All ‘New Directions’ Posts

01 jun

Embracing Change

MikeRobbinsNew We recently went into escrow on our house, but don’t yet have a new house to move into. As excited as we are about our move (just across the San Francisco Bay from Concord to Marin County), it feels pretty scary to not yet know exactly where we’ll be living next month.

With this big change and a few others coming soon, I’ve been noticing how I deal with and relate to change. I have somewhat of a love/hate relationship to change. I love the excitement, growth opportunity, and newness of change. But, at the same time, I can easily fall into states of worry, fear, and overwhelm when facing change, especially big ones.

How do you feel about change? While it may depend on the specific change (i.e. one we want versus one we don’t want, or one that seems exciting versus one that seems hard or even “bad.”), most of us seek and fear change simultaneously. Even positive changes can be unsettling or even downright upsetting. And, while each of us has a unique personality and perspective, many of us tend to be creatures of habit.

Change is one of the main “constants” in life, ironically. However, we don’t usually spend all that much time thinking about our relationship to change or specifically expanding on our ability to adapt to change – we usually deal with it from a place of survival, reaction, or necessity.

What if we embraced change more consciously and learned how to not only “manage” it, but thrive through it. Whether you’re someone who enjoys change and handles it quite well, or you hate it and get totally stressed out by it, all of us can benefit from embracing change more deliberately and supporting those around us as we all go through the big and small changes of life – especially these days.

Here are some things you can do and think about as you deal with change in your own life – so as to more effectively and peacefully deal with it when it shows up.

1) Become consciously aware of your relationship to change. Knowing how you deal with change, what stresses you out about it, what allows you to navigate it most effectively, what kind of support you need as you move through the change process, and more, are all important elements of embracing change. It’s rarely the circumstances themselves that cause us stress or difficulty; it’s our relationship to them. By altering our relationship to change, we can become much more peaceful and successful in dealing with it.

2) Acknowledge and express your true feelings (especially your fear). When change occurs, there are usually a number of different emotions we experience. We tend to focus most of our attention on the details, specifics, and circumstances, not so much on our emotions. However, it is our emotional experience and reaction that dictates much of our effectiveness (or lack thereof) in dealing with change. Whether it’s something we consider “good” or “bad,” fear is almost always associated with change, because we’re moving into something unknown and often uncomfortable. By acknowledging and expressing our fear (and other emotions) in an authentic way, we can take back our power from the situation, get real about how we’re feeling, and move through it with more ease and grace. There’s nothing wrong with any of the emotions we experience during change, the problems begin to arise when we don’t express our emotions authentically.

3) Get support. As with most things in life, change is much easier to deal with when we get help. We don’t have to go through it all alone and there are probably many people in our lives who have gone through similar changes before and can support us in the process. Asking for and receiving help from other people can be challenging for many of us and can feel quite vulnerable. However, one of my favorite sayings is, “The answer’s always ‘no’ if you don’t ask.” Getting support not only makes dealing with change easier for us, it allows other people to be of service, which is something most people love to have the opportunity to do in life.

4) Look for the gold. There is “gold’ in the midst of every change – even the most painful and difficult ones. When change is more “positive,” it can seem easier to find the gold in it. However, positive change can also be tricky because we don’t understand why we still may experience fear or discontent and sometimes won’t acknowledge these and other feelings due to our own embarrassment. With change that is more “negative,” it can often be hard to find or see the gold. When dealing with difficult changes in our lives, being able to authentically get in touch with the gifts, blessings, and growth opportunities available to us can help as we navigate our way through the experience and also allow us to evolve in the process.

Have empathy and compassion for yourself and others in going through change. It’s not easy for most of us. By embracing change we become not only more effective in dealing with it, but more peaceful, present, and powerful in our lives.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

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Posted by Mike Robbins on June 1st, 2011 in Global/Social Change, New Directions | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, change, gratitude, inspiration, Mike Robbins, motivation, self help, transition

13 jan

New Year, Be You

MikeRobbinsNew With the New Year still in its first few weeks, the annual “new year, new you” phenomenon is all around us – in the worlds of advertising, media, self-help and more. And while this time of year can be a great catalyst for positive change in our lives, what if we made a commitment to live our lives in 2011 focused on who we are, and not so much on what we do, what we accomplish, what we look like, what we’re striving for, and more? One of best things we can do in this New Year is to focus on who we really are, instead of who we think we’re supposed to be.

Who would we be without our accomplishments (or failures), our degrees (or lack thereof), our bank accounts, our experiences, our title, our home, our status, and more? As simple of a concept as this is for us to think about and discuss, at least on the surface, it’s actually quite difficult for many of us, myself included, to genuinely separate who we are from what we do (or have done or not done). These past two years have taught many of us, in some cases quite painfully, how quickly the external circumstances of our lives can change dramatically and things can be taken away.

