All ‘Global/Social Change’ Posts

Ariane’s Four Talks on Change

Hello! I’ve just added to YouTube four (4) videos that I wanted to share on Navigating Change. Some of them are nice and short, only five minutes long. If you’ve got a cup of tea and your journal, you can watch the hour-long talk I recently gave on “The 9 Principles of Change,” to a group of 500 executives. I cover personal, professional, health, family, relationship and financial changes. Enjoy and please share with anyone you know who is going through a change, thinking about a change, struggling or helping someone else with a change!

Click here to view Ariane’s Overview of Change.

Click here to view Ariane’s Questions about Change.

Click here to view Ariane’s The First Principle of Change.

Click here to view Ariane’s The 9 Principles of Change.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on May 17th, 2013 in Ariane, Career, Diet and Fitness, Family, Finances, Global/Social Change, Health, New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments

For Women Who Want to Be Leaders: Change Begins and Ends with You

Recently, I attended a symposium focused on women entrepreneurs. The big questions were: Why aren’t there more women entrepreneurs? More women CEOs? More women at the top?

Of course, the first target of discussion was men. They are the problem.

Ladies—this is wrong and you know it.

As I listened to cries of “men don’t treat us as equals in the board room”, and “they don’t take us seriously,” the first reason came to mind: it’s how we perceive ourselves that matters. Trust me, I’ve chaired enough high powered meetings where I’ve been the only woman, and, anyone who knows me knows I can hold my own. That’s because I don’t look around the room and say—“wow, these are all high-powered men.” I just see them as colleagues, teammates, equals.

We are never a minority, unless we think like one.

So, change #1: Think of yourself as an equal. Stop walking into the board room with preconceived ideas, a chip on your shoulder, or looking for differences. We are all created equal.

Now—back to the meeting….. While there was a loud cry of inequality, a female law partner, who headed the panel, told a different story.

This woman spoke of her experience as an associate moving up the ranks, always being backstabbed by other women associates. She vowed that when she made it big, she would help other women, because she knew what it felt like to be hurt. I’ve seen her in action. She kept her promise.

Moral of the story: once you storm the citadel, don’t shut the gates behind you.

Which brings me to change #2: Women need to be better team players. Maybe the guys have an advantage because they’ve played more team sports as kids. I’m not sure. I am sure that leaders need to be exemplary team players. In some of the talks I’ve given, we’ve discussed great attributes of team players, and how to assess ourselves. The top descriptions are: reliable, supportive, positive, adaptable and accessible. Does this describe you? If it doesn’t, then remember: the only person you control is you. Your thoughts. Your behavior. That’s how you become a better you, a better teammate, a better leader.

And this brings me to change #3: We need to stop trying to change, correct—or should I say, “fix”—other people. C’mon—if you have a husband, boyfriend, or significant other, you know what I’m talking about.

I was just in a creative seminar where we were broken out into groups. My group contained four men, one other woman, and me. Our task was to come up with our own book titles, and then help each other develop chapters. We were to get our creative juices flowing by collaboration and free thinking—no editing our thoughts. The guys shared ideas without any judgment. Then the other woman chimed in. Many of her ideas were great, but, she spoiled it by constantly criticizing the way I spoke. She told me not to start any of my sentences with the word “but”, and constantly interrupted my creative flow by trying to correct me. But, I wasn’t looking for her to change me. I was looking for her to help me.

You see, no matter how much we might try, the only people we can control and change are ourselves. We can’t control men, the world, injustice and bad things that happen to us. The only things we have power over are our own thoughts and actions.

Taking control of ourselves in a more supportive and less critical way gives us more confidence and self esteem. That’s what it’s really all about.

When we change ourselves for the better, and feel good about who we are, there are no barriers. Positive change begins and ends with us. And there are no ifs, ands, or buts about it!

Copyright 2013 Michelle Kerrigan. All Rights Reserved.

