All ‘Finances’ Posts

It’s Not the Circumstances, It’s Us

I recently read a great quote from Ben Franklin that I hadn’t seen before. He said, “Joy doesn’t exist in the world, it exists in us.” While the quote was new to me, the concept wasn’t. However, as I began to think it more, I realized that even though I “understand” this wisdom and do my best to live by it and remind others of it, more often than I’d like to admit, I find myself living as though I’m simply a victim of the “things” that go on around me and in the world – especially the stuff I don’t particularly like, agree with, understand, feel like I’m on top of, or enjoy.

The circumstances of our lives, especially when they seem stressful or intense (as is the case for many people I know and work with these days) do have an impact on us, for sure. However, all too often we give away our power to these circumstances and situations. We act as though it’s a foregone conclusion that we will feel a certain way based on specific circumstances (i.e. the economy, the weather, our health, our level of activity, the state of our romantic relationship or lack thereof, the behavior of our children, our families, the state of our career or business, our environment at work, and more).

Our experience of life (grateful, worried, peaceful, angry, excited, sad, alive, depressed, joyous, or anything else) is much more of a reflection of us and what’s going on within us, not a reaction to what’s going on around us. We’ve all had many examples of times in our lives when things were going “great” on the surface or we accomplished or experienced some “wonderful” external success, only to feel a sense of disappointment or sadness underneath because whatever it was didn’t satisfy us at a deep level. And, on the flip side, most of us have had moments of incredible joy, excitement, and bliss that weren’t directly connected to anything “worthy” of these feelings externally.

Even though we know this dynamic to be true, we still seem to get caught in the hypnotic, erroneous notion that if we just got rid of some issues, altered some circumstances, manifested some increased success, or changed some specific situations in our lives – then, we’d be happy, peaceful, and relaxed (or whatever it is we say we want to experience).

Author and teacher, Byron Katie, says, “The definition of insanity is thinking that you need something you don’t have. The mere fact that you exist right now without that which you think you need is proof that you don’t need it.”

What if we lived our lives with a deeper and more conscious awareness of the fact that we get to create our experience of life at any moment? Imagine what our lives, our careers, and our relationships would look like if we stopped blaming our experience on other people or on external circumstances. We would free up so much positive energy and take back so much of our personal power.

Here are a few things you can do to enhance your capacity to own your experience of life in an empowering way:

1) Admit where you play victim and give away your power. As is always the case, “the truth will set you free.” Take a look into your life, especially in the areas where you find the most pain, suffering, and struggle right now. Without judging yourself, can you find places where you’re acting like a victim of your current circumstances (as though it is simply “happening to you”)? The more honest and specific you can be about this, the more freedom it will provide for you.

2) Acknowledge, own, and express your underlying emotions. Whenever we go into victimhood there is something we don’t want to deal with, take responsibility for, experience, or express emotionally. Even thought it can be a little painful and scary initially, by dealing directly with the emotions we’re avoiding, we go to the source of the issue and address it at the root. Ironically, once we’re able to acknowledge, own, and express the emotion(s) involved, much of the suffering and struggling go away – if we’re willing to really take responsibility for and express what we’re truly feeling.

3) Make a commitment to fully own your experience. Declare to yourself and those close to you that you’re willing to take 100% responsibility for your experience of life. This doesn’t mean that “stuff” won’t happen, but it does mean that you make a commitment to live your life by design, not default. It’s also likely that you’ll forget, slip up, and fall back into victimhood from time to time (or often). However, making a commitment to yourself and to others – and also asking them to hold you accountable with honesty and kindness – can create an environment (within you and around you) conducive for you to enhance your capacity to live your life with power and responsibility.

Give yourself some space and have a lot of compassion with yourself and others on this; most of us have been trained, educated, and encouraged to live in “victim consciousness” – even though it doesn’t work or give us what we want ultimately. When we’re willing to tell the truth, express our real emotions, and make a commitment to live as designers of our experience – we can literally transform our lives in miraculous ways.

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Mike Robbins on January 29th, 2010 in Career, Finances, New Directions, Relationships | 1 comment Read related posts in appreciation, authenticity, ben franklin, gratitude, honesty, Mike Robbins, motivational speaker, power, self help, victim

Mental Shift

“The major adjustments we need to make are mental.” Price Prichard from “The Fourth Level of Change.”

To be great at work and in life requires a mental shift – a change in attitude that accepts the world on its terms, welcomes change and focuses on possibilities.

