Posts tagged with ‘appreciation’

06 mar

Who Do You Think You Are?

mike_robbins Sometimes when I’m about to take a big risk, go for something important, or “step out” in a bold way in my life, I notice the judgmental question, “Who do you think you are?, will pop up in my head. Does this ever happen to you?

This is one of the many ways that the feelings of “not good enough” or “unworthy” show up in our lives and get in the way of our success, fulfillment, and authenticity. Sadly, as most of us know, this question doesn’t come from our true self; it comes from our “Gremlin” – that little monster in our head whose only job is to keep us out of perceived danger. The more we listen to our Gremlin, the more allow him or her to sabotage our life.

However, this question, “Who do you think you are?, while often asked in a negative, critical way and something that we allow to stop us from doing, saying, and going for important things in life – is also a very important question for us to ask and answer honestly. When we look at it on deeper level, we see that our answer to this question has a lot to do with how we experience life, in general.

How life is for us has a lot less to do with our circumstances or situations, and much more to do with how we relate to them and ultimately the thoughts we have. Some of the most powerful thoughts we think and the ones that have the most impact on us are the thoughts we have about ourselves (i.e. who we think we are).

Each of us has a “story” about ourselves and our lives. These stories are often dramatic, funny, scary, inspiring, sad, intense, boring, enjoyable, tragic, and more (usually a combination of many of these things). In most cases, the story we have about ourselves changes a bit – depending on how we’re feeling about life and ourselves at any given time.

One of the things we sometimes forget, however, is that we’re the author of the story of our life – not simply the main character. We often think that our story has to do with all of the things that have “happened” to us, the qualities we were born with or have cultivated, the stuff we’ve done or haven’t done yet, etc. But, when we remember that our story is a function of our thoughts, most specifically the thoughts we have about ourselves, we can be empowered to consciously transform not just our “story,” but our life as a whole.

Here are a few things to think about and do to enhance your thoughts about yourself, and therefore enhance your experience of life:

1) Notice when your feelings of “not good enough” or “unworthy” show up – In other words, pay attention to when the question, “Who do you think you are?” stops you in your tracks and takes you out of the game of your life. As we’re able to notice this, be honest about, and have some compassion for ourselves, we can take our power back from our Gremlin in those moments and step more fully into who we really are.

2) Ask yourself more deeply, “Who do you think you are?” – Go deeper with this question, beyond the judgment and really inquiry into how you relate to yourself. What’s your story? The more honest we can be about the story we have about ourselves, the easier it is for us to acknowledge it, own it, and ultimately change it. Remember, these stories are not “true,” they are simply our interpretations, judgments, and beliefs. We created them, so we have the power to transform them at any time.

3) Upgrade your “story” about yourself – In the specific areas of your life where your story is not empowering, inspiring, or fulfilling – see if you’re willing and able to “upgrade” it in an authentic way. This basically means we change our thoughts, words, and feelings about it, genuinely. Because we often get so attached to our stories and tend to defend them passionately, this “upgrading” process can be challenging for many of us. It sometimes takes support, feedback, and coaching from others in order for us to move beyond our story and remember that we have the power to upgrade it whenever we’re ready.

Who we think we are is one of the most foundational aspects of how we relate to life and ourselves. As Henry Ford said in his famous quote, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” This simple quote is so wise and profound. And, whether we think we’re great or we’re not, we’re always “right” – it’s a function of who we truly think we are.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

Posted by Mike Robbins on March 6th, 2010 in General, New Directions | 1 comment Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, self help

23 feb

The Magic of the Olympics

mike_robbins The Winter Olympics in Vancouver have captured the attention of the world. As a former college and professional baseball player (and a lifelong sports fan), I’ve always loved the Olympics and appreciated the incredible athleticism, competition, and passion of the athletes and teams, from a pure sports perspective. However, having been a live spectator at both the Atlanta and Sydney Summer Games, I’ve experienced first-hand the true spirit of the Olympics – which has been on display these past two weeks in Vancouver in a beautiful way.

There’s something truly magical that happens during the Olympics. While many of us are enjoying rooting for our country and we’ve seen some remarkable performances in Vancouver from people like Lindsey Vonn, Shaun White, Evan Lysacek, Bode Miller, and many others – the real magic of the Olympics is way bigger than any individual athlete or even any country. And, if we look deeper, there are so many aspects of the Olympics that can teach us, remind us, and inspire us on our own personal journey.

Here are some of the most important elements and lessons of the Olympics:

1) Ceremony. The Opening Ceremonies in Vancouver were breathtaking and spectacular (as was also true with the Summer Olympics in China in 2008 and with most of the Olympic opening ceremonies of the past few decades). Beyond the amazing technology, creativity, and spectacle of these ceremonies, there is a deeper commitment to beauty, ritual, and reverence. The Olympics are also filled with ceremonies throughout – medal ceremonies, the Closing Ceremonies, and more. For us to live lives of meaning, purpose, and spirit – it’s essential that we honor ourselves, others, and life in a ceremonious way.