Michelle Kerrigan is an expert consultant and coach who specializes in helping clients achieve workplace success by developing the practical skills they need to improve their confidence, performance and productivity. More at www.michellekerriganinc.com and www.workplaceconfidence.com.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Michelle Kerrigan on May 16th, 2013 in Career, Global/Social Change | No comments Read related posts in advice for women leaders, Change begins with you, how to be more confident at work, how to be successful at work, improving performance and productivity, making better choices at work, own your life, personal growth, self-esteem, success, women and confidence, women and leadership, workplace confidence, workplace success

Workplace Confidence: Quick Tips in Career Confidence

Posted by Michelle Kerrigan on May 4th, 2013 in Career, Global/Social Change | No comments Read related posts in career coaching, career confidence, high performance and productivity, improving workplace performance, professional brand, self-esteem, workplace confidence, workplace performance expert, workplace success

Social Media vs. Social Reality: How to “Like” Your Life

“I just cancelled my Facebook account—it was making me feel too depressed reading everyone else’s posts. In comparison to them, I feel like such a failure.”

I’m hearing this type of complaint more often these days. The above quote came from a young college student. She is kind, fun, top of her class, passionate about her subject—filmmaking—and has a paid internship doing what she loves. And yet, social media is making her feel inadequate. Why?

I’m not a big advocate for Facebook, but I enjoy connecting and keeping up with people I like and respect. Like most, I don’t have thousands of friends, and this should tell you something.

Actually, no one really does. Social media and social reality are two very different animals. Never forget that.

So, here are a few things I’d like to share:

Social media is the one place where you actually edit your life. Your audience gets to see what you want them to see. No one has the perfect life, and thank God for that! It keeps life interesting. Each of us has successes and failures.

Think: If all the updates you saw on Facebook were about failure—would you really want that? Now, that would be depressing! (I’m picturing all the prozac and xanax ads and continuous photos of Woody Allen running alongside my feed. Oy!)

Success is different for everyone. You define it—not some arbitrary group. For some, it’s living a healthy, long life. For others, it’s having a family or career they love, or owning beautiful (and expensive) things.

If people on Facebook are really your friends, then be happy for them. If not, then delete them. Period, amen. Remember—you get to edit your life here too.

Use social media as motivation to get what you really want. Stop wasting time browsing on Facebook with your nose pressed up against the glass. Ask your friends how they got where they are and how they can help you. Focus less on what others are doing and more on what you want.

Keep a list of what you have in your life and review it and add to it often. Be grateful. I bet there’s more on that list than you give yourself credit for.

Perhaps some friends whose lives you want may really want what you have. What’s that saying?….the grass is always greener…

Focus your efforts on defining success and pursuing it. That’s the only way you’ll get there. And, don’t stop to edit yourself. That’s the beauty of reality—it’s a roller coaster ride of twists and turns and successes and failures. So, quit stalling and get on board! That’s what life is really all about.

Now—can I get a thumbs up here, huh??

Copyright 2013 Michelle Kerrigan. All rights reserved.

For over 25 years, Michelle Kerrigan has been helping businesses and private clients achieve workplace success by developing the practical skills they need to improve their confidence. Based on her own leadership experiences, Michelle provides an invaluable road map for conquering fear and doubt, navigating change, and solving day-to-day challenges. Michelle also writes and speaks about the impact self esteem has on success, and is currently working on a series for public TV about workplace confidence. More at www.workplaceconfidence.com and www.michellekerriganinc.com.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Michelle Kerrigan on April 15th, 2013 in Career, Global/Social Change, Health | No comments Read related posts in confidence, conquering fear and doubt, Facebook confidence, happiness, how to be more confident at work, living life with confidence, love your life, Michelle Kerrigan, personal growth, self-esteem, social confidence, social media and confidence, social media and depression, social media and self esteem, Social media vs. social reality, workplace confidence, workplace success

Workplace Confidence: The Power of Faith in Leadership

Like many people around the globe, I watched as the new pope, Francis I, came out onto the Vatican balcony to address the world for the first time.