The deeper question for us to ponder here is really one of the big philosophical questions of life, “What makes me a valuable person?” While this is something we have all thought about to some degree, most of us don’t really engage in this inquiry on a regular basis. And, when we do, we often think that if we just got more done, lost some weight, made more money, took a vacation, accomplished a goal, had more meaningful work, made it to retirement, or whatever, then we’d be “happier” or feel more “valuable.” Sadly, as we’ve all experienced, this is not usually the case and is also one of the main reasons why most of our New Year’s “resolutions” don’t really last.

What if, in addition to having important goals, we could also expand our capacity for appreciating ourselves and being who we really are this year – having nothing to do with our external circumstances? What if just being ourselves, the way we are right now, is good enough?

Being ourselves fully, takes courage, commitment, and faith. It’s a process of letting go of many false beliefs we’ve picked up from the collective consciousness – that we have to look good, be smart, know the right people, say the right things, have the proper experience, make a certain amount of money, and more, in order to be happy and successful in life. Being ourselves can be scary and counter intuitive, difficult and even off-putting, and, at times, lonely.

However, being our authentic self is liberating, exciting, and fulfilling. When we have the courage to just be who we are, without apology or pretence, so much of our suffering, stress, and worry in life simply goes away.

Here are a few things to consider and practice as you deepen your awareness of and capacity for being who you truly are in this New Year:

1) Tell the truth to yourself. Think about and own how much of your self-worth is based on what you do, how you look, who you know, what you’ve accomplished, etc. (i.e. the external stuff). The more we let go of being defined by the external, the more freedom, peace, and power we can experience. And, as we really get honest with ourselves, we may realize that outside of these external things, we don’t really know who we are. As scary as this may seem on the surface, it’s actually great news and can give us access to a deeper and more meaningful experience of who we are.

2) Appreciate who you really are. What do you appreciate about yourself that has nothing to do with anything external? In other words, what personal qualities (of being, not doing) do you value about yourself? The more we’re able to tap into what we appreciate about who we are (not what we do), the more capacity we have for real confidence, peace, and self love.

3) Practice just being you. As silly as it may sound, we all need to “practice” being ourselves. We have a great deal of experience being phony or being how we think we’re supposed to be. It actually takes conscious practice for us to be able to just show up and be who we are. We can practice alone, with people we know, and with total strangers. This is all about awareness – paying attention to how we feel, what we’re thinking, what we say, and how we show up. It’s not about getting it right or doing anything specific, it’s about letting go of our erroneous notions of how we think we’re supposed to be, and just allowing ourselves to be who and how we are in the moment.

Have fun with this, talk to others about it, and have a lot of compassion with yourself as you practice – this is big stuff for most of us. This year, instead of trying to be a “new” you, just be yourself and see what happens.

Posted by Mike Robbins on January 13th, 2011 in New Directions | No comments Read related posts in acceptance, appreciation, authenticity, gratitude, holidays, Mike Robbins, movitational speaker, new year, reflection, resolution, self help

09 jan

Create What You Truly Want in 2011

MikeRobbinsNew As we embark on another new year of life, I find myself experiencing a mixture of emotions about 2011. I’m excited about the possibilities of this New Year and inspired by the energy of creation that exists at this special time. Similar to last week, there is a magical quality to this first week of the New Year – lots of hope and positive anticipation.

At the same time, especially given the nature of 2010 and all the twists and turns last year took for me personally, so many people around me, and in the world, I find myself feeling a sense of trepidation about setting new goals and jumping right back into the mix of life and work.

As it relates to New Year’s “resolutions,” most people I know and have worked with over the years, including myself, have a somewhat funny or disempowered relationship to goal-setting for the New Year. Whether you spend lots of time and energy creating your New Year’s intentions or you decided years ago that you wouldn’t bother (since in years past by mid-January most of them have gone off the rails or out of your mind anyway); I don’t know too many people who are genuinely inspired, motivated, or empowered by their New Year’s resolutions in a sustainable and real way. How about you?

Here are some of the main reasons I think we aren’t authentically inspired by our goals or truly empowered to manifest them:

- Our “goals” are often about fixing what we think is wrong with us

- Once we set them, we feel a sense of pressure to make them happen

- We worry that we won’t accomplish or achieve what we want, and then we’ll feel like failures

- We don’t get the kind of support we really want and need

- We forget that our intentions are designed to support us, not stress us out

- We get too focused on the outcome and forget about the experience

- We allow competition and scarcity take over

- We get all excited about them at the beginning of the year, and then forget about them

For these and other reasons many us either don’t set powerful intentions for the New Year or we do so out of fear in a way that creates more stress in our lives. One of the best things we can do to shift our perspective about this and create an empowering relationship to our process of setting goals for 2011 is to understand some key distinctions – intentions, goals, and actions.

