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Your life priorities can guide you in your choices about your personal style

Creating a polished and successful image goes a lot deeper than outward appearances. Something happens when you put on the perfect clothes for your body type, coloring and lifestyle. As a stylist, I witness client transformations and success first hand as they learn how to redefine their outward image. Here is an example of someone who knew instinctively that it was time to make change.

A dot.com client was in the process of launching his new venture and also searching for companionship and love. After spending several months in the isolation of product creation, it was time for him to step out into the world and unveil his product and himself as a successful entrepreneur. Mike wanted to create an image that reflected how he now perceived himself and his new venture. He was, in essence, redefining himself as a confident professional and self-sufficient entrepreneur.

After clearing out his old wardrobe and making room for the new, he began learning what to he could wear to portray his new image and lifestyle. After learning to apply the principles we had discussed during our image sessions, he wrote,

“I realized I had . . . been wasting gobs of money on clothes that weren’t making me look better. Not only do I now have a wardrobe full of clothes that are flattering, I also have the knowledge to make more savvy purchases . . . [and] my new girlfriend (who was a runway model for Ralph Lauren) has complimented me on my fashion sense more than once.”

For Mike, wearing the right clothes went deeper than just looking good and saving money. His wardrobe has bolstered his confidence and given him courage to pursue his dreams with no holds barred. Who wouldn’t want to proclaim that his girlfriend was a model for Ralph Lauren? With the right wardrobe and understanding a few basic principles about how to dress to enhance his image, he now has the confidence to present himself and his new business boldly to the world.

What is the life that you wish to create? Do you want to be physically fit or more successful? Maybe your goal is to find a life partner or become more adventuresome? Get clear on the current top priorities for your life. These will guide you in your choices about your personal style.

This is an excerpt from the new book How to Master Your Muck.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Kathi Burns on March 2nd, 2010 in Career, New Directions, Personal Stories, Things We Love, Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in clothes, image, men, persona, personal, personal growth, personal improvement, priorities, style, vlotjing, wardrobe

The clothes you wear can sabotage or support what you want to create in your life.

I agree with Nick Arrojo’s comments on February 18th about the subtle effects on your life regarding how you present yourself to the world.

Your image is created by your thoughts and feelings about yourself. If you have never taken the time to pause and figure out how you feel about yourself and how you want to be viewed by the world, it will be reflected in your wardrobe. The clothes you wear can sabotage or support what you want to create in your life.

Clothes not only reflect how we feel about ourselves, they also impact how others react to us. Whether you are a man or a woman, you are judged by the clothes that you wear. This is a reality. The power of a first impression is real and not disappearing anytime soon. This might seem cruel and unreasonable until you realize why this happens.

We don’t make quick character judgments because we are malicious. We do it because it is one of our most primal instincts, self-protection. We are programmed to determine as quickly as possible whether the person next to us is trustworthy, or if we should take a flight-or-fight stance. We simply rely on visual clues to determine whether we are safe.

During this instinctive process, we can’t help but make other judgments about professionalism, financial status and personality. Knowing this, it makes sense that we should try to appear as polished as possible. It is not a secret that a successful and positive personal image is a direct result of the clothes we wear.

Creating a successful image goes a lot deeper than outward appearances. Clothes change the way we view ourselves. Think about your wardrobe for a minute. Almost everyone has a lucky piece of clothing. When we wear that item our attitude throughout the day is more self-assured. That is why we really enjoy wearing our “lucky” outfits. We feel happier and more successful. With the proper elements in your wardrobe, you will feel empowered every day as you get dressed and head out into the world.

This is an excerpt from Kathi’s book, How to Master Your Muck.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Kathi Burns on March 2nd, 2010 in Career, General, New Directions, Things We Love, Uncategorized | 2 comments Read related posts in body image, change, clothes, image, Nick Arrojo, power, success, wardrobe

Life Is a Love Affair

Life is meant to be a love affair, an actual love affair. Life, as it truly is, is in fact, a love affair. Now you can choose whether to experience life as such, whether to join in the dance. But no matter what, life itself always remains a true love affair, an intimate dance in each and every moment.

Every desire for love, every desire to love, is simply the longing within you to experience the reality of life, the truth of what you are. Your longing for love is your longing to know and experience yourself as the love that you are in reality.

