All ‘New Directions’ Posts

Purpose. Passion. Practice. Persistence. Step Up to the Plate & Take Your Best Shot

Many people are afraid to go after their dreams, to take action, to implement…. out of fear that they will fail, look stupid, feel shamed, and have to acknowledge that they weren’t good enough… Bottom line: You won’t know if you don’t go. Yes you may strike out and that would be painful, but you’ve got no chance of hitting a home run unless you step up to the plate. The other consideration: It is the doing, the process, that makes one a success and that opens the doors to all sorts of possibilities we never could have imagined. Seek not to deprive yourself of personal fulfillment by letting fear, insecurity and self-doubt get in the way of your self-expression. Go forth with joy and gratitude, and take your best shot.

On an entirely different note: I am on Day 4 of the ACIM Workbook For Students: “These thoughts do not mean anything. They are like the things I see in this room.” … The point being: The thoughts we think, perceived as either “good” or “bad”, are actually masking or blocking our True Thoughts. They are a meaningless smokescreen designed by our ego, born of fear, to maintain the belief in separation. Insofar as the things we see are a projection of our thoughts, since we’re not really thinking, we’re not really seeing. Only when our Mind is grounded in Unity, Oneness, and Unconditional Love, Forgiveness, and Acceptance will we actually see the Real World with all of its miraculous beauty and eternal peacefulness.

For those of you who view the above paragraph as too far out there… understood. A Course In Miracles is not for everyone. It’s not an easy read. It’s not an easy program to master, which is why I wrote my book, Forgive To Win!, which shares the core concepts of the Course but explains them in ways that are easier for most people to understand and apply. I encourage you to take a look at the book on Amazon where you can peek inside. Additionally, if you subscribe to my free newsletter you can download a free chapter from the book on Self-Loathing & Self-Sabotage.

Which brings me back to the initial paragraph I wrote about going after your dreams and taking action: When we learn how to love ourselves and forgive ourselves – the crux of A Course In Miracles and Forgive To Win!, we eliminate the unconscious self-sabotaging programming getting in the way of our happiness, our relationships, our physical well-being, our success, our prosperity and our inner peace.

When we meld tools of self-mastery with humanistic choices as to how we perceive and treat others, there are no limits, there is nothing we can’t accomplish. It is not simply faith that moves mountains. It is forgiveness, acceptance and love. Hold these thoughts in your mind as much as you can, as best you can, wherever you are and under all circumstances, regardless of how others are behaving, without conditions or exceptions — and watch your world get better.

No joke. No lie. It works if you work it: Change your Mind. Change your Life. Change your World.

Peace, joy and blessings to you all!

Forgive To Win!

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Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on January 4th, 2012 in Career, First30Days Book, General, New Directions, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in happiness, prosperity, self fulfillment, success

Do You Lie to Yourself?

Do you ever have rough moments or days where you keep trying to tell yourself that you’re happy because you should be but you’re actually not? I know I do. I’ll think, “I’m happy,” but sometimes there’s moments or days, I’m not.

(It doesn’t really matter why I have those rough times, but mostly it’s because fear, uncertainty or doubt creep up on me and tackle me for a bit, before I can kick ‘em to the curb.)

I don’t mean to lie to myself, I do it automatically because I feel like I should be happy ALL THE TIME, given I have a clear life purpose, an incredible business, and an inspiring wife.

I feel guilty during times I’m not happy, like there’s something wrong with me. Especially with all the positives in my life, shouldn’t I be happy all the time?

That’s bullshit. I don’t know where my mind picked up the idea that I (or anyone) is supposed to be happy all the time, no matter how “successful” you are. There will ALWAYS be an ebb and flow in your life.

That’s just not real. Part of being human is having a range of emotions, including forms of fear.

In fact, it’s the challenges you’ve been through in life, the downs, that allow you to truly appreciate the ups.

