Posts tagged with ‘self-esteem’

End Self-Sabotage and Get Everything You Want

Why is it that we are motivated to change, and we work hard at it, and yet we do not succeed at attaining our goals? It’s because we sabotage ourselves. We sabotage our best efforts. We procrastinate. We resist. We don’t follow direction. We don’t follow through. We allow ourselves to be distracted and derailed.

We sabotage ourselves in a variety of ways, such that we perpetually withhold from ourselves all the goodies the universe has to offer, blaming it all the while on bad luck or it being someone else’s fault, rather than acknowledging that we are the Prime Movers of our destiny, that we are responsible for the lack and limitations in our lives, and nobody else.

On a conscious level we want to win, but on a deep, unconscious level, we are filled with guilt, shame, self-condemnation, and self-loathing, such that, rather than believing that we are worthy of winning and deserving of abundance and success, we believe that we are sinners deserving of punishment, suffering and failure. All of this is below our conscious awareness.

Our subconscious mind, intent on manifesting what we believe about ourselves at a deeply-embedded, unconscious level, believes our own harsh judgments about ourselves, and punishes us for our “sins.” It does this by sabotaging our conscious efforts.

It generates resistance and roadblocks. It attracts inferior elements. It encourages miscommunication, chaos, and confusion. The end result is an external world that reflects our internal self-concept. The end result is our not getting what we want.

The only way to reverse this process, in order to generate success and prosperity, is to put an end to our guilt, shame and self-loathing by forgiving and loving ourselves. The only way to do this is to first forgive and love others. This is what Forgive To Win!’s Forgiveness Diet has been designed to accomplish.

The Forgiveness Diet is a structured program that trains our mind to engage in behaviors that will benefit us in the long run. More specifically, the Forgiveness Diet is a daily regimen of thoughts, actions and exercises devoted to extending unconditional forgiveness, acceptance, and love. It is a daily regimen of estimable acts of kindness and service to others.

When we have mastered the Forgiveness Diet, our subconscious mind will believe we are good enough and worthy of reward, at which point it will stop sabotaging our efforts and start constructing the synchronistic attraction of synergistic people and circumstances that will favor our prosperity and success in all realms.

The Forgiveness Diet is the ultimate prosperity principle!

The reason why many of us have difficulty believing this is true is because we’ve been trained to believe that nice guys finish last, that no good deed goes unpunished, and that love, kindness and forgiveness are for chumps and suckers.

Nothing could be further from the truth. These are self-destructive messages generated by our subconscious mind to support its self-sabotaging agenda to derail us from healing ourselves and attracting abundance into our lives.

Although it is obvious that many people who are loathsome, selfish, unloving and hurtful towards others have succeeded and prospered, for most of us who mean no harm to others, emulating people like that will not deliver us what we want.

If we repair ourselves by extending unconditional forgiveness, acceptance and love to everyone, under all circumstances, without exceptions, we can replace our self-loathing with self-loving, thereby putting an end to our self-sabotage, such that our subconscious mind works with us rather than against us to attract and manifest everything we’ve ever wanted.

The best part about the Forgiveness Diet is that we don’t need to understand it for it to work. We don’t even need to believe it. Additionally, we don’t need to gain any deep insights about ourselves in order to get results.

We just need to do it. We just need to implement a few basic behaviors and practices on a consistent basis until they become habits.

But don’t take my word for it. Take the Forgive To Win! 90-Day Challenge. Rather than rejecting the Forgiveness Diet as magical or wishful thinking without giving it a try, follow it rigorously for 90 days and find out for yourself what it has to offer.

Make the decision to put aside your skepticism, negativity, cynicism and doubt for 90 days in order to work the program as vigorously and as honestly as you possibly can.

What have you got to lose? What’s 90 days in the bigger scheme of things? What’s 90 days in the expanse and duration of your life? It’s nothing. So what if you spend 90 days being generous, esteeming others, and forgiving them their trespasses? What’s the downside? There really isn’t any.

If you decide after 90 days that the experience was not transformative and was a complete waste of time, which I guarantee won’t be the case, you will have the rest of your life to be angry, vengeful, withholding, thoughtless, selfish and self-centered, and to see where that gets you.

But if I’m right in encouraging you to devote a mere 90 days of your life to the Forgiveness Diet, you will greatly appreciate the experience you put yourself through, you will see fewer roadblocks and potholes appearing in your life, you will be happier, more productive, and more successful, and you will gladly continue to engage in the Forgiveness Diet program.

