Posts tagged with ‘motivational speaker’

27 feb

The Power of Acceptance

MikeRobbinsNew For much of my life I’ve struggled to accept certain things about myself, others, and life that I don’t like. Being someone who is committed to change and transformation, the idea of “acceptance” has often seemed weak, wimpy, or like an admission of failure or powerlessness to me – although I have pretended to understand, believe in, and even teach the power of acceptance for a long time.

The truth is, I’ve been scared to fully embrace acceptance – worrying that if I truly accept certain aspects of myself that I don’t like, things about others that bother me, or circumstances in my life or in the world that aren’t okay with me, then somehow I wouldn’t be motivated to change them in a positive way or, even worse, I would get resigned about them and they would always stay the way they are – which, of course, to me would be “bad” or “wrong.”

The famous quote by Carl Jung, which I have quoted in both of my books and find myself saying all the time comes to mind here, “What you resist, persists.” It seems that I (and so many people I know, work with, and talk to) am constantly “resisting” (more like fighting against) the way things are. Whether it’s with our body, our work, our spouse, our family members, our friends, our co-workers, our finances, the state of the world and economy (especially these days), or many other things – we’re often arguing with reality instead of accepting it the way that it is.

Even though it can be scary and counter intuitive at times, acceptance is the first step in transformation. It’s very difficult and quite stressful (as I know from experience) to try to change things from a place of non-acceptance.

Acceptance is not resignation, failure, or agreement; it’s simply telling the truth and allowing things to be as they are. When we accept ourselves, others, and life – we can create a real sense of peace and let go of much of our suffering. And, from this place of peace and truth, we’re more able to not only appreciate life, but also to manifest the kind of circumstances, relationships, and outcomes we truly want.

Action: What You Can Do

Make a list (in your mind, in your journal, or on a piece of paper) of some of the things in your life right now that are causing you the most stress, pain, or anxiety. These things may have to do with work, money, relationships, health, things happening in the world, your body, or anything else.

As you think about or write these things down, ask yourself if you’re willing to “accept” them as they are right now. You don’t have to like, agree with, or want them to be this way…but, if you can start to accept these things, people, and situations in a genuine way – your ability to be at peace with them (and your life) and to ultimately change them in a positive way will be enhanced significantly.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

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Posted by Mike Robbins on February 27th, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in acceptance, appreciation, authenticity, Carl Jung, gratitude, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, self help

25 feb

Go for It – The Power of Boldness

MikeRobbinsNew Do you consider yourself bold or someone who goes for it with passion in life? Some of us do, but most people I know and work with, myself included, admit that they don’t often think of themselves as a bold person. Or, if we’ve done or said bold things in our lives, they seem to be few and far between…and they also seem to scare us half to death. Hence, we often don’t find ourselves going for it in our work and our life – or not nearly as much as we’d like (especially these past few years).

Being bold, while scary and challenging for many of us, is essential if we’re going to live an authentic, successful, and fulfilling life. Boldness is about stepping up and stepping out onto our “edge” in life – pushing the limits of what we think is possible or appropriate. It’s about living, speaking, and acting in ways that are both courageous and true to who we really are.

Because we’re all unique, our individual versions of boldness will look quite different. Something that might be “bold” for me, may not be so for you – or vice versa. Going for it has to do with us getting in touch with our deepest truths, passions, and desires in life and then having the courage to live and act “out loud” in a way that is congruent with this.

Here are five key reminders of what it takes to be bold and go for it in life:

1) Be True to Yourself – Tell and live your truth with courage, vulnerability, and commitment. We must also remain in a constant inquiry with ourselves about who we are and what’s important to us. It’s okay and necessary in this process to admit when we’ve made a mistake, gone off course, or done something that’s out of integrity for with ourselves, as well as if we feel totally lost (which we will at times). Being true to who we are is about being ruthlessly honest and forgiving with ourselves (and with others) in a way that is both fierce and compassionate.

2) Live with Passion – Passion comes from within us, not from the external circumstances, events, activities, or people in our lives. Being bold is about going for it, not holding back, and giving ourselves fully to our work, our relationships, and our lives. To do this we must generate authentic passion, which is both a powerful emotion as well as a state of being as well.

3) Step Out – Challenge yourself to say and do things that are outside of your comfort zone and that scare you. This will force you to “step out” in your life and step in to who you really are. We often don’t think we’re “ready,” we sometimes don’t know exactly what we’re supposed to do, and we almost never have a guarantee that things will work out. So what! As Ray Bradbury famously said, “Jump, and build your wings on the way down.”