What struck me more than anything else was the view from the camera as it slowly panned around the faces in the crowd. I watched all those eyes and saw that look—a look I have seen many times before. I’ve seen it when presidents have addressed this nation and when great visionaries have shared their dreams.

I have also seen it on a much smaller, yet still powerful platform: at conference room tables and in corporate meetings.

The look is one of faith, and it is unmistakable. It shows a commitment of confidence that is a shared experience. There is nothing like it. Large organizations can appear more open and personal when a leader can evoke that brand of trust.

Just as the pope embodies the teachings of the church, so must a corporate leader represent the vision of a company. It’s what senior executives often can’t seem to grasp, and what is sorely missing in the workplace and marketplace today.

Faith is one of the greatest innovators because it drives us forward in spite of our fears. And, in this world of accelerating change, where nothing is certain, faith is the one thing that is absolute.

To invoke the power of faith—of trust—leaders must have a core set of values and a sense of identity that is consistent with their organizations’ brand. A leader needs to be the exemplary team player, with the same qualities expected from employees: respect, willingness, reliability, accessibility, patience, and empathy. Accordingly, customers respond favorably to such characteristics. The great thing about the shared experience of faith is that you inspire the behavior you exhibit.

While the business world has changed a great deal over the years, one thing hasn’t: employees and customers still want to have confidence that leaders will respond to their needs. That’s not fundamental in most of the corporate world today. And it needs to be.

One great example of a successful leader is Tony Hsieh. Hsieh built up an online shoe company, Zappos, based on his belief in superior customer service. His commitment was so strong, he made service the responsibility of the entire company, not just a department.

And it shows.

If you’ve ever ordered shoes from Zappos, you know what I mean. The staff is faithful to service excellence. There are no barriers—every interaction is easy. I love that they have open communication with customers by phone, with clarity, cheerfulness, no up-sell, time constraints, or scripts. Hsieh saw every contact as an investment in building lasting relationships with his customers—the same way he believed in building lasting relationships with his employees. He even wrote a New York Times bestseller, aptly entitled Delivering Happiness.

This is potent stuff. And it doesn’t stop here.

Zappos went on to earn over $1 billion in sales and made Fortune’s Top 100 Companies to Work For.

You see, the power of faith in leadership creates followers: repeat and word-of-mouth customers, as well as the retention of top-tier talent in an organization.

It even converts non-believers. Trust me—I’m one of them. I never thought I could enjoy shoe-shopping online!

Faith gives meaning to business—it’s why we sign on and stay. It has the power to ignite high performance and productivity, and is the motivational fuel that can carry companies to success.

Copyright 2013 Michelle Kerrigan. All Rights Reserved.

For over 25 years, Michelle Kerrigan has been helping businesses and private clients achieve workplace success by developing the practical skills they need to improve their confidence. Based on her own leadership experiences, Michelle provides an invaluable road map for conquering fear and doubt, navigating change, and solving day-to-day challenges, resulting in more effective leadership, increased productivity and revenue growth. Michelle also writes and speaks about achieving success, and is currently working on a series for public TV about self esteem and workplace confidence. More at www.workplaceconfidence.com and www.michellekerriganinc.com.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Michelle Kerrigan on April 2nd, 2013 in Career, Global/Social Change | No comments Read related posts in building confidence, building trust, career coaching, conquering fear and doubt, consumer confidence, executive coaching, faith in leadership, have more confidence at work, high performance and productivity, how to be more confident, how to be more confident at work, leadership, leadership coaching, leading with confidence, Michelle Kerrigan, more confidence at work, Pope Francis I, reducing workplace stress, team building, workplace performance, workplace success

Workplace Confidence: Does Age Matter?

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” – Mark Twain

Mark Twain was a very wise man. And yet, age often causes such a chasm in the workplace, affecting teamwork, performance and innovation. Why?

A lot of it comes from perceptions driven by the media: seniors are slow and technology challenged; gen y is self absorbed with a sense of entitlement; and baby boomers are stuck in the past and glory days. Sound about right?

