All ‘Spirituality’ Posts

The True Opportunities to Express Love

Posted by Moti & Ronit Peleg on May 29th, 2011 in Relationships, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in communicating, marriage, marriage advice, Moti Peleg, relationship advice, Ronit Rinat, Valentine's Day

The Wolf of Hate

I heard a story once about a Native American elder who was asked how she had become so wise, so happy, and so respected. She answered: “In my heart, there are two wolves: a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. It all depends on which one I feed each day.”

This story always gives me a little shiver. It’s both humbling and hopeful. First, the wolf of love is very popular, but who among us does not also harbor a wolf of hate? We can hear its snarling both far away in distant wars and close to home in our own anger and aggression, even toward people we love. Second, the story suggests that we each have the ability—grounded in daily actions—to encourage and strengthen empathy, compassion, and kindness while also restraining and reducing ill will, disdain, and aggression.

In my previous post, I explored some of the basis, in the brain, of romance and love. In this one, let’s consider the dark side of bonding: how attachment to “us” both fuels and has been nurtured by fearful aggression toward “them.” Read more »

Posted by Dr. Rick Hanson on May 26th, 2011 in Health, Relationships, Spirituality | 1 comment Read related posts in anger and aggression, biological evolution, buddha, Buddha’s Brain, compassion and kindness, disdain, droughts, EMPATHY, harsh conditions, human aggression, ill will, neuroscience, predators, Rick Hanson, scarce resources, shiver, starvation, ups, ups and downs, vital steps, wolves, workplaces

The Challenge of Intimate Bonding

Research shows that more than 80% of life’s satisfactions that contribute to one’s happiness derive from a meaningful and intimately close relationship with loved ones. Still, a question remains. If one’s most important aspirations in life are to bond, love and be loved, why are so many of us not attempting to make our relationships all they can be? What is holding most of humanity from fulfilling what seems to be the single most important purpose of our being? Ironically, in reality many people in intimate relationships experience the opposite pulling forces of a wish and fear of a relationship. It causes them to delay experiencing true intimacy with their present mates, by either giving up or passively awaiting a miracle that would rejuvenate their stale or combative relationship. Too many people live a lonely and loveless existence. Many dream of finding their destined soul mate, but in reality their love is delayed or fails to show up.

We rationalize and tell ourselves that as soon as we finish the pressing tasks that consume us, we will devote more time to our intimate relationships whether with our mate, our parents, our children or other significant others. We tell our mate that we will be more passionate and romantic when things slow down. We promise ourselves that at some point in the future, as soon as we find more time, we will listen from the heart, be more mindful and accepting, compassionate and intimate with our relationships. We convince ourselves that our true love will emerge if we wait for it long enough or if we don’t rock the shaky boat of our present relationship. We tell ourselves that soon we will find an opportunity to express love to our partner, our parents or our children but we never do it or it rarely happens.

We postpone intimate closeness, when deep within we know that there will never be a better time to take a leap and risk being vulnerable enough to make that long awaited positive change. We experience an uphill challenge just thinking of the shift we could make in our dysfunctional ways of relating, and become more truthful to ourselves and loving from a heartfelt place. We are reluctant to reach out to the most precious, most delicate and most painfully deprived area in our being that of intimate love. Though we wish and crave love, we paradoxically hesitate to take the step to embrace love because fear of rejection, humiliation and hurt continue to dominate our emotions even if we know that tomorrow may never come.

When we postpone intimate love, days slip into weeks, weeks slip into months and months slip into years. Before we know it, we realize that we spend many precious years of our life avoiding the chance to claim the dearest of our birth right gifts-love! The love bond we give birth to in our dreams transcends us to a higher ground as beings, connecting us to our highest potential. But we tend to fear love’s magnitude since in the process of intimate bonding, our mate becomes our mirror. The joy of our deepening intimate love relationship brings us face to face with our human shadows and imperfections. Thus, even though we wish to fulfill love’s magical promise and re-ignite our present intimate relationship, we remain stagnated, fearing love.