Intentions – Our intentions are states of being and authentic desires. In other words, we may have an intention to be peaceful, grateful, joyous, loving, successful, healthy, wealthy, or more. Our intentions are our high ideals and are usually at the root of our motivation for any of our specific goals (i.e. “why” we want to do, accomplish, or experience something). Most of us don’t really want goals like a new relationship, more money, or a fit body simply for the sake of those things themselves – we want them (or others) because of what we believe we will experience by having them in our life. By starting with our intentions, we get right to the source of what we truly want. Intentions are the core and the magic of all of our goals and desires.

Goals – Effective and powerful goals are ones that are specific and measurable. We want to be able to track our progress and know for sure if we are reaching our goals or not. This doesn’t have to be a competition (with others or ourselves) and doesn’t have to be filled with stress, pressure, shame, or guilt (which is sadly how we often relate to our results). Having our goals as specific and measurable just makes them clear and more likely to manifest. And, the paradox we have to always remember when setting and working on our goals is that we can’t be attached to the outcome – which will make us crazy and can take us off course with our real intentions. Our goals simply take our intentions and focus them on tangible outcomes in the world.

Actions – Creating action-oriented practices that support us in manifesting our goals and intentions is an essential daily, weekly, and monthly process of our success and fulfillment. Coming up with action plans that inspire us, connect to the goals we’re working on, and fulfill our intentions is vital to all of this. This is where the rubber meets the road, and is often the place where things break down for us. The breakdown with actions usually has more to do with a lack of support and accountability (which then allows us to let circumstances take over and causes us to lose focus) than it does with any “failure” or “weakness” on our part. Having practices that support us and help us take the baby steps needed to manifest our goals and intentions is such an important piece of puzzle.

Here is an example of how this could look in a specific area of life. Let’s say you have a desire to make more money (which is a very common one that many of us have, especially these days). Start with your intention. For example, “My intention is to experience a real sense of abundance, peace, and freedom with money and to easily manifest income.” Then create a specific measurable result-oriented goal. “I will generate $100,000 by 12/31/2011.” The next step is to come up with a few related actions/practices. “I will read three or more books this year on manifesting money. I will set up two or more meetings per month to talk to people about new money-making ideas. I will make a plan each month for specific things I can do to increase my income.”

The final piece of the process is creating some kind of regular accountability and support structure for this. You can hire a coach, join a mastermind group, create a success/ accountability partnership with a friend, and more. Having someone or a group of people you make commitments to and whom you empower to hold you accountable will make all the difference in the world.

Have fun with this. Don’t take it or yourself too seriously…it’s just life, you’re allowed to make mistakes, screw things up, and fall down (which we all do and always will). Be kind to yourself in this process and in this New Year. And, when we remember that our intentions (those states of being and authentic desires) are what we are truly after (not the specific outcomes or actions), it can allow us to take the pressure off of ourselves, have more fun, and trust that things will manifest as they are meant to – especially if we open up and let them show up!

Posted by Mike Robbins on January 9th, 2011 in New Directions | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, goals, gratitude, holidays, intentions, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, new year, resolutions, self help

05 jan

The Top Ten Tips for Living in Love in 2011

Marci-Shimoff What’s the one thing that would make 2011 your best year ever? More money? A better job? Losing 20 pounds? As great as those might be, there’s something else that I guarantee will create a magical year: love. Not Hollywood or Hallmark-card kind of love, but love as a state of being: the kind of love I call Love for No Reason.

Is it possible to live in a state of unconditional love all of the time? That’s the question I set out to answer in my latest book, Love for No Reason.

After interviewing more than 150 people I call “Love Luminaries,” including scientists, psychologists, spiritual teachers, and people whose lives were rich in the qualities of the heart, I found that they all share certain qualities that anyone can develop to experience more unconditional love.

Here are 10 tips from my new book to get your New Year off to an unconditionally loving start:

1. Anchor Yourself in Safety. Feeling stressed, unsupported, or fearful takes love off-line. To quickly switch out of stress mode, take a few deep breaths and consciously relax your pelvic floor, located at the base of your body. This kick-starts your parasympathetic system and activates the physiology of unconditional love.

2. Sense Your Support. Choose to believe that this is a friendly universe. When you find yourself facing a challenging situation, look for the ways that the situation is ultimately serving you. Ask yourself, Is this for my enjoyment, growth, or both?

3. Feel Your Feelings. Research shows that stifling your emotions or expressing them excessively is equally damaging to your capacity to experience love. Luckily, there’s a third option: feeling your feelings. Practice experiencing your feelings directly and completely by observing them as they move through your mind and body—and then letting them go.

4. Practice Self-Compassion. Try a simple self-love technique that brings you into your heart and reminds you to treat yourself with care. Throughout the day, ask yourself What’s the most loving thing I can do for myself right now? or What’s the most loving way I can be with myself right now? And then pay attention to the answer.