2) Excellence. The Olympics, as much as any other sporting event, are all about excellence. The intense training, incredible competition, and extraordinary pressure of having to focus a lifetime’s worth of experience into one single performance, create an authentic sense of drama that is unique and exciting, albeit nerve-wracking. However, when we think of “excellence” in regards to the Olympics or other things in life, we often think about “winning.” While there’s nothing wrong with winning and our culture puts a high value on it (just look at the attention and adulation given to the gold medal winners in Vancouver), there is much more to real excellence than simply winning. Every athlete in Vancouver has made a commitment to excellence – even though the vast majority of them will not win medals and we’ll never even know their names. On our own path, it’s important for us to make a commitment to excellence – to go for it, dig down deep, and give it our best shot – whether or not we end up “winning.”

3) Passion. The Olympics are filled with passion – from the athletes, the host city, and the fans – in person and around the world. The emotions experienced and expressed during the Olympics, as we’ve seen these past two weeks, are intense and passionate. We’ve seen the “thrill of victory” and the “agony of defeat” on display each and every day. It’s this passion that makes the Olympics so intriguing, exciting, and fun to experience. In our own lives and on our own journeys, passion is a key component to growth, success, and fulfillment. So often we hold back our passion – waiting to see how things will turn out. However, to live life with depth, purpose, and aliveness, we have to tap into our passion in an authentic way and use it as inspiration, regardless of the outcome.

4) Play. One of the greatest things about the Olympics is that they are called “games.” This is a wonderful metaphor which reminds us that while sports (and life) can be intense and pressure-filled, they are really just games we are playing. The games played at the Olympics, not un-like in many aspects of our own lives, are played at a pretty high level and are done so with fairly high stakes. But, at the end of the day, they are all just games. Each athlete in Vancouver started in their sport as a child because it was fun, not because they wanted to win a gold medal, be on TV, or get big endorsement deals. This is a great reminder for all of us. We often get so serious and caught up in results, we forget to play. Play is essential. Scientific studies have shown that the same brain waves are generated in a high state of play as in a high state of meditation.

5) Unity. The athletes at the Olympics come together to represent their countries and to compete for something bigger than themselves. I had the privilege of playing for the USA baseball team in the World Championships when I was 18 years old. It was one of the greatest honors of my life and such a profound experience. And although in the Olympics there is a big focus, especially by the media, on individual performances as well as country competition (i.e. medal count), at the deepest level, the Olympics are about a greater sense of unity amongst all nations. There is a sense of mutual respect, admiration, and appreciation that exists at the Olympics – both with athletes and fans. I felt it on the streets of Atlanta and Sydney when I was there and see it on TV whenever I watch the Olympics now. The Olympics provide a stage for the world to engage, compete, and interact with one another in a beautiful way. One of the most important elements of our personal journey is to recognize that we are more alike than we are different. Those whom we compete against, have conflict with, and want to “beat,” are just people, like us, who have similar hopes, fears, and dreams. At the most basic and yet profound level, we are all one. Anything and everything we can do to see, remember, and remind ourselves and others of this innate unity – gives us access to deeper connection and truth.

I love the Olympics! Not only do we get to watch extraordinary athletes complete at the highest level – but we get to tap into something profound and magical that can remind us of our true power, passion, and oneness.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Mike Robbins on February 23rd, 2010 in General, Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, ceremony, excellence, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, Olympics, passion, play, self help, unity, Vancouver

17 feb

A Deeper Side of Avatar

mike_robbins Like millions of people around the world, I recently saw the new James Cameron film Avatar. While I was blown away by the visual beauty, the out-of-this world effects, and the revolutionary technology of the movie, it was the deeper message of Avatar that had the biggest impact on me.

As someone who sometimes arrogantly criticizes “mainstream” culture for being too shallow or not “getting it,” I was both humbled and inspired watching this film – knowing that its direct and indirect messages of awareness and interconnectedness are not only being shown to millions all over the world, but that there is an intense hunger and desire for them (as evidenced by its record-breaking success).

As a culture we are waking up on so many levels. With all that is going on in our country and our world these days, many of us are asking deeper, more meaningful questions about life, work, money, relationships, peace, our planet, and so much more. Many of these important issues were addressed directly and profoundly in Avatar. When I left the theatre, not only did I feel that I’d just seen an incredible movie, I felt as though my life had been impacted and altered in a positive way.

The film is a wake-up call – reminding us of the dangers of greed, unconsciousness, disconnection, insensitivity, violence, and arrogance, both globally and personally. It’s also a bold call for each of us to re-connect with that which is most sacred to us, to focus on what truly matters, and to remember how connected we are to each other, all living beings, and the environment in which we live.

Three of the most important messages we can take away from Avatar and use in our own life, work, and relationships are:

1) Honor the sacred – A central theme of the film is the way in which the Na’vi (the native species of the moon Pandora where the story takes place) honor the sacredness of their land – specifically Hometree (where they live) and the Tree of Souls (where they worship). They have a deep sense of reverence for these important places and for all of Pandora.

How well do you honor your own space? How much reverence do you hold for where you live, where you work, where you eat, the planet, and more? So often we forget that the “sacredness” of any place is more about how we relate to it, than about the space itself. We have the ability to bring a sense of sacredness to anywhere we are, at any time.