The practice of “Ego to Heart” (ETH), a couple’s weekend workshop that we conduct globally, is literally a simple heartfelt communication practice. It centers on helping couples and the individual partners in the relationship transform their bond through authentic listening, making a shift from ego centered “me,” to a heartfelt “we.” According to Zimmerman & McCandless, when partners risk going beyond self-involvement and are able to authentically see, hear and feel each other and the relationship with heightened intuitive awareness, they enter a state of “Third Presence” (the voice of the relationship). It is an entity, a pure witness that allows a more soulful, spontaneous communication between the two. It helps partners become increasingly aware of their infinite capacity to love beyond ordinary secular connectedness. Thus, intimate bonding increasingly deepens as it opens the couple to the mystery of wholeness and the divine. It is then, in a safer and increasingly supportive intimate bond, that partners can break away from past dysfunctional patterns and overcome their fears. It is through this experience that they have the opportunity to transform their shadows into lights that shade a healthier, more in the moment way of being.

Dr. Moti Peleg

For more information on Dr. Moti and Ronit Peleg, Ego to Heart workshops, their Oprah Show appearance and their upcoming book, Destined Encounter, go to www.ego2heart.org.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Moti & Ronit Peleg on January 17th, 2011 in Relationships, Spirituality | No comments

What You Mean to Me

I am in a relationship unlike any other – ever. My partner and I are different – in the way we support each other, care for each other, respect each other and love each other. We fit. We go together.

So to say, “I love you” isn’t large enough for all that we are to each other. It needs something more – something different and something more personal. And as the holidays were on us, I was looking for an exceptional way to appreciate the gift of this relationship.

I found some inspiration on a plaque I saw in the the airline SkyMall Magazine (company name is “Signals”) on one of my recent speaking trips. I borrowed a few of their lines, then added more. The result is a great list of new ways to say how much someone means to you. The life ones start the list – the emotional ones end the list. My favorite two – the ones that mean the most to me – are highlighted.

You are the cheese to my macaroni.

You are the horizon to my sky.

You are the bacon to my eggs.

You are the laces to my sneakers.

You are the jelly to my peanut butter.

You are the smile to my face.

You are the gravy to my mashed potatoes.

You are marshmallow to my hot chocolate.

You are the bubbles to my bath.

You are the milk to my cookie.

You are the ink to my pen.

You are the ketchup to my french fries.

You are the water to my ocean.

You are the icing on my cupcake.

You are the salt to my pepper.

You are the mustard to my pastrami.

You are the toner to my printer.

You are the charger to my phone.

You are the caramel drizzle to my macchiato.

You are star to my Christmas tree.

You are the key to my home.

You are the BBQ sauce to my ribs.

You are the cornbread to my greens.

You are the dressing to my salad.

You are the lens to my glasses.

You are the moon to my stars.

You are schmear to my bagel.

You are the noodles to my pad thai.

You are the tequila to my margarita.

You are the flower to my plant.

You are the first thought to my day.

You are the cocktail sauce to my shrimp.

You are the pesto to my pasta.

You are the quiet to my night.

You are the wind to my kite.

You are the strength to my fear.

You are the spotlight to my painting.

You are the curtains to my windows.

You are the art to my walls.

You are the flame to my candle.

You are the lemon to my hummus.

You are the toothpaste to my toothbrush.

You are the honey to my tea.

You are the key to my car.

You are the GPS to my road trip.

You are the garage to my house.

You are the tea to my hot water.

You are the butter to my bread.

You are the cover to my pan.

You are the olives to my pantry.

You are the caramel to my apples.

You are the sun to my summer.

You are the star to my sky.

You are the green light to my intersection.

You are the ring to my phone.

You are the wasabi to my sushi.

You are cash to my bank account.

You are the letters to my words.

You are the keyboard to my computer.

You are the images to my photos.

You are the Armani label to my ties.

You are the winner to my race.

You are the comfort to my sorrow.

You are the breath to my lungs.

You are the inspiration to my mind.

You are the passion to my soul.

You are the hero to my life’s story.

You are the beat to my heart.

Create your own – use the the things that have great meaning for you and who you are sharing it with. Never miss an opportunity to share how you feel. Never wait; never impose any limits on how personal and clever you can be. Loving someone and being loved in return is the greatest gift in life.