5. Unleash the Power of Forgiveness. Use the ancient Hawaiian kahuna forgiveness technique of Ho’oponopono to clear your blocks to love. Based on the principle of taking total responsibility for everything that happens to you, the technique consists of sitting quietly and mentally repeating, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you,” over and over.

6. Let Love In. Research shows that when you receive, your levels of serotonin – the neurotransmitter of well-being and happiness – rise just as much as when you give. The next time someone offers you a gift – a present, a compliment, or some assistance – smile and say thank you, while consciously feeling appreciation in your heart.

7. Live with a Grateful Heart. Start your own gratitude practice by consciously registering and savoring all that you’re receiving right now. Gratitude is the fast track to love. List five things you are grateful for at the end of each day. It turned my life around and it will do the same for yours.

8. Wish Others Well. Try “beaming love” to people—your friends and family, as well as strangers you pass in the street. It fills your own heart in the process.

9. Listen for the Subtitles. Create a safe space for others to communicate with you by being sensitive to the unspoken feelings and needs that underlie people’s words. When you listen from your heart, your body’s fear system shuts off, culturing more compassion and love.

10. Plug into a Larger Heart. Love thrives when we feel at peace inside. Recharge your spiritual batteries through silence, meditation, or prayer. Tapping into this inner wellspring of spirit will boost your capacity to experience Love for No Reason by a factor of infinity.

Use these tips to create magic in your life this year. When you’re open-hearted and loving, you attract the good, because you’re radiating the good. What could be more magical than that?

Adapted from Love for No Reason: 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional Love (Free Press, December 2010). Love for No Reason offers a breakthrough approach to experiencing a lasting state of unconditional love—the kind of love that doesn’t depend on another person, situation, or romantic partner, and that you can access at any time and in any circumstance. This is the key to lasting joy and fulfillment in life. Order Love for No Reason now and receive the Love for No Reason Bonus Gift Package free at www.TheLoveBook.com Follow Marci on Twitter @Marci_Shimoff.

Posted by Marci Shimoff on January 5th, 2011 in New Directions, Relationships | No comments Read related posts in LOVE, Love for No Reason, unconditional love

04 jan

What You Mean to Me

JayForte I am in a relationship unlike any other – ever. My partner and I are different – in the way we support each other, care for each other, respect each other and love each other. We fit. We go together.

So to say, “I love you” isn’t large enough for all that we are to each other. It needs something more – something different and something more personal. And as the holidays were on us, I was looking for an exceptional way to appreciate the gift of this relationship.

I found some inspiration on a plaque I saw in the the airline SkyMall Magazine (company name is “Signals”) on one of my recent speaking trips. I borrowed a few of their lines, then added more. The result is a great list of new ways to say how much someone means to you. The life ones start the list – the emotional ones end the list. My favorite two – the ones that mean the most to me – are highlighted.

You are the cheese to my macaroni.

You are the horizon to my sky.

You are the bacon to my eggs.

You are the laces to my sneakers.

You are the jelly to my peanut butter.

You are the smile to my face.

You are the gravy to my mashed potatoes.

You are marshmallow to my hot chocolate.

You are the bubbles to my bath.

You are the milk to my cookie.

You are the ink to my pen.

You are the ketchup to my french fries.

You are the water to my ocean.

You are the icing on my cupcake.

You are the salt to my pepper.

You are the mustard to my pastrami.

You are the toner to my printer.

You are the charger to my phone.

You are the caramel drizzle to my macchiato.

You are star to my Christmas tree.

You are the key to my home.

You are the BBQ sauce to my ribs.

You are the cornbread to my greens.

You are the dressing to my salad.

You are the lens to my glasses.

You are the moon to my stars.

You are schmear to my bagel.

You are the noodles to my pad thai.

You are the tequila to my margarita.

You are the flower to my plant.

You are the first thought to my day.

You are the cocktail sauce to my shrimp.

You are the pesto to my pasta.

You are the quiet to my night.

You are the wind to my kite.

You are the strength to my fear.

You are the spotlight to my painting.

You are the curtains to my windows.

You are the art to my walls.

You are the flame to my candle.

You are the lemon to my hummus.

You are the toothpaste to my toothbrush.

You are the honey to my tea.

You are the key to my car.

You are the GPS to my road trip.

You are the garage to my house.

You are the tea to my hot water.

You are the butter to my bread.

You are the cover to my pan.

You are the olives to my pantry.

You are the caramel to my apples.

You are the sun to my summer.

You are the star to my sky.

You are the green light to my intersection.

You are the ring to my phone.

You are the wasabi to my sushi.

You are cash to my bank account.

You are the letters to my words.

You are the keyboard to my computer.

You are the images to my photos.

You are the Armani label to my ties.

You are the winner to my race.

You are the comfort to my sorrow.

You are the breath to my lungs.

You are the inspiration to my mind.

You are the passion to my soul.