When we slept last night, the world changed. Technology has advanced our methods of communication. Science has changed our understanding of our beginnings, our development, our health and our world. We can watch all this happen around us and quickly be left behind. Or, we can realize that change and growth are what propels us to work strong and live stronger. We can realize that by embracing the new constant known as change, we can expand our understanding of ourselves and live and work in the most significant way possible.

Many of us are frozen by change because most people feel change will lead to loss instead of gain. We are convinced if change happens we will not be happy, safe, rich, or some other adjective, so we hold steadfastly to what we know. We freeze. We idle. We hide.

This creates the need for a mental shift. It is our choice to welcome change or fight it. We choose to advance, allow and augment, or whine, wince and worry. We control our perspective – we control our mental outlook. Indeed, we are constantly influenced by the information we receive and process all day, but it is our mental attitude (our outlook and approach) that determines how we process this information. If our outlook is pessimistic, resistant and reluctant, we will find things in our world that support this outlook – we become cynical, distrustful and suspicious. If however, our mental shift brings us to an outlook that is optimistic, upbeat and positive, we become more open, aware and responsive. We set the tone and the world will respond.

Here are my four steps for a mental shift to optimism and improvement

1. Start today. True, a new year is upon us and people seem more committed to making improvements at the start of the year. Great. But as you build a year-round mental shift plan, commit to starting what you choose to do as you choose to do it. Don’t postpone. I had a friend who would only make changes on the first day of a month – even if he identified something needing changing on the second day of the month. Crazy. If it is important enough to do, do it now.
2. Just a bit. Most people bite off more than they can chew. They try to make improvements that are too significant all at once. We are segmented learning creatures – we best handle things in “chunks.” So instead of trying to end a habit of poor eating, start one small new habit, such as eliminating dessert during the week, or eating 2 additional pieces of fruit a day. Just a bit. Small gains. And soon the accumulating small gains lead to significant change.
3. Call them “improvements.” Stay away from the language of “ending bad habits.” Instead, focus on “doing things that improve.” Mentally, we are more supportive of events that are seen as positive; we are more likely to succeed when we focus on improving. And along with #2 above, make “just a bit” improvements to be more successful. I grew up in an Italian Catholic family. In the period prior to Easter (Lent), most people I knew gave things up as their Lenten resolutions. In our family, we focused instead on adding (new habits) instead of giving up – we added things of value; we used Lent as a period to “improve.” This lesson remains a good one.
4. Celebrate your success. When success happens, applaud your effort, your achievement and your commitment. Start to change the internal voice from the critiquing old “grandmother”(the internal voice most of us have), to a supportive “friend” (the voice that allows us to improve, adjust and feel successful). Be kind to yourself. You are one brain and one heart in the middle of a large, often cruel and complex, world. Sometimes you will get it right; sometimes you will won’t. So, when you get it right, dance, sing, clap or do whatever helps you celebrate. Then move on to the next “little bit.” And when you don’t get it right, forgive yourself and start again.

I know today’s world moves much faster than I would like – sometimes it seems to give me more than I think I can handle. Despite this, I also know my attitude is the key to understanding myself, my world and to living and working in the most significant way possible. It is up to me to make this mental shift – to be positive, optimistic and to see possibilities – no matter what the world brings my way. And in the process, help to inspires others to do the same.

Shift happens – but only when we make it happen. What mental shift do you need to make to ensure you work strong and live stronger?

Wishing you a new year of mental shifts, small improvements and greater happiness.

Jay Forte is a motivational speaker and performance consultant. He is the author of Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition and the on-line resource, Stand Out and Get Hired. He works to connect people to their talents and passions to work strong and live stronger. More information at www.LiveFiredUp.com.

Posted by Jay Forte on December 27th, 2009 in Career, Diet and Fitness, Finances, Health, New Directions, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in act now, change your attitude, happiness, improvement, make small changes, mental shift, own your life

Lessons Learned from the Recession: Getting Better, Getting Stronger

Today’s tough economic times have forced us to look with greater attention at what we do, the decisions we make, and how we use our resources. Surviving the recession is not just about cutting back – it is about changing how we think about every aspect of our lives to redefine what is truly meaningful, valuable and important.

Everything changes. Life has no guarantees – we get what we get. But we have the capacity to handle what comes our way – including dealing with change. The real issue isn’t the change itself – it is how we use, respond and even welcome change. To be successful in a changing world we must relearn much of what we took for granted; we must become better at inventing, responding, communicating, sharing and staying focused on what is important. There are many lessons learned from this recession – and when learned, we get better and stronger.