While many of these thoughts don’t originate with us, once we adopt them, they turn inwards, and we run the risk of putting ourselves in age boxes (18-24, 25-33, 34-45, 46-55). Like most things in life, it’s the stories we tell ourselves that get in our way.

Case in point: When asked to speak at Hunter College about navigating change, I was nervous about addressing a room full of students in their early 20s. In my 50s, I found myself thinking not like Mark Twain, but like Will McAvoy, the anchorman character in the hit show The Newsroom, who has that awful fear known as ”Am I still relevant?”

As I help people address issues with confidence, it’s odd that I even think of this, but that’s exactly why I think of it. If you let it, negative perceptions can shake your confidence to its very core.

So, as I arrived in the classroom, I kept trying to talk myself through it: “It will be alright…just 20-30 minutes, and I’m done and out of here, before they start yawning…..loudly.” See? We can really get fluent in ‘crazy’ when facing fear and doubt.

90 minutes later—yes, 90 minutes–I was in a deep Q and A with the students. I kept looking over to the professor, wondering when to sit down, and she mouthed—“as long as their hands are up, keep going.”

I found that the students were just as nervous as I, if not more so. They were concerned about all the changes they were facing—definitely at a much faster pace than I’ve ever experienced.

They were also frightened of entering the workforce, and being considered too young, too inexperienced, too inferior. In essence, give or take 30 years, they felt just like me.

They were so relieved when I told them that everyone has fears—no one’s immune. It’s what you do with your fear that matters. You can let it stop you by worrying about the future or getting stuck in the past. Or you can get in the here-and-now, and ask “What’s the next positive step I can take to move myself forward and who can help me?”

It was then that I realized the most relevant lesson of all: No one succeeds alone—no one. The success we felt in that Hunter classroom was a team effort—timeless and transcending all barriers. We can all learn from each other, and we should.

In the workplace, embrace this practice of working together, and there’s nowhere you can’t go. Performance, productivity, and innovation are driven by collaboration and must be unencumbered by preconceptions because they limit us and everyone we touch.

We all have something of value to bring to the table—our different strengths and experiences.

Age, like fear, doesn’t matter. It’s the confidence to move forward together that does.

Copyright 2013 Michelle Kerrigan. All rights reserved.

For over 25 years, Michelle Kerrigan has been helping businesses and private clients achieve workplace success by developing the practical skills they need to improve their confidence. Based on her own leadership experiences, Michelle provides an invaluable road map for conquering fear and doubt, navigating change, and solving day-to-day challenges, resulting in more effective management and leadership, increased productivity and growth. Michelle also writes and speaks about achieving success, and is currently working on a series for public TV about self esteem and workplace confidence. More at www.workplaceconfidence.com and www.michellekerriganinc.com.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Michelle Kerrigan on March 25th, 2013 in Career, Global/Social Change, Personal Stories | No comments Read related posts in aging with confidence, conquering fear and doubt, how to have more confidence at work, Michelle Kerrigan, more confidence at work, personal growth, self-esteem, teamwork, workplace confidence, workplace success

Workplace Confidence: The Perfection Addiction

From 1976-1986, I was the sole copy editor for every piece of printed product for Columbia Records. We’re talking album covers, inner sleeves, cassettes, 8-tracks (yes, I said 8-tracks), record labels—you name it. I worked for artists such as Bruce Springsteen, Pink Floyd, Billy Joel, Bob Dylan and Tony Bennett.

This was a time before digital production, when we worked with manuscripts, typesetting, mechanical boards and film—all mostly manual, labor intensive and very, very expensive.

At that time, one mistake by me could cost the company millions in reprint costs. It could also cost me my job. I made it a point to never make mistakes. What a pressure it was to always be dead-on accurate. This was one place where perfectionism really counted, because the costs were so high.

Perfectionism has its place, but it can get out of hand and affect everything you do.