And though I know what “I love you” means, I get a much stronger feeling when I hear “you are the hero to my life’s story…” And by the way, don’t wait for holidays to use these. May they become the way you constantly share what special people mean to you.

Jay Forte is a greatness coach and motivational speaker. He is the author of The Greatness Zone – Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform the World and Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition. He coaches and inspires people to access their personal and professional greatness, to bring their best to their world. More information at www.TheGreatnessZone.com and www.LiveFiredUp.com.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Jay Forte on January 4th, 2011 in Family, New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Spirituality, Things We Love | No comments

2011: Gateway of the One

A decade of the 21^st century come and gone, and what science and spirit both predicted and prophesized have come true. Looking back at the turn of the millennium it is hard to believe we didn’t see the worst financial global crisis coming, a killer Hurricane Katrina, devastating tsunami or astronomical earthquake in Haiti that would wipe out hundreds of thousands of lives in an instant. We didn’t have Youtube, Wikipedia, iPhones, Facebook or Twitter and Google, our search engine lifeline, was just getting started. Y2K, the technological media myth, wasn’t the end, and we finally got to party like it was 1999.

After 9/11 (a code that we dial in for help and that contains the powerful number 11) the words “Terror” and “War” constantly struck fear into our hearts and worry into our minds. We were so consumed by giving our personal and collective power over to outer authority and outside sources that 2012 was only a blip on the temporal map and was only seen as some Mayan tale of the end of time. It felt separation would rule us all.

Here and now, eleven years later, time seems to have ended as everything became instantaneous. We have screens and technological devices wherever we go, miniaturized, plugged into our ears, tapped into our touch, connecting us all at speeds quicker than light through our thoughts. The world is literally at our fingertips and in our hands now.

We are starting to see, we are the power. The first African American president was elected because we decided we are ready for “Change” and that “Yes We Can”. A global financial crisis has pulled the veil over our eyes and the truth has been revealed about a monetary system that controls our world governments and seeks to make profit even at the expense of people and the planet, so that the few can have so much, and so that the many have nothing because of it.

Everything has been amplified, exponentially accelerated, including our consciousness and connection to each other. We have gone beyond the information age, and into the age of awareness. 2012 is just a year away now, and happens to be one of the most talked about and researched dates of our time. Depending on which side of the 2012 coin we focus on, is the one we will empower. One side is descending into destruction while the other is ascending in creation. It is our choice.

Even with as much destruction and chaos occurring all around and within us as the whole system feels like it is imploding, many are taking their power back and are starting to be creative, new and sustainable, not just for ourselves, but for the hope, integrity and joy of our posterity. Truly, we now know, that we are the ones we have been waiting for. No one is going to save us, or give us the power we don’t already have ourselves. 2011 is our time to become, to step out of the perception of what we’re not, and see what we already are.

Lets focus a second on the number 11. It is going to come up a lot this year. It is considered a master number, which just means that its purpose is to raise spiritual (inner) awareness for higher conscious. It is a number that drives us to serve altruistically. So this is the year that companies and consumers have an opportunity to make people and the planet the product that profits. 11 is known as the number of transformation. Like a butterflies wings on either side, it is our call to start to fly.

Eleven is also contains two number 1s, representing the two sides of duality, you and me, us and them, right and wrong, black and white. It is the end and the beginning, the Alpha and the Omega. The significance of two sides, or souls, standing together in unity, represents our inherent oneness and the path to our greater good. That no matter how separate we continue to try to be, the truth is we are all connected.

Graphically, 11 looks like a gateway, or a doorway. 2011 is a portal year that we are passing through, and it is calling us to recognize our unity, and to come together to restore power to the people. It is time to invoke the yogi’s “Namaste” and see yourself in every other, and in the world, like a constant mirror reflecting back to you your inner state of awareness and power.

The number 11 shows us that we must come together to create a consciousness that extends beyond the limitations of self, and to embrace our interconnection and interdependence. These are the keys to our thriving future, one that knows no limitations of inequality, poverty, hunger, war, dis-ease, and the endless destruction of our home and resources, Planet Earth.