Each and every human experience of love is designed for the sole purpose of showing you what you truly are; it is designed to illumine the nature of you true beauty.

The mistake that people make is thinking that love comes from some particular experience and is dependent on a particular experience. The human mind creates the illusion that love comes from an experience or an interaction with a particular object.

In reality, love is inherent in every experience. Love is what is actually happening in every experience. Most people miss this because they think of love as a feeling; they think of love as something that comes and goes. But true love is the very ground of existence. It cannot come and go because it simply IS. Love is what is in every experience. Whether your experience is pleasurable or painful, good or bad, friendly or unfriendly, what is happening is still love.

This may sound like a tall claim, an extreme claim, even an impossible claim. But if you think about it, even for a moment, you will discover that it can be no other way.

You do not exist as a separate individual but exist only in communion with the entire cosmos. You are appearing as what you perceive of as “you,” as a particular body-mind. But in essence, “you” has no independent existence at all. You are the same as the flowers, as the dirt, as the air, as your friends, as your lover, as your cat, as your dog. You are the same essence.

As you realize and experience this, every interaction becomes a kiss; every interaction becomes intimate. When you are open, when you are available, every experience is a kiss from the divine in its myriad forms.

1. When you walk through the park, notice the trees, the flowers, the ocean – they all stop to smile, wave, and embrace you, if given half the chance.

2. Instead of judging your body for its perceived flaws and imperfections, practice dropping into it and fully experiencing it. Your body is always alive with love.

3. In every interaction, whether with pleasant or unpleasant, let yourself experience the love that is underneath the pleasure or the pain.

Love is what is happening all the time. Simply let life love you. That is what it is designed to do, if given half the chance.

So instead of thinking that love comes from a particular experience, use every experience where you feel love to remind yourself of what is already and always the case.

When you experience a moment of love, a hug from a friend, an embrace with your lover, a smile on a child’s face, let that remind you of the love that is always there, always available, all the time. Use that experience to remind you that life is love happening, and you are an intrinsic, indispensable, an exquisitely beautiful part of the cosmic love affair.

Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life, outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, for true, lasting healing. Purchase your copy and begin to love your body today. Visit: www.sarahmaria.com or for more about Sarah Maria’s work, please visit: www.breakfreebeauty.com.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Sarah Maria on February 28th, 2010 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in healthy living and body image, love your body, loving yourself, self-esteem and body image

Recognize the Beauty Within

Recently a woman contacted me who is studying journalism in her third year at university in England. She is writing a paper on facial disfiguration and asked if I could answer some questions as a body-image expert. Below are the answers to her questions. These answers will be helpful for whatever struggles you might be encountering in your life. Please enjoy.

Know this: whatever your physical appearance, you are beautiful. You can consider this to be a nice idea, but I guarantee it is the absolute truth. If you believe yourself to have imperfections, whatever form they take, please use the questions and answers below to help you let go of those false ideas and beliefs that prevent you from experiencing the beauty that you are. Because the experience of that beauty is the only beauty worth having.

Question: What exactly does your role as a Body-Image Coach mean? i.e. In general terms what is it that you do?

Being a body-image coach simply means that I facilitate people’s coming to love and accept their bodies and themselves. In a very real sense, I do nothing. I simply facilitate the natural process that is taking place within people. Within each individual is an intrinsic knowing, an intrinsic wisdom, that can best be described as love. This love longs to express itself, to our own selves, as well as to others. Unfortunately, very few people know how to access this natural love and allow it to unfold. As a body-image coach, I simply facilitate this unfolding. I help people connect with this beauty, perfection, love, and wisdom that is already inside of themselves, seeking expression. So perhaps the best word to describe my role is simply that of facilitator.

Question: What are your views on our societies obsession with being ‘beautiful’? How would you classify being beautiful?

My view is that everything in life is a gift, including that which seems horrible, awful, and incomprehensible. The only key factor is the individual – are you, meaning the individual, willing and able to view everything that you experience as a gift? This certainly does not mean that everything is enjoyable, or that pain or suffering should be endorsed or allowed, but it does mean that in each moment, you have a choice. A Course in Miracles states that every moment is a choice between a grievance and a miracle. Another way to say this same thing is “in every moment, you can make a choice between seeing life as a gift or a curse.”