If I hadn’t gotten married and divorced (and had many other short-term relationships), I wouldn’t be as grateful for my inspiring wife Jessica.

If I hadn’t worked in the corporate world (including starting a business and having it fail), I wouldn’t be as grateful for my fulfilling work with my authentic Unique Genius mentoring clients.

So be grateful for the downs - especially if you’re in one now!

Learn something from them, and inspire, educate and entertain others based on what you learned.

What past challenges can you be grateful for? Post them below in the ‘Share Your Thoughts’ section.

PS: those challenges, in some way, contribute to what I call your Unique Genius, and you can authentically help yourself by sharing your story and lessons learned with others.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Aaron Ross on September 16th, 2011 in Career, New Directions, Personal Stories | No comments

Focus on What Truly Matters

Over the past few months I’ve been thinking a lot about what truly matters. My mom’s diagnosis, illness, and death have caused me to stop, question, and look more deeply at the things and people in my life that are important. Through the pain and challenge of this experience, I’ve also been grateful for the perspective and awareness it has opened up.

What I’ve noticed is that, sadly, I don’t focus on what and who truly matters to me as much as I’d like. I tend to get distracted by fears, ego-obsessions, drama (in my own life and in the world), ambitions, and all sorts of survival instincts and emotional reactions. While I understand and have empathy for the fact that this is all part of being human, I also recognize that when I get distracted like this, I’m not able to fully engage in the most important activities, relationships, and situations in my life. Maybe you can relate?

Why do we get so distracted in our lives? Why does it sometimes take illness, crisis, injury, tragedy, or even death to wake us up and get our attention?

First of all, I think we clutter up our lives with too much “stuff.” We’re too busy, over-committed, and information obsessed. Our to-do lists are too long and we run around trying to “keep up” or be “important,” and in the process stress ourselves out to no end. Even though many of us, myself included, often complain (out loud or just in our heads) that we can’t do anything about this – based on the nature of life today, technology and communication devices, and/or the responsibilities of our lives, families, and jobs – most of us have more of a say over our schedules, how much we engage in electronic communication, and the amount of “stuff” we clutter into our lives. Much of this distracts us from what’s most important.

Second of all, it actually can be scary to focus on what truly matters. Some of the most important people, activities, and aspects of our lives are things that may seem “unimportant” to those around us. These things may or may not have anything to do with our careers, taking care of our families, and may not even be things that other people like, understand, or agree with. Even if they are, sadly, it’s often easier to just watch TV, disengage, and merely react to what’s going on around us than it is to engage in the things we value most.

Finally, we may not know what’s most important to us or at least have some internal conflict about what “should” be. Whether it’s our lack of clarity or it’s this phenomenon of “should-ing” all over ourselves (or maybe a bit of both), focusing on what truly matters to us can be more tricky than it seems on the surface. With so many conflicting beliefs, ideas, and agendas (within us and around us), it’s not always easy to know with certainty what matters most to us. And, even if we do, it can take a good deal courage, commitment, and perspective to live our life in alignment with this on a regular basis.

While these and other “reasons” make sense, not focusing on what matters most to us has a real (and often negative) impact on our life, our work, and everyone around us. We end up living our life in a way that is out of integrity with who we really are, which causes stress, dissatisfaction, and missed opportunities and experiences.

What if we did focus on what truly matters in our life all the time – not simply because we experience a wakeup call, crisis, or major life change – but because we choose to in a pro-active way? What would your life look like if you let go of some of your biggest distractions, the often meaningless worries and stresses that take your attention, and actually put more focus on the people and things that are most important to you?

Here’s an exercise you can do now (and any time in the future) to both take inventory of where you are in this process and also to get you more in alignment with what truly matters.