4) Lean on Others – Support, inspiration, and accountability from other people are essential along our journey of boldness and authenticity. We can’t do it all by ourselves and it’s imperative that we reach out to others who believe in us, will tell us the truth, and can help us when we get stuck. Create a “dream team” of powerful and supportive people around you with whom you can share your hopes, dreams, and ideas. And, be willing to ask for and receive their support, contribution, and generosity.

5) When You Fall Down, Get Back Up – It’s important to make peace with the fact that you will fall down, probably a lot, if you’re really going for it and playing big in life. How we respond to falling down is what truly makes the difference in our lives. When we make a commitment to ourselves to get back up, dust ourselves off, be real about how we feel and what happened, and not let it stop us from being who we are and going for what we want – we tap into what true power, boldness, and authenticity are all about!

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

Posted by Mike Robbins on February 25th, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, boldness, courage, gratitude, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, resilience, self help, support

14 feb

How to Appreciate Your Challenges

MikeRobbinsNew Are you facing challenges in your life or your business right now? These days, there are some real challenges facing many of us – at work, at home, in relationships, with money, with family, with housing situations, and much more.

The challenges themselves, even the most difficult ones, aren’t usually the real issue; it’s our relationship to them that causes us the most difficulty and suffering. Think of what your life, your relationships, and your career would be like if you didn’t complain about or resist challenges when they showed up? For most of us, myself included, this would make things very different and much more enjoyable.

Resisting, complaining about, or even feeling sorry for ourselves about the “bad” things that are happening is totally normal and what we’re often encouraged to do by people around us and our culture in general – whether we do it out loud with others or just in our own heads. However, these things, while understandable, don’t address the real issues, the genuine emotions we’re experiencing, or make things better for us.

I’m not advocating that we pretend everything is “fine” when it isn’t in some phony, Pollyanna way – that’s denial, which won’t help us either. However, the question in life isn’t whether or not we’ll face challenges, the question is what will we do and how will we respond in the face of the challenges that arise? Do we avoid really dealing with difficult things and learning from them by playing the role of the victim and not acknowledging our true feelings about them or do we face them directly, acknowledge our emotions, and choose to grow from the experience? It’s always up to us.

On our path of life, growth, and success, we all encounter difficulties. Many of the most successful and fulfilled people who’ve ever walked the planet have faced incredible obstcles. What if we actually appreciated these challenges? Remember, appreciating something doesn’t necessarily mean we like or enjoy it. Appreciation means that we recognize the value of it.

Here’s a list of some things we can appreciate when things get tough:

- Challenges often give us important feedback about where and who we are
- Challenges give us contrast and can help us appreciate things when they get easier
- Challenges can allow us to wake up and notice all the good things that are happening that we weren’t paying attention to
- Challenges are almost always a great opportunity for learning, growth, and improvement
- Challenges give us an opportunity to get in touch with, take responsibility for, and express our real emotions

By learning to appreciate our challenges and see the opportunities in them, we take our power back from the situations and circumstances of our lives. Our ability to appreciate difficulties, learn from them, and use them to our advantage, gives us an important insight into who we really are and how to create success and fulfillment in a conscious and deliberate way.

Action: What You Can Do

Make a list of some of the biggest challenges in your life right now. What can you appreciate about each of these difficulties? What are you learning from them? What are you able to appreciate in yourself and your life because of these things?

If you look for it, you’ll be able to find many things to appreciate about every one of them. Appreciating our challenges can allow us to accept them, learn from them, and ultimately take back our power from them. Doing this reminds us that we’re the authors of our lives – not the circumstances we’re facing.

Posted by Mike Robbins on February 14th, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, attitude, authenticity, challenges, difficulty, empowerment, gratitude, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, self help

01 feb

It’s Okay to Ask for Help

MikeRobbinsNew How do you feel about asking other people for help?

I’ve noticed that many of us, myself included, get a little funny about requesting support. While we’re all different and we each have our own unique perspective, reaction, and process as it relates to reaching out to others, it seems that this can be quite a tricky exercise for most of the people I know and work with.

I have somewhat of a bi-polar relationship to asking for help myself. I can definitely be a “lone ranger” at times and often, especially when I feel stressed or pressured, try to do everything myself – either because I feel insecure about asking for support or because I self righteously think that I’m the only one who can do it the “right” way. On the other hand, I can sometimes be quite pushy, forceful, and presumptuous with my requests (aka demands) of support (or so I’ve been told). Ah, to be human!