2) Connect with Spirit – The Na’vi worship a mother goddess called Eywa. Eywa is the center of the Na’vi’s universe and their reverence for her is displayed in a beautiful and palpable way throughout the film. In all that the Na’vi do, there is a direct connection back to their relationship with Eywa. There are breathtaking scenes in the film showing large groups of Na’vi chanting and praying around the Tree of Souls – as a way to honor, connect with, and access Eywa’s power, wisdom, and love.

How consciously do you connect with Spirit in your own life? We often get so busy that we don’t take the time to connect with Spirit in a deliberate and meaningful way in our daily lives. We also sometimes get too caught up in the external – thinking we have to go to a specific service or gathering, practice a particular form of prayer or meditation, or do something else externally in order to tap into our connection to Spirit. While any of these practices can be important, none of them are necessary – we can connect with Spirit at any time, in any place, and for any reason.

3) Remember our interconnectedness – The way the Na’vi live in harmony with their land and all living creators is one of the most profound and awe-inspiring elements of Avatar. There is a deep respect and appreciation for all living creators and for all elements of nature that the Na’vi truly embody. A great example of this is how the Na’vi warriors bond with their Banshees (the four-winged creatures they fly around on). Once they bond – which they do both physically and energetically – they are bonded for life and work together as one. The first few scenes in the film where we see the Na’vi warriors connect with their Banshees literally took my breath away and had a visceral impact on me as I sat in the theater.

How consciously interconnected do you feel towards other people, living creatures, and our planet in your daily life? It’s so easy for us to get caught up in the illusion of separateness – we think, talk, and are reminded of all the ways in which we are different, disconnected, and isolated from one another, living creators, and the earth all the time. However, most of us have had experiences in our lives where we’ve felt a deep sense of interconnectedness – not just with people we know and love, but with all of life. In those moments, we’ve seen, felt, and touched the depth of our true nature. When we consciously tap into this, we remember that at the deepest level – we are all one.

Avatar is a film that not only broke new ground in film making technology, visual effects, and box-office success – it’s a movie that challenges us in a personal way to remember who we really are and why we’re truly here.

Posted by Mike Robbins on February 17th, 2010 in Global/Social Change, Spirituality | 1 comment Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, Eywa, gratitude, honesty, interconnectness, James Cameron, Mike Robbins, Na'vi, nature, Oneness, pandora, planet, sacredness, Spirituality

09 feb

Love Yourself, and the Rest Will Follow

mike_robbins How do you feel about self love? More importantly, how well do you love yourself? For most of us, loving ourselves is something we may know is important, but often have difficulty actually feeling, expressing, and embodying.

For me, I’ve spent much of my life – as a student, an athlete, in business, in relationships, and in general – demanding perfection of myself, and of course, falling short and then feeling inadequate on a regular basis. Most people I know and work with have some version of “I’m not good enough” that runs their life, their work, and their relationships.

As we lead up to Valentine’s Day this weekend and think about the important people in our lives whom we love (or the fact that we wish we had more love in our lives), much of our focus tends to be outward and not inward.

Self love is what we’re all searching for – in our work, our relationships, and our lives. Sadly, we spend most of our time thinking that someone or something else can give us what only we can give ourselves. To be truly fulfilled in life and relationships, we have to find the love within us and give it to ourselves. No other person, material possession, or accomplishment can do it. It’s up to us.

Especially when it comes to relationships, self love is essential. One of the best gifts we can give to the people around us is to love ourselves in a genuine way. As my mom used to say to me when I was young, “You can’t love anyone else, until you love yourself.”

Here are a few things to think about and practice as you deepen your own capacity for loving yourself:

1) Notice your relationship to self love. How do you feel about it, how comfortable are you with it, and what resistance do you have to loving yourself? Being honest about your own relationship to self love is the first step in altering it. Many of us have not been encouraged or taught to love ourselves. We have also not seen many healthy models of self love around us. And, we’re often much better at being hard on ourselves than we are at being kind and loving towards ourselves. Based on these and other factors, self love can be a bit tricky. Once we tell the truth about how we relate to self love, we can start to expand our ability to love ourselves in a more real way.

2) Let go of your conditions. When it comes to loving ourselves, if we even put much attention on it, we often do so in a very conditional way. We love ourselves only when we do “good” things, “succeed” in specific ways, or take care of ourselves in ways we deem important. While there’s nothing wrong with us feeling good about ourselves in relationship to these and other “positive” things, truly loving ourselves is an unconditional process – which means accepting, appreciating, and celebrating all of who we are, both light and dark. By letting go of our conditions and loving ourselves in the unconditional, like how way we often love babies, animals, or others we have little or no specific expectations of, we can start to deepen our authentic love for ourselves.

3) Start practicing, right now. Do anything and everything you can to express love for yourself – right now, not after you think you “deserve” it. Since most of us have some resistance to loving ourselves, taking any and every self loving action we can think of is important. There are lots of things we can do – both big and small – to practice loving ourselves. Speaking kindly about ourselves, taking compliments graciously, taking care of ourselves, honoring our emotions, pampering ourselves, celebrating our successes (and failures), appreciating our “flaws,” and much more are all simple (although not always easy) things we can do to practice self love. Also, be willing to ask for help and look to others who seem to do a good job at this, so you can get the support and guidance that you need. Loving ourselves is a life-long, never ending practice.

