We sabotage ourselves in a variety of ways, such that we perpetually withhold from ourselves all the goodies the universe has to offer, blaming it all the while on bad luck or it being someone else’s fault, rather than acknowledging that we are the Prime Movers of our destiny, that we are responsible for the lack and limitations in our lives, and nobody else.

On a conscious level we want to win, but on a deep, unconscious level, we are filled with guilt, shame, self-condemnation, and self-loathing, such that, rather than believing that we are worthy of winning and deserving of abundance and success, we believe that we are sinners deserving of punishment, suffering and failure. All of this is below our conscious awareness.

Our subconscious mind, intent on manifesting what we believe about ourselves at a deeply-embedded, unconscious level, believes our own harsh judgments about ourselves, and punishes us for our “sins.” It does this by sabotaging our conscious efforts.

It generates resistance and roadblocks. It attracts inferior elements. It encourages miscommunication, chaos, and confusion. The end result is an external world that reflects our internal self-concept. The end result is our not getting what we want.

The only way to reverse this process, in order to generate success and prosperity, is to put an end to our guilt, shame and self-loathing by forgiving and loving ourselves. The only way to do this is to first forgive and love others. This is what Forgive To Win!’s Forgiveness Diet has been designed to accomplish.

The Forgiveness Diet is a structured program that trains our mind to engage in behaviors that will benefit us in the long run. More specifically, the Forgiveness Diet is a daily regimen of thoughts, actions and exercises devoted to extending unconditional forgiveness, acceptance, and love. It is a daily regimen of estimable acts of kindness and service to others.

When we have mastered the Forgiveness Diet, our subconscious mind will believe we are good enough and worthy of reward, at which point it will stop sabotaging our efforts and start constructing the synchronistic attraction of synergistic people and circumstances that will favor our prosperity and success in all realms.

The Forgiveness Diet is the ultimate prosperity principle!

The reason why many of us have difficulty believing this is true is because we’ve been trained to believe that nice guys finish last, that no good deed goes unpunished, and that love, kindness and forgiveness are for chumps and suckers.

Nothing could be further from the truth. These are self-destructive messages generated by our subconscious mind to support its self-sabotaging agenda to derail us from healing ourselves and attracting abundance into our lives.

Although it is obvious that many people who are loathsome, selfish, unloving and hurtful towards others have succeeded and prospered, for most of us who mean no harm to others, emulating people like that will not deliver us what we want.

If we repair ourselves by extending unconditional forgiveness, acceptance and love to everyone, under all circumstances, without exceptions, we can replace our self-loathing with self-loving, thereby putting an end to our self-sabotage, such that our subconscious mind works with us rather than against us to attract and manifest everything we’ve ever wanted.

The best part about the Forgiveness Diet is that we don’t need to understand it for it to work. We don’t even need to believe it. Additionally, we don’t need to gain any deep insights about ourselves in order to get results.

We just need to do it. We just need to implement a few basic behaviors and practices on a consistent basis until they become habits.

But don’t take my word for it. Take the Forgive To Win! 90-Day Challenge. Rather than rejecting the Forgiveness Diet as magical or wishful thinking without giving it a try, follow it rigorously for 90 days and find out for yourself what it has to offer.

Make the decision to put aside your skepticism, negativity, cynicism and doubt for 90 days in order to work the program as vigorously and as honestly as you possibly can.

What have you got to lose? What’s 90 days in the bigger scheme of things? What’s 90 days in the expanse and duration of your life? It’s nothing. So what if you spend 90 days being generous, esteeming others, and forgiving them their trespasses? What’s the downside? There really isn’t any.

If you decide after 90 days that the experience was not transformative and was a complete waste of time, which I guarantee won’t be the case, you will have the rest of your life to be angry, vengeful, withholding, thoughtless, selfish and self-centered, and to see where that gets you.

But if I’m right in encouraging you to devote a mere 90 days of your life to the Forgiveness Diet, you will greatly appreciate the experience you put yourself through, you will see fewer roadblocks and potholes appearing in your life, you will be happier, more productive, and more successful, and you will gladly continue to engage in the Forgiveness Diet program.