1) Make a list of the most important aspects of your life. You can either write this list down on a piece of paper or in your journal (ideal) or simply make a mental list. These “aspects” will vary depending on your life, interests, priorities, etc. For most people, however, they tend to be things like family, personal/spiritual growth, health, career success/fulfillment, making a difference in the world, fun, money, friends/community, travel, adventure, creativity, home, and more. While you don’t need to rank them necessarily, thinking of these things with some priority can be helpful.

2) Make a list of the things you spend most of your time doing and thinking about. Take inventory of your day today (as well as the past few days, weeks, and months) and make a list (in writing or in your head) of where you spend your time and attention. Tell the truth, even if you aren’t proud of some of the activities or thoughts that get a lot of your focus. With this list it’s important to rank them in some way – so that you’re clear about which activities, thoughts, relationships, and more get your attention specifically, and how much you devote to each of them.

3) Compare the two lists and see how you can get them even more aligned. As you compare these two lists, if you’re anything like me – you may notice that they’re quite different. Often what we say is most important to us isn’t the same as where we devote much of our time, energy, and thought. Without judging yourself, tell the truth about where there are differences in these two lists and spend some time inquiring into why this is the case. And, as you think about this, ask yourself how you can create more alignment with these two lists. In other words, be more conscious and do whatever you can to focus more on what truly matters to you!

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Mike Robbins on September 16th, 2011 in New Directions, Relationships | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, distraction, Family, gratitude, LOVE, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, priorities, self help

Changing Who We Are by Neutralizing Negativity

Many of us resist change because we are more comfortable with the known, as bad as it may be, compared to the unknown, which we fear could be far worse. Many of us resist change because we fear it may make others uncomfortable to the point where they distance themselves from us and possibly leave us, triggering our abandonment issues in the process.

Consequently, instead of making efforts to change and being willing to deal with the uncertainty of the unknown and the possible abandonment of others, we cling to the past, we cling to the unsatisfying relationships and circumstances of our lives, we don’t take risks and we accept a life less lived.

So what can we do about it? First, we have to deal with the prevailing fear which is dominating our resistance to change. We must make the conscious decision that it’s better to risk potential disappointments, in an effort to reach for the stars, rather than accept a life of dormant dreams and quiet desperation.

We must make the conscious decision that if people can’t accept us for choosing to change, it may be painful, but we’ll deal with it. We may feel abandoned by them, but we won’t abandon ourselves. We have faith that others will enter our lives, attracted by what we are striving to achieve, who will appreciate and support our growth efforts.

Once we make a commitment to change, we must vigilantly monitor our thoughts and neutralize our Inner Critic, that negative, disparaging, shaming and degrading voice inside our head that keeps telling us that we’re not good enough, that we’re not lovable, that we’re unworthy, that we don’t deserve success and happiness, and that it is a pointless waste of time to try to become something more.

We must de-fang our Inner Critic and give it no power to fuel our fear and our doubt, to discourage us and derail us. We must de-throne our Inner Critic and replace it with our Inner Colleague, that inspiring, encouraging, uplifting voice inside our head, that loving and nurturing voice of our Higher Self that truly knows what’s best for us.

For far too long we have kept that voice soft if not silent, relegating it to the back seat of our consciousness. But now, having made the commitment to change, we pump up the volume and use it to repeatedly reinforce positive, optimistic messages that neutralize the negative, critical labels from our Inner Critic and, at the same time, fuel our passion, our persistence and our perseverance.

Bottom line: We don’t have to sell ourselves short. We don’t have to settle for less. There is great joy and abundance available to each of us when we release ourselves from the bondage of “I can’t” and other limiting self-definitions.

Truth be told: We can break out of the habits of our past. We can become whatever sort of person we wish to be. We can manifest our destiny and create the life we desire. To do this, we must dare to put aside the judgments and limitations of our past. We must dare to have faith in our capacity to deal with change. We must dare to savor the challenges of emotional freedom. We must dare to discover our authentic self.