Self love is the starting point, not the end game, of our conscious growth and development. For most of us, myself included, it’s much easier to talk about loving ourselves than it is to actually practice it. However, when we put our attention on loving ourselves in an authentic way, everything in our lives that is important to us – our work, our relationships, our goals, and more – flows from there with a sense of ease, joy, and, most important, love.

Posted by Mike Robbins on February 9th, 2010 in General, Relationships, Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, self help, self love, valentine

02 feb

We Don’t Solve Our Problems, We Outgrow Them

mike_robbins I was recently reminded of a great quote from psychologist Carl Jung, he said, “We don’t solve our problems, we outgrow them.” As I’ve been thinking about this the past few days, I realize how often my attention is actually on solving my problems, instead of outgrowing them. No wonder the ones I obsess about the most seem to linger.

However, we’ve all experienced this outgrowing process many times. Think back to some of the biggest “problems” in your life when you were a child or an adolescent (or even just a few years or months ago) that are no longer issues for you anymore. In most cases, you simply outgrew these things.

We also experience this phenomenon whenever something intense happens in our life – whether it’s something that is intensely “good” or “bad.” Major life experiences will often put things in perspective – giving us an opportunity to stop and re-evaluate many aspects of our lives. Often, upon further reflection, we realize that most of our “problems” are not that big of a deal.

How can we make this process more conscious and deliberate, and not simply happen by accident. It’s important that we shift our focus, as Jung reminds us, from “solving” to “growing.” As we try to “solve” the biggest problems in our lives – related to relationships, career, health, effectiveness, money, awareness, and more – maybe we can stop trying so hard to “fix” these things and look more deeply at the feedback we’re getting and where we can enhance our growth.

Take money, for example. Many people I know, myself included, are especially focused on money these days. And while the economic environment of the past year or so has both created and exposed a number of money “problems” for many of us – personally, organizationally, nationally, and globally – maybe instead of simply trying to solve our money problems, we could look at how to expand our growth as it relates to money, and in a larger sense abundance, worth, peace, and more. The famous quote from Albert Einstein fits perfectly here, “We can’t solve our problems from the level of thinking which created them.”

Here are a few things to think about as you look to deepen your growth and shift away from the obsessive problem solving mode many of us find ourselves in:

1) Confront your biggest “problems.” Tell the truth about the biggest issues in your life and look at what you’ve been doing to either avoid or solve them – neither of which will ultimately give you what you want.

2) Look for the growth opportunity. With authenticity and compassion, see if you can look beneath your avoidance or even your intended solutions, and look for the beautiful feedback life is giving you right now about where you can grow.

3) Reach out for support. Getting support, feedback, and guidance is an essential aspect of our life and growth, especially when we want to change, transform, and grow into new and deeper places. When we’re looking at outgrowing some of the most challenging aspects of our life and transcending certain problems (some of which we may have been dealing with for quite some time), it is fundamentally important we reach out for help from people in our lives – friends, family members, co-workers, counselors, coaches, teachers, and others.

As we do these three things, with a sense of kindness and appreciation towards ourselves, we can expand our growth, which will ultimately lead us to where we want to be in our lives. Remember, there is no specific “destination” we’re after in this process – growth is really about deepening our experience of life and enhancing our capacity for joy, fulfillment, and love.

Posted by Mike Robbins on February 2nd, 2010 in Uncategorized | 2 comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, evolving, gratitude, honesty, Jung, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, self help

29 jan

It’s Not the Circumstances, It’s Us

mike_robbins I recently read a great quote from Ben Franklin that I hadn’t seen before. He said, “Joy doesn’t exist in the world, it exists in us.” While the quote was new to me, the concept wasn’t. However, as I began to think it more, I realized that even though I “understand” this wisdom and do my best to live by it and remind others of it, more often than I’d like to admit, I find myself living as though I’m simply a victim of the “things” that go on around me and in the world – especially the stuff I don’t particularly like, agree with, understand, feel like I’m on top of, or enjoy.

The circumstances of our lives, especially when they seem stressful or intense (as is the case for many people I know and work with these days) do have an impact on us, for sure. However, all too often we give away our power to these circumstances and situations. We act as though it’s a foregone conclusion that we will feel a certain way based on specific circumstances (i.e. the economy, the weather, our health, our level of activity, the state of our romantic relationship or lack thereof, the behavior of our children, our families, the state of our career or business, our environment at work, and more).

Our experience of life (grateful, worried, peaceful, angry, excited, sad, alive, depressed, joyous, or anything else) is much more of a reflection of us and what’s going on within us, not a reaction to what’s going on around us. We’ve all had many examples of times in our lives when things were going “great” on the surface or we accomplished or experienced some “wonderful” external success, only to feel a sense of disappointment or sadness underneath because whatever it was didn’t satisfy us at a deep level. And, on the flip side, most of us have had moments of incredible joy, excitement, and bliss that weren’t directly connected to anything “worthy” of these feelings externally.

Even though we know this dynamic to be true, we still seem to get caught in the hypnotic, erroneous notion that if we just got rid of some issues, altered some circumstances, manifested some increased success, or changed some specific situations in our lives – then, we’d be happy, peaceful, and relaxed (or whatever it is we say we want to experience).

Author and teacher, Byron Katie, says, “The definition of insanity is thinking that you need something you don’t have. The mere fact that you exist right now without that which you think you need is proof that you don’t need it.”