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When Have People Been Caring?

Everyone knows what it’s like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected, and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy.

On the other hand, you’ve probably had the sense, one time or another, of not being cared about. That you didn’t matter to another person, or to a group of people. Maybe they weren’t actively against you, but they sure weren’t for you.

As soon as you recall a time like that, it’s immediately clear why it’s important to feel cared about – which is to the heart what water is to your body.

Sometimes we feel embarrassed about our yearnings to be cared about. But they are completely normal – and deeply rooted in evolution. Love, broadly defined, has been the primary driver of the development of the brain over the last 80 million years.

Our ancestors – mammals, primates, hominids, and humans – survived and flourished and passed on their genes by learning to find good mates, bond with their young, draw males in to provide for children, create “the village it takes to raise a child” whose brain is quadrupling in size after birth and thus needs a long and vulnerable childhood, and team up with each other to compete with other bands for scarce resources.

In this context, being cared about was crucial to survival. Mammals, etc. that did not care about being cared about did not pass on their genes. No wonder you care about being cared about!

Studies show that feeling cared about buffers against stress, increases positive emotions, promotes resilience, and increases caring for others. Plus it feels darn good. And over time, feeling cared about today can gradually fill any holes in your heart left over from a childhood (or last job, or last marriage) in which the caring felt like a thin soup.

How?

Let’s start with the hard part: opening to feeling cared about often brings up not feeling cared about. Those feelings are real, and they’re based on real things, like having a disengaged or critical parent, or being left out in school social situations. It’s important to accept those feelings, and hold them as best you can in a large space of awareness so they are not so overwhelming.

Then, take a breath, and turn to the other side of the truth: the ways and times you have been cared about. Those really exist! They do in everyone’s life. The caring may not have been perfect or sustained, so it could be tempting to discount it or push it away as not good enough. (And we have to watch out for tendencies in the mind to hold on to grievances and reproaches way past the point of any value; that harms us more than anyone else – including the people we may want to punish.) But the caring that was present amidst everything else was indeed the real deal. And you, like everyone else, needs to take that in as the living food every heart must have.

For starters, recall being with someone who is (or was) caring toward you. Perhaps a grandparent making cookies, or a parent, friend, teacher, sibling, mate, child, or pet. Or a spiritual being or presence.

Then open to feeling cared about. What does your body do when someone cares about you? What kind of thoughts or attitudes go through your mind? What’s your emotional response to being cared about? Know what it feels like to be cared about so you can find your way back here again.

During this week, look for opportunities to feel cared about. Most of these will be small, passing moments when someone is sincerely thoughtful, friendly, or concerned. Look behind the eyes of people, and see the human caring for you when it’s there – even if it’s masked behind formalities, a prickly personality, too many words, or no words at all.

When it’s there, take it in. Let the feelings, body sensations, and thoughts of being cared about soak into you, like swallowing water on a hot and thirsty day.

And then each night, before you fall asleep, take a moment to call to mind again the sense of being cared about – resting in that feeling as it weaves its way into your breathing, body, and dreams.

* * *

Rick Hanson, PhD is a neuropsychologist and author of Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom (in 21 languages) – and Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time. Founder of the Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom and Affiliate of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, he’s taught at Oxford, Stanford, and Harvard, and in meditation centers in Europe, North America, and Australia. His work has been featured on the BBC, NPR, Consumer Reports Health, and U.S. News and World Report. His blog – Just One Thing – has over 25,000 subscribers and suggests a simple practice each week that will bring you more joy, more fulfilling relationships, and more peace of mind and heart. If you wish, you can subscribe to Just One Thing here.

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These feelings are not new and aren’t specifically related to my thinning hair (although it is definitely something that triggers them for me in an intense way). Being critical of my appearance and concerned about my body have been consistent themes throughout my life – as a teenager with acne and braces, as a college and pro baseball player battling years of painful arm injuries, as the natural aging process starts to affect my hair, skin, etc., and so much more – there have been and continue to be aspects of my body that I don’t like, feel ashamed of, and worry about.