Above all else, we must dare to stay positive and optimistic, grateful and happy, regardless of any chaos and turbulence in our lives, regardless of any obstacles and pitfalls in our path. By doing so, we accelerate our progress and insure our eventual success.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on August 27th, 2011 in Career, New Directions, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in inner colleague, inner critic, neutralizing negativity, Positive Psychology, self help

Grieving Is the First Step to Healing

Unexpressed grief is like glue. It keeps us stuck and immobile.

Grief, like a beach ball held under the water, will fight to pop to the surface. The longer you try to hold it under, the harder it is to keep it down.

I used to expend a lot of my energy trying to drown my grief. On the outside, I had a nice life with all the trimmings, but inside I felt as thin and brittle as burnt paper.

I needed to lean into the pain that disappointment and loss brought me. I needed to sob over things from my childhood that made me feel unloved; I needed to wail and say goodbye to my old life; I needed to fall to my knees weep over dreams that didn’t come true, friendships that ended, goals I never accomplished. I needed to allow myself to feel bad.

Honoring loss is the only way to move through the pain. That’s when healing begins.

I didn’t know it at the time, but my refusal to grieve was the thing that kept me stuck. In limbo. In purgatory. Frozen under a sheet of ice.

It took a lot of soul searching and hard, heavy work, but I finally figured out that the only way to change is to face my unexpressed grief. You’ve got to let it swallow you whole, consume you. You have to relinquish control, put down your shield and sword. You have to walk into Grief’s lair and surrender. It’s not easy. In fact, it sucks. When you clean a wound with antiseptic, it hurts. But the burn of medicine is brief, temporary, and healing.

If you feel stuck, or unhappy or numb inside, it’s time to stop avoiding grief. Submit to it. Take a few minutes every day to honor the losses, disappointments and heart breaks in your life.

Let me be clear, I’m not saying you should walk around in misery day after day. What I am suggesting is that you take a little private time to cry or sulk or be pissed off. Shine a light in the dark places. Feel the pain, be with it. Then let it go.

Here’s the kicker: the feelings you are so afraid will chew you to pieces are what help you heal. The act of surrendering is the first step across the threshold.

Healing will take time and effort, but it will change your life.

My name is Glad Doggett. I help people lean into change by helping them reconnect with their inner brilliance. Check out my online e-course re: Turn to You. You can find me on my blog Best Laid Scheme and on Facebook.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Glad Doggett on August 1st, 2011 in Family, New Directions, Personal Stories | No comments

We All Have Our Off Days

We all have off days.

With this in mind, I have a confession. Actually I have several.

Today I ate two donuts for breakfast. I didn’t think twice. I just did it. And then I beat myself up for it all afternoon.

Then, I ate pizza for lunch. And it tasted delicious!

At least it was a veggie pizza. That counts for something, right?

And donuts again for dinner. I was racing to get my monthly allowance of carbs and fats, I guess.

Later, I argued with my daughter over something stupid. We know how to bait each other. How to hit the sore spots.

Today’s petty tiff was an I’m-right-you-are-wrong punch-fest. Verbal punches can be much worse than the physical kinds when you know where to land them.

Also, I skipped my exercise promise to myself. I planned to do it. But it was so hot outside. And I felt sluggish and over-full on donuts and pizza.

So I sat on my ass instead of getting up and moving.

Today, I read a few gorgeous blogs by popular bloggers I envy admire. I covet their followings, their connections and the relationships they have with one another. Even though I know better, I had a pity party. For one.

Today, I measured my morsel of influence in the blog world against the whole freakin’ pie sized influence of the cool kids. And I felt like shit.

Today, I sort of sucked in the self-coaching-love-myself realm.

But you know what? I’m human. And I have my off days. We all do.

So, instead of making this dip a crisis of enormous proportions, I’m going to see it for what it is. An off day.

I choose to be kind to Me today. I forgive my messy-not-so-disciplined-carb-loving-a-wee-bit-lazy Self.

Tomorrow is a new day, after all.