What if we lived our lives with a deeper and more conscious awareness of the fact that we get to create our experience of life at any moment? Imagine what our lives, our careers, and our relationships would look like if we stopped blaming our experience on other people or on external circumstances. We would free up so much positive energy and take back so much of our personal power.

Here are a few things you can do to enhance your capacity to own your experience of life in an empowering way:

1) Admit where you play victim and give away your power. As is always the case, “the truth will set you free.” Take a look into your life, especially in the areas where you find the most pain, suffering, and struggle right now. Without judging yourself, can you find places where you’re acting like a victim of your current circumstances (as though it is simply “happening to you”)? The more honest and specific you can be about this, the more freedom it will provide for you.

2) Acknowledge, own, and express your underlying emotions. Whenever we go into victimhood there is something we don’t want to deal with, take responsibility for, experience, or express emotionally. Even thought it can be a little painful and scary initially, by dealing directly with the emotions we’re avoiding, we go to the source of the issue and address it at the root. Ironically, once we’re able to acknowledge, own, and express the emotion(s) involved, much of the suffering and struggling go away – if we’re willing to really take responsibility for and express what we’re truly feeling.

3) Make a commitment to fully own your experience. Declare to yourself and those close to you that you’re willing to take 100% responsibility for your experience of life. This doesn’t mean that “stuff” won’t happen, but it does mean that you make a commitment to live your life by design, not default. It’s also likely that you’ll forget, slip up, and fall back into victimhood from time to time (or often). However, making a commitment to yourself and to others – and also asking them to hold you accountable with honesty and kindness – can create an environment (within you and around you) conducive for you to enhance your capacity to live your life with power and responsibility.

Give yourself some space and have a lot of compassion with yourself and others on this; most of us have been trained, educated, and encouraged to live in “victim consciousness” – even though it doesn’t work or give us what we want ultimately. When we’re willing to tell the truth, express our real emotions, and make a commitment to live as designers of our experience – we can literally transform our lives in miraculous ways.

Posted by Mike Robbins on January 29th, 2010 in Career, Finances, New Directions, Relationships | 1 comment Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, ben franklin, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, power, self help, victim

21 jan

The Triangle of Truth

mike_robbins I have a love-hate relationship to conflict. I love it when things “work out,” but hate it when they don’t. My fear of things not working out, of people’s feelings getting hurt, or of me losing something important are usually high on my list of justifications for not saying certain things, not engaging in the conflict at all, or selling out on my deepest truth even in the midst of it.

However, as I look deeper at what my definition of “working out” really is, I realize that it’s often some version of things going my way or some compromise that leaves me feeling like I’m the “good guy” and that the person or people involved still like, appreciate, or approve of me.

Can you relate to this? You may have a different version of this story, but most people I know and work with have a disempowered relationship to conflict and have come up with creative ways of avoiding it, not dealing with it, or manipulating themselves, others, or situations so as to not have to engage in conflict in a vulnerable way at all. However, as we’ve all noticed – this doesn’t work or give us much power in our relationships or our lives, especially when it comes to conflict.

Recently, I had the opportunity to interview my good friend Lisa Earle McLeod on my radio show about her latest book called The Triangle of Truth. Lisa, a speaker, consultant, and expert in conflict resolution, teaches through her new book and in her trainings that in every conflict there are really three sides to it (like a triangle) – my truth, your truth, and then the higher-level solution. It’s not about “compromise” or “right vs. wrong” in most cases – it’s about being willing to engage in conflict in such a way that we allow something bigger, better, and more inclusive to emerge.

As the famous quote from Albert Einstein reminds us, “We can’t solve the problems of today with the level of thinking that created them.”

In talking to Lisa about her book and the Triangle of Truth model that she teaches, I realized that my own fear of upsetting people or having them not like me, as well as my erroneous attachment to being “right” not only create more stress and separation in my relationships, they get in my way of engaging in healthy conflict, which thus robs me and those around me from coming up with higher level, more creative and inclusive solutions – which ultimately benefit all of us.

Here are the six principles Lisa teaches and how we can all use them to embrace conflict, resolve it easier, and come up with solutions that can serve everyone involved in the best way:

1) Embrace AND – So often we get caught in “either/or” thinking which makes us and those around us crazy, is quite sophomoric and limiting by its nature, and doesn’t allow us to see or hear anything else than what we already “know” to be “true.”

2) Make Peace with Ambiguity – Based on our own fear and because so many of us, myself included, like to be in control – we often resist uncertainty. However, being comfortable with uncertainty and allowing ourselves to hang out in ambiguity gives us the openness, patience, and perspective necessary to allow creative solutions to emerge.

3) Hold Space for Other Perspectives – When we’re able to listen to, understand, and appreciate where someone else is coming from (even and especially if we don’t agree with them) we allow the space for something new to arise. It takes practice and trust to allow other people to share their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and perspectives with passion – and for us to just let them be. However, when we allow other people the space to share openly, they often gives us that space in return and we can then find out we’re not always “on the other side” in the way we think we are.