However, as I’ve also experienced personally and seen in others many times throughout my life and in my work, there is a beautiful place of balance between going it all alone and demanding help from others in an obnoxious way. This all stems from our ability to genuinely ask for and graciously receive the support of other people. The irony of this whole phenomenon is that most of us love to help others, while many of us have a hard time asking others for help ourselves.

Requesting support can often make us feel vulnerable. We usually think (somewhat erroneously) that we should be able to do everything ourselves or that by admitting we need help, we are somehow being weak. In addition, many of us are sensitive about being told “no” and by asking others to help us we put ourselves out there and risk being rejected.

What if we had more freedom to ask for what we wanted and for specific support from other people? What if we could make requests in a confident, humble, and empowering way? What if we remembered that we are worthy of other people’s help and that our ability to both ask for and receive it not only supports us, but also gives them an opportunity to contribute (which most people really want to do).

It still might be a little scary, we may get our feelings hurt from time to time, and on occasion people may have some opinions or reactions to what we ask for or how we do so. But, when we give ourselves permission and remind ourselves that it’s not only okay, but essential for us to ask for help – we can create a true sense of support and empowerment in our lives and in our relationships!

Here are a few things we can do to have more freedom and confidence when asking for help.

1) Make Genuine Requests, without Attachment. A “genuine” request can be accepted or declined, without any consequence. In other words, if we get really upset when someone says “no” to us, not only were we attached to the outcome, it probably wasn’t a real request to begin with (it was a demand). When we ask for what we want, without being attached to the response, we have more freedom to ask and ultimately our chances of getting what we want are greatly increased.

2) Be Easy To Support. There are some specific things we can do to make it easier to support us. Such as:

- Be open to the coaching and feedback of others
- Thank people for their support
- Let people do things to support us in their own unique way instead of micro-managing them (this one is often tough for me)
- Allow people’s support when it is offered

3) Give Your Support to Others Generously. When we put our attention on supporting other people, the universe has a way of returning the favor. It may or may not always come back to us from the people we help specifically, and that’s okay. We want to do our best not to “keep score,” as many of us often do, but instead to look for opportunities to genuinely help those around us. When we do this, we remind ourselves of the power of support and we experience it as the true “win-win” it is.

Posted by Mike Robbins on February 1st, 2011 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, gratitude, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, personal growth, requests, support, vulnerability

09 jan

Create What You Truly Want in 2011

MikeRobbinsNew As we embark on another new year of life, I find myself experiencing a mixture of emotions about 2011. I’m excited about the possibilities of this New Year and inspired by the energy of creation that exists at this special time. Similar to last week, there is a magical quality to this first week of the New Year – lots of hope and positive anticipation.

At the same time, especially given the nature of 2010 and all the twists and turns last year took for me personally, so many people around me, and in the world, I find myself feeling a sense of trepidation about setting new goals and jumping right back into the mix of life and work.

As it relates to New Year’s “resolutions,” most people I know and have worked with over the years, including myself, have a somewhat funny or disempowered relationship to goal-setting for the New Year. Whether you spend lots of time and energy creating your New Year’s intentions or you decided years ago that you wouldn’t bother (since in years past by mid-January most of them have gone off the rails or out of your mind anyway); I don’t know too many people who are genuinely inspired, motivated, or empowered by their New Year’s resolutions in a sustainable and real way. How about you?

Here are some of the main reasons I think we aren’t authentically inspired by our goals or truly empowered to manifest them:

- Our “goals” are often about fixing what we think is wrong with us

- Once we set them, we feel a sense of pressure to make them happen

- We worry that we won’t accomplish or achieve what we want, and then we’ll feel like failures

- We don’t get the kind of support we really want and need

- We forget that our intentions are designed to support us, not stress us out

- We get too focused on the outcome and forget about the experience

- We allow competition and scarcity take over

- We get all excited about them at the beginning of the year, and then forget about them

For these and other reasons many us either don’t set powerful intentions for the New Year or we do so out of fear in a way that creates more stress in our lives. One of the best things we can do to shift our perspective about this and create an empowering relationship to our process of setting goals for 2011 is to understand some key distinctions – intentions, goals, and actions.