My name is Glad Doggett. I help people lean into change by helping them reconnect with their inner brilliance. Check out my online e-course re: Turn to You. You can find me on my blog Best Laid Scheme and on Facebook.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Glad Doggett on July 28th, 2011 in New Directions, Personal Stories, Spirituality, Uncategorized | No comments

How to Shine When You’re on the Spot

Today, we’re going to talk about how to be at your best when you’re taken off guard.

That’s what one listener wanted to know during my interview with performance psychologist Dr. Noa Kageyama at the Mental Toughness Summit last April: “What do you do when you’re put on the spot by your boss or board of directors?”

As Noa pointed out, our general tendency is to blurt out an answer without taking a moment to collect our thoughts. Then what happens: we end up rambling without making our point or backpedaling if we misunderstood the question.

So take a moment (this is where that working memory comes in handy) and ask a clarifying question to understand exactly what the person is asking – what is top of mind for you may not necessarily be what they had in mind. In some cases, rather than give a partial or incomplete answer, the better, more confident response may actually be to jot down a few notes and say you’ll get back to them later that day with a more complete, informed answer.

In the meantime, practice being prepared for anything.

Eugene Lehner, a long-time violist in the Boston Symphony, tells how one day at rehearsal early in his career, the conductor Serge Koussevitsky called on his friend the great composer, Nadia Boulanger, who happened to be in the audience listening, to take over the rehearsal when he was having difficulty getting the results he wanted.

(That’s a little like Jon Stewart asking Tina Fey to step in for him on the Daily Show.)

In the 43 years since then, Lehner says he hasn’t had a dull moment in rehearsal as he sits wondering what he would say to the orchestra if the conductor suddenly called to him: “Lehner, you come up here and conduct. I want to go to the back of the hall and hear how it sounds.”

You can stay on your toes in the same way. Waiting for the elevator, ask yourself: “What would I say if the CEO came up right now and asked me for a valuation on the Acme deal?” As you’re headed to the bathroom: “What would I say if I ran into the senior partner and he asked about the status of a certain case?”

No more flustered fumbling. Now, the next time you’re under fire for real, you’ll have already rehearsed the scenario dozens of times and be able to produce a confident, surefire response.

Let me know how it goes in the comments below!

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Renita Kalhorn on July 26th, 2011 in New Directions, Uncategorized | No comments

Embrace Death, Live Life

My mom, Lois Dempsey Robbins, was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer in early March. The disease spread very quickly and on June 13th, she passed away. I was honored and grateful to be with her through her dying process. It was both horrible and beautiful at the same time.

My mom’s physical pain and deterioration, realizing that she was going to die and that at thirty-seven years old I would be without either of my parents (my dad died almost ten years ago), and knowing that my girls would grow up without their grandma (who absolutely adored them), were some of the most difficult parts of the experience.

However, the closeness, family connection, deep conversations, healing, insights, love, forgiveness, and support have been some of the most wonderful aspects of all of this – while she was sick, as she was dying, and in the past month or so since her death.

Four of the most intimate and sacred experiences of my life have been the births of our two girls and the deaths of each of my parents. I’m grateful and honored to have been able to experience all four of these magical moments live and in person. Although the emotions of the births and the deaths were quite different, the level of intimacy, sacredness, and profundity were of similar impact and depth for me.

I’m deeply engaged in my grief process right now – doing my best to stay present in the midst of the intense and contradictory thoughts and feelings I’ve been experiencing. While I’ve been feeling sadness and pain, I also feel a lot of love and appreciation – both for my mother’s life and all she taught me, and for the experience of being with her through her death.

Death teaches us so much about life and about ourselves, even though it can be very difficult to comprehend and experience – especially when the person dying is someone very close to us. As a culture we don’t really talk about it, deal with it, or face it in an authentic way. It often seems too scary, mysterious, personal, loaded, heavy, emotional, tragic, andmore.