So how is this relevant to society’s obsession with being beautiful? If you suffer from negative feelings about yourself and your appearance, it is easy to blame society. And yes, societies views on beauty are unequivocally limited, deficient, and utterly misleading. As an individual, however, you can use society’s limited perception of beauty to your advantage. You can use it to help you discover and experience your own inherent beauty and perfection.

Here is an example of how this might work:

1. Let’s say you have internalized the mainstream culture’s messages about beauty. You believe that you do not fit this standard, and are thus deficient your lacking in some way. Simply notice this.

2. Then realize that this is complete and utter nonsense. Realize that you were born absolutely perfect, inherently beautiful, and you will remain that way forever. Beauty is not something that you achieve because you look a certain way. Beauty is an attribute of your existence. You were born with it, and it always remains.

3. Whenever you find yourself thinking negative thoughts about yourself, feeling like you are not beautiful enough, remind yourself that this is an illusion. This is simply the result of growing up in a society that cannot recognize beauty and is completely deluded regarding the whole topic.

4. Every time you remind yourself of this truth, and let go of the thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that keep you from this truth, the closer you will come to seeing and experience the beauty that is always there. True beauty is nothing that you achieve; it is simply something that you learn to see.

Being beautiful is simply being you. It is being you in all your dimensions, in all your aspects, in the very rawness of your humanity. Some days you might be well put-together; other days you might be falling apart. Some days you might radiate health, other days you might be beset by illness. Both are equally beautiful. It is only the mind that divides, saying one is beautiful and the other is not. In reality, there is only one beauty, and you are that.

Question: Do you feel that it is unhealthy for young women to be growing up in an environment where such an emphasis is placed on image and looks?

This depends. Would it be nice if we lived in a culture that honored everyone’s uniqueness and intrinsic beauty? Absolutely. The only way to create this society, however, is to start with each individual. Learn to recognize beauty within yourself; learn to recognize beauty within everyone and everything else. It is only by changing each individual, one-by-one, that a new society will be created that is simply an expression of these individuals steeped in beauty.

In the meantime, since we do live in a society that has a distorted view of beauty, take complete responsibility for transforming yourself. If you are a parent, raise your children so that they know what true beauty is. Teach them to see the beauty in everyone and everything. As an individual, whatever your condition in life, commit unwaveringly to knowing and experiencing your inherent beauty. As you come to know your own beauty, you will become a beacon of beauty that radiates beauty ceaselessly, slowly transforming the culture into one that is more supportive.

Question: I have read on your website that you once struggled with body loathing. How did you get through this tough time? What advice would you offer to others in this situation?

My struggle with body loathing, and the healing process, was a process. It did not happen overnight. But it did happen. And this is the most important thing for people to hear. Freedom from body-loathing, freedom from self-hatred, freedom from suffering and un-lovability, is completely possible. It only requires a willingness for it to end. It might sound odd, but this willingness usually grows over time.

The most important things is helping me to heal were professional help, yoga, and meditation. I, myself, suffered for way too long without seeking professional help. This is why I work as a body-image coach, to help people who are struggling. There are also many competent therapists and healers. The most important thing is to seek qualified professional help as soon as possible.

Equally important is learning to listen to your true self. By the time people have reached adolescence, most people have forgotten how to listen to their own intuitive guidance. Each person has a reservoir of wisdom inside of themselves. It is simply a matter of learning to listen to and follow this guidance.

Two great ways to learn how to access your inner-intelligence are through yoga and meditation. Yoga can help you to become aware of and in tune with your body. Your body has an incomprehensible amount of intelligence if you simply learn how to listen to it. Yoga can help you create a collaborative relationship with your body.

Meditation is also a critical component of healing. I cannot stress the benefits of meditation enough. Simply practicing meditation on a regular basis helps to cleanse the mind of the negative delusions and beliefs that plague so many people. If you are caught in a pattern of disliking your body and yourself, you are living with painful illusions. Meditation will begin to uproot the lies you are living with and help you begin to see and experience your inherent beauty and perfection.

Question: Obviously for people suffering from facial disfigurements and birthmarks it is not so easy to physically change their appearance. How would your five-step process to love your body and your life help them?

Changing your physical appearance is not an essential part of accepting and making peace with your body and yourself. As a matter of fact, changing your appearance can sometimes be a hindrance to this process of acceptance. This is not always the case, but it certainly can be.