In a period of great downs it is easy to focus on the things we are missing, doing without, and are upset about. Or, we can realize that from every tough time, opportunities are generated. It takes a lot of effort to stay optimistic but that is the key to getting better and getting stronger; we must refocus our attitude to hunt for and find the good in every situation instead of fixating on what is lacking or changed.

Committed to remain positive in tough times, I started a list of things that are actually better as we all have dealt with a tough economy, lost jobs and limited cash. And as I started my list, I noticed that with a change of mindset, there was no shortage of great things – even better things – than I had initially thought.

So, I share my list of how life is better in spite of our recession. And if you have found that some things have improved because we had to look deeper into ourselves and become more creative, more connected and more determined, please share them. I’ll keep the list going and hope that others see how to hunt for the good instead of the bad.

As Henry Ford said, “If you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.” It really is all about attitude. So if you think life is miserable. It will be. If you think there are reasons to celebrate you’ll find them. I vote for celebrating.

My List – Getting Better, Getting Stronger

• We realize we can’t spend what we don’t have; credit and credit cards are not the same as cash.

• We now spend more time at home, we eat as a family, we are learning to spend time again with each other and talk to each other more.

• Dinner out is now more a treat than a routine.

• Dessert out is as much fun and more affordable than dinner out.

• We do more family events using what we have; we look at photos, remember events and reconnect to our kids, parents, cousins and grandparents, and what to what they remember, share and think.

• Track shoes and a two-mile jog around the neighborhood burns as many calories as a tread mill, stair climber or elliptical stepper at a gym.

• We use our now more limited weekly food money on real food and have eliminated many of the snacks that are not good for us; we are starting to eat healthier.

• We reconnected to our neighbors and learned to share our extra when they did not have enough; we are building our social networks face-to-face.

• We hang up our clothes instead of leaving them on the floor or on the chair; we do less laundry, and we make things last.

• We watch the movies, wear the clothes and play the games we forgot we had; we treasure what we have.

• We waste less food, create less garbage and leave less of a footprint on the planet; we are more aware that supplies of things are limited – and once gone, they may be gone for good.

• We are less fixated on whether we have the newest, shiniest, best or most expensive, in favor having the right things that keep people healthy and safe.

• We drive our cars less, consume less gas and learn about the great things in our neighborhood; in the process we make our cars last a little longer.

• We slow down on the road knowing that it conserves fuel and offers a view of some great things we generally didn’t notice in our rush to get places.

• We spend more time with each other; we rekindle friendships that evaporated when life became too busy to stay in touch.

• We recycle more, go to garage sales, flea markets and thrift stores. Bohemian and trendy salvage styles are making a comeback.

• We buy local produce that saves on fuel and gives us healthier things to eat.

• We have learned to extend any meal by adding cans of things we had in the pantry; we invent new family recipes; we use what we have.

• We borrow books and movies from the library instead of buying new ones.

• We spend more time with crayons, glue, paper and a box to make great things and have a great time.

• We are beginning to realize that a gift is truly based on the thought instead of the cash value – and that a flower picked or a handmade card delivered at the right moment creates the right memory.

• We learn how to talk to each other again.

• We get by without 700 cable channels of chatter and stuff.

• We now turn lights off when we are not in a room, reduce the amount of heat or air conditioning and are still fine.

• We live by the rule that for every bag that comes into the house, two must go – one to trash/recycle, one to the needy.

• We buy day-old, discount and reduced-cost foods that help us save money and improve our creativity in the kitchen.

• We now treat things with more respect – a person, book, toy, car or other important thing.

• We take a bike to work. We get our workout, get to work and leave less of a impact on the planet.

• We rent out or share an extra room with someone who can’t afford their house.

• We give all of the clothes that don’t fit or we can’t use to organizations that ensure it gets distributed to those who use them.

• We use coupons and look for the best deals before we buy; we understand what we buy instead of thinking that we’ll throw it out and get another one.

• An afternoon out is now a walk around the neighborhood, time at a park or appreciating nature, architecture, a view or the weather; there doesn’t have to be a purchase to make the afternoon valuable.

Remember how we all came together to deal with the horror of 9/11? We united, became closer and more committed to helping each other out. A tough economy is another wake up call – to remind us of how we must respect each other, our planet and our resources. Societies are built on their unity. When things are tough, it is important to work together to solve, to respond and to help out. How has the recession helped you redefine what and who is important?