When the digital revolution happened in the music business, having technology at our fingertips made it much easier for perfection addiction to spread. First, art directors finessed their designs to the nth degree. Sometimes, we had to literally pry the projects out of their hands as we rushed past deadline dates. Then, the label heads got into the act, and more excruciating tweaking began.

Here’s the double-edged sword: The wonderful thing about technology is that you can make changes easily. The terrible thing about technology is that you can make changes easily.

When we are addicted to perfection, we tend to over-think, over-analyze and over-finesse just about everything. We exhaust ourselves. We’re always looking for that solid armor of security that blocks any criticism. When we spend too much time perfecting one thing, other tasks that need our attention suffer. Then we begin to feel overwhelmed and depressed.

We get a limited amount of energy every day—just so many hours. My advice is to be very selective about which projects you want to refine to perfection. Avoid being counterproductive by being a stickler about everything.

Some ways to kick the perfectionism habit:

Focus: begin with the end in mind. Envision the big picture—what’s the true value of the project you’re working on? Does it merit all the extra hours of striving for perfection?

Set a timer: a deadline can be a wonderful thing.

Step away: taking a breather can often give you a fresh perspective.

Collaborate: getting input from a colleague whom you respect may give you a whole other viewpoint (and may silence your inner critic).

Put up a stop sign: Know when enough is enough. Perfectionists always tend to over-deliver. “It’s not good enough” is definitely something many of us have learned somewhere along the way. (Maybe a parent who always expected A’s.)

You don’t have to hit a bull’s eye every time. No one does.

Even when you think you haven’t hit the bull’s eye, often others will think you have. I can’t tell you how often I’ve thought I’ve done a so-so job, and have received more praise than I ever expected. We already have too much work now, and there’s more ahead of us.

Giving yourself permission to be imperfect is giving yourself permission to be human. And that’s a great thing. We’re all vulnerable in one way or another, and it’s at these moments that people relate to us. And that’s better than perfect—that’s life.

Copyright 2013 Michelle Kerrigan. All Rights Reserved.

For over 25 years, Michelle Kerrigan has been helping businesses and private clients surpass goals and achieve success by developing the practical skills they need to improve their workplace confidence, performance and productivity. Michelle also writes, speaks, and is currently working on a series for public TV about workplace confidence. More at www.workplaceconfidence.com and www.MichelleKerriganInc.com.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Michelle Kerrigan on March 12th, 2013 in Career, Global/Social Change | No comments Read related posts in Michelle Kerrigan, more confidence at work, perfection addiction, performance, time management. productivity, workplace confidence, workplace expert

Exclusive Interview with Ariane on Life Changes

I was happy to be interviewed by a cool new site called www.24thletter.com. It’s an exclusive, members-only community, but I begged them and they let me share with all of you the interview I did. My good friend, Janera Soerel, asked me some very interesting questions about one of my favorite subjects — change and managing transitions in our lives.

Janera Soerel: Our chat today is with Ariane de Bonvoisin, a self-styled Chief Change Optimist, and founder of First30Days. Like most of us, Ariane’s life has been through many changes, but her strength has been to study the commonalities we experience when we go through major adjustments and to share her best practices with the chronically inflexible. Ariane, we are delighted to have you with us today, and look forward to your insights on how to best manage transitions.

Ariane de Bonvoisin: I am all yours, I love all questions about this topic.

JS: I’ll just jump right into the questions. You are the Guru of Change. Do you believe there is virtue to committing to a decision and ploughing through the difficulties? Or when is change the best option?

AdB: “Guru of Change,” you are funny! I am a big believer in being committed to a decision and at the same time being very open to changing my approach. So, the reason “why” I am making a decision is why to stay the course — why I want to start a business, why I want to lose weight, why I want to write a book.

The “how” is what is open to change along the way. I tell people to stay very much in touch with their intuition. How does something feel? I think life, the universe, God — whatever we want to call it — is always trying to give us guidance. The decisions that I’ve not pursued until the end often turned out to be ones that were more ego-based.