4) Seek Higher Ground – Because we often avoid conflict or even when we get into it try to get out of it as fast as possible, we sometimes rush to come up with “solutions” or “compromises” just to stop the conflict. This compromising process often “works” on the surface, but doesn’t address the deeper issues and won’t give way to the higher level solutions. It’s only when we’re open to and actively look for those higher level solutions that they begin to materialize. This happens when we seek higher ground, instead of simply trying to “win” the argument or end it at all costs because we’re uncomfortable or scared.

5) Discern Intent – With issues that mean the most to us or cut right the core of our most sacredly beliefs, we often have a hard time considering anything else than what we already believe to be true. In this process, we often vilify those who don’t agree with us. “Those people” – the ones who think differently than we do -become “them,” in a negative way. When we look for and find the positive intention of others, even if we don’t see things the way they do, we can get to the core of what’s really true, not just what our ego wants to argue about.

6) Elevate Others – This is all about raising the conversation in our heads, with the other people involved, and about the whole situation. We can and do have impact on other people. We’re able to elevate the conversation with others when we focus on being real and vulnerable (i.e. honest about how we really feel) and also focus on appreciating and empowering those we’re engaged with (i.e. acknowledging them and being grateful for who they are). We can lift up the people around us and in the process lift ourselves up and create the higher level solutions we all truly want.

Resolving conflicts in an open, conscious, and positive way is a lot easier said than done. And, when we remember these simple (but not always easy) principles, as well as the metaphor of the triangle (our truth, their truth, and the higher truth/solutions), we’re able to engage in conflict in a way that not only brings forth better and more inclusive solutions, but can actually create the kind of peace, growth, and harmony we really crave in our lives, relationships, families, communities, and workplaces!

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

Posted by Mike Robbins on January 21st, 2010 in Family, General, Relationships | 1 comment Read related posts in appreciation, argument, authenticity, conflict, fight, gratitude, honesty, Lisa Earle McLeod, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, self help

12 jan

Love Your “Flaws”

mike_robbins If you’re anything like me you’ve probably spent more time than you’d like to admit trying to “fix” your various “flaws.” Although I may pretend otherwise, many of my own goals, desires, and even my motivation to “grow” has often come from a deep place of insecurity within me – thinking that if I could just fix what was wrong with me, then everything would be okay. I’ve been very aware of this dynamic as I’ve been in the process of creating my intentions for the New Year.

I recently had an insight, (one which I’ve had before but this time it came to me at a deeper level), that maybe instead of focusing on “fixing” my “flaws,” it’s more important to love them instead. I’ve resisted this notion of loving my flaws for most of my life, worrying that if I actually loved the things I thought were wrong with me, they’d somehow never change and I’d be stuck with them.

Ironically, it’s only love that leads to real healing and transformation – which ultimately can create the actual change we say we’re looking for, or a true sense of acceptance that gives us access to authentic freedom and liberation, regardless of circumstances.

At a deep level, all of our “flaws” are subjective and based on our own interpretations, perspectives, and focuses. We obsess about certain aspects of our body or appearance, our personality, our life or work circumstances and deem them as “bad” or “flawed.” But, the truth is they simply are as they are – we add the meaning and interpretation to them.

Regardless of how philosophical we get about it, however, most of us as human beings experience a sense of feeling flawed in certain aspects of our lives and at particular times in life. There is nothing wrong with us for feeling this way. Although, as we each know from experience – feeling flawed can rob us of our energy, our passion, our happiness, our confidence, and our life. It’s one of the most painful ways we allow our ego to run our lives and it can have devastating consequences if we’re not conscious about it.

Here are some ideas about what we can to move through our experience of feeling “flawed,” to a place of acceptance, peace, and love:

1) Acknowledge what’s true for you. The first step is almost every process of growth and transformation is about telling the truth. So often we try to avoid, run from, or pretend our “flaws” away. But, if we relate to some aspect of our bodies, personalities, relationships, careers, or lives in general as a flaw, we first have to get real about it if we’re going to do anything about it.

2) Admit and express the underlying emotions. If we can identify, acknowledge, and ultimately express the true emotions we’re experiencing related to this perceived flaw, we can create a real sense of liberation for ourselves. If a certain aspect of your personality, your body, or your career bothers you and because of it you find yourself feeling ashamed – as uncomfortable or potentially “negative” as it may seem, the best thing you can do is to acknowledge and express your shame. Emotions become positive when they are appropriately expressed and turn negative when they are denied and repressed. Although this is a different understanding of emotions than we’ve been taught, we’ve all had many liberating and positive experiences when we’ve expressed “negative” emotions (like sadness, anger, fear, and more). By expressing our real emotions, we can start to unlock and unhook ourselves from the drama and suffering of the situation, which is actually caused by our denial and repression of these emotions, not the emotions themselves.

3) Forgive yourself. This is a big one and something that many of us, myself included, don’t have a lot of experience with. Most of us have been trained to be hard on ourselves and also that forgiveness has to come from someone or something outside of us. However, true forgiveness comes from within us and is what ultimately sets us free in life. When we feel “flawed” in certain areas of our life, we often have a lot of blame and judgment – some of which may be directed towards other people or situations, but beneath that, most of it is directed at us. When we’re able to forgive ourselves in an authentic way, we create the space for real change and healing to take place.