Intentions – Our intentions are states of being and authentic desires. In other words, we may have an intention to be peaceful, grateful, joyous, loving, successful, healthy, wealthy, or more. Our intentions are our high ideals and are usually at the root of our motivation for any of our specific goals (i.e. “why” we want to do, accomplish, or experience something). Most of us don’t really want goals like a new relationship, more money, or a fit body simply for the sake of those things themselves – we want them (or others) because of what we believe we will experience by having them in our life. By starting with our intentions, we get right to the source of what we truly want. Intentions are the core and the magic of all of our goals and desires.

Goals – Effective and powerful goals are ones that are specific and measurable. We want to be able to track our progress and know for sure if we are reaching our goals or not. This doesn’t have to be a competition (with others or ourselves) and doesn’t have to be filled with stress, pressure, shame, or guilt (which is sadly how we often relate to our results). Having our goals as specific and measurable just makes them clear and more likely to manifest. And, the paradox we have to always remember when setting and working on our goals is that we can’t be attached to the outcome – which will make us crazy and can take us off course with our real intentions. Our goals simply take our intentions and focus them on tangible outcomes in the world.

Actions – Creating action-oriented practices that support us in manifesting our goals and intentions is an essential daily, weekly, and monthly process of our success and fulfillment. Coming up with action plans that inspire us, connect to the goals we’re working on, and fulfill our intentions is vital to all of this. This is where the rubber meets the road, and is often the place where things break down for us. The breakdown with actions usually has more to do with a lack of support and accountability (which then allows us to let circumstances take over and causes us to lose focus) than it does with any “failure” or “weakness” on our part. Having practices that support us and help us take the baby steps needed to manifest our goals and intentions is such an important piece of puzzle.

Here is an example of how this could look in a specific area of life. Let’s say you have a desire to make more money (which is a very common one that many of us have, especially these days). Start with your intention. For example, “My intention is to experience a real sense of abundance, peace, and freedom with money and to easily manifest income.” Then create a specific measurable result-oriented goal. “I will generate $100,000 by 12/31/2011.” The next step is to come up with a few related actions/practices. “I will read three or more books this year on manifesting money. I will set up two or more meetings per month to talk to people about new money-making ideas. I will make a plan each month for specific things I can do to increase my income.”

The final piece of the process is creating some kind of regular accountability and support structure for this. You can hire a coach, join a mastermind group, create a success/ accountability partnership with a friend, and more. Having someone or a group of people you make commitments to and whom you empower to hold you accountable will make all the difference in the world.

Have fun with this. Don’t take it or yourself too seriously…it’s just life, you’re allowed to make mistakes, screw things up, and fall down (which we all do and always will). Be kind to yourself in this process and in this New Year. And, when we remember that our intentions (those states of being and authentic desires) are what we are truly after (not the specific outcomes or actions), it can allow us to take the pressure off of ourselves, have more fun, and trust that things will manifest as they are meant to – especially if we open up and let them show up!

Posted by Mike Robbins on January 9th, 2011 in New Directions | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, goals, gratitude, holidays, intentions, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, new year, resolutions, self help

04 dec

When You Fall Down, Get Back Up

MikeRobbinsNew Have you ever seen a small child learn how to walk? If you have, you know what a remarkable experience it is. I’d heard about this, but had never witnessed it first hand until Samantha, our (almost) five year old, took her first real steps when she was just over a year. She and I were playing in our family room one night and although she’d taken a step or two here and there, and could get around okay while holding onto an adult or a piece of furniture, she hadn’t really “walked” yet.

That night I was holding her hands and pulling her across the room with me, as she took some steps. I decided to let go to see what would happen. I did and she took a step or two and then fell down, face first, on the soft carpet. She was fine. She looked up at me and although she couldn’t speak, she made it very clear that she wanted me to pick her up so she could try again. I did and this time when I let go she took about four or five real steps and then fell down. I screamed, “You did it!”, started clapping wildly, and yelling for my wife Michelle to come into the room.

Michelle came running in. Samantha and I went to the far end of our family room. I held her hands to steady her, started walking with her across the floor, let go, and then it happened – she really walked – all the way across the room, by herself. When she fell down, Michelle and I were so elated and moved, we both burst into tears and joyous laughter at the same time. Samantha, so proud of herself, began to shriek with excitement and to clap her hands as she was lying there on the floor. And, of course, she wanted to get back up and go again.