JS: That’s very interesting. Sometimes though it is difficult to hear that voice. Do you have any advice on how to access intuition?

AdB: Sure, intuition is something we all have — even children. Intuition speaks loudest through the body! Do you feel tired? Agitated? Does your stomach feel tight? The body knows what is best for us; it is wired for truth. We just think that our minds know best! So we disregard the signs our body is giving us all the time.

JS: You’re right, we need to live more in our bodies, and less in our heads. Getting back to life’s transitions: in your experience, what changes are the most difficult?

AdB: All changes are hard because they involve some element of the unknown. We want certainty, security, to feel safe. Underneath it all, the hardest changes are the ones that touch our identity, how we see ourselves in the world. For example, “I am married” to “I am divorced.” “I am employed” to “I am unemployed.” Anything we attach the words “I am” to is a bit dangerous as life loves shaking things up in that department! Basically, anything you attach your self esteem to that is external — for most people that’s their relationship and career — tends to hit the hardest. We need to find the part of us that doesn’t change, the detached observer of all these life changes and transitions. Then we feel we can handle anything. That’s more of a spiritual journey and something internal.

JS: What happens to people who don’t yet have that deeper internal understanding when they’re confronted with an unpredictable change that comes out of left field? How do you advise those people to manage the surprises?

AdB: People feel their whole life has fallen apart when they don’t realize they are so much more than this change. I think you can prepare by not being too attached to anything and having the awareness that change is the only constant in life. It is the law of life, as JFK said. Your work, health, relationship, money — everything will change. People will come and go. Awareness is always the beginning of change. Then I would take it a day at a time. Change is hard when we blend in the past, present, and future in regards to this change. Change has its own timeline, so we can’t speed it up and get out of the uncomfortable period. Also, resisting change is what causes the most change! Try to accept the change even though it may be painful. If you argue with reality, you lose!

JS: Your life has brought you many changes, and you’ve recently moved back to New York. You went on two global trips of discovery, the first when you quit Time/Warner, which culminated in you coming back to New York and founding First30Days, and the second in 2010 from which you’ve just returned. What inspired the second trip, and how do you see First30Days evolving now?

AdB: The second trip! Ha, I felt a longing to get into the unknown: no plans, no control and let life lead the way. A week before I left NYC, I had no idea still where I was going. I found a real intimacy with God during this time. Not having Ariane’s plans, but God’s plans for Ariane. (When I say God, I mean anything you are comfortable referring to!) I also wanted to find a different place to go write my next book, get closer to nature, observe human beings, connect to the simplicity of life, joy, love. I wanted to start living all the self-help and spiritual principles I’d been reading and writing about.

JS: That sounds blissful! How long were you away, and how close to your internal self did you get?

AdB: I was gone for nearly two years — from India, to Australia, South Africa, Cambodia, Indonesia, Mozambique. I did most of the traveling and exploring by myself and then later on with my boyfriend, although you are never really alone I think! The greatest relationship you have is with your Higher Self; you become your own best friend and you stop the disapproval and learn to appreciate things.

JS: Can you tell us a bit more about the new projects on your plate? It sounds like you’re mostly focused on creating content. Do you also coach people individually?

AdB: I love writing, so yes I am writing a lot! I’ve just finished an ebook: “What I wish someone had told me about writing a book.” I’m also launching a new site called arianestudio.com which will feature my blog, books, events and a spotlight on interesting things for people on a spiritual path and also fully living and working in the world. And I’m building an iPhone app called Mindful365, which helps people live consciously one day at a time. I do coach some people yes. I have done less of it since I’ve been traveling, but still love the 1:1 connection and seeing people really transform in areas that are important to them.

JS: It sounds like you’re back in the New York rat-race with all the activities on your plate. How do you manage to balance the spiritual practices with the external demands on your time?

AdB: NYC is the perfect place to trigger me, push my buttons. But I’ve got what I call some “non-negotiables”: things that nothing touches.

JS: Can you give us examples of the non-negotiables?