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If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on October 17th, 2011 in Career, Diet and Fitness, Health, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in forgiveness, happiness, self-esteem, self-sabotage, success

Feel Cared About

When Have People Been Caring?
The Practice
Feel cared about.
Why?

Everyone knows what it’s like to care about someone. Remember being with a friend, a mate, a pet: you feel warmly connected, and want him or her not to suffer and to be happy.

On the other hand, you’ve probably had the sense, one time or another, of not being cared about. That you didn’t matter to another person, or to a group of people. Maybe they weren’t actively against you, but they sure weren’t for you.

As soon as you recall a time like that, it’s immediately clear why it’s important to feel cared about – which is to the heart what water is to your body.

Sometimes we feel embarrassed about our yearnings to be cared about. But they are completely normal – and deeply rooted in evolution. Love, broadly defined, has been the primary driver of the development of the brain over the last 80 million years.

Our ancestors – mammals, primates, hominids, and humans – survived and flourished and passed on their genes by learning to find good mates, bond with their young, draw males in to provide for children, create “the village it takes to raise a child” whose brain is quadrupling in size after birth and thus needs a long and vulnerable childhood, and team up with each other to compete with other bands for scarce resources.

In this context, being cared about was crucial to survival. Mammals, etc. that did not care about being cared about did not pass on their genes. No wonder you care about being cared about!

Studies show that feeling cared about buffers against stress, increases positive emotions, promotes resilience, and increases caring for others. Plus it feels darn good. Read more »

Posted by Dr. Rick Hanson on October 7th, 2011 in Family, General, Relationships, Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in Buddha’s Brain, Family, happiness, know yourself, LOVE, own your life, Rick Hanson, self help, self love, self-esteem, truth

We Are Not Our Bodies

I shaved my head again last week. This is the fourth time in the past five years I’ve done this. As has been the case for me before – it feels both liberating and vulnerable. My hair has been thinning for about ten years (most significantly in the past two or three) and, as I’ve written about a few times previously, this has caused me a great deal of fear, insecurity, and self criticism.

These feelings are not new and aren’t specifically related to my thinning hair (although it is definitely something that triggers them for me in an intense way). Being critical of my appearance and concerned about my body have been consistent themes throughout my life – as a teenager with acne and braces, as a college and pro baseball player battling years of painful arm injuries, as the natural aging process starts to affect my hair, skin, etc., and so much more – there have been and continue to be aspects of my body that I don’t like, feel ashamed of, and worry about.

The deeper issue here for me and so many of us isn’t about our bodies themselves, but how much we identify with them. I’ve lived most of my life as if I am my body, even though for a number of years I’ve been aware, at least intellectually, that this is not the case.

We tend to focus a lot of our attention on our bodies, at least superficially. We think about, talk about, and worry about how our bodies look, feel, and function all the time. Some of us clearly do this more than others – but if you just pay attention to the conversations, information, media, and advertisements around you on a daily basis, amazing to see how much obsession there is about our bodies and also how much we tend to equate our success, effectiveness, and well being to our physical experience.

While there’s nothing wrong with us wanting to look good and it’s vitally important that we focus on keeping our bodies as healthy as possible, in many cases, we place a disproportionate amount of our self worth and value (or lack thereof) on our bodies. In other words, we think that if we look good and feel good, we are good. And, we think that if we feel bad, get sick, feel tired, or don’t like our appearance, we somehow are bad (or at least not as good as we could or should be).

We also don’t often make much distinction between our physical state and our other states (mental, emotional, and spiritual). I remember hearing a story of a Buddhist monk who only slept two or three hours per night, because he was so busy tending to the poor, sick, and needy people in his community. When people asked him, “Don’t you get tired?” he responded by saying, “My body gets tired sometimes, but I’m alive and vibrant.” The story really struck me and illustrated the important distinction between us and our physical body.

Our bodies are brilliant, beautiful, and miraculous – even though we often don’t think of, treat, or talk about them that way. As my friend, Steve Sisgold, teaches in his wonderful book, What’s Your Body Telling You?, we can tap into the power of “whole body consciousness” and use the innate wisdom of our bodies to reduce stress, create peace, and attract success in our lives.

I’m not advocating that we disconnect from our bodies (which is so easy for us to do in our culture as we over emphasize the mental aspect of life and focus more on results than we do on experience), but I am suggesting that we disassociate ourselves from the notion that who we are is simply the flesh and bones we travel around in. Our bodies are an important aspect of who we are, but far from all of who we are.