The deeper issue here for me and so many of us isn’t about our bodies themselves, but how much we identify with them. I’ve lived most of my life as if I am my body, even though for a number of years I’ve been aware, at least intellectually, that this is not the case.

We tend to focus a lot of our attention on our bodies, at least superficially. We think about, talk about, and worry about how our bodies look, feel, and function all the time. Some of us clearly do this more than others – but if you just pay attention to the conversations, information, media, and advertisements around you on a daily basis, amazing to see how much obsession there is about our bodies and also how much we tend to equate our success, effectiveness, and well being to our physical experience.

While there’s nothing wrong with us wanting to look good and it’s vitally important that we focus on keeping our bodies as healthy as possible, in many cases, we place a disproportionate amount of our self worth and value (or lack thereof) on our bodies. In other words, we think that if we look good and feel good, we are good. And, we think that if we feel bad, get sick, feel tired, or don’t like our appearance, we somehow are bad (or at least not as good as we could or should be).

We also don’t often make much distinction between our physical state and our other states (mental, emotional, and spiritual). I remember hearing a story of a Buddhist monk who only slept two or three hours per night, because he was so busy tending to the poor, sick, and needy people in his community. When people asked him, “Don’t you get tired?” he responded by saying, “My body gets tired sometimes, but I’m alive and vibrant.” The story really struck me and illustrated the important distinction between us and our physical body.

Our bodies are brilliant, beautiful, and miraculous – even though we often don’t think of, treat, or talk about them that way. As my friend, Steve Sisgold, teaches in his wonderful book, What’s Your Body Telling You?, we can tap into the power of “whole body consciousness” and use the innate wisdom of our bodies to reduce stress, create peace, and attract success in our lives.

I’m not advocating that we disconnect from our bodies (which is so easy for us to do in our culture as we over emphasize the mental aspect of life and focus more on results than we do on experience), but I am suggesting that we disassociate ourselves from the notion that who we are is simply the flesh and bones we travel around in. Our bodies are an important aspect of who we are, but far from all of who we are.

Our body weight does not determine our worth. Our level of health (or lack thereof) is not an indication of our value as a human being. How much hair we have (or whatever other physical issue you obsess about) doesn’t make us a good or bad person. And, how we look and feel is not the ultimate indicator of our success, fulfillment, and worthiness in life.

We are so much more than our bodies! When we’re able to realize, remember, and live from this awareness – we can take back our power, transform some of our fear, and create a healthy, loving, and empowering relationship with our body that serves, supports, and enhances our growth and our experience ourselves and of life in general.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

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“If you don’t have a good reason for your heart to keep beating, it generally won’t” Dr. Mehmet Oz

In a world focused on getting things done, we frequently lose track of the value of what we do – of our purpose. Purpose is the reason behind great performance – meaningful performance. Purpose is what keeps the heart beating. What do you know about your purpose?

I work with both businesses and individuals as my message is about helping people rediscover their passions for work and life. At its core, this is a recommitment to know yourself (your talents and passions), know your world (its needs), then to determine your particular value and fit. Understanding how to bring value to your life and to the world helps to define your purpose. And the more compelling the purpose, the more animated, excited and engaged you become in finding reasons to keep your heart beating.

In the workplace, organizations that identify their purpose with a strong vision or mission statement share what they stand for; this attracts those who share the purpose and vision. The vision and mission statements provide clarity to the organization and clearly respond to why they do what they do. We are more committed to an organization that shares our definition of purpose and success than one that does not our focus. And our commitment to an organization with which we share a purpose is an emotional connection – the strongest of all connections.

Now, to life. Those who know their purpose – who have done work to identify what is meaningful and valuable for them – have a clearer roadmap for life. The clearer your purpose, the more focused you become in how you live, how you respond and what you do. This encourages a greater sense of accomplishment, impact and value; in short, this impacts our sense of personal worth.

So how do you develop clarity about your purpose? For that I have to take you back to 350 BC – to Plato. One of the two most quoted mantras of Plato is know yourself. This is core to understanding you in your world – in other words, your fit and purpose.