You are the hero to my life’s story.

You are the beat to my heart.

Create your own – use the the things that have great meaning for you and who you are sharing it with. Never miss an opportunity to share how you feel. Never wait; never impose any limits on how personal and clever you can be. Loving someone and being loved in return is the greatest gift in life.

And though I know what “I love you” means, I get a much stronger feeling when I hear “you are the hero to my life’s story…” And by the way, don’t wait for holidays to use these. May they become the way you constantly share what special people mean to you.

Jay Forte is a greatness coach and motivational speaker. He is the author of The Greatness Zone – Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform the World and Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition. He coaches and inspires people to access their personal and professional greatness, to bring their best to their world. More information at www.TheGreatnessZone.com and www.LiveFiredUp.com.

Posted by Jay Forte on January 4th, 2011 in Family, New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Spirituality, Things We Love | No comments

30 dec

Complete the Year Consciously

MikeRobbinsNew These few days before the start of the New Year have a magical and sacred quality to them. I appreciate the lull in activity that often takes place this week and the opportunity we have to reflect back on the year that is ending, as well as to create new possibilities and intentions for the year that’s about to start. It often seems more exciting to focus on our “resolutions” for the coming year than it does to look back. However, before we jump ahead and start making our goals for next year, it’s essential that we complete the year that is about to end consciously.

As much as I personally love this completion process, I usually have mixed emotions reflecting back on the year. There is often excitement, gratitude, and joy for all of the wonderful accomplishments, experiences, insights, and more. There is also sadness, disappointment, and sorrow over the things that I didn’t accomplish, the people and things I’ll miss, and the places in my life where I struggled or failed.

This is as true as ever as 2010 comes to a close. This past year I’ve experienced some really big highs and some painful lows. I’m truly grateful for all that I’ve learned and experienced. And, while I have lots to appreciate from this past year, I’m also glad to see it end! How about you?

Due to the common mixture of emotions we experience and especially with a year like 2010 which created a lot of growth opportunities for most of the people I know and work with, it’s essential that we embrace and practice the art of completion. Completion is a conscious process we engage in whereby we do and say whatever we need to in order to create a true sense of closure to an experience (in this case, the year that is about to end).

Because we often have resistance to authentically celebrating and appreciating ourselves, reflecting honestly on our accomplishments or our failures, acknowledging our real results or lack thereof, grieving loss with depth, and more – we usually just roll through the end of things and either avoid completion all together or move onto the next thing as fast as we can. When we do this, however, we miss out on a sacred and important process.

Completion allows us to bring things to a close with a sense of gratitude, reverence, and peace. When we allow ourselves to experience a sense of true completion, we move into the next phase of life bringing with us the gifts, lessons, accomplishments, experiences, and more from what we’ve just been through. When we don’t take the time to truly complete something, we end up carrying baggage, regrets, fear, and unresolved issues into our next experience. These things don’t serve us and often end up undermining our success and fulfillment.

As we get ready for 2011 and begin to think specifically about what we want to create and experience in the New Year, one of the most important things we can do is to complete 2010 in a conscious and powerful way.

Completion Questions

Here are some questions you can ask and answer yourself, as a way to create a sense of completion for 2010:

1) What were my biggest lessons in 2010?

2) What am I most proud of from this past year?

3) What were my biggest disappointments in 2010?

4) What am I ready to let go of from this past year?

5) What else do I need to do or say to be totally complete with 2010?

As you take some time to think about and write down your answers to these questions, see if you can reflect on this past year with a sense of appreciation and empathy. The word “appreciate” means to recognize the value of (not necessarily like, agree with, or want to experience again). Whether your year was “wonderful,” “terrible,” or somewhere in between – we each have so much we can appreciate about this past year. And, it’s important for us to have as much empathy as we possibly can for ourselves (and those around us), especially right now.

If you’re anything like me, you probably had some big failures or disappointments this past year. When we can remember that we almost always do the best we can with what we have in each moment of our lives, we can hopefully let go of our feelings of shame, guilt, or embarrassment over any of the things that didn’t go as planned for us in 2010. And, you probably had some incredible things happen in your life this past year as well. It’s important that we acknowledge ourselves for all of it – the highs and the lows.

See if you can create some sacred time in the next few days to share your answers to these completion questions with some of the important people in your life (and maybe ask them to answer these questions as well). By creating a conscious intention for completion, you will give yourself the gift of appreciation for this past year and in so doing, allow a space to open up in which you can create your goals and intentions for 2011 with a sense of peace, power, and clarity. And, as you ponder these questions, you may realize that there is something important you want to do or say in order to leave 2010 behind and step into 2011 with freedom and passion.

Have fun with this. And, congratulations on completing another year of this magical, bizarre, wonderful adventure we call life – what a ride!

Posted by Mike Robbins on December 30th, 2010 in New Directions | No comments

16 dec

You Have a Dream Inside of You!