The five-step process outlined in Love Your Body, Love Your Life, is a process designed to help people move from disliking their bodies and themselves, whatever the reason may be, to acceptance, and then to love. My work is not about helping people change their appearance per se. For people who want to lose weight or improve their health, this may very well come about as a by-product of loving and accepting themselves, but it is not the point of the work. The point of the work is to help people love and accept what is, and from that place of love and acceptance, anything is possible.

Question: Do you think that young women suffering from facial disfigurations would be more accepting of themselves if there was more awareness of this issue, and people with the condition were being seen in the media, for example in ad campaigns?

If by more awareness you mean that there was more awareness of what true beauty is then, yes, I do think that more awareness would result in people accepting themselves more. The key is that people become aware of what beauty is.

Beauty is not something you achieve because you look a certain way, have certain facial features, appear blemish free, whatever ideas people have about beauty. Beauty is not what you think it is. Beauty is an attribute of existence itself. You were born beautiful. Whether you were born with facial disfigurations or born as a soon-to-be super model simply does not matter. I know this runs contrary to everything people have been taught to believe. This is what I mean about needing more awareness about what is truly beautiful. Every single person is beautiful because it is an essential attribute of existence, and a rose is no more beautiful than a tulip, then a daisy. All are unique; each one is beautiful.

If our media, advertisements, etc. begin to reflect a more true definition of beauty I think this could have a positive effect on everyone’s ideas about beauty. If ad campaigns show that beauty comes in all shapes, forms, and conditions, there will be more awareness and people will begin to cultivate eyes that can see true beauty.

Question: If these girls were considering surgical cosmetic treatment to effectively change what they looked like what would you say to them? i.e. Do you feel that your methods of coaching would be more beneficial?

This completely depends. I don’t have anything against cosmetic surgery per se. If people have a disfiguration that they really want changed, there is nothing inherently wrong with this. However, most of the time, changing the external appearance will not improve self-esteem and self-acceptance in and of itself. So I would recommend that if someone has a history of struggling with negative feelings about their bodies and themselves that they engage in internal exploration and healing, regardless of whether or not they decide to get surgery. Whether or not they have cosmetic treatment, the internal exploration will help them throughout their entire lives.

After you seek professional help with a qualified therapist or comparable professional, then you can decide whether or not you want to proceed with the treatment. This will increase the chances that you feel good with whatever decision you make.

Question: What advice would you offer to loved ones and friends who are trying to help someone who suffers from low self-esteem regarding their looks?

The very best thing you can do is to let someone know that they do not need to live with the low-self esteem and disliking their looks. Let them know that it is possible to feel great in and about themselves. You can let them know how much you love and care about them. Then encourage them to find professional help. There are many great resources available, and good professional help and guidance can make a huge difference in their life.

Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life, outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, for true, lasting healing. Purchase your copy and begin to love your body today. Visit: www.sarahmaria.com, www.breakfreebeauty.com.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Sarah Maria on February 28th, 2010 in Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in body image and self esteem, healthy body image, love your body, loving your body

The Seventh Secret of Change

Finding your Spirit where tranquility, ideas and wisdom live.

People who successfully navigate change know they are connected to something bigger than themselves.

When everything around you is changing, look for that part of yourself that doesn’t change, the part that is calm, centered and always there.

You can tell people who have Spirit. You can also tell companies that have Spirit. Nothing religious going on here, its just a sense of aliveness, of joy, of doing something that matters, that makes a difference, that helps. It’s a commitment to going beyond the material, the rules, what’s expected and going with a different form of guidance. Often it’s inner guidance, a nudge, a knowing of the right thing to do next, a strong intuition. We all put far greater value on intellect, on the mind, we cling to being clever, on knowing. Finding your spiritual side is about being open to not knowing, to being empty so that a new idea, direction, person can come into your life. It’s about finding a different sense of peace, tranquility that doesn’t depend on getting a deal, making the money or any form of external marker.

All great leaders, heroes, athletes, regular people who have touched us in some way believe in something greater. They don’t all define it the same way, or have the same word for it, but everyone I have interviewed eventually says some version of “something bigger was going on.” All types of change, whether it is personal or professional at some stage make us go looking on the inside. We find ourselves reconnecting to our intuition, our heart, our faith, our connection with another part of our self, perhaps our “higher self” that we have so often forgotten.