Consider that each of us is a unique bundle of DNA inherited from our families. This DNA creates our internal brain hardwiring; this influences our talents, aptitudes, strengths and passions. No other person on the planet has the exact combination of attributes we have. We therefore must not only be good at knowing ourselves (our unique composition), but we must also realize we are the only ones who can do this work (learn to know ourselves). Our connection to ourselves is an intensely private connection; only we can fully assess how we think, what we feel, what we believe and what we are to do with our lives.

I find most of us are not very self-aware; few have a great understanding of what we are good at (talents), what we love to do (passions) and what makes us feel successful (happiness). In the absence of this information we miss our mark – we underutilize our talents – we miss our purpose. If we live a life (or work in a job) without purpose, we just show up. Because life is not a dress rehearsal, just showing up seems an abject waste of a day, a day you don’t get back.

Most people don’t know about, don’t want or won’t own this responsibility. By not knowing ourselves well, we rely on others to tell us what to think, how to feel and who to be. As I said, no one can know you as you do. You have the greatest information about who you are, what makes you happy, what are you good at and what activates your sense of value. Look in to find this. Then know your world to determine your particular place in the world – your purpose.

So back to Dr. Oz’s quote from an interview with American Public Media’s Speaking of Faith host, Krista Tippett, “If you don’t have a good reason for your heart to keep beating, it generally won’t.” Those who know themselves – and their purpose – keep their hearts beating; their energy is strong and their focus is clear. Those who don’t see their purpose – their reasons for appreciating the amazing gift of life – don’t ramp up the energy when things get tough. They check out. They short change the world by not sharing their great combination of talents – a combination given as a gift with a particular purpose to share it with the world.

Imagine the missed contributions of artists (or any other profession) who never realized their talents because they listened to others who told them how to live and what to do, instead of learning how to know themselves, value themselves, find their passion, and live with purpose. Life is too short to live with regret.

To find your purpose, “know yourself”; spend some time with yourself and determine:

1. What are you great at?
2. What are you passionate about?
3. What makes you feel successful?
4. What is going on in your world?

Then, find your fit – your place.

Don’t wait. The world needs the unique and specific you. You are here for a reason. Find your reason. Find your purpose. Keep your heart beating.

Jay Forte is a motivational speaker and performance consultant. He is the author of Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition, The Hunt for Opportunities Success Manual and the on-line resource, Stand Out and Get Hired. He is working on his new book, Work Strong, Live Stronger. He works to connect people to their talents and passions to live fired up! More information at www.LiveFiredUp.com. Sign up for his free e-newsletters and use his resources to be great.

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-Write a letter to yourself. Have it come from your Higher Self. Go through what happened last year, what the wiser part of you would tell you.

-Write a letter to anyone whom you feel incomplete with and need closure. Don’t send it. Write it for yourself, for your healing. Say what needs to be said.

-Forgive someone who hurt you this year. Give yourself this gift. You can do this in person, over the phone, or just quietly in your own space. Include yourself in this exercise. What do you need to forgive yourself for from this past year? What mistake? What regret? What action?

-Accept your family members exactly the way they are. Have no expectations that they will be different for these holidays or any to come in this new year. Do not expect them to understand you or any choices/decisions you’ve made or are planning to make.

-Figure out the few things you do to re-energize yourself and follow through with doing this in the coming year. What is it for you? Nature? Working out? Sleeping in? Prayer and meditation? Writing? Be clear on what you need more of.

-What’s the worst thing you tell yourself? What’s the number-one excuse that gets in your way? Write it down, make friends with it. Ask yourself, “is this really really true?” Who would you be and what would you do without this excuse?

These inner qualities of self awareness and self reliance are crucial to go through hard times and make it out on the other side. We learn we can survive difficult feelings—depression, sorrow, a sense of meaninglessness—and we learn what helped us make it so when hard times come again, we’re better prepared. Our feelings are no longer so threatening to us, and we are able to serve as guides and mentors to others who suffer.