4) Appreciate. The word appreciate doesn’t mean “like,” “agree with,” or “enjoy,” necessarily. Appreciate means to “recognize the value of something.” What have you learned about yourself and life by dealing with this “flaw?” While pain, issues, and challenges are not the only ways to grow in life, one of the many benefits of our challenges is that we get to learn a great deal about ourselves, others, and life in the process of dealing with them. When we move into a state of genuine appreciation and gratitude for the learning associated with the difficulty, we can move out of feeling sorry for ourselves (which never helps). It’s impossible to experience gratitude and victimhood simultaneously.

5) Love. The ultimate antidote for all suffering is love. Our ability to bring love to our flaws, to care for them with kindness and compassion (as we would for a child, a pet, or a loved one) is what will ultimately heal us and allow the true transformation we’re looking for to take place. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. When we love our flaws we create an environment where we’re either able to make the kinds of specific changes we truly want (from an authentic place of intention) or learn to love and accept ourselves whether an actual “change” takes place or not. Any issue, malady, or problem that shows up in our lives is an opportunity for us to deepen our capacity to bring love, give love, receive love, and accept love.

All of these things, in my own experience, are much easier said than done. And, when we’re able to tell the truth, express our real emotions, forgive ourselves, appreciate our flaws, and bring love to all aspects of our lives (both light and dark), we give ourselves the opportunity to transcend our flaws in a real way. This takes a great deal of intention, support, compassion, and patience. It is much easier to take a pill, avoid things, get busy and distracted, whine and complain, pretend things are “fine,” and various other things we’ve learned to do in life. However, leaning into our “flaws” in an authentic way and doing so with profound love for ourselves, is how we can genuinely heal and end the cycle of suffering.

Posted by Mike Robbins on January 12th, 2010 in Health, New Directions, Spirituality, Uncategorized | 1 comment Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, self help, self love

10 jan

Creating the New Year with Intention

mike_robbins As we embark on another new year of life, I find myself experiencing a mixture of emotions about 2010. I’m excited about the possibilities of this New Year and inspired by the energy of creation that exists at this special time. Similar to last week, there is a magical quality to this first week of the New Year that I always appreciate.

At the same time, especially given the nature of 2009 and all of the unexpected twists and turns last year took for me personally, so many people around me, and in the world, I find myself feeling a sense of trepidation about setting new goals and jumping right back into the mix of life and work.

As it relates to New Year’s “resolutions,” most people I know and have worked with over the years, including myself, have a somewhat funny or disempowered relationship to goal setting for the New Year. Whether you’re someone who spends lots of time and energy creating your New Year’s intentions or you decided years ago that you wouldn’t bother (since in years past by mid-January most of them have gone off the rails or out of your mind anyway); I don’t know too many people who are genuinely inspired, motivated, or empowered by their New Year’s resolutions in a sustainable and real way. How about you?

Here are some of the main reasons I think we aren’t authentically inspired by our goals or empowered to make them happen:

* Our “goals” are often about fixing what we think is wrong with us
* Once we set them, we feel a sense of pressure to make them happen
* We worry that we won’t accomplish or achieve what we want, and then we’ll feel like failures
* We don’t get the kind of support we really want and need
* We forget that our intentions are designed to support us, not stress us out
* We get too focused on the outcome and forget about the experience
* We allow competition and scarcity take over

For these and other reasons many us either don’t set powerful intentions for the New Year or we do so out of fear in a way that creates more stress in our lives. One of the best things we can do to shift our perspective about this and create an empowering relationship to our process of setting goals for 2010 is to understand some key distinctions – intentions, goals, and actions.

Intentions – Our intentions are states of being and authentic desires. In other words, we may have an intention to be peaceful, grateful, joyous, loving, successful, healthy, wealthy, or more. Our intentions are our high ideals and are usually at the root of our motivation for any of our specific goals. Most of us don’t really want goals like a new relationship, more money, or a fit body simply for the sake of those things themselves – we want them (or others) because of what we believe we will experience by having them in our life. By starting with our intentions, we get right to the source of what we truly want. Intentions are the core and the magic of all of our goals and desires.

Goals – Effective and powerful goals are ones that are specific and measurable. We want to be able to track our progress and know for sure if we are reaching our goals or not. This doesn’t have to be a competition (with others or ourselves) and doesn’t have to be filled with stress, pressure, shame, or guilt (which is sadly how we often relate to our results). Having our goals as specific and measurable just makes them clear and more likely to manifest. And, the paradox we have to always remember when setting and working on our goals is that we can’t be attached to the outcome – which will make us crazy and take us off course with our real intentions. Our goals simply take our intentions and focus them on tangible outcomes in the world.

Actions – Creating action-oriented practices that support us to manifesting our goals and intentions is an essential daily, weekly, and monthly process of our success and fulfillment. Coming up with action plans that inspire us, connect to the goals we’re working on, and fulfill our intentions is vital to all of this. This is where the rubber meets the road, and is often the place where things break down for us. The breakdown with actions usually has more to do with a lack of support and accountability (which then allows us to let life take over and lose our focus) than it does with any “failure” or “weakness” on our part. Having practices that support us and help us take the baby steps needed to manifest our goals and intentions is such an important piece of puzzle.