We all know how to do this – fall down and get back up. Assuming we know how to walk, which most of us are fortunate enough to be able to do, we went through this specific and miraculous experience ourselves when we were very small. We’ve also gone through it in a figurative sense many other times as we move through the ups and downs of life. The question isn’t whether or not we’ll fall down; the question is will we be bold enough to get back up again? Too often, sadly, we fall down and then decide we can’t get back up. Boldness is about having the courage, willingness, and commitment to get back up when we fall down – even if we’re scared or don’t think we can.

Resisting, complaining about, or even feeling sorry for ourselves about the “bad” things that happen is totally normal and what we’re often encouraged to do by people around us and our culture in general – whether we do it out loud with others or just in our heads. However, these things, while understandable, don’t address the real issues, the emotions we’re experiencing, or make things better for us. Facing difficulties in our life can actually be an incredibly rewarding and positive experience for us – if we choose to allow our challenges to be opportunities for growth.

Below is a list of some things to appreciate when we “fall down” in life. Obstacles, failures, and challenges can:

- Give us important feedback about where and who we are

- Provide an opportunity for us to be courageous

- Allow us to wake up and notice all the good things that are happening that we hadn’t been paying attention to

- Give us a great opportunity for learning, growth, and improvement

- Allow us to learn to appreciate ourselves, even when things don’t turn out exactly as we want them to

- Give us an opportunity to get in touch with, take responsibility for, and express our real emotions in an authentic way

- Challenge us to play bigger, make adjustments, or re-think our approach

By learning to see our challenges as opportunities, we take our power back from the situations, circumstances, and outcomes of our lives. Our ability to appreciate difficulties, learn from them, and use them to our advantage, gives us an important insight into who we really are and how to create success and fulfillment in a conscious, deliberate, and authentic way.

Being bold, going for what we want, and living with authenticity doesn’t in any way mean we won’t fail, struggle, or fall short. In fact, if we aren’t failing or facing any challenges at all, it’s probably a good indication that we aren’t playing all that big in our lives. It’s important for us to make peace with the fact that we will fall down many times throughout our journey. However, when we make a commitment to ourselves to get back up, dust ourselves off, be real about how we feel and what happened, and not let it stop us from being who we are and going for what we want -we tap into what true power, boldness, and authenticity are all about.

As Mark Twain reminds us in one of his many famous quotes, “Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.”

Posted by Mike Robbins on December 4th, 2010 in General, New Directions | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, courage, failure, gratitude, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, persistance, resilience, self help

30 jul

The Power of Getting Real

MikeRobbins96 A few weeks ago my wife Michelle and I found out, surprisingly, that we were expecting our third child. Since this wasn’t something we’d planned, we were shocked, excited and a bit freaked out, all at the same time. We began telling lots of people about this big news and starting to imagine our life with another baby – which was both thrilling and overwhelming for us to contemplate.

Within just a few days of learning about the pregnancy, however, we had a miscarriage – something we’d never been through and weren’t quite prepared for. The range of emotions we experienced during that week, and in the weeks that followed, has been quite intense.

As jarring, painful, and somewhat surreal as it has been, Michelle and I both feel a deep sense of peace and gratitude – choosing to believe that this happened for a reason and doing our best to use this experience to deepen our own awareness and healing in life. While it has been difficult, it has also been a very rich time of growth and connection for us on many levels.

One of the most complicated aspects of this experience has been sharing it with others – which we have been somewhat forced to do given that we told a lot of people about the pregnancy. Many people don’t talk about their pregnancies until the second trimester, since the majority of miscarriages take place in those first three months. I understand, even more so now, why people keep this private – as talking about a miscarriage can be quite emotional and uncomfortable for everyone involved.

However, even though this has been an intense process for us and many of the people we’ve talked to about it (especially those who have gone through this personally), Michelle and I have been so grateful for the amazing love and support we’ve received. We’ve also been blown away by how many other people have experienced a miscarriage – some we knew about, but many we didn’t.

Even in the midst of this personal and emotional experience, I’ve also been fascinated by human phenomenon of authenticity at play. There is such power, freedom, and liberation available for us when we get real. And while I do believe that it’s important for each of us to make conscious choices about what we share and with whom, far too often I think we choose not to share certain thoughts, feelings, or experiences because we deem them to be “inappropriate” or “too much” for people to handle.

Sadly, in this process of withholding our true experiences and feelings, we miss out on opportunities to connect with people in an authentic way, get support, share love, wisdom, and empathy, and connect in a real way with everyone around us.

Carl Jung said, “We’re only as sick as our secrets.” And, Mother Teresa said, “Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.” Then she said, “Be honest and transparent anyway.”