Ultimately, the greatest rewards of trusting ourselves are to be found at the soul level, the place where we are called to discover and express the wholeness of who we are for the benefit of all. “A self is made, not given,” says author Barbara Myerhoff. “It is a creative and active process of attending a life that must be heard, shaped, seen, said aloud into the world, finally enacted and woven into the lives of others.” We can’t do that if we are looking outside ourselves for the answers. As that wise man, Carl Jung once said, “He who looks outside dreams. He who looks inside wakes.”

I am inviting you on a journey to look inside in a new way and awaken. Not to detail what is wrong, but to come to deeply treasure what is right. And to use what you discover to make your way more happily in life and to offer the gifts that only you can provide. For the more you trust yourselves, the more you will know just what your place in the grand design of life is and what your matchless contribution might be.

About MJ Ryan

A member of Professional Thinking Partners who is recognized as a leading expert in change, M.J. Ryan specializes in coaching high performance executives, entrepreneurs, individuals, and leadership teams around the world to maximize performance and fulfillment. Her clients include Microsoft, Royal Dutch Shell, Chevron, Hewitt Associates, and Frito Lay. Her work is based on a combination of positive psychology, strengths-based coaching, the wisdom traditions, and cutting edge brain research. Her new book, titled “AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn’t Ask For” was recently released published by Random House’s Broadway Books. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and daughter.

www.MJ-Ryan.com

Self trust is a virtue

Self trust has always been an important quality of heart and mind, but it is even more crucial in these fast-paced, challenging times. Here’s how James C. Collins and Jerry Poras put it in Built to Last,

“With the demise of the myth of job security, the accelerating pace of change, and the increasing ambiguity and complexity of our world, people who depend on external structures to provide continuity and stability run the very real risk of having their moorings ripped away. The only truly reliable source of stability is a strong inner core and the willingness to change and adapt everything except that core.”

According to Webster’s, the first meaning of trust is,

“Assured reliance on the character, ability, strength or truth of someone or something.”

When we trust ourselves, we’re in touch with that inner core Collins and Poras are talking about. We have self possession—an ease under stress that reflects a command of our powers. Consequently we know we can handle what life throws at us—we can complete the assignment, juggle our schedules, organize our desks, handle the difficulty with our boss, say no–or make a mistake and survive.

Self trust is also blind self esteem—it’s not thinking “I’m great.” It’s about coming to understand how I am great, where I want that greatness to manifest, and how to use that greatness when I encounter the big and little difficulties of life. If we know these things, we can move through life like a regal schooner, rather than a tippy canoe. For the more we come to understand our unique capacities and how to use them, the less overwhelmed we will be no matter the circumstances.

When we trust ourselves, we can better navigate the waters of challenging emotional times—when we feel lost or grieving, angry, or afraid—believing somewhere in our hearts and souls, that we will make it, even if we’re not sure how or when.We’re safe in our own care. We treat ourselves well, kindly, as a loving mother would nurture her beloved child. We learn from our mistakes instead of beating ourselves up about them, because we understand that life is about learning and therefore seeing errors as valuable information about how to go forward. We don’t consider ourselves bad when we screw up, just not yet as skillful as we would like to be.

Precisely because we accept ourselves exactly as we are, we are more able to change. Shame and guilt loosen their grip. We may be in difficult or challenging circumstances, but rather than getting mired in them, we see ourselves like the lotus flower. The lotus’ roots are deep in mud yet its flower is one of the most beautiful in the entire world. Each and every one of us is like that lotus—precious and whole, despite the mud of our lives.

About MJ Ryan: She is a member of Professional Thinking Partners and is recognized as a leading expert in change. M.J. Ryan specializes in coaching high performance executives, entrepreneurs, individuals, and leadership teams around the world to maximize performance and fulfillment. Her clients include Microsoft, Royal Dutch Shell, Chevron, Hewitt Associates, and Frito Lay. Her work is based on a combination of positive psychology, strengths-based coaching, the wisdom traditions, and cutting edge brain research. Her new book, titled “AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn’t Ask For” was recently released published by Random House’s Broadway Books. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and daughter.

www.MJ-Ryan.com

Character Is Our Bailout

If you watch the news or read the newspaper you will be very aware of the current Buzz word, “Bailout.” It appears in print constantly and is repeated on news broadcasts every minute worldwide. Bailout, Bailout, Bailout! Enough already!