Together, we have an great opportunity this year to use all the technology, all the connection, and the new business opportunities to shift into a creative paradigm that honors that place within you, that is also within me, which is perfect, powerful and divine. It is time to walk through the gateway of our oneness and unleash our human potential that has been kept from us through our own choice of fear, separation and limitation. This is the year to believe in possibility, to bring love to every part of our lives, yes, even into the marketplace, where the love of power is being replaced by the power of love.

The great cosmic cycle is almost complete. Our sun is aligning with the galactic center of our Milky Way. New energies are flowing through us, and all around us. It is now time to allow the number 11 to activate our hearts as one, creating a gateway where we will pass through, leaving behind our fears and all of our small, myopic beliefs, to emerge on the other side of 2012 with love as the predominant vibration on Earth. Love is the only energy, or currency, that is worth our time, and priceless in value. 2011 is our invitation to transform our lives into conscious gateways, for ourselves, and for the world. It is time to be here and now, and to wake up to the truth that we are the ONE.

Read More at www.Called2Create.com

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Sky Sheridan on January 1st, 2011 in General, Global/Social Change, Spirituality, Technology | No comments Read related posts in 11, 11:11, 2011, 2012, a new earth, AWAKENING, Called2Create, change, Consciousness, end of time, Finance, freedom, inspiriational, LOVE, mayan, money, motivational, new year, Obama, Oneness, power, resolutions, Shift, time, Yes We Can

Destined Encounter – Part 2

Posted by Moti & Ronit Peleg on December 23rd, 2010 in Personal Stories, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments

Destined Encounter

Finding our full essence as individuals and as intimate partners.

“The most beautiful and profound emotion we can experience is the sensation of the mystical. It is the sower of all science. The one to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wander and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead. To know what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms.” -Albert Einstein

A DATE WITH DESTINY

On the morning of November 14 2007, my life changed forever. I was a guest with my wife Ronit on the Oprah Winfrey show on ABC titled, “The Greatest Love Story Ever Told”. (See ego2heart.org). After Oprah described my love story with Ronit as “A Date with Destiny”, I awakened to the realization that the path leading to our destined meeting with Oprah was already scripted deep in me, early in my life. It dawned on me that all my life I followed interactive signs and synchronicities with intuitive feelings that guided me without full understanding. The signs often signaled to an approaching destined event, a culmination of interactive situations leading to my destined encounter. It is as if I unconsciously participated in a motion, unaware fully of the entire script that has shaped my life. Our appearance on Oprah was no different. It was a significant event in our life that was meant to be.

Three years earlier, destiny united me with my wife Ronit. As a 17 year old boy, I watched the newly crowned Miss Israel (Ronit) in a magazine photo and I felt mysteriously connected to her sad green/blue eyes. Those eyes beckoned to me from afar. Without understanding it, I knew I would connect with her some day, and I did forty years later. In retrospect, whenever I interacted with people and situations that lead to my destined encounters, I always felt like I was drawn without full clarity to something bigger than myself, like a calling of the divine. Today as a psychologist, a soul mate and an intimacy communicator, I still wonder what would have become of my life had I ignored destiny’s magic of hidden possibilities and the power of my dreams.

LOOKING FOR HAPPINESS IN THE WRONG PLACES

People everywhere around the globe, regardless of their various life situations, yearn to feel happy. They strive every day to find opportunities that would bring them closer to feeling good through achievement, material success, recognition and love. Ironically many people feel disconnected from their true feelings, from which they truly are and what they ultimately are destined to fulfill as individuals and as intimate partners. Throughout their lives they continue to crave happiness through the superficiality of ego-driven recognition and prestige. Nevertheless, destiny lurks deep inside each one of us, demanding happiness through the full expression of our spirit. Thus the question remains, if happiness is the overall, most important life purpose, why is it difficult to open ourselves up to the mystery and wonder of destiny?

DESTINY IS INSIDE OF US–THE PARADOX

To understand this dilemma, we need to first explore the concept of destiny and the destined encounter. Destiny is the ultimate meeting with the fullness of our being, with our true purpose. It is inside each one of us. From the time we are born, everything we need to fulfill our lives is built within us including abundance and happiness. Paradoxically, as we grow and mature, we are encouraged to deny our true self, embracing the egotistical belief that our very essence is tied to material possessions. Ironically, we feel cultural validations define us, as well as the power we falsely believe we can acquire from outer sources such as accomplishments, recognition and fame.