How We Can Get Real in a Vulnerable Way

One of the best ways to access a deeper sense of authenticity, vulnerability, and transparency is through a powerful exercise called “If you really knew me.” This exercise, which has had a profound impact on my own life and is something I’ve facilitated in various forms with many of the groups and individuals I’ve spoken to or coached over the years, gives people an opportunity to get real and vulnerable.

The exercise was taught to me by my friends and mentors, Rich and Yvonne Dutra-St. John, founders of an incredible organization called Challenge Day, which delivers life-altering, experiential, personal development workshops for teens, schools, and people of all ages. Challenge Day’s high school program is featured in the new MTV reality series which is actually called If You Really Knew Me.

How the exercise works is that each person in the group – usually a smallish group of anywhere from four to eight people (although it can be done one on one or with a larger group) – gets a minute or two of undivided attention from everyone else in the group and repeats this sentence, “If you really knew me, you’d know…” and then completes the sentence by sharing things that are real, vulnerable, and below the surface about themselves (thoughts, feelings, dreams, insecurities, opinions, experiences, passions, challenges, etc.).

There’s no pressure or expectation on each person to share anything they don’t want to share – just a challenge to step outside of their comfort zone, choose to trust the people in the group, and be more open, real, and vulnerable than they may normally be with others.

Whenever I either participate in or facilitate this exercise (as I just did earlier this week during a program I delivered), I’m always amazed by its power. People laugh, cry, get real, let go of things they’ve been holding onto, and truly connect with each other – heart to heart and in an authentic way.

What I always get from this exercise myself and hear people say in different ways is that even though we’re all unique, we’re way more alike than we are different. When we have the courage to get real with each other and speak our truth, it’s one of the most meaningful, rewarding, and connecting experiences we can have with other human beings.

Michelle and I have experienced the power and importance of getting real in these past few weeks. Even though we weren’t prepared for this, didn’t see it coming, and weren’t planning to share it with lots of people – it has been life-altering in so many ways and has taken a difficult, painful, and somewhat unexplainable situation, and turned it into something that is allowing us to grow, deepen, and experience more joy and gratitude in our lives.

When we get real (first with ourselves and then with others), even if it’s scary, uncomfortable, awkward, or intense, it has the potential to liberate us, impact those around us, and bring us all together in a beautiful and genuine way. We don’t have to go through whatever we’re going through in life alone – there is more love, support, and care around each of us than we usually realize and when we’re willing to be real about our experience, let people know what’s truly going on for us, and ask for help when we need it – it’s remarkable what happens!

Posted by Mike Robbins on July 30th, 2010 in Global/Social Change, New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Uncategorized | 1 comment Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, Challenge Day, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, miscarriage, motivational speaker, self help, truth, vulnerability

24 jul

Stop Apologizing for Who You Are

MikeRobbins96 Apologizing can be a bit tricky for me. While I pride myself on being someone who is able to look within, take responsibility, and resolve conflicts directly – I also know that my own arrogance and insecurity cause me to sometimes stubbornly refuse to apologize or, often more damaging, over apologize, which can include apologizing for who I am.

Being able to take responsibility for our impact on others, acknowledge and own our mistakes and shortcomings, and restore trust and connection with the people around us (i.e. what authentic apologizing is all about) are essential aspects of living a fulfilled life and creating healthy relationships.

However, many of us devalue, disrespect, and do harm to ourselves and those around us, by apologizing for who we are in a shame-based way – which usually comes from a place of shame (feeling as though we’re not good enough or there’s something inherently wrong with us).

Apologizing authentically is about taking responsibility for our actions, our impact, or our results, as an adult. This is called remorse – wishing we hadn’t done or said something, and taking actions to address and rectify the situation within ourselves, with others, or both.

Apologizing for who we are is often about us thinking or saying some version of, “I’m bad, it’s my fault, or don’t hate me,” as if we’re a child looking for validation or approval. This is a specific example of how shame shows up in our lives. And, no matter how much we might “apologize,” when it comes from this insatiable, shame-based place, we’re never able to shake the feeling of something being wrong with who we are.

The more we notice that we’re apologizing for who we are, the more opportunity we have to look deeper – acknowledge, feel, and express our shame, and in the process begin to heal ourselves in a real way.

While we all have “issues,” “flaws,” and “challenges” in life – at the deepest level, there’s nothing inherently wrong with any of us. Most of us, myself included, spend and waste way too much time judging, criticizing, and being mean to ourselves.