My personal experience with bailout goes back to when I was 16 years old and a high-school senior. My Friday night routine was to hang out with my two older friends and cruise around in a shiny red 59 Chevy convertible. One of those nights my two friends decided that it would be cool and adventurous to drive in the exit of a “dollar-a-carload” drive-in movie theatre to avoid a single extra dollar payment. My feeling was, “this could be trouble,” but as peer pressure goes, I kept my mouth shut. Much to our surprise, as soon as we entered the theatre, a county sheriff stepped out of the bushes, shined a flashlight in our eyes and proceeded to inform us we were under arrest for trespassing. We were handcuffed, put in a paddy wagon, and hauled off to the county jail with instructions that we were to be jailed until Monday morning and then appear in court. The only other option was a bailout.

I promptly called my father who was a recognized local business man employed by the city. I told him what happened and explained the bail was $100.00. He said, “I’m not bailing you out,” and hung up the phone. Although at the time this seamed harsh and unreasonable treatment by my own father, I learned a very valuable lesson about taking responsibility for my actions and owning the consequences. Unfortunately, my Dad passed away in 1968 and I never had a chance to share with him how grateful I was for the lesson he bestowed upon me.

If on that Friday night, I would have had a more defined strength of character, I would have just simply said, “drop me off right outside the theatre. I will fend for myself.” At that point, bailout would not have been a necessity or choice.

I feel an obvious psychological dynamic at play with the idea of bailouts, rewarding bad or criminal behavior, which promotes negative behavior. Personal character is typically defined as showing high moral and ethical qualities. Character takes in such personal traits as high self-worth, honesty, integrity, forgiveness and gratitude just to name a few.

It appears that we have become a society of situational ethics and integrity. Being honest and ethical is no longer a predetermination for public life. Ethics seem to be decisions made in the moment based on the potential upside or downside of any given situation. Narcissism is the new substitute behavior and indifference is the by-product. Low self-worth is alive and thriving with unhealthy consequences. I believe very few people realize that behavior compounds just like money earning compound interest. Yesterday’s behavior becomes the foundation for tomorrow’s behavior.

As a speaker and author, I travel internationally speaking on honesty, integrity, self-worth and forgiveness. My career path is a result of a near-death experience in the mid-1980s. I grew up with no self-worth and strived to be accepted and loved. I very much lived a situational life until my near-death experience. At that point I had a massive shift in consciousness and paid very close attention to everything I thought and did, especially in regard to every word that came out of my mouth.

Self-worth gets reinforced by everyday life and typically can produce some very unhealthy behavior, especially during early childhood. For example, I grew up thinking I was ugly. My best friend used to call me, “Mole,” based on a birthmark on my left cheek. He only had to call me that once before I developed an ugly complex!

I routinely speak to groups of woman who claim they continuously look in the mirror to see what in their appearances is wrong or needs improvement. When I ask what happens if they look in a full length mirror naked, there is painful silence. Well, this is a tough problem to solve. And, the solution I offer can be as simple as a decision to look beautiful and radiant, not to get plastic surgery. The point I try to make is to stop looking for what is wrong. There is no perfect breast size, body shape and size. Start looking for what is right.

As young adults, we grow up believing in and striving toward financial success, a great relationship and optimum health. Along the way, we develop beliefs, and they shape our destiny. One of those beliefs can turn out to encourage the act of lying to produce additional financial gain. When a belief in lying becomes ingrained, lying becomes routine. If that happens, lying can spill over into the way we behave in relationships.

People continue to challenge the thought of being honest all the time, not just when it is convenient. They embrace the thought that they are honest even though they tell white lies, withhold the truth, lie to themselves, steal from their employers, have affairs, lie to their children, for their children and in front of their children. It is almost as if they think there is such a thing as being half pregnant. Remember, there is no such thing as an inconsequential Lie, they all count as Lies. And, all lies produce guilt. Guilt can cause addiction to everything imaginable from sex to drugs, crime, alcohol, and all forms of debt. As a result, now your precious health can be extremely compromised as well.