DebBattersby This holiday season with your permission I’d like to remind you of your special gift.

You have a dream inside of you that the world would love to see you make real. I know you can do it because this dream came to you. You are its owner and it’s your power and potential that is required to make it manifest. Doubt, fear, dead ends, delays and setbacks can make you feel like it’s not meant to be, but I’m here to tell you you’d be wrong. To quote Marianne Williamson, “you are powerful beyond measure.” Your light is meant to brighten this world.

Nine years ago I had a dream, literally. It emphasized the need to teach the children differently. The result of that dream is finally tangible in my first book, The Magic Mirror and The Grandma Message. Many times over these 9 years I abandoned this project only to be drawn back to it. I share this with you not to brag but to beg you to take your dream off the shelf, the back burner or out of the closet and breathe your passion back into it. It is your dream for a reason.

And now, 9 years later, my dream – The Magic Mirror and The Grandma Message – is published!

This book arose from a practice that I began with my own grandchildren: The Grandma Message practice. It’s all about telling the children in your world how amazing they are, that they are loved and cared for at all times, and they don’t have to do or be anything to earn your love.

Can you imagine what a gift such a message would be for those you love – big and small! What a difference it could make in their lives and yours.

So this holiday season give yourself a blessed gift; recommit to your dream. It’s waiting for you and only you can fulfill it.

Deborah Battersby, creator of the emMatrix Coaching System, and trained by Tony Robbins and other leaders in the field, is a coach known for innovative solutions and dramatic results. She’s helped thousands increase their incomes and take the joyful journey to more abundant living.

Her book, The Magic Mirror and the Grandma Message, is available now at www.themagicmirrorbook.com

Posted by Deborah Battersby on December 16th, 2010 in Family, New Directions, Personal Stories | No comments

04 dec

When You Fall Down, Get Back Up

MikeRobbinsNew Have you ever seen a small child learn how to walk? If you have, you know what a remarkable experience it is. I’d heard about this, but had never witnessed it first hand until Samantha, our (almost) five year old, took her first real steps when she was just over a year. She and I were playing in our family room one night and although she’d taken a step or two here and there, and could get around okay while holding onto an adult or a piece of furniture, she hadn’t really “walked” yet.

That night I was holding her hands and pulling her across the room with me, as she took some steps. I decided to let go to see what would happen. I did and she took a step or two and then fell down, face first, on the soft carpet. She was fine. She looked up at me and although she couldn’t speak, she made it very clear that she wanted me to pick her up so she could try again. I did and this time when I let go she took about four or five real steps and then fell down. I screamed, “You did it!”, started clapping wildly, and yelling for my wife Michelle to come into the room.

Michelle came running in. Samantha and I went to the far end of our family room. I held her hands to steady her, started walking with her across the floor, let go, and then it happened – she really walked – all the way across the room, by herself. When she fell down, Michelle and I were so elated and moved, we both burst into tears and joyous laughter at the same time. Samantha, so proud of herself, began to shriek with excitement and to clap her hands as she was lying there on the floor. And, of course, she wanted to get back up and go again.

We all know how to do this – fall down and get back up. Assuming we know how to walk, which most of us are fortunate enough to be able to do, we went through this specific and miraculous experience ourselves when we were very small. We’ve also gone through it in a figurative sense many other times as we move through the ups and downs of life. The question isn’t whether or not we’ll fall down; the question is will we be bold enough to get back up again? Too often, sadly, we fall down and then decide we can’t get back up. Boldness is about having the courage, willingness, and commitment to get back up when we fall down – even if we’re scared or don’t think we can.

Resisting, complaining about, or even feeling sorry for ourselves about the “bad” things that happen is totally normal and what we’re often encouraged to do by people around us and our culture in general – whether we do it out loud with others or just in our heads. However, these things, while understandable, don’t address the real issues, the emotions we’re experiencing, or make things better for us. Facing difficulties in our life can actually be an incredibly rewarding and positive experience for us – if we choose to allow our challenges to be opportunities for growth.

Below is a list of some things to appreciate when we “fall down” in life. Obstacles, failures, and challenges can:

- Give us important feedback about where and who we are

- Provide an opportunity for us to be courageous

- Allow us to wake up and notice all the good things that are happening that we hadn’t been paying attention to

- Give us a great opportunity for learning, growth, and improvement

- Allow us to learn to appreciate ourselves, even when things don’t turn out exactly as we want them to

- Give us an opportunity to get in touch with, take responsibility for, and express our real emotions in an authentic way

- Challenge us to play bigger, make adjustments, or re-think our approach

By learning to see our challenges as opportunities, we take our power back from the situations, circumstances, and outcomes of our lives. Our ability to appreciate difficulties, learn from them, and use them to our advantage, gives us an important insight into who we really are and how to create success and fulfillment in a conscious, deliberate, and authentic way.