We derail our opportunity to encounter destiny when we cannot connect with our soul. We disconnect from a part of us we lost, left vulnerable to the external forces that feed our demanding ego. Yearning for love, as explained by Kathy Freston, is virtually a search to reunite with spirit, with that lost and disconnected part of ourselves, which we always desire. Love thus entails an individual as well as a relationship search, to become more complete and whole. Through a soulful bond, love requires us to actualize who we are, rather than who we think we are. Love is a destined encounter with our true self that encompasses the divinity within us.

DESTINY BEYOND THE SHADOWS

Deepak Chopra and Robert Ohotto stress that our soul is a pure entity within our being that contains the inscription created for our life and this is the blue print of our existence. When we learn to listen intuitively to our soul’s whisper and silently observe the signs and synchronicities of our surroundings, we become conscious of our life’s story and further able to fulfill our destiny.

Ironically, at the beginning of our life we possess a pure life force, and it gradually becomes inhibited by the toxicity of emotions such as shame, anger, guilt and doubt. Inevitably we become further inhibited by experiences of childhood traumas and adult life distresses. And subsequently, holding back these emotions prevents us from realizing our birth right’s gift, our innate potential.

REACHING DESTINED ENCOUNTER

How do we change this human condition and how do we emancipate ourselves to connect with our life’s purpose? According to Chopra, when we learn to live from the level of our soul, we then are able to recognize that the most luminous part of ourselves connects to the mystery and the rhythm of the universe. Thus, we discover the journey to reach our “Destined Encounter” within our self, and we increasingly are able to meet our destiny and live our purpose as individuals and intimate partners. While listening intuitively to our inner voice and to the surrounding signs and synchronicities, we make it a practice to visualize our dreams and inner wishes. Practicing stillness and daring to address the shadows that hold us back from our true self is vital in clearing the way. The shadows within cause us to hibernate through the years and remain fixated in our comfortable and self imposed interactions with our significant others, our intimate partner and the universe. Through an honest discovery via authentic listening and communicating, we address and embrace the wounds, making it possible for the light behind the shadows to emerge. We uncover the gifts that manifest our deepest capacity to be loved and to love.

AN INVITATION

I would like to invite you, the readers, to connect to times in your life where an experience intrigued and overwhelmed you, an experience you could not explain but later led to an important event in your life whether with a situation, a person or an encounter of any kind.

“We have to trust that seemingly isolated events and hard to rationalize decisions that are like musical notes that eventually form the melody that reveals the divinity of our lives.” -Nurriestearns

Dr. Moti Peleg

For more information on Dr. Moti and Ronit Peleg, Ego to Heart workshops, their Oprah Show appearance and their upcoming book, “Destined Encounter,” go to www.ego2heart.org.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Moti & Ronit Peleg on December 14th, 2010 in Relationships, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in marriage advice, marriage workshops, Moti Peleg, relationship advice, Ronit Rinat

Heart’s Destiny

When Oprah Winfrey Show producer Hilary Jane Robe searched for couples for the show’s “Greatest Love Stories” she discovered a story about Dr. Moti and Ronit Peleg in a New Jersey newspaper.

Not only are the Pelegs destiny-driven soul mates with an incredible love story, but they’re also humanitarians whose Ego to Heart workshops emphasize heartfelt listening and communication between other couples.

It started when a 17-year-old boy became smitten with a magazine cover of the newly crowned Miss Israel of 1964 — Ronit Rinat.

Moti said, “There was some kind of spirited glow in her.” He stressed her eyes beckoned to him, and he kept that photo, feeling they would someday marry.

Meanwhile, Ronit married a physician from the United States at age 19, and had three children.

“I went to college and opened an international store in Beverly Hills,” she said. But Ronit said her husband was neither a communicator nor spiritual.

“We went to a workshop for couples called “Flesh & Spirit” and it was just what I was seeking: to be listened to without judgment, to be spoken to from the heart and, most of all, to listen to my own heart before I spoke.”