Treating ourselves in this critical way never works – it doesn’t help us become better people, it doesn’t give us access to more love, power, or talent, it doesn’t make us more available for those around us who we want to support – it simply keeps us stuck in a negative story about who we think we are and what we think needs to be “fixed” about us so we can then live the life we truly want to live.

What if we stopped doing this to ourselves, stopped apologizing for who we are, and started honoring, valuing, and loving ourselves in an authentic way?

Posted by Mike Robbins on July 24th, 2010 in General, Relationships | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, remorse, responsibility, self help, shame

09 jul

Vulnerable Leadership

MikeRobbins96 Vulnerable and leadership are not usually two words or concepts we put together. Most of us, myself included, have been taught that to be a “good leader” we have to be strong, convicted, and confident. “Never let ‘em see you sweat,” we’ve been told.

However, I believe it’s time for those of us who want to inspire, motivate, and lead others to step into our role as a leader with transparency, honesty, and vulnerability. As Mother Teresa said, “Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.”

Some of us have specific leadership roles in life – we manage other people in our job, we’re the head of a company, team, committee, or organization, we’re involved in school or community activities where our job is to lead others, we write, speak, or coach other people about taking their lives to the next level, and much more.

And, even if we don’t hold a specific position of leadership in what we do, just about all of us have the opportunity to be leaders in various ways. In our families, with our friends, in our community, and in our work – we have the ability to influence others in a positive way and many of us have a deep desire to impact those around us.

What if instead of obsessing about being smart, qualified, strong, powerful, innovative, creative, and other conventional leadership qualities – we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable as a way of freeing us up from the intense pressure we often feel as leaders and as a way to influence people in an authentic way.

While it may seem counter-intuitive and can sometimes be a little scary, being a vulnerable leader is what I think is needed (and often missing) in our businesses, schools, churches, communities, governments, and our world today.

Here are some key principles of vulnerable leadership:

1) Admit and own your mistakes – We all make mistakes, especially as leaders. The more willing we are to admit and own our mistakes (not make excuses, point fingers, or avoid responsibility) the more others will trust us and want to follow our lead. Taking responsibility, apologizing, and making amends for the mistakes we make are not always easy things to do, but they’re essential for us to have true credibility with the people around us.

2) Share your fear and insecurity – Fear and insecurity are inseparable from being human and being a leader. We all get scared, but too often deny or avoid it, so as not to look weak. However, admitting our fear and sharing it with others does a few important things. First of all, it can free us up from the fear itself. Second of all, it allows others to realize we’re human. Third, it gives the people around us permission to feel and express their own fear, which is essential for individuals and groups if they’re going to come together and move through adversity. Sharing our fears with others is not something we do to make excuses or to dump our “stuff” onto other people, it’s a bold act of vulnerable leadership and something that can have a profound impact on those around us.

3) Don’t take yourself too seriously – It’s important for us to have a sense of humor and not get too full of ourselves, which is something many of us do, particularly as a leader. As I jokingly say to my wife Michelle sometimes, “Do you have any idea how important I think I am?” We must laugh at ourselves, notice when we get too serious, and have enough self awareness to keep things in a healthy perspective.

4) Share your own process, journey, and challenges – We’re always going through a process of growth, discovery, and challenge in life – especially as leaders. This process doesn’t have to be difficult or painful, although sometimes it can be. The more transparent we are about our own process and the more willing we are to let the people around us know what we’re dealing with, learning, and challenged by – the more we let them know who we truly are, give them insight into how we operate, and create an environment around us that is open, authentic, and conducive for individual and collective growth.

5) Ask for and receive help from others – As leaders most of us like to help others, but often we have a difficult time asking for and receiving help. Requesting help can be perceived, especially by us, as an admission of weakness or an acknowledgment that we’re not capable of doing something. However, all of us need help and support – and in some cases, we need a lot of it. Being the kind of leader who is comfortable enough with yourself and the people around you to admit when you don’t know something, can’t do something, or simply need help in making something happen, is not a sign of weakness; it’s both a sign of strength and an opportunity to empower others in an authentic way.

Posted by Mike Robbins on July 9th, 2010 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, fear, gratitude, honest, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, self help, transparency

03 jul

Gratitude and Victimhood Can’t Co-Exist

MikeRobbins96 How often to you feel like a victim? If you’re anything like me, probably more often than you’d like to admit. Although I usually pretend to be too “evolved” to play the role of victim in my life, I do catch myself at times feeling, thinking, and talking in that old, familiar, “oh poor me” kind of way. Can you relate?