Our body weight does not determine our worth. Our level of health (or lack thereof) is not an indication of our value as a human being. How much hair we have (or whatever other physical issue you obsess about) doesn’t make us a good or bad person. And, how we look and feel is not the ultimate indicator of our success, fulfillment, and worthiness in life.

We are so much more than our bodies! When we’re able to realize, remember, and live from this awareness – we can take back our power, transform some of our fear, and create a healthy, loving, and empowering relationship with our body that serves, supports, and enhances our growth and our experience ourselves and of life in general.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Mike Robbins on April 9th, 2010 in Diet and Fitness, Health | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, body, confidence, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, self help, self-esteem, self-image

Why Does Your Heart Beat?

“If you don’t have a good reason for your heart to keep beating, it generally won’t” Dr. Mehmet Oz

In a world focused on getting things done, we frequently lose track of the value of what we do – of our purpose. Purpose is the reason behind great performance – meaningful performance. Purpose is what keeps the heart beating. What do you know about your purpose?

I work with both businesses and individuals as my message is about helping people rediscover their passions for work and life. At its core, this is a recommitment to know yourself (your talents and passions), know your world (its needs), then to determine your particular value and fit. Understanding how to bring value to your life and to the world helps to define your purpose. And the more compelling the purpose, the more animated, excited and engaged you become in finding reasons to keep your heart beating.

In the workplace, organizations that identify their purpose with a strong vision or mission statement share what they stand for; this attracts those who share the purpose and vision. The vision and mission statements provide clarity to the organization and clearly respond to why they do what they do. We are more committed to an organization that shares our definition of purpose and success than one that does not our focus. And our commitment to an organization with which we share a purpose is an emotional connection – the strongest of all connections.

Now, to life. Those who know their purpose – who have done work to identify what is meaningful and valuable for them – have a clearer roadmap for life. The clearer your purpose, the more focused you become in how you live, how you respond and what you do. This encourages a greater sense of accomplishment, impact and value; in short, this impacts our sense of personal worth.

So how do you develop clarity about your purpose? For that I have to take you back to 350 BC – to Plato. One of the two most quoted mantras of Plato is know yourself. This is core to understanding you in your world – in other words, your fit and purpose.

Consider that each of us is a unique bundle of DNA inherited from our families. This DNA creates our internal brain hardwiring; this influences our talents, aptitudes, strengths and passions. No other person on the planet has the exact combination of attributes we have. We therefore must not only be good at knowing ourselves (our unique composition), but we must also realize we are the only ones who can do this work (learn to know ourselves). Our connection to ourselves is an intensely private connection; only we can fully assess how we think, what we feel, what we believe and what we are to do with our lives.

I find most of us are not very self-aware; few have a great understanding of what we are good at (talents), what we love to do (passions) and what makes us feel successful (happiness). In the absence of this information we miss our mark – we underutilize our talents – we miss our purpose. If we live a life (or work in a job) without purpose, we just show up. Because life is not a dress rehearsal, just showing up seems an abject waste of a day, a day you don’t get back.

Most people don’t know about, don’t want or won’t own this responsibility. By not knowing ourselves well, we rely on others to tell us what to think, how to feel and who to be. As I said, no one can know you as you do. You have the greatest information about who you are, what makes you happy, what are you good at and what activates your sense of value. Look in to find this. Then know your world to determine your particular place in the world – your purpose.

So back to Dr. Oz’s quote from an interview with American Public Media’s Speaking of Faith host, Krista Tippett, “If you don’t have a good reason for your heart to keep beating, it generally won’t.” Those who know themselves – and their purpose – keep their hearts beating; their energy is strong and their focus is clear. Those who don’t see their purpose – their reasons for appreciating the amazing gift of life – don’t ramp up the energy when things get tough. They check out. They short change the world by not sharing their great combination of talents – a combination given as a gift with a particular purpose to share it with the world.

Imagine the missed contributions of artists (or any other profession) who never realized their talents because they listened to others who told them how to live and what to do, instead of learning how to know themselves, value themselves, find their passion, and live with purpose. Life is too short to live with regret.

To find your purpose, “know yourself”; spend some time with yourself and determine:

1. What are you great at?
2. What are you passionate about?
3. What makes you feel successful?
4. What is going on in your world?

Then, find your fit – your place.

Don’t wait. The world needs the unique and specific you. You are here for a reason. Find your reason. Find your purpose. Keep your heart beating.