She studied for five years under Dr. Jack Zimmerman and Dr. Jaquelyn McCandless, certified in the couples’ intimacy practice. She brought this counseling method back to Israel in 2002 and became the founder of “Council” in Israel.

“Council” helps one openly explore, offer heartfelt expression and learn to listen attentively. It is said to be the gateway to intercultural understanding and the non-violent exploration of conflict.

After her husband’s death, Ronit was empowered to continue with a full life.

“I have trained, mentored, spread the practice all over the country (Israel),” she said, “it is recognized as a way to reduce violence in schools, empower women, men, and children — to build community and connect through dialogue between Arabs and Jews.”

Simultaneously, Moti came to the States in 1970. He received his psychology degree from Queens College, got married and had two children.

“Sadly, my wife and I didn’t have communication skills,” he said. “We struggled with fears and insecurities that eventually drew us apart and caused us to divorce.”

Peleg completed his Doctorate at Yeshiva University, and has been a psychotherapist and psychologist for more than three decades, specializing in traumatic stress associated with pain and relationship issues.

However, his desire to meet the girl with the eyes that seemed to signal him remained constant. So in 2004, a friend called Ronit to say he had someone who wished to meet her.

At first, Ronit thought it was a joke, but realized this man’s voice seemed truthful. Moti communicated with Ronit via phone calls, e-mails, love letters and songs.

“The lyrics and songs talked to my soul,” Ronit said. She flew to New York and visited Moti.

For the first three hours of their visit, Ronit asked Moti to join her in “Council.”

Ronit said, “We shared deep stories from our past, our childhood fears and dreams.” After two years, they were married. The “destined” couple combined their counseling methods to form “Ego to Heart”.

The workshops enable people to listen to the “voice of the relationship,” thus eliminating the ego of “me,” transforming it to “we”, which diminishes the power of ego that reduces a heart’s connection,” according to the Pelegs.

“The results of respect, humility and compassion, allowing a person to be seen as perfect in their imperfections, without judgment … empowers each one of us and the relationship,” Ronit added.

They provided workshops in New Hope, but realized the location did not have the karma and warmth they sought. Once more, destiny called the Pelegs to the Hudson Valley, where Moti’s son, a construction engineer, came upon a place in Esopus.

The 10,000-square-foot mansion with heart carvings throughout the structure overlooking the Hudson River was called “Heart’s Ease” and served as a labor school for newly arrived immigrants. By working with the Esopus Historical Society, the Pelegs’ research revealed that one of America’s greatest humanitarians, Eleanor Roosevelt served on the board of the labor school.

Architectural heart-shaped appointments, the name “Heart’s Ease” and the grand humanitarian connection? This certainly seems like destiny. And if historical renovations and construction go as intended, by August 2011, the couple’s destiny will be fulfilled.

For more information on Dr. Moti and Ronit Peleg, Ego to Heart workshops, the Oprah Show video and their upcoming book, “Destined Encounter,” go to www.ego2heart.org or visit their blog at motiandronit.wordpress.com.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Moti & Ronit Peleg on November 30th, 2010 in New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in destiny, love story, marriage workshops, Moti Peleg, Ronit Rinat, soul mates

Get Ready to Pass the Baton

As parents we all love to think our kids are great at everything. We love it when they walk early, talk early, excel in art class, earn good grades and are athletic. We brag, we boast – we feel so proud. It’s natural.

But nature, biology and even divine intervention seem to feel that we aren’t good at everything – that we should specialize. We are all different and must learn to understand ourselves to know our specific talents, strengths and passions – those attributes unique to each of us – so we can learn to find our best fit in today’s world. And when we find our place, we can create our best and most personalized lives – lives that are just right for us.

Inspired by our DNA are brain connections that are strong in some areas and weak in others. Early in our brain development, the brain allows the weaker connections to wither, allowing our strongest connections to lead. These connections create our personality, preferences, talents, strengths and passions. We are hardwired in very particular ways and our greatest performance (and happiness) happens when we understand this hardwiring and use it to make meaningful decisions about our work and life.