Being bold, going for what we want, and living with authenticity doesn’t in any way mean we won’t fail, struggle, or fall short. In fact, if we aren’t failing or facing any challenges at all, it’s probably a good indication that we aren’t playing all that big in our lives. It’s important for us to make peace with the fact that we will fall down many times throughout our journey. However, when we make a commitment to ourselves to get back up, dust ourselves off, be real about how we feel and what happened, and not let it stop us from being who we are and going for what we want -we tap into what true power, boldness, and authenticity are all about.

As Mark Twain reminds us in one of his many famous quotes, “Dance like nobody’s watching; love like you’ve never been hurt. Sing like nobody’s listening; live like it’s heaven on earth.”

Posted by Mike Robbins on December 4th, 2010 in General, New Directions | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, courage, failure, gratitude, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, persistance, resilience, self help

30 nov

Heart’s Destiny

MotiRonit When Oprah Winfrey Show producer Hilary Jane Robe searched for couples for the show’s “Greatest Love Stories” she discovered a story about Dr. Moti and Ronit Peleg in a New Jersey newspaper.

Not only are the Pelegs destiny-driven soul mates with an incredible love story, but they’re also humanitarians whose Ego to Heart workshops emphasize heartfelt listening and communication between other couples.

It started when a 17-year-old boy became smitten with a magazine cover of the newly crowned Miss Israel of 1964 — Ronit Rinat.

Moti said, “There was some kind of spirited glow in her.” He stressed her eyes beckoned to him, and he kept that photo, feeling they would someday marry.

Meanwhile, Ronit married a physician from the United States at age 19, and had three children.

“I went to college and opened an international store in Beverly Hills,” she said. But Ronit said her husband was neither a communicator nor spiritual.

“We went to a workshop for couples called “Flesh & Spirit” and it was just what I was seeking: to be listened to without judgment, to be spoken to from the heart and, most of all, to listen to my own heart before I spoke.”

She studied for five years under Dr. Jack Zimmerman and Dr. Jaquelyn McCandless, certified in the couples’ intimacy practice. She brought this counseling method back to Israel in 2002 and became the founder of “Council” in Israel.

“Council” helps one openly explore, offer heartfelt expression and learn to listen attentively. It is said to be the gateway to intercultural understanding and the non-violent exploration of conflict.

After her husband’s death, Ronit was empowered to continue with a full life.

“I have trained, mentored, spread the practice all over the country (Israel),” she said, “it is recognized as a way to reduce violence in schools, empower women, men, and children — to build community and connect through dialogue between Arabs and Jews.”

Simultaneously, Moti came to the States in 1970. He received his psychology degree from Queens College, got married and had two children.

“Sadly, my wife and I didn’t have communication skills,” he said. “We struggled with fears and insecurities that eventually drew us apart and caused us to divorce.”

Peleg completed his Doctorate at Yeshiva University, and has been a psychotherapist and psychologist for more than three decades, specializing in traumatic stress associated with pain and relationship issues.

However, his desire to meet the girl with the eyes that seemed to signal him remained constant. So in 2004, a friend called Ronit to say he had someone who wished to meet her.

At first, Ronit thought it was a joke, but realized this man’s voice seemed truthful. Moti communicated with Ronit via phone calls, e-mails, love letters and songs.

“The lyrics and songs talked to my soul,” Ronit said. She flew to New York and visited Moti.

For the first three hours of their visit, Ronit asked Moti to join her in “Council.”

Ronit said, “We shared deep stories from our past, our childhood fears and dreams.” After two years, they were married. The “destined” couple combined their counseling methods to form “Ego to Heart”.

The workshops enable people to listen to the “voice of the relationship,” thus eliminating the ego of “me,” transforming it to “we”, which diminishes the power of ego that reduces a heart’s connection,” according to the Pelegs.

“The results of respect, humility and compassion, allowing a person to be seen as perfect in their imperfections, without judgment … empowers each one of us and the relationship,” Ronit added.

They provided workshops in New Hope, but realized the location did not have the karma and warmth they sought. Once more, destiny called the Pelegs to the Hudson Valley, where Moti’s son, a construction engineer, came upon a place in Esopus.

The 10,000-square-foot mansion with heart carvings throughout the structure overlooking the Hudson River was called “Heart’s Ease” and served as a labor school for newly arrived immigrants. By working with the Esopus Historical Society, the Pelegs’ research revealed that one of America’s greatest humanitarians, Eleanor Roosevelt served on the board of the labor school.

Architectural heart-shaped appointments, the name “Heart’s Ease” and the grand humanitarian connection? This certainly seems like destiny. And if historical renovations and construction go as intended, by August 2011, the couple’s destiny will be fulfilled.

For more information on Dr. Moti and Ronit Peleg, Ego to Heart workshops, the Oprah Show video and their upcoming book, “Destined Encounter,” go to www.ego 2 heart.org or visit their blog at motiandronit.wordpress.com.