Infusing life and our work or business with spirit is about going with our intuitions, that part of us that is connected to a different, unnamable source of wisdom. It’s about a different intention that goes beyond “getting something” but is about “giving something,” helping, serving, contributing to our fellow human beings. It’s about bringing the energy of kindness, care, love if that doesn’t scare us, to everything we do and everyone we interact with. As Plato said “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.” What the world and business need now is a lot more gentleness, gentleness starting even in our communication, emails we send to people, how we interact with the world. We need gentleness with ourselves, stopping the disapproval energy that runs our lives! It’s about stopping the “perfection” cycle and giving ourselves permission to be human.

How do we do this? We start with being comfortable with silence, going inside, taking some time to check in with how something is feeling. Does the deal feel right? Does the website design feel in line with our intuitions? Does this person we want to hire feel right? We feel OK doing nothing, allowing ideas, insights to come through when our minds are not overly busy. We find moments of taking away the incessant noise all around us. Yes, some people call that meditation but that word is also loaded with connotations of sitting in a lotus position chanting. Meditation is only about being with ourselves, away from any distractions, getting back in touch with different parts of ourselves, hearing our deeper truths, re-aligning some aspects of our lives. Infusing our lives and work with Spirit is also about finding our intentions for why we are doing what we are doing. What guides our choices and really our lives? Is it about wanting more or giving more? Power moves through those who serve, not those who are out to get more. Ironically, when we don’t focus on getting approval, or money or fame, that’s often the time when it comes to you in spades.

Finding our spiritual side is about a bigger sense of meaning as to what we have come here to experience. The best advertisement for the spiritual path isn’t about doing a yoga class once a week, wearing a spiritual piece of jewelry or even going to church. The best ad is about being kinder, more compassionate to others, finding any which way to help. We need to ask ourselves, who needs our help today? We are loaded with gifts, ideas, connections that can help others do something good in the world.

I ask myself that question everyday and in so doing, it’s remarkable how many of my challenges, hurdles also get taken care of in parallel. My quiet silent time to be with Spirit, is what I call a “non-negotiable” (together with my health). This means no one and nothing touches this. I don’t start the day before attending to these. They come above everything for me and ensure that I’m effective in all areas of my life.

What are your non-negotiables? How much spirit is alive in your organization or family or job? What feels right as something to get started on to reconnect with this part of yourself that runs through you whether you acknowledge it or not? If you find your spiritual side, the part of you that never changes, is always there, detached from any drama, then life on the outside will become calmer. You will then be plugged into a different source of energy, not only the “little me” trying to keep everything under control, but the bigger source that powers life and nature, that part you may not fully understand, that source where anything is possible and you are not limited by disempowering thoughts or beliefs. Nurture that relationship.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on February 17th, 2010 in New Directions, Spirituality, Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in principles of change

A struggling economy is the perfect time to reinvent yourself

During this current economy millions of people are coping with major unexpected change.

The Change Nation interview with Daryn Kagan is the perfect example of someone taking a seemingly dire situation and making lemons out of lemonaide. When faced with the demise of her job, she took that golden opportunity to embrace change and recreate a new career based on her passions, an inspirational news web site. I don’t know about you, but I love the idea of hearing about good news instead of news about war, poverty and disharmony.

If you find yourself unemployed and wondering what to do next, consider taking the time right now to discover what your true skills, talents and passions are and how you might best offer them to the world. I did this shortly after 911 and the demise of my tourism related business. Without 911, I would not be living my purpose and offering my highest talents to the world because I never had the time to stop and take a serious look at what I really wanted to do. I am sure you know the story: you get on the ‘money train’ and cant stop it long enough to jump off safely. Maybe you didn’t jump but were dumped, so what? This is still your perfect opportunity to begin anew.

Take this golden opportunity to recreate your life so that you can now live the life of your dreams. Some of the most successful businesses in the world began when the economy was in recession, just look at Microsoft and Apple. Embrace change and get started now creating the life of your dreams now!