Science supports that we are good at some things and not others; we love some things and not others. Our greatest impact happens when we play to what we are intrinsically good at. We start to know this as we reach our later teenage years. Some realize it sooner, some later. But to realize what we are good at and are passionate about takes effort. It takes work. It takes work that each of us must do; we can’t do this work for our kids.

As parents, our role is to get them ready so we can pass them the baton of life – to be capable of taking it and running their life’s race. They choose where, how fast, with whom and how to run.

We are their coaches and trainers. We help them see their greatness – their talents, strengths and passions. We introduce them to the world so they can start to determine their best place – their best fit. We introduce them to the world so they realize they have choices – and the best choices will be those that allow them to play to what they are great at and passionate about. To be able to make these choices, they must know themselves and their world. And we bring all this together for them when they are young. We help them they discover the unique gifts they are born with and start to find their best place in the world that lets be who they were created to be.

When each of my three daughters graduated from high school, we hosted a “passing of the baton” ceremony. We explain that in the past 18 years, we have worked to help them discover who they are and have tried to show each of them how big the world is – to see all that is available. But when the baton is passed, they will own it all – their direction, success, happiness and choices. They will need to find their best fit – their place in their world – to be happy and thrilled by life each day. This is what is required to take the baton – to own your life.

We are still available for counsel and conversation but they must use all that they have seen to start to make wise personal choices – not to please us, be who we think they are supposed to be, or live as we feel they must – but, rather, to define happiness and success for themselves. We don’t tell them who to be. We remind them they must be the best at whatever they choose – and their best and happiest lives will be built around what they are good at and are passionate about doing.

Each of my three daughters has chosen wisely for herself; each took the baton and has owned her decisions, career and life. We may not always agree with the choices, but we realize they now own and invent their lives – as we did so many years ago. It is a wobbly process to start but with the right coaching, they learn very quickly to make good decisions.

Someone told me once that the worst thing a parent can hear their child say is “I have a miserable life.” We want our kids to be successful, but must also realize that success in our eyes may not be success in theirs. Maybe the better line is that we want our kids to love their lives and be thrilled by life each day.

So how can you coach your children well, to be ready to take the baton when it is passed to them:

1. Spend meaningful time with your kids and let them share what they think, feel and love. Listen generously.

2. Expose them to many things; many times our kids become things or do things because they didn’t know greater things were available. One of my favorite ways of showing kids the great choices in the workplace is to Google “job titles.” The sites show titles of jobs that many of us never knew we could be. It expands their options.

3. Watch the personal biases and judgments as kids start to connect to what matters most to them. An impartial approach allows kids to consider everything.

4. Careers and interests don’t always follow from parent to child. Allow children to search for those things that capture their interest, and always require them to see how what they are interested in fits in today’s world (they still have to make a living and move out of the house!).

Our kids are great – at some things. And effective coaches help their players (or kids) discover the things they are good at and then work hard to get better in those areas. This allows them to move from good to great. And to be successful in life, you must find your thing, then be great at it.

For me, the greatest success as a parent is a happy and passionate son or daughter – one who loves his/her life and does each day what he/she does best. That is success in my book. I don’t need or want my kids to be like me – unless that is what they want. Besides, the world needs us all to be different, to add the texture, color and richness of ideas and impact. We invent our world by those who live in it at this moment. To have the best world, we need everyone in their “greatness zone” – that place where they are connect to their best and share it with all of us. Help them get ready to take the baton and live their greatness.

Jay Forte is a business and motivational speaker, performance consultant and life coach. He is the author of Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition, and The Greatness Zone; Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform Your World. Jay guides organizations – their leaders and managers – in how to attract, hire and retain today’s best talent. He coaches individuals how to reconnect to their talents and passions to achieve extraordinary personal and professional performance – to live their greatness. More information at www.LiveFiredUp.com and www.TheGreatnessZone.com.

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Posted by Jay Forte on October 28th, 2010 in Career, Family, New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Spirituality, Teens | No comments Read related posts in careers, children, Family, find your fit, happiness, life choices, own your life

The Five Rules for a Really Great Life

You know how some people seem to live the most extraordinary lives? They love what they do for work. They are in happy relationships. Each day is valued and treasured.

What do these people know that helps them live this way?