Jay Forte is a motivational speaker and performance consultant. He is the author of Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition and Stand Out and Get Hired. He works to connect people to their talents and passions to work strong and live stronger. More information at www.LiveFiredUp.com.

Posted by Jay Forte on December 15th, 2009 in Diet and Fitness, Family, Finances, Health, New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Things We Love | No comments Read related posts in appreciate change, get better get stronger, job loss, list of improvements because of the recession, lost jobs, optimism, recession, see the good, surviving in tough times, tough economy, use change, welcome change

The Best Gift of All

During one of her shows a few years back, Oprah Winfrey made a profound and beautiful statement that I appreciated very much. She said, “We do shows about lots of ‘stuff’ and my ‘favorite things,’ but what people want more than anything else is to know that they’re appreciated…that’s the best gift of all.”

At this time of year it’s easy for us to get caught up in the stress of getting everything on our “list” crossed off, preparing for parties and events, and rushing around to buy gifts. And, with money tight for many of us this year, there’s added stress as we think about what gifts to get for our family members, friends, co-workers, and others.

Instead of just giving “stuff” for the holidays this year, what if we gave the people in our life the most meaningful gift of all; our appreciation? Let the people around you know what you appreciate about them and why.

What do you value most about your best friend? What is it about your kids that you really appreciate? What do you love best about your spouse? How does your co-worker or your boss make your job easier and more fun?

Expressing our heartfelt and genuine appreciation for the important people in our life is magical and it’s essential to our ability to create happiness, fulfillment, loving relationships, healthy families, successful teams, and productive communities. Appreciation is also an important element of effectively dealing with the stress of challenges and uncertainty that so many of us are facing these days.

This year, our holiday gifts can be expressions of true appreciation which will have real impact on our relationships and make our holiday season one to remember. And, with things the way they are financially for many people these days, taking time to appreciate others and life is so important this year.

Here are three simple suggestions to make your holiday gifts and your holiday season special and meaningful:

1) In addition to (or instead of) giving gifts, take time to write heartfelt thank you cards. Write cards of gratitude – letting the people around you know what you appreciate about them and how they have impacted your life in a positive way. Express your appreciation genuinely, specifically, and personally – in a heartfelt way.

2) Ask people what they really want. Giving something specific that someone really wants will have them feel appreciated and valued. It doesn’t have to be expensive, as long as it’s personal to them. And, if you ask them directly you may find out that what they really want is something simple that can’t be bought or doesn’t cost money.

3) Give the gift of your time or service. Make a list of a few important people in your life and instead of buying them something, call and ask each them if there is some project they’ve been putting off or procrastinating that you might be able to help them with. Schedule time to come over to their house or support them specifically in getting that task or project accomplished.

Remember what most people want, more than almost anything else, is to know that they are loved, valued, and appreciated. Appreciation truly is the best gift we can give to the people in our lives (for the holidays and at any time of the year).

Mike Robbins is a sought-after motivational keynote speaker, coach, and the bestselling author of Focus on the Good Stuff (Wiley) and Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken (Wiley). More info – www.Mike-Robbins.com

Posted by Mike Robbins on December 8th, 2009 in Family, Finances, Global/Social Change, Relationships | 1 comment Read related posts in anxiety, appreciation, authenticity, gratitude, holidays, honesty, Mike Robbins, money, motivational speaker, Oprah, presents, self help, stress

Money, Meaning and a Little Motivation

There isn’t a single person who hasn’t been affected by the financial meltdown. Each of us is being asked to think differently about money, reflect on how much we have and need, why we need it, how we can make more in today’s world.

Read more »

Posted by Ariane de Bonvoisin on July 13th, 2009 in Finances | No comments Read related posts in money

Think and Grow Rich

One of my goals is to share with you some of the most powerful success principles that can help you change your life: Think and Grow Rich contains many of these ideas. If you have yet to read Napoleon Hill’s book, get it and read it today. And if you have read it, read it again. I know people in the business world who read it once a year — it just takes a couple of hours. Hill wrote the book nearly 100 years ago, yet it continues to resonate today. The focus is not just about money and becoming rich, it’s about having a rich life. Here is one of my favorite sections:

Read more »

Posted by First 30 Days on March 26th, 2008 in Finances | No comments Read related posts in becoming rich