What if we embraced death – our own and that of those around us – in a real, vulnerable, and genuine way? What if we lived life more aware of the fact that everyone around us, including ourselves, has a limited amount of time here on earth?

Embracing death consciously alters our experience of ourselves, others, and life in a fundamental and transformational way. It allows us to remember what truly matters and to put things in a healthy and empowering perspective. Doing this is much better for us than spending and wasting our time worrying, complaining, and surviving the circumstances, situations, and dramas of our lives, isn’t it?

One of the most profound things my mom said a few weeks before she died was, “I want people to know that they don’t have to suffer through this.” As the end was getting closer, my mom’s awareness, insight, and desire to share her wisdom increased and it was beautiful.

Below are some of the key lessons I learned from her as she began to embrace death in the final days and weeks of her life. These are simple (although not easy) reminders for each of us about how to live life more fully:

1. Express Yourself – Say what you have to say, don’t hold things back. As my mom got closer to death, she began to express herself with a deeper level of authenticity and transparency. We had conversations about things we’d never talked about and she opened up in ways that were both liberating and inspiring. Too often in life we hold back, keep secrets, and don’t share what’s real – based on our fear of rejection, judgment, and alienation. Expressing ourselves is about letting go of our limiting filters and living life “out loud.”

2. Forgive – My mom and I come from a long line of grudge holders. Like me, she could hold a grudge with the best of ‘em. I watched as she began to both consciously and unconsciously let go of her grudges and resentments, both big and small. It was if she was saying, “Who cares?” When you only have a few months (or weeks) to live, the idea that “Life’s too short,” becomes more than a bumper sticker or a catch phrase, it’s a reality. And, with this reality, the natural thing for us to do is to forgive those around us, and ourselves.

3. Live With Passion – Going for it, being bold, and living our lives with a genuine sense of passion is so important. However, it’s easy to get caught up in our concerns or to worry what other people will think about us. My mom, who was a pretty passionate woman throughout her life, began to live with a deeper level of passion, even as her body was deteriorating. In her final days and weeks, she engaged everyone in conversation, talked about what she was passionate about, shared grandiose ideas, and let go of many of her concerns about the opinions of others. It was amazing and such a great model and reminder of the importance of passion.

4. Acknowledge Others – At one point about a month or so before my mom died she said to me, “It’s so important to appreciate people…I don’t know why I haven’t done more of that in my life.” Even in the midst of all she was going through and dealing with (pain, discomfort, medication, treatment, and the reality that her life was coming to an end), she went out of her way to let people know what she appreciated about them – and people shared their appreciation with her as well. My friend Janae set up a “joy line” for people to call and leave voice messages for my mom in her final days. We got close to fifty of the most beautiful messages, all expressing love and appreciation for my mom – most of which we were able to play for her before she passed away. Appreciation is the greatest gift we can give to others – and, we don’t have to wait until we’re dying to do it or until someone else is dying to let them know!

5. Surrender – While my mom clearly wasn’t happy about dying, didn’t want to leave us or her granddaughters, and felt like she had more to do on this earth, something happened about a month and a half before she died that was truly remarkable – she surrendered. For my mom, who had a very strong will and was a “fighter” by nature, this probably wasn’t easy. However, watching her surrender to what was happening and embrace the process of dying was truly inspirational and life-altering for those of us around her and for her as well. So much of the beauty, healing, and transformation that occurred for her and for us during her dying process was a function of surrendering. Surrendering isn’t about giving up, giving in, or selling out, it’s about making peace what is and choosing to embrace life (and in this case death) as it shows up. Our ability (or inability) to surrender in life is directly related to the amount of peace and fulfillment we experience.