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Kathi Burns on February 8th, 2010 in General, Global/Social Change, New Directions, Personal Stories, Uncategorized | 2 comments Read related posts in Career, change, economy, inspiration, new careers, passion, purpose, tough economy, transition

We Don’t Solve Our Problems, We Outgrow Them

I was recently reminded of a great quote from psychologist Carl Jung, he said, “We don’t solve our problems, we outgrow them.” As I’ve been thinking about this the past few days, I realize how often my attention is actually on solving my problems, instead of outgrowing them. No wonder the ones I obsess about the most seem to linger.

However, we’ve all experienced this outgrowing process many times. Think back to some of the biggest “problems” in your life when you were a child or an adolescent (or even just a few years or months ago) that are no longer issues for you anymore. In most cases, you simply outgrew these things.

We also experience this phenomenon whenever something intense happens in our life – whether it’s something that is intensely “good” or “bad.” Major life experiences will often put things in perspective – giving us an opportunity to stop and re-evaluate many aspects of our lives. Often, upon further reflection, we realize that most of our “problems” are not that big of a deal.

How can we make this process more conscious and deliberate, and not simply happen by accident. It’s important that we shift our focus, as Jung reminds us, from “solving” to “growing.” As we try to “solve” the biggest problems in our lives – related to relationships, career, health, effectiveness, money, awareness, and more – maybe we can stop trying so hard to “fix” these things and look more deeply at the feedback we’re getting and where we can enhance our growth.

Take money, for example. Many people I know, myself included, are especially focused on money these days. And while the economic environment of the past year or so has both created and exposed a number of money “problems” for many of us – personally, organizationally, nationally, and globally – maybe instead of simply trying to solve our money problems, we could look at how to expand our growth as it relates to money, and in a larger sense abundance, worth, peace, and more. The famous quote from Albert Einstein fits perfectly here, “We can’t solve our problems from the level of thinking which created them.”

Here are a few things to think about as you look to deepen your growth and shift away from the obsessive problem solving mode many of us find ourselves in:

1) Confront your biggest “problems.” Tell the truth about the biggest issues in your life and look at what you’ve been doing to either avoid or solve them – neither of which will ultimately give you what you want.

2) Look for the growth opportunity. With authenticity and compassion, see if you can look beneath your avoidance or even your intended solutions, and look for the beautiful feedback life is giving you right now about where you can grow.

3) Reach out for support. Getting support, feedback, and guidance is an essential aspect of our life and growth, especially when we want to change, transform, and grow into new and deeper places. When we’re looking at outgrowing some of the most challenging aspects of our life and transcending certain problems (some of which we may have been dealing with for quite some time), it is fundamentally important we reach out for help from people in our lives – friends, family members, co-workers, counselors, coaches, teachers, and others.

As we do these three things, with a sense of kindness and appreciation towards ourselves, we can expand our growth, which will ultimately lead us to where we want to be in our lives. Remember, there is no specific “destination” we’re after in this process – growth is really about deepening our experience of life and enhancing our capacity for joy, fulfillment, and love.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Mike Robbins on February 2nd, 2010 in Uncategorized | 2 comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, evolving, gratitude, honesty, Jung, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, self help

Self-confidence from the Self

In my experience, there is only one real way to increase your self-confidence, and that is through Self-confidence. Self-confidence, with a capital “S”, comes from focusing on the Self, your true Self, your actual Self. Self confidence with a small “s” comes from looking for stability, safety, and security, in that which is inherently unstable, transitory, and fleeting, which is never ultimately effective. Let me explain…

A lack of self-confidence, or low self-esteem, comes from the ideas, beliefs, attitudes, etc. that say you are not quite enough the way you are, that something is lacking. Perhaps you think your body is not thin enough, strong, enough, or healthy enough. Maybe you think you are not smart enough, not fast enough, not loving enough. Maybe you think you are too selfish, or too giving. No matter what your particular story line, no matter what your particular perspective, you think and believe that something is wrong with you, that you are somehow flawed and lacking in some way.

This belief-system, this set of assumptions, is the result of your conditioning and is simply not true.

You can spend your whole life working to build your self-confidence by changing certain things about yourself. And it can feel like it is working, like you have improved your self-confidence.

The problem is that anything, absolutely anything, that you perceive of as an object is transitory and fleeting. So you can improve your health, increase your income, experience beautiful relationships, but all of this is subject to change, and when it does, it can undermine the sense of confidence that you worked so hard to achieve. So consider instead shifting your focus entirely. Shift your focus from the ever-changing person of your imagination, to the Self which is immutable and never-changing. This is the Source of true Self-confidence.

