that's why I can't seem to get over the pain and loss. In 1993 I met a woman who helped me out of a bad relationship. I am straight. She didn't quite know whether she was bi-sexual or straight. But she say she loved me very much and wanted a sexual relationship.. I didn't wanrt go there and said so. Believe it or not we lived together for 15 years, loving each other but celibate. I did date and have opportunities with men but dismissed them because I didn't want to leve her or to hurt her. This christmas, she told me she was done. she also said she was in love with a woman she'd met over the phone but had never met in person. She said she wanted a full love life and no longer loved me in any way but as a friend. She said she'd felt this way for ten yrs. but didn't have the courage to tell me. To make things worse, she controlled our finances. She worked in a field of high risk and when the bottom fell out of our economy her field literally dried up overnight. She made some very bad investments and lost everything we had. She literally forced me from our home because she was going through a huge transition and did not want me to witness that. Actually, she had some kind of break when the woman she fell for played her, filled her head with promises of enormous wealth and position through the position she offered in her company, then dropped her. Now, I am in my 60's and we have nothing. She is struggling to make some kind of money and promises she will make up for the pain and losses she's incurred. She said she can't be my friend now, but she may be some time in the future when she gets it together, She is 59 yrs old. I only wish I'd had some clue as to her real feelings so I could have planned my life better. But we always told each other we'd be with each other always. Foolishly, I believed her. I've had to move in with my daughter and I really do not want to be so dependent on anyone. I miss her terribly yet am very angry at the same time. I feel devastated by her loss, and the loss of all I worked for. Moreover, I am embarrassed and ashamed to be in this position. I live on $1,000. Soc. Sec. per month and cannot think what I can do to earn more money. Also, I feel so depressed and emotionally deflated that it is an effort just to walk my dog each day. Any advice for me will be much appreciated.

  • By Ariel1
  • on 7/11/09 12:10 AM EST
GeriGreene

You may have just saved my sanity more than any therapist. I have had two people this week, who care about me, try to tell me how foolish I have been for having strong feelings related to the end of a relationship that they don't understand. It damaged an already painful situation for me to have others challenge the wisdom of what my heart is feeling. Having the information in your column has comforted me immensely and allows me to move forward with the grieving process and the overall view of the experience. Thank you!

linkster70

esalvador61, sounds like you wrote exactly what i have been going through. For a minute their i thought it was me. I dont know about you but in my situation what makes it even harder is that i have two children 16 year old boy and 13 year old daughter. After my divorce two years later is when i met this man and my children loved him sprecially my son. As much as i still love him today i know that the realtionship was not going the way it should for two people that loved so deepy. Bust of course according to him it was all my fault. The harder i tried the worse it got. Then finially i said to my self i am in a relationship like i was with my mother, always trying to make her proud of me, but until today it is impossible. Cant please people who are not pleased with themselves. He comes from an alcholic family and cant even addmit to that . That is when di should have seen the red flag. But love is blind sometimes. The hurtful thing about it all is the way he cried and begged telling people i am the one he is going to marry. Two times we were to move in with him and he left me. He broke up with me i cant even count how many times. I learned it was all his own fears. But he also had a anger problem for every time he left me he woulde do something really really mean to me. I am a single mom with not very much income, him on the other hand was very very well taken care of. But very tight also. My father who was my life my back bone passed last year. the night that he was burried my boyfriend left me and served me with papers to get all my belongings out of 1 of his 3 car garages. But that is not even the best part i had to have a serious operation done that couldnt be cancelled and he knew about this and still had me served. It was not like he needed the gargre for any particural reason. But i could go on and on with stories. And God as my judgement with all of the hurtful things that he has done i never once retaliated against him. I felt he was really dealing with some underlying issue and would someday get help. With the change that i have made with myself over the years i have learned treu love dont walk away. You are their trhough thick and thin sickness and health. But one heart can only take so much hurt and i didnt want to continue putting my children through an on and off relationship. So at of all the time he left me i dont think he ever expected it but i had to end it. That is my story but their is not a day that goes by that i dont think about him or still really miss him. I have some so close to picking up that phone so many times. but i thought that if he loved me or missed me wouldnt he try to contact me. Mjy saying is if it is meant to be it will be.


esalvador61

i just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. this is our second break up and i initiated both. i have terrible feelings of guilt for leaving him because he was struggling with childhood issues of abandonment and loss. we could never move on and talk about the future. we couldn't open up and communicate about a future together. he was very ambivalent about moving in together or marriage. i couldn't wait any longer and decided to end it for good. i'm grieving terribly and feel lost. sometimes i think of calling him but remind myself of why i had to end the relationship. i'm trying to cope as best i can with reading, going to work, exercise. it's so hard and sometimes i think will this feeling every go away.

shalom

Hello, my name if Vivian. I read everything you had to say, I didn't hear any advice on my type of situation. I've been married for 18 long years. I have known for a very long time that I am not in love with my husband. For over half of our marriage he work out of town, which made it a little easyier on me. I have not nor will I cheat on him, I can't do that, thout lately I have to admit I have been having some stupid thouths. But it is getting harder and harder to live with him. I know what it will do to him and now is not the time, he has been out of work for about 18months. Any Advice? Thank You, Vivian

  • By shalom
  • on 8/30/08 2:09 PM EST