AdB: I meditate every morning no matter what, and sometimes before going to sleep as well. I also am very committed to staying healthy: green juices daily, not much sugar. I’ve been a vegetarian since I was 12, and I think what we eat and drink can massively contribute to lowering our stress in a place like NYC. And I remember that it’s never NYC or any place that’s stressing you out. It’s your mind and its stories and beliefs that are doing such a good job at that. So my other non-negotiable is always to be very self aware and observe my reactions.

JS: I love green juices!

AdB: Alone time is also super-important. And yes, green juices rock!

JS: In this new phase of your life, with all these new projects, what have been the biggest challenges?

AdB: Good question! Well, finding a place to live in NYC is never fun. But having solved that challenge, the other is not wanting to get back on a plane and go travel again! I feel this is the time to contribute, give back, share, help, plant seeds. I also feel friends and family sometimes don’t understand your choices, the way you want to live your life. I try to have compassion for them, and not let it throw me off or want to get their approval in some way. And of course, being patient! Being an entrepreneur and a creative type means self-generating your energy and motivation on a daily basis, often without seeing results for a long time. So it’s important to have faith.

JS: This process of balancing friends and family expectations, with staying on your entrepreneurial/spiritual purpose, is one many of us face. Do you believe there is a difference between how men and women balance these demands?

AdB: Men and women go through change a bit differently. Men are more focused on actions, women more on emotions. And in the end, women get through change better usually. All change is emotional. Women are a lot more likely to want to find a more spiritual way of living. Most men are actually very spiritual, but that word scares them; it’s as if it’s not masculine or something

JS: Yes, those men… They’re catching up with us

AdB: We love them!!!

JS: And now, to wrap it up. A more solemn question: life’s biggest transition is death. Knowing that this life will end, what do you recommend our members do on a daily basis when dealing with the small changes?

AdB: Well, knowing that time is passing, my recommendation is this: find work you love, something that lights you up, inspires you. Even if it’s something you do on the side, find a way to contribute, give back, serve your fellow human beings. Focus on your health, in small ways. Yes, get that daily green juice. Have meat and treats on the weekend only, whatever works for you. You get a chance every day to help your body out. Start reading a book, or take a class or something that has you explore your spiritual side, why you are here, what it’s all about. Focus on learning and growing, life is never stagnant if that is your goal. And be kind to yourself, allow yourself to be human. Self-disapproval doesn’t make life fun and is a major obstacle to taking a risk, learning, being creative, loving, becoming enlightened!

JS: So basically stay healthy, have quiet time, and make money doing what you love. Sounds like the perfect formula for a happy life. We have a lifetime to deepen our learning and balance these all out. Thank you Ariane for spending time with us. We loved having you here, and look forward to your new book, website, TV show, and more.

AdB: Thank YOU for being you and doing what you love — you are an example for us. Big hugs and everyone keep in touch please.

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on September 1st, 2012 in Ariane, Global/Social Change, New Directions, Personal Stories | No comments

Why Should I Forgive? The Origin of a New Year’s Resolution

I’ve been asked why I’m passionate about teaching forgiveness. It’s because all religious, spiritual and metaphysical roads I’ve traveled have led me here, to this one Truth borrowed from A Course In Miracles: I forgive others for my own peace of mind.

In my late twenties I read the Bible, the Old and New Testament, for the first time. Although I was impressed with the transformation of God’s consciousness from the Old Testament God of anger, judgment, vengeance and war to the New Testament God of peace, love, acceptance, charity and forgiveness, I was more impressed with the implications of several thought-provoking Biblical comments:

(1) From the Book of Matthew: He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

If the above-passage is an accurate quote from Jesus of the Christ, that’s pretty awesome and powerful. “Nothing will be impossible for you.” That’s not a vague and ambiguous assertion. That’s a description of how Reality Manifestation works. That’s the Secret right there. That’s the Law of Attraction, the Law of Abundance. The power of the Mind to transcend time and transform space, and thereby create the reality of one’s choosing! “Nothing will be impossible for you.” Wow. I like the sound of that. And I find it hard to believe that Jesus of the Christ was exaggerating. His word was his bond.