Here is an example of how this could look in a specific area of life. Let’s say you have a desire to make more money (which is a very common one that many of us have, especially this year). Start with your intention. For example, “My intention is to experience a real sense of abundance, peace, and freedom with money and to easily manifest income.” Then create a specific measurable result-oriented goal. “I will generate $100,000 by 12/31/2010.” The next step is to come up with a few related actions/practices. “I will read three or more books this year on manifesting money. I will set up two or more meetings per month to talk to people about new money-making ideas. I will make a plan each month for specific things I can do professionally to increase my income.”

The final piece of the process is creating some kind of regular accountability and support structure for this. You can hire a coach, join a mastermind group, create a success/ accountability partnership with a friend, and more. Having someone or a group of people you make commitments to and whom you empower to hold you accountable, will make all the difference in the world.

Have fun with this. Don’t take it or yourself too seriously…it’s just life, you’re allowed to make mistakes, screw things up, and fall down (which we all do and always will). Be kind to yourself in this process and in this New Year. And, when we remember that our intentions (those states of being and authentic desires) are what we are truly after (not the specific outcomes or actions), it can allow us to take the pressure off of ourselves, have more fun, and trust that things will manifest as they are meant to – especially if we open up and let them show up!

Posted by Mike Robbins on January 10th, 2010 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in action plan, appreciation, authenticity, future, goals, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, resolutions, self help, vision

30 dec

Completing the Year with Power

mike_robbins These few days before the start of the new year have a magical and sacred quality to them. I appreciate the lull in activity that often takes place this week and the opportunity we have to reflect back on the year that is ending, as well as to create new possibilities and intentions for the year that’s about to start. It often seems more exciting to focus on our “resolutions” for the coming year than it does to look back. However, before we jump ahead and start making our goals for next year, it’s essential that we complete the year that is about to end with power and appreciation.

As much as I personally love this completion process, I usually have mixed emotions reflecting back on the year. There is excitement, gratitude, and joy for all of the wonderful accomplishments, experiences, insights, and more. There is also sadness, disappointment, and sorrow over the things that I didn’t accomplish, the people and things I’ll miss, and the places in my life where I failed.

This is as true as ever as 2009 comes to a close. This past year I’ve experienced some of the highest highs and lowest lows of my life. I’m truly grateful for all that I’ve learned and experienced this year. And, while I have lots to appreciate from this past year, I also am glad to see it end! More than most years in recent memory, this one did not turn out anything like I thought it would twelve months ago. How about for you?

Due to the common mixture of emotions we experience and especially with a year like 2009 which created a lot of growth opportunities (to put it mildly) for most of us, it’s essential that we embrace and practice the art of completion. Completion is a conscious process we engage in whereby we do and say whatever we need to in order to create a true sense of closure to an experience (in this case, the year that is about to end).

Because we often have resistance to authentically celebrating and appreciating ourselves, reflecting honestly on our accomplishments or our failures, acknowledging our real results or lack thereof, grieving loss with depth, and more – we usually just roll through the end of things and either avoid completion all together or move onto the next thing as fast as we can. When we do this, however, we miss out on a sacred and important process.

Completion allows us to bring things to a close with a sense of gratitude, authenticity, and peace. When we allow ourselves to experience a sense of true completion, we move into the next phase of life bringing with us the gifts, lessons, accomplishments, experiences, and more from what we’ve just been through. When we don’t take the time to truly complete something, we end up carrying baggage, regrets, fear, and unresolved issues into our next experience. These things don’t serve us and often end up undermining our success and fulfillment.

As we get ready for 2010 and begin to think specifically about what we want to create and experience in this new year, one of the most important things we can do is to complete 2009 in an authentic and powerful way.

Completion Questions

Here are some questions you can ask and answer yourself, as a way to create a sense of completion for 2009:

1) What were my biggest lessons in 2009?

2) What am I most proud of from this past year?

3) What were my biggest disappointments in 2009?

4) What am I ready to let go of from this past year?

5) What else do I need to do or say to be totally complete with 2009?

As you take some time to think about and write down your answers to these questions, see if you can reflect on this past year with a sense of appreciation and empathy. The word “appreciate” means to recognize the value of (not necessarily like, agree with, or want to experience again). Whether your year was “wonderful,” “terrible,” or somewhere in between – we each have so much we can appreciate about this past year. And, it’s important for us to have as much empathy as we possibly can for ourselves, especially right now. If you’re anything like me, you probably had some big failures or disappointments this past year. When we can remember that we almost always do the best we can with what we have in each moment of our lives, we can hopefully let go of our feelings of shame, guilt, or embarrassment over any of the things that didn’t go as planned for us in 2009.

See if you can create some sacred time in the next few days to share your answers to these completion questions with some of the important people in your life (and maybe ask them to answer these questions as well). By creating a conscious intention for completion, you will give yourself the gift of appreciation for this past year and in so doing, allow a space to open up in which you can create your goals and intentions for 2010 with a sense of peace, power, and clarity. And, as you ponder these questions, you may realize that there is something important you want to do or say in order to leave 2009 behind and step into 2010 with freedom and peace.

Have fun with this. And, congratulations on completing another year of this magical, bizarre, wonderful adventure we call life – what a ride!

Posted by Mike Robbins on December 30th, 2009 in General, New Directions, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, completion, gratitude, honesty, looking back, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, reflection, resolutions, self help

« Older Entries