All ‘Career’ Posts

Purpose. Passion. Practice. Persistence. Step Up to the Plate & Take Your Best Shot

Many people are afraid to go after their dreams, to take action, to implement…. out of fear that they will fail, look stupid, feel shamed, and have to acknowledge that they weren’t good enough… Bottom line: You won’t know if you don’t go. Yes you may strike out and that would be painful, but you’ve got no chance of hitting a home run unless you step up to the plate. The other consideration: It is the doing, the process, that makes one a success and that opens the doors to all sorts of possibilities we never could have imagined. Seek not to deprive yourself of personal fulfillment by letting fear, insecurity and self-doubt get in the way of your self-expression. Go forth with joy and gratitude, and take your best shot.

On an entirely different note: I am on Day 4 of the ACIM Workbook For Students: “These thoughts do not mean anything. They are like the things I see in this room.” … The point being: The thoughts we think, perceived as either “good” or “bad”, are actually masking or blocking our True Thoughts. They are a meaningless smokescreen designed by our ego, born of fear, to maintain the belief in separation. Insofar as the things we see are a projection of our thoughts, since we’re not really thinking, we’re not really seeing. Only when our Mind is grounded in Unity, Oneness, and Unconditional Love, Forgiveness, and Acceptance will we actually see the Real World with all of its miraculous beauty and eternal peacefulness.

For those of you who view the above paragraph as too far out there… understood. A Course In Miracles is not for everyone. It’s not an easy read. It’s not an easy program to master, which is why I wrote my book, Forgive To Win!, which shares the core concepts of the Course but explains them in ways that are easier for most people to understand and apply. I encourage you to take a look at the book on Amazon where you can peek inside. Additionally, if you subscribe to my free newsletter you can download a free chapter from the book on Self-Loathing & Self-Sabotage.

Which brings me back to the initial paragraph I wrote about going after your dreams and taking action: When we learn how to love ourselves and forgive ourselves – the crux of A Course In Miracles and Forgive To Win!, we eliminate the unconscious self-sabotaging programming getting in the way of our happiness, our relationships, our physical well-being, our success, our prosperity and our inner peace.

When we meld tools of self-mastery with humanistic choices as to how we perceive and treat others, there are no limits, there is nothing we can’t accomplish. It is not simply faith that moves mountains. It is forgiveness, acceptance and love. Hold these thoughts in your mind as much as you can, as best you can, wherever you are and under all circumstances, regardless of how others are behaving, without conditions or exceptions — and watch your world get better.

No joke. No lie. It works if you work it: Change your Mind. Change your Life. Change your World.

Peace, joy and blessings to you all!

Forgive To Win!

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Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on January 4th, 2012 in Career, First30Days Book, General, New Directions, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in happiness, prosperity, self fulfillment, success

End Self-Sabotage and Get Everything You Want

Why is it that we are motivated to change, and we work hard at it, and yet we do not succeed at attaining our goals? It’s because we sabotage ourselves. We sabotage our best efforts. We procrastinate. We resist. We don’t follow direction. We don’t follow through. We allow ourselves to be distracted and derailed.

We sabotage ourselves in a variety of ways, such that we perpetually withhold from ourselves all the goodies the universe has to offer, blaming it all the while on bad luck or it being someone else’s fault, rather than acknowledging that we are the Prime Movers of our destiny, that we are responsible for the lack and limitations in our lives, and nobody else.

On a conscious level we want to win, but on a deep, unconscious level, we are filled with guilt, shame, self-condemnation, and self-loathing, such that, rather than believing that we are worthy of winning and deserving of abundance and success, we believe that we are sinners deserving of punishment, suffering and failure. All of this is below our conscious awareness.

Our subconscious mind, intent on manifesting what we believe about ourselves at a deeply-embedded, unconscious level, believes our own harsh judgments about ourselves, and punishes us for our “sins.” It does this by sabotaging our conscious efforts.

It generates resistance and roadblocks. It attracts inferior elements. It encourages miscommunication, chaos, and confusion. The end result is an external world that reflects our internal self-concept. The end result is our not getting what we want.

The only way to reverse this process, in order to generate success and prosperity, is to put an end to our guilt, shame and self-loathing by forgiving and loving ourselves. The only way to do this is to first forgive and love others. This is what Forgive To Win!’s Forgiveness Diet has been designed to accomplish.

The Forgiveness Diet is a structured program that trains our mind to engage in behaviors that will benefit us in the long run. More specifically, the Forgiveness Diet is a daily regimen of thoughts, actions and exercises devoted to extending unconditional forgiveness, acceptance, and love. It is a daily regimen of estimable acts of kindness and service to others.