(2) From the Book of Mark: “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” I don’t take the word “rich” literally here. I believe what was meant instead of rich is the word greedy. “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than a greedy man to enter the kingdom of God.”

Greed is of the ego. Greed is about competition and separation rather than cooperation and unity. Greed is about judgment, aggression and unforgiveness, not acceptance, tolerance and harmony. Greed is not of God and if you really want to get to God and Heaven and the Garden of Eden, or whatever else you understand to be a place of eternal, unconditional peace, compassion and joy, then be of Service to Others. Help others. If you’ve got two coats, give one away to a needy brother.

3) From the Book of Matthew: “Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.”

Meek doesn’t mean weak. Meek doesn’t mean wimpy. Meek doesn’t mean sucker or chump. Meek means those who are gentle, those who are non-violent, those who are compassionate, those who are accepting of others, those who are unconditionally forgiving. “Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth.” The implication of this being that those who seek peace through violence and murder are not blessed and will inherit the wind.

4) From the book of Matthew: “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” This is very clear. The message is basically that if you walk a righteous, honest and forgiving path, you will get the life that you want. You’ll get the goodies. First be a person of integrity. First be of service to others. First let go of anger, fear, judgment and attack. First forgive. And then “all these things will be added to you.” In other words: You win. You Forgive To Win!

5) From the Book of John: “I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” In other words, All these things that I have done, you can do and more if you have faith in me, if you follow my principles of forgiveness, acceptance, and love. That’s the ticket. There’s the message again: Want to do 22 impossible things before breakfast? First seek the kingdom of heaven. First be a person of honor. And then with your faith you’ll move mountains, and all things will come to you.

Why? Because when we get our mind focused on Forgiveness, Acceptance and Love, this removes the obstacles to the natural flow of abundance and prosperity which is available in infinite amounts to everyone.

So that’s my New Year’s resolution: To first seek the kingdom of heaven. To first be a person of honor. To forgive. To accept. To love. As best I can. As unconditionally as I can. Wherever I am. Without exceptions. Without expectations. Without the need for appreciation or acknowledgment.

To have forgiveness, teach forgiveness to learn it.

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Forgive To Win!

Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on December 29th, 2011 in First30Days Book, Global/Social Change, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in acceptance, Bible, forgiveness, God, LOVE, religion, Spirituality

21 Ways to Turn Ill Will to Good Will

My recent posts have highlighted two very powerful, yet opposing forces in the human heart: in a traditional metaphor, we each have a wolf of love and a wolf of hate inside us, and it all depends on which one we feed every day.

On the one hand, as the most social and loving species on the planet, we have the wonderful ability and inclination to connect with others, be empathic, cooperate, care, and love. On the other hand, we also have the capacity and inclination to be fearfully aggressive toward any individual or group we regard as “them.” (In my book – Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love and Wisdom – I develop this idea further, including how to stimulate and strengthen the neural circuits of self-control, empathy, and compassion.)

To tame the wolf of hate, it’s important to get a handle on “ill will” – irritated, resentful, and angry feelings and intentions toward others. While it may seem justified in the moment, ill will harms you probably more than it harms others. In another metaphor, having ill will toward others is like throwing hot coals with bare hands: both people get burned.

Avoiding ill will does not mean passivity, allowing yourself or others to be exploited, staying silent in the face of injustice, etc. Read more »

Posted by Dr. Rick Hanson on June 9th, 2011 in General, Global/Social Change, Health, New Directions, Relationships, Uncategorized | No comments Read related posts in angry feelings, Buddha’s Brain, dalai lama, effective action, gandhi, hot coals, human heart, inclination, martin luther king, neural circuits, opposing forces, passivity, peaceful heart, plenty of room, preconditions, priming, Rick Hanson, self-control, speaking truth to power, traditional metaphor, vicious cycles