Jay Forte is a motivational speaker and performance consultant. He is the author of Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition, The Hunt for Opportunities Success Manual and the on-line resource, Stand Out and Get Hired. He is working on his new book, Work Strong, Live Stronger. He works to connect people to their talents and passions to live fired up! More information at www.LiveFiredUp.com. Sign up for his free e-newsletters and use his resources to be great.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Jay Forte on March 26th, 2010 in Career, Family, General, New Directions, Relationships, Spirituality, Teens, Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in know yourself, love life, mehmet oz, passionate life, Plato, purpose, self acceptance, self-aware, self-esteem, true life

Your New Year To-Do List for Yourself

Here are some important things to do if you want to do a little bit of inner work on yourself and welcome the New Year with a sense of peace and calmness:

-Write a letter to yourself. Have it come from your Higher Self. Go through what happened last year, what the wiser part of you would tell you.

-Write a letter to anyone whom you feel incomplete with and need closure. Don’t send it. Write it for yourself, for your healing. Say what needs to be said.

-Forgive someone who hurt you this year. Give yourself this gift. You can do this in person, over the phone, or just quietly in your own space. Include yourself in this exercise. What do you need to forgive yourself for from this past year? What mistake? What regret? What action?

-Accept your family members exactly the way they are. Have no expectations that they will be different for these holidays or any to come in this new year. Do not expect them to understand you or any choices/decisions you’ve made or are planning to make.

-Figure out the few things you do to re-energize yourself and follow through with doing this in the coming year. What is it for you? Nature? Working out? Sleeping in? Prayer and meditation? Writing? Be clear on what you need more of.

-What’s the worst thing you tell yourself? What’s the number-one excuse that gets in your way? Write it down, make friends with it. Ask yourself, “is this really really true?” Who would you be and what would you do without this excuse?

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on January 4th, 2010 in Ariane, New Directions | 3 comments Read related posts in forgiveness, self-esteem

Growing in Wisdom and Love

If there is a through line in my life, both personally and as a writer, it is to identify and develop those qualities that help us grow individually and collectively in wisdom and love. That’s ultimately why I’m so interested in self trust. “Wisdom,” Buddhist monk Khandro Rinpoche says, “is innate in us; it is not something that can be bought, heard or received from the outside.” In other words, we must look within to find it. It can’t come from anyone but us. Without self trust, we can never become wisebecause we will continue to look outside ourselves for the answer. As for love, it is only when we are grounded in our own beingness, comfortable with who and what we are, that we can enter into a truly loving encounter with another human being. Otherwise we are using the other person to meet our needs for security or approval rather than entering fully into the soul-growing encounter that a real loving relationship promises.

These inner qualities of self awareness and self reliance are crucial to go through hard times and make it out on the other side. We learn we can survive difficult feelings—depression, sorrow, a sense of meaninglessness—and we learn what helped us make it so when hard times come again, we’re better prepared. Our feelings are no longer so threatening to us, and we are able to serve as guides and mentors to others who suffer.

Ultimately, the greatest rewards of trusting ourselves are to be found at the soul level, the place where we are called to discover and express the wholeness of who we are for the benefit of all. “A self is made, not given,” says author Barbara Myerhoff. “It is a creative and active process of attending a life that must be heard, shaped, seen, said aloud into the world, finally enacted and woven into the lives of others.” We can’t do that if we are looking outside ourselves for the answers. As that wise man, Carl Jung once said, “He who looks outside dreams. He who looks inside wakes.”

I am inviting you on a journey to look inside in a new way and awaken. Not to detail what is wrong, but to come to deeply treasure what is right. And to use what you discover to make your way more happily in life and to offer the gifts that only you can provide. For the more you trust yourselves, the more you will know just what your place in the grand design of life is and what your matchless contribution might be.

About MJ Ryan

A member of Professional Thinking Partners who is recognized as a leading expert in change, M.J. Ryan specializes in coaching high performance executives, entrepreneurs, individuals, and leadership teams around the world to maximize performance and fulfillment. Her clients include Microsoft, Royal Dutch Shell, Chevron, Hewitt Associates, and Frito Lay. Her work is based on a combination of positive psychology, strengths-based coaching, the wisdom traditions, and cutting edge brain research. Her new book, titled “AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn’t Ask For” was recently released published by Random House’s Broadway Books. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and daughter.

www.MJ-Ryan.com

Posted by MJ Ryan on December 18th, 2009 in New Directions, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in change, M.J. Ryan, self help, self trust, self-esteem

Cultivating Self Trust

Self trust is a virtue, like patience, that has been all but lost in the externally focused society that has increasingly evolved over the past fifty years or so. It is the capacity to know ourselves deeply and to rely on ourselves confidently as the source of our decisions. It is a combination of two dimensions of well-being: self acceptance—this is who I am–and autonomy–this is what I choose to do regardless of what anyone else is doing because it’s right for me.