The fact of the matter is that who you are, or rather what you are, is already, has always been, and will always be perfect. Who you are is the eternal Self, the Source of all reality. You cannot not be perfect. Yet in order to see this, you need to continuously shift your reference point. You need to fastidiously shift your focus away from the fleeting and temporary “person” that you think yourself to be and shift it toward that which is eternally perfect.

Instead of constantly looking for ways to improve yourself, give up the idea that you need improvement. Instead of spending your whole life attempting to perfect your “person”, discover that you not a person in need of perfection. Who you are is already perfect.

Life then becomes a practice of letting go of all the false ideas and beliefs that you carry around with you. Just like an overweight suitcase, these false assumptions drain you of your energy, vitality, and beauty. They eclipse the experience of your perfection.

So if you are interested in true Self-confidence, consider this as a practice:

1. Accept the premise that who you are, exactly as you are, is already perfect.

2. Become aware of every thought, idea, belief, behavior, feeling, and perception that runs contrary, that tells you somehow you are not quite good enough.

3. Practice letting go of those perceptions. Let them go, one-by-one, staying focused always on that which is eternal and unchanging.

When you realize that what you are is already perfect, all questions of self-confidence disappear of their own accord and you are left with the ultimate Self-confidence.

Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life, outlines her 5-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, for true, lasting healing. Purchase your copy, begin to love your body today. Visit: SarahMaria.com, BreakFreeBeauty.com.

Posted by Sarah Maria on January 30th, 2010 in Uncategorized | 2 comments Read related posts in body image and self confidence, how to love yourself more, love your body love your life, sarah maria, sarah maria body image, self confidence

Be the You that Takes Your Breath Away

“We are the only species on earth capable of preventing our own flowering.” – David Whyte

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This quote floated across the Twittersphere yesterday, and grabbed my attention. When I posted it as my status on FaceBook, a lovely male friend commented in response, “Yet we are drawn to flowering. Such a juicy existence.”, causing me to pause and consider the dynamic tug of war between closing and opening, concealing and revealing, preventing and surrendering.

So many ways we fight what is. Human beings that is. Only human beings. At least as far as I can see, human beings are the only ones who try oh so hard not to be what we are.

Then, I thought of how much energy it would take for a plant to keep itself from blooming. Oh my. Can you imagine if a bud could keep itself from blooming? I can just see it trying to scrunch everything in, holding itself back and in as if holding its breath, trying so hard not to be what it is meant to be.

Or at the other end of the spectrum, if the plant desires to blossom, gets to the height of its bloom and then tries really hard, incredibly hard, to keep the bloom beautiful. forever. without a flaw. without losing its perkiness. without fading.

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Fighting one’s design is exhausting. I know. I’ve done it all my life. Especially my design as a woman.

I’ve hid my deeply sensual nature. I’ve kept myself small. I’ve taken on others’ shame as my own. I’ve apologized over and over and over simply for taking up space, for being in the way, for reasons I didn’t even know, even as I was in the midst of doing it.

I’ve been really, really nice, keeping the anger and rage down inside where it won’t be seen so I won’t be seen as threatening or angry or a bitch.

As far as I know, flowers can’t choose. They do what they do because their intrinsic design is to do that. But people, we get to choose. We get to self-reflect. We get to do this dance between ego and soul, a dance between pretending and being.

Fighting one’s design is the never ending staircase, the infinite treadmill, the highway to hell, but you never get to hell, because no matter how hard you pedal, you end up exactly where you started. Preventing flowering IS hell.

As I let myself feel my exhaustion, when I stop and allow the full force of my dance with the illusion of my not-enoughness to flow over me, something else makes itself known. It is always there. It’s just doesn’t clamor for my attention. It doesn’t have to. It’s just what is.

It’s the wake up call to remembrance.

It’s the quiet, yet insistent, push to bloom, to flower, to be the one I know I really am. The one I allow myself to see in rare fleeting glimpses. The one that flashes across my face sometimes when I’m caught off guard looking in the mirror. The one that scares the hell out of me because of its persistence. The one that scares the hell out of me because of its beauty.