It is amazing how many people attempt to have healthy love relationships when in reality they have not forgiven their last partner, parents, friends and employers. Forgiving yourself and others, all the time, not just when it is convenient is a critical part of your character. I have been doing forgiveness research during my speaking engagements in the form of a statement designed for audience response. What I do is this. My sense is that everyone in the room has someone to forgive including yourself. I ask that if my statement is not accurate for you, please raise your hand. In the two years I have made the statement to thousands of people, only seven people have raised their hands.

People tend to believe that forgiveness is the same as sanctioning another person’s bad behavior and letting them off the hook, or that that person is not personally worthy of forgiving him/herself. On the contrary, forgiveness is a gift to self because we are worthy.

Personal character or lack thereof can also affect our culture. As I stated earlier, indifference appears to have become an epidemic. Situational ethics and integrity have taken a foothold everywhere.

Indifference has a rather simple starting point. Take these two examples. Imagine you are traveling on the interstate highway at the posted speed limit, from behind comes someone traveling approximately 20 miles per hour over the posted speed limit and he or she looks over at you like you are ignorant and are a nuisance. You are standing in a line to board a flight, the person in front of you is talking on a cell phone and continues to talk as he or she passes the check in person, then walks down the jet way onto the flight passing by the flight attendant, still on the cell phone, then attempts to load hand carry in the overhead, still on the cell phone, the aircraft door closes, the flight attendant asks the person to please shut off the phone, the person talks until the flight attendant asks a second time only to get a rude response from the passenger.

These are just two simple examples of everyday indifference to values, rules of law, authority and pure common sense and personal courtesy. There are literally thousands of these situations talking place every hour of every day.

Now let’s look at some far more serious issues of indifference. In the world of professional sports, it is almost a daily occurrence that the media releases a story concerning a major sports personality who is pushing the envelope of honesty, winning at any price by some form of cheating, and worse yet, attempting to lie his way out of the situation rather than taking responsibility for his actions.

Of course, in the corporate world we find many cases where the standard operating procedure is lying as an accepted behavior, and worse, as expected behavior. As I mentioned earlier, greed appears to be a by-product of capitalism and the average business model is “anything goes as long as we make a profit.” And, as if those examples are not harsh enough, loyal employees even get terminated via e-mail.

Now for indifference at the highest level concerning elected leaders and public officials. When a president dismisses unethical or immoral conduct, when a governor knowingly delivers one message and lives a completely different lifestyle, when a senator or member of congress operates with clear personal gain in mind, everyone is affected. The message becomes very clear: The country’s leadership approves of indifference. The result is no universally practiced ethics or morals. Indifference becomes a way of life which leads to a deterioration of personal character, morals and values and seriously compromises our culture.

How can you be part of the change?

Our teenagers are our future leaders, Do you realize that the national statistic for cheating in middle school, high school and college falls between 63% to 90%? Have you ever stopped to think about the number of bright yellow school buses that exist in the United States? There are actually 440,000 school buses in our country. Have you ever noticed that almost all school buses have one thing written down the side in large black letters? It’s the name of the school district they serve. Do you realize that if a school bus had large black letters saying “Real Winners Never Cheat” down the side of the bus, behavior would change as a result? (www.SchoolBusSolutions.com)

Do you know someone on a school board? Are you a teacher?

There are three decisions that will reshape your life forever and create the potential for health, wealth and happiness. These are decisions not work projects:

1. Live an authentic life. Be honest all the time not just when it’s easy.

2. Look in the mirror and like what you see. Try it. You will be amazed what happens over time.

3. Forgive yourself and others always. It’s a gift for you because you deserve it.

And, check in with yourself by taking the “24-Hour Truth Challenge.” Commit to being honest and authentic for 24 straight hours, to yourself and everyone else. You will become very aware of your personal behavior especially if you are struggling after two hours of your truth challenge. You will also notice an internal feeling of freedom and inner strength based on being authentic.