I remember one of my mentors telling me years ago, “Mike, you can’t simultaneously be grateful and victimized.”

The more I reflect on this piece of profound wisdom, the more I realize how true it is. Whenever I find myself feeling as though “It’s not fair,” or wondering “Why is this happening to me?” – I notice that I’m not at all in touch with anything I’m grateful for in those moments. On the flip side, when I take the time to focus on what I appreciate about myself, those around me, my life, and/or life in general – it’s almost impossible for me to experience victimhood at the same time.

I got a wonderful email recently which exemplified this power of gratitude over victimization. Here’s the note (with permission from the man who sent it to me):

Hey Mike,

I just finished reading your book Focus on the Good Stuff and I had a breakthrough that I wanted to share with you.

I’ve never been a good sleeper. For the past 17 years I’ve had to medicate myself to fall asleep. On a good night I wake up once; on an average night, two maybe, three times. I’ve done all the things you’re supposed to do to encourage better sleeping habits. Some nights when I wake up after 3 AM, that’s it, I’m done. I can’t will myself back to sleep – my day starts at 5 AM with a morning trip to the gym – which then makes for a very long day.

Now for the good stuff…One night several weeks ago I lay awake in the middle of the night. I tossed and turned and started to fret about not being able to get back to sleep. On my night table I saw your book which I had been reading earlier in the evening and I reflected on a couple of themes – appreciate myself and be grateful – and I started to think about what those meant to me.

I lay there and made a mental list of all the things in my life that I was grateful for, and in no time at all I was fast asleep. No longer worried about what would happen if I woke up in the middle of the night, the next night when I awoke I made a mental list of all the things I appreciated about myself. It was easier than I thought and soon I was asleep with a smile on my face.

While I’m not quite ready to give up my sleeping pills yet, I’ve been able to shift my head space when I wake in the middle of the night. So my new approach is not to stress about why I’m not sleeping but to reflect on all the things that I’m grateful for or what I appreciate about myself.

Three weeks later, it’s been working like a charm – I’m sleeping better and I feel better in the morning.

I don’t know if I will be able to stop with the sleeping aid but waking up in the middle of the night is a whole lot more pleasant.

Sleeping easier…with gratitude,

Ian

What a great email, eh? Instead of feeling like a victim for his sleeping issue, Ian has chosen to use his wake-ups as an opportunity to practice being grateful. Not only is he deepening his capacity for gratitude and appreciation, but it sounds like he’s suffering and worrying a lot less, and ultimately sleeping better…how cool! Gratitude is powerful!

Here are a few things for you to think about and do, in order to expand your own capacity for gratitude in the face of situations, relationships, and circumstances which may have you currently feeling like a victim.

1) Notice where you feel victimized. Where do you feel like a victim in your life right now? Maybe you have a big issue or challenge related to your health, finances, work situation, love life, or family. Maybe there are some smaller “annoyances” in your life – sitting in traffic, waiting in line, dealing with difficult people, etc. – that leave you feeling a bit victimized. Take some honest inventory, without judgment, and notice where you go into victimhood yourself.

2) Ask yourself what you’re grateful for. Asking and answering the question, “What am I grateful for?” is one of the most powerful things we can do, especially when we’re dealing with a challenging situation. Remember, appreciating something or being grateful for it doesn’t necessarily mean you “like” or “agree” with it – it simply means you recognize the value of it. When we can acknowledge the value of something, even and especially when it’s painful or difficult, we take back our power from it and tap into some of its positive influence in our lives. Choosing to be grateful for the specific things we’re challenged by is one of the best ways we can transform these situations and our lives.

3) Think about, feel, and express what you’re grateful for. Gratitude is a wonderful concept and a transformative practice. Most of us know the importance of being grateful, but we can only benefit from it when we experience our gratitude. We can’t be grateful in theory (or in the past or the future), we can only be grateful NOW. Whether we choose to find the silver lining in difficult circumstances, use the situation (as Ian did) as a opportunity to focus on some of the things we appreciate about life, or simply remember to focus on what we’re grateful for at random times during the course of our day – gratitude is one of the most life-altering emotions we can tap into and experience as human beings. And, the great news is that we have access to gratitude any time we choose.

Posted by Mike Robbins on July 3rd, 2010 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, self help, victim

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