Posted by Moti & Ronit Peleg on November 30th, 2010 in New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in destiny, love story, marriage workshops, Moti Peleg, Ronit Rinat, soul mates

24 nov

The 3 Ways We (Accidentally) Help Our Kids Fail

JayForte I know we don’t mean to help our kids fail; sometimes we just do too much for them – we don’t make them do their work. Maybe we love them too much and want their lives to be easy. But too much of the wrong kind of help doesn’t prepare them define who they are, identify their talents, find their best place in the world and own their lives. I am a father of three daughters. I have learned some things that I feel have prepared them to step up and stand out in their lives – to own their lives. And I thought it was worth sharing.

My personal perspective is that the greatest gift we receive in life is the ability to invent our lives – we can create each day in the way we choose. And what we need to help us invent extraordinary lives – extraordinary according to our terms – we already have. We are born with unique talents and strengths (gifts) that exhibit themselves through our abilities and passions. We are great at some things, not others. We love some things and not others. Each of us is unique. Each of us is different. Learning about this difference is the key to inventing our most amazing lives, and helping our kids invent theirs.

For example, I am good at and love details, precision, social research and writing. My kids are not at all like this. They are more social, more scientific and are more take-charge. They would hate my job. And though I may feel that my job would be good fit for them and would give the resources to be successful in life, they don’t feel this. They must get up each morning and be thrilled by life. Following in my footsteps is not be the best choice for any or all of them. They need to choose for themselves those things that play to their particular talents, interests and passions. This is how they become successful. This is not what many parents do.

As a greatness coach and a parent, here are the most significant three ways I see that we (accidentally) help our kids to fail:

1. We do not help them know themselves – what they are good at and what they are passionate about. So many of today’s kids are very self-unaware; they have little sense of who they are, what their talents are and what they are passionate about. They go through life on autopilot – being directed by parents and friends – doing very little of their own thinking.

It is our role as parents to help them learn how to identify their talents, interests and passions. Many times our talents are so closely connected to how we think that we have a difficult time identifying them. This is a great opportunity for parents to share what they see in their kids and dialog about it. Catching a kid doing something great, and commenting on it, helps him notice his behaviors. And as much as we learn about what we do well, we also learn about what we don’t do well – also critical information. We aren’t good at everything but we each are good at some things. Learn to identify those things and we help our children learn to play to their strengths.

2. We don’t show them enough of their world, and talk to them about their options, so they can choose wisely in work and life. Critical to their success in life is first to know themselves, then to know their world. Their greatest success and happiness will be in finding places in their world that allow them to use what they are great – to have their greatest impact. For that, they must know their world to be able to choose wisely.

Connecting to what our kids are seeing and hearing is critical – particularly in today’s intellectual age. Kids see so much more than their Boomer parents saw at their age. And this information needs conversation – to help them become aware of what appeals to them and what does not. Family vacations, reading together, reviewing websites together, learning projects and being active in the community are ways to show kids what things are available – how large the world is. The more kids start to show interest in areas, the more they should be encouraged to investigate careers and work in those areas.

3. We define happiness for them by telling them who they should be, what they should do for work and how they should live. Many parents believe they know better so they choose their kid’s life directions. I remember telling my father as he told me what my profession was to be, that for me to be successful, happy and own my life, the choice about who I am, what I do and how I live, must be mine. Parents take away life accountability when they dictate the steps of life. The more we encourage our kids to know themselves and to know their world, the better decisions they will make about their lives. This allow us to be the guide from the side in their lives – available for counsel but always relinquishing the decision to the life owner. This is critical to help create the next generation of responsible, happy and personally successful people.

Each of us receives the gift of inventing one life – our own. It is entirely our choice how large or small we invent that life. In my coaching, I regularly see that parents want to ensure their children have happy and successful lives, so they take over and dictate life’s decisions. This generally creates the opposite response – instead of helping our kids feel successful and love their lives, they become unhappy and disappointed, feeling like they are living someone else’s life.

Our greatest role is to prepare our kids to take the baton and run their lives. We help them run successfully when we guide them to discover their unique greatness, understand their world, then find their best fit. There is a great place for each of us in life. Find that place and we love our lives. And loving life is what we want most for our kids.

Jay Forte is a business and motivational speaker, and greatness coach. He is the author of The Greatness Zone – Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform the World, and Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition. His coaching and programs inspire executives, employees, parents and students to discover and play to their greatness, to live and work with passion, power and purpose. More information at www.TheGreatnessZone.com and www.LiveFiredUp.com.

Posted by Jay Forte on November 24th, 2010 in Career, Family, General, New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Teens, Things We Love | 1 comment Read related posts in choose wisely in life, Family, find your fit, greatness zone, help our kids fail, interests, kids, know yourself, love life, parents, passions, strengths, talents

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