My mom taught me and all of us that even in the face of death, it is possible to experience joy – what a gift and a great lesson and legacy to leave behind. And, as each of us consciously choose to embrace the reality of death in our lives, we can liberate ourselves from needless suffering, worry, and fear – and in the process experience a deeper level of peace and fulfillment.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Mike Robbins on July 26th, 2011 in New Directions, Relationships | No comments Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, death, dying, gratitude, grief, life lessons, Mike Robbins, mother, motivational speaker, self help

If It’s Not Working – Change It

There is something very empowering about realizing that we control our own lives.

When we recognize that our thoughts become our realities, we also recognize that we have the power to create the exact lives that we want.

This can be a wonderful feeling—and it can also be a scary feeling.

When we realize that we are in the driver’s seats of our lives, we are no longer able to blame others or be a victim if things aren’t working out how we would like. And it’s so much easier to just point the finger at someone else. You might want to say, “It’s their fault that I’m in this situation. If they hadn’t done that to me, I wouldn’t be suffering now.”

And while blaming others takes the responsibility off you in the short term, it creates low self-esteem and powerlessness in your long term. Imagine how great you would feel about yourself if you simply accepted that you have the power to change your life. It’s all in your hands. You are in control of your own destiny, and if you don’t like something about your life you can change it.

Spend some time today thinking about your life. Is there any part of it that isn’t working or flowing as well as you would like it to? If so, you can follow the formula below to start making the changes and begin living the life you were meant to live:

• First you figure out what isn’t working.
• Then you take responsibility for your part in whatever isn’t working.
• Ask yourself how did you help to create this?
• Next you visualize how you would like your situation to change.
• Finally you create a new thought pattern that would create your new life. And you keep saying these thoughts and affirmations over and over. And you really believe them—you really feel them. You really take the time to feel what your ideal life will be like.

And pretty soon, you’ll start to notice that your actual life is becoming your ideal life. You’ll start to notice that your positive thoughts are creating a positive reality. And you’ll feel great, empowered, and happy knowing that you have taken responsibility for your life. These are such wonderful things to realize!

Jodi Chapman writes Soul Speak – a daily blog that focuses on seeing life through a lens of gratitude and positivity. She is the bestselling author of the Soulful Journals series – writing-prompt journals that help you go within and get to know yourself better. She is also the author of the upcoming book, Go For It: Get Out There and Start Living! She believes that our thoughts become our reality, and our actions lead us to our dreams. She is happily married to her best friend and co-writer, Dan Teck. They live in southern Oregon with their fuzzy kids. www.soulspeakbyjodi.com

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Jodi Chapman on July 24th, 2011 in New Directions, Spirituality | No comments

21 Ways to Turn Ill Will to Good Will

My recent posts have highlighted two very powerful, yet opposing forces in the human heart: in a traditional metaphor, we each have a wolf of love and a wolf of hate inside us, and it all depends on which one we feed every day.

On the one hand, as the most social and loving species on the planet, we have the wonderful ability and inclination to connect with others, be empathic, cooperate, care, and love. On the other hand, we also have the capacity and inclination to be fearfully aggressive toward any individual or group we regard as “them.” (In my book – Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom – I develop this idea further, including how to stimulate and strengthen the neural circuits of self-control, empathy, and compassion.)

To tame the wolf of hate, it’s important to get a handle on “ill will” – irritated, resentful, and angry feelings and intentions toward others. While it may seem justified in the moment, ill will harms you probably more than it harms others. In another metaphor, having ill will toward others is like throwing hot coals with bare hands: both people get burned.

Avoiding ill will does not mean passivity, allowing yourself or others to be exploited, staying silent in the face of injustice, etc. Read more »

Posted by Dr. Rick Hanson on June 9th, 2011 in General, Global/Social Change, Health, New Directions, Relationships, Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in angry feelings, Buddha’s Brain, dalai lama, effective action, gandhi, hot coals, human heart, inclination, martin luther king, neural circuits, opposing forces, passivity, peaceful heart, plenty of room, preconditions, priming, Rick Hanson, self-control, speaking truth to power, traditional metaphor, vicious cycles