You know the one I’m talking about… the you that takes your own breath away.

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My project has exhausted me for years. And, it shape-shifts. Just when I think I am being real and truthful and risky, I can feel the oh so familiar tightness and constriction of the project taking over again.

Let me make something really clear. The project is NOT bad. It is a ingenious survival strategy to stay safe when young. It’s filled with well-meaning parts that will do whatever it takes to keep safe. The only thing is, if the urge to bloom is there, then the project is standing in the way of blossoming. And, hence, creating exhaustion.

It can feel really risky to be the you that takes your breath away. But, in my experience, it hurts like hell to keep hiding it. The body suffers. The soul suffers. Hiding this you is fighting your design as a soul, as a human being, as a woman.

Beauty appears when something is completely & absolutely & openly itself. ~Deena Metzger

Beauty is something being what it is. Sometimes this learning to allow beauty is messy. Sometimes I don’t feel beautiful, but then I remember THAT beauty was the beauty I was taught to believe in…not the beauty of something being real. messy. powerful. strong. This is the beauty that pushes the seedling up to the light, the bud to open to the light, the petals to fall, the flower to die.

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Right now, there is a force calling us forth to be beautiful, to be completely and absolutely and openly ourselves. Yes, it is a very persistent and fierce force, like truth always is, because, as Andrew Harvey says,

“Everything is at stake, and everything is possible.”

This force is compelling women to blossom. Fully. In all our feminine majesty. It is time.

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image by fireflies604 CC 2.0 license

Julie Daley is a coach, creativity catalyst and consultant. She works with women who long to discover sovereignty, interdependence and joy. Find out more at UnabashedlyFemale.com.

Posted by Julie Daley on January 24th, 2010 in Uncategorized | 1 comment

Live the Mystery

How willing are you to live in the mystery? How willing are you to live the mystery? Or another way to ask this question is how willing are you to allow the mystery to live you?

You see, you live in mystery. Or, better said, you are a living mystery.
Very few people are ready and willing to accept this mystery. The mind wants to figure the mystery out, seeking to grasp and hold onto the mystery. The mind asks:

• What about this?
• How do I?
• But what if?
• How does it work?
• What will happen when?

And there is nothing wrong with these questions. Yet the deepest longing of your heart and soul, the deep yearning for truth, cannot be grasped and understood – it can only be experienced.

I heard a story once that a great scientist (I think Einstein) said: “God doesn’t play dice with the universe”. With the advent of quantum physics, another leading scientist reveled: “God not only plays dice, but he throws the dice where no one can find them.”

This is simply a way of saying that we are part of a mystery that cannot be explained, that cannot be understood, that cannot be grasped. But it can be experienced. The mystery can be revealed; you can literally experience a revelation; you can experience the revelation of the mystery.

In my experience, the fastest way to experience this mystery, to live this mystery, is through the heart. When you live from the heart, you transcend the mind. For many people, the mind serves as a barrier to the experience of truth. Not because the mind is bad, not because the mind is wrong, but simply because the mind has been conditioned, trained, away from truth. The mind has been conditioned to have all sort of beliefs, ideas, attitudes, and assumptions. And none of these beliefs can show you the mystery of reality, the mystery of life, because this mystery can only be experienced directly. It can be experienced not through thinking, feeling, or doing, but rather through surrendering.

It is natural, almost inevitable, to be afraid of living the mystery because living the mystery means seeing that you are not in control. For those of us who like to think we control life, or at the very least control ourselves, surrendering to the mystery can seem daunting, overwhelming, even unbearable.

Yet the truth of the matter remains – we are part and parcel of an incredible mystery. And we do not control the mystery. It is when you are willing to surrender to this mystery we call life that true beauty can begin to reveal itself.

So take some time this week to reside in the heart. Reside in your heart and see if you can let the mystery guide you to an experience of your exquisite nature.

Sarah Maria, author of Love Your Body, Love Your Life, outlines her five-step process for helping you feel great in and about your body. Her work embraces the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual, for true, lasting healing. Purchase your copy and begin to love your body today. Visit www.sarahmaria.com and www.breakfreebeauty.com.

Posted by Sarah Maria on January 20th, 2010 in Uncategorized | 1 comment Read related posts in body and mind, peace and wellbeing, sarah maria