Self trust has always been an important quality of heart and mind, but it is even more crucial in these fast-paced, challenging times. Here’s how James C. Collins and Jerry Poras put it in Built to Last,

“With the demise of the myth of job security, the accelerating pace of change, and the increasing ambiguity and complexity of our world, people who depend on external structures to provide continuity and stability run the very real risk of having their moorings ripped away. The only truly reliable source of stability is a strong inner core and the willingness to change and adapt everything except that core.”

According to Webster’s, the first meaning of trust is,

“Assured reliance on the character, ability, strength or truth of someone or something.”

When we trust ourselves, we’re in touch with that inner core Collins and Poras are talking about. We have self possession—an ease under stress that reflects a command of our powers. Consequently we know we can handle what life throws at us—we can complete the assignment, juggle our schedules, organize our desks, handle the difficulty with our boss, say no–or make a mistake and survive.

Self trust is also blind self esteem—it’s not thinking “I’m great.” It’s about coming to understand how I am great, where I want that greatness to manifest, and how to use that greatness when I encounter the big and little difficulties of life. If we know these things, we can move through life like a regal schooner, rather than a tippy canoe. For the more we come to understand our unique capacities and how to use them, the less overwhelmed we will be no matter the circumstances.

When we trust ourselves, we can better navigate the waters of challenging emotional times—when we feel lost or grieving, angry, or afraid—believing somewhere in our hearts and souls, that we will make it, even if we’re not sure how or when.We’re safe in our own care. We treat ourselves well, kindly, as a loving mother would nurture her beloved child. We learn from our mistakes instead of beating ourselves up about them, because we understand that life is about learning and therefore seeing errors as valuable information about how to go forward. We don’t consider ourselves bad when we screw up, just not yet as skillful as we would like to be.

Precisely because we accept ourselves exactly as we are, we are more able to change. Shame and guilt loosen their grip. We may be in difficult or challenging circumstances, but rather than getting mired in them, we see ourselves like the lotus flower. The lotus’ roots are deep in mud yet its flower is one of the most beautiful in the entire world. Each and every one of us is like that lotus—precious and whole, despite the mud of our lives.

About MJ Ryan: She is a member of Professional Thinking Partners and is recognized as a leading expert in change. M.J. Ryan specializes in coaching high performance executives, entrepreneurs, individuals, and leadership teams around the world to maximize performance and fulfillment. Her clients include Microsoft, Royal Dutch Shell, Chevron, Hewitt Associates, and Frito Lay. Her work is based on a combination of positive psychology, strengths-based coaching, the wisdom traditions, and cutting edge brain research. Her new book, titled “AdaptAbility: How to Survive Change You Didn’t Ask For” was recently released published by Random House’s Broadway Books. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with her husband and daughter.

www.MJ-Ryan.com

Posted by MJ Ryan on December 9th, 2009 in General, New Directions, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in M.J. Ryan, MJ Ryan, self-esteem, trust

Character Is Our Bailout

I’ve known Gary King for over 15 years and I can say he is one of the wisest, kindest human beings I know. He also has a transformative message for the world right now. He is a world-class speaker on the subjects of honesty, forgiveness, self-esteem and character. I’ve invited him to share a preview of his upcoming book with us. This is never before been seen in writing so enjoy! His message is so timely I made him do this!

Read

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on November 21st, 2009 in Ariane, New Directions | No comments Read related posts in character, forgiveness, Gary King, honesty, self-esteem

The Woodpecker Syndrome

I am often asked what’s the secret to success? to being an entrepreneur? to getting a goal? to pursuing a dream?

Well, I’ve come to answer all of these questions with the same answer. Be a woodpecker! Yes, a bird!

Find out how thinking like a woodpecker can help you reach your goals >>

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on July 2nd, 2009 in Spirituality | 1 comment Read related posts in self-esteem

Tips for Teens

I recently spoke to a group of teenagers about everything from being happier, to feeling more confident, to answering their questions about love, sex and being less stressed and overwhelmed. The conversation free-flowed. I hadn’t really planned what I was going to say….but I had a friend take some notes on some of the nuggets I did share with them. When you’re in flow, you don’t remember what you even said! So, below are some tips you may want to give your teen or pass onto a friend. What was interesting to me was how relevant they were to me, at the ripe age of 36. Perhaps we all need the same reminders.

Read more »

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on April 29th, 2009 in Teens | No comments Read related posts in self-esteem