They know themselves – they know their talents, strengths and passions – and build their lives around these attributes. They know the Five Rules For A Really Great Life.

Before I share the Five Rules, let me tell you why these rules are so important. Life is ours to invent – it is the greatest gift we receive. We are born with a blank canvas and all the supplies to create our masterpiece. These supplies show as our hardwired gifts – our talents, strengths and passions. They are unique to each of us. They allow us to be good at some things and not others; we love some things and not others. And when we discover these attributes and build them into our lives, we create customized, high-impact, happy lives. We find our fit – we play to our greatest abilities. We are happier. We are more productive. We have greater impact.

So if we had a set of rules that would help us achieve this, we would have greater success in inventing an extraordinary life – in creating our masterpiece.

Here are my Five Rules For A Really Great Life, summarized from my new book, The Greatness Zone – Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform the World:

1. Learn what you are good at and play to your strengths. What comes easily and naturally to you? What makes you feel capable and competent? What do you seem to know a lot about? What are your strengths? When someone introduces you, how do they describe you? When you know what you are good at, build your work and life around it. This builds your confidence, plays to your natural abilities and helps you move from good to great. Choose work and things in life that allow you to do your best work.

2. Discover your passions and build them into your life. What could you do all day and never get bored or tired of? When you have time, what do you choose to do? What gets you fired up!, excited and energized? Include as much of these passionate things in work and life. The more excited and enthusiastic you are, the more energy you bring to what you are doing. Studies show that those who are both good at what they do and passionate about doing it, commit the extra work and effort to move from good to great. Disciplined achievement is required to excel at things – and a deep passion for the activity increases the focus, energy and commitment to practice enough to become exceptional. As we all know, we do so much better at the things we love to do.

3. Define what makes you feel successful and use it to guide your decisions. What is your definition of success? What makes you happy? How do you trust what you feel and think instead of what others tell you? We each must learn to listen to our own internal “value voice.” A value voice is our definition of what is important and meaningful to us. Many times the people around us share their sense of what is important. But to live an exceptional and great life, we must realize that our definition of success must truly be ours – to identify the things that matter most to us. Defining happiness for yourself is one of the most difficult components of discovering and living in your greatness zone.

4. Know your world; stay current and connected to fact. What is going on in your world? Who needs or values your areas of greatness – what you do best and what you are passionate about? Where are the value areas for you? Your value in the world is in the context of the world. When you know the true you, you can find the places (in work and life) that need what you do best. You find your fit. This allows you to play to your greatness. You are most effective. You have the greatest impact. You are the happiest. Fit matters.

5. Define your greatness zone; then stand out, be authentic, and make your impact. Where is your best fit? Where is your greatness zone – that place that lets you be good at what you do, love doing it, meets your definition of success AND adds value to the world? Your greatness zone is that place where you get to be your best in your world. You play to your greatness. You are bold, authentic and confident. You choose wisely about what matters to you and you create your happiness each day. You customize your life for the things that matter to you. You own your life. You get to be you.

As I like to say, and it is my own personal belief, someone greater than you thought you should be you – so be you – and be it in a great way. Discover your Greatness Zone – then work and live in it. Life is not a dress rehearsal; we have today. Choose to make it extraordinary by playing to your greatness – by being in your Zone

And when each of us lives our greatness (that means we stop living in an average way), we bring this greatness to our world. We transform our world. And the world needs what we do best – it needs us to move from average to great. It needs us to invent it each day with our very best. This is how our world develops; this is how we help it develop.

So, you are a life inventor, and everything you need to have an extraordinary life you already have. It is up to you to learn about yourself – to discover your talents, passions and strengths – then build your life around them. This allows you to be authentic and align yourself to your core. This allows you to access your greatness. Life is so much better in the Zone…

Jay Forte is a business and motivational speaker, life and workplace coach. He is the author of Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition, and the on-line resource, Stand Out and Get Hired. His new book, The Greatness Zone – Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform the World was released this week. He works to connect people to their talents and passions to live fired up! More information at www.TheGreatnessZone.com and www.LiveFiredUp.com.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Jay Forte on October 14th, 2010 in Career, Family, General, New Directions, Relationships, Spirituality, Things We Love | 1 comment