There is nothing more important than your character. Character is truly our Bailout.

For more information on Gary and his work, please visit his site.

Well, I’ve come to answer all of these questions with the same answer. Be a woodpecker! Yes, a bird!

Here’s how I see it. Woodpeckers are one of the smallest birds and yet they take on Giant Trees without really having any doubt that they have the capacity, strength, determination to make those trees fall.

Here’s what happens. The tiny bird gets up and goes to its tree–its goal, dream, business–daily. And it pecks away. Yes, at the end of the day, I can assure you, its beak hurts. Some days it wonders if it took on too big of a tree–goal. The other birds and animals look at the woodpecker and kind of think it’s crazy.

And yet, on certain days–and the woodpecker never knows which ones–the big tree falls. Just because of one more small peck–action.

Does the woodpecker celebrate? I am sure it does. And then it picks another tree and does what it feels it must do all over again.

I often think of myself as a fellow woodpecker. I’ve picked some big trees. My beak hurts. Other people think I’m crazy. And yet, trees do fall, dreams have come true.

So, pick a tree–a dream–and simply stick to it. Start pecking away. Be immune to what other people say. And remember, your tree can fall at any time.

1) Get a few super snazzy playlists together. For example, create the Feel Confident/Feel Sexy/Feel Great About Life playlists. Music is one of the best mood shifters.

2) Pick a word and a theme to focus on, not the 10 goals you have or things you know need to change in your life. Remember these as you go along your day. For example, say yes! Say yes to everything/anything. And get the following: Better Health and Kindness and No More Self-criticism and More Smiles and Assume the Best and so on.

3) Every morning, set an intention for what you want to have happen that day.

4) Do the thing that scares you. Nothing feels better than being courageous.

5) Nothing is more attractive to a guy than a girl’s smile (and vice versa, even though it was a woman asking me this). Everyone has one of these so use yours!

6) Find a way to give back, volunteer, get involved in a cause you care about. It’s wonderful to share your time and gifts on something that matters and you will meet people, feel valuable, and learn and add something to your resume.

7) Focus on what is going right, not what is going wrong. You always get to choose. Somehow we talk a LOT more about what’s not working than we ever do about what is. Pretend you’re on a Debate Team, and you have to debate why things are great (as opposed to terrible).

8) Compare and Despair. The minute you compare yourself, you’re setting yourself up to get depressed.

9) Write down 3 things you’re incredibly proud of that you’ve accomplished. Remember these when you’re feeling down, you’re the person that got these done!

10) Be gentle on yourself and light on life.

11) Don’t have high expectations for your teachers, classes, parents, boyfriends/girlfriends, etc. So whatever happens is just a bonus. It’s having too many and too high expectations and then being disappointed that hurts you.

12) QTIP- Quit Taking it Personally…most of it is not about you.

13) Take each day at a time. Anything can happen. Stop living in the past and thinking about what happened then or in the future and all the scenarios you’ve made up in your head that might happen. Be present, here and now.

14) Don’t make assumptions about your crush, your friends, your teachers. Let all of that unfold. You don’t know how any of it will work out. Let yourself be surprised.

15) Don’t try to be perfect. High standards are exhausting. You’re allowed to be human.

16) Smart is cool. Yes it’s ok to be smart, to succeed, to have big dreams.

17) Your worst day is someone’s biggest dream. Think about it. Your life, school, friends. clothes are what someone in the world would do anything for…even on your worst day.

18) IDIA- I Deserve It All. Yes you do. You don’t need to set limits on who or what you want to be. You can have more than one thing…the guy, the grades, the healthy body.

19) Listen to your body. If you need to rest, rest. If you need to move, go for a workout. Don’t be disconnected, in your head and then not feel how you really are. Your body is your friend and it’s always trying to help you out. It’s on your side. It knows exactly what you need.

20) Find a way to be nice to at least one person everyday. S/he can be a friend, someone who needs a friend, the cleaning lady at school, your sibling.

If you ever want me to come speak to a school or university or group of folks about any of this, please email me at contactariane@first30days.com. I love doing this.