When we have mastered the Forgiveness Diet, our subconscious mind will believe we are good enough and worthy of reward, at which point it will stop sabotaging our efforts and start constructing the synchronistic attraction of synergistic people and circumstances that will favor our prosperity and success in all realms.

The Forgiveness Diet is the ultimate prosperity principle!

The reason why many of us have difficulty believing this is true is because we’ve been trained to believe that nice guys finish last, that no good deed goes unpunished, and that love, kindness and forgiveness are for chumps and suckers.

Nothing could be further from the truth. These are self-destructive messages generated by our subconscious mind to support its self-sabotaging agenda to derail us from healing ourselves and attracting abundance into our lives.

Although it is obvious that many people who are loathsome, selfish, unloving and hurtful towards others have succeeded and prospered, for most of us who mean no harm to others, emulating people like that will not deliver us what we want.

If we repair ourselves by extending unconditional forgiveness, acceptance and love to everyone, under all circumstances, without exceptions, we can replace our self-loathing with self-loving, thereby putting an end to our self-sabotage, such that our subconscious mind works with us rather than against us to attract and manifest everything we’ve ever wanted.

The best part about the Forgiveness Diet is that we don’t need to understand it for it to work. We don’t even need to believe it. Additionally, we don’t need to gain any deep insights about ourselves in order to get results.

We just need to do it. We just need to implement a few basic behaviors and practices on a consistent basis until they become habits.

But don’t take my word for it. Take the Forgive To Win! 90-Day Challenge. Rather than rejecting the Forgiveness Diet as magical or wishful thinking without giving it a try, follow it rigorously for 90 days and find out for yourself what it has to offer.

Make the decision to put aside your skepticism, negativity, cynicism and doubt for 90 days in order to work the program as vigorously and as honestly as you possibly can.

What have you got to lose? What’s 90 days in the bigger scheme of things? What’s 90 days in the expanse and duration of your life? It’s nothing. So what if you spend 90 days being generous, esteeming others, and forgiving them their trespasses? What’s the downside? There really isn’t any.

If you decide after 90 days that the experience was not transformative and was a complete waste of time, which I guarantee won’t be the case, you will have the rest of your life to be angry, vengeful, withholding, thoughtless, selfish and self-centered, and to see where that gets you.

But if I’m right in encouraging you to devote a mere 90 days of your life to the Forgiveness Diet, you will greatly appreciate the experience you put yourself through, you will see fewer roadblocks and potholes appearing in your life, you will be happier, more productive, and more successful, and you will gladly continue to engage in the Forgiveness Diet program.

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Go right now to: http://forgivetowin.homestead.com, order Forgive To Win! , start downloading your free bonus gifts, and watch your world get better!

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on October 17th, 2011 in Career, Diet and Fitness, Health, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in forgiveness, happiness, self-esteem, self-sabotage, success

Every No Gets Us Closer to a Yes

Consider this example: Using a hypothetical number (since I am not aware of the statistics involved in car sales), let’s assume that for every 10 prospective customers that walk through the showroom door, one will be converted into a sale.

That being the case, a car salesman can expect to get a no from nine people before he closes a deal. Consequently, when he gets one no after another, there is no need for him to get depressed, anxious or angry. He doesn’t need to take it personally by interpreting it as a failure on his part. He doesn’t need to get discouraged or demoralized. He doesn’t need to perceive it as a setback or an obstacle. He doesn’t need to look at it as the universe giving him a hard time.

He simply needs to remind himself that it’s all part of the plan; that it’s all part of the law of averages; that every time he gets a no, he should actually be celebrating, because it brings him closer to the statistical number that equates to a yes.

Oftentimes, we get frustrated by things not happening on our timetable. Rather than seeing each “no” as one step closer to our goal, we interpret the “no” as a delay holding back our success. This speaks to our desire to control the universe so that it will do our bidding as we think it should and when we think it should.

The problem with this is that we can’t control the universe. People and circumstances that will eventually cooperate with us have their own timetable that we need to accept. Any attempt to manipulate and accelerate the process is oftentimes a mistake. It can lead us to either a burning bridge that could have been an appropriate path, or finding ourselves heading down a path that, in the long run, will prove to be a road to nowhere.

Acceptance & patience
It is better to accept that it takes time for people and circumstances to come together in a beneficial way for all concerned and to try not to force outcomes. Sometimes it’s best to accept the ebb and flow of things. Sometimes it’s best to not paddle furiously but rather to row our boat gently down the stream. Sometimes it’s best to let things happen at their own pace and have faith that when things don’t happen the way we think they should, it doesn’t mean that they never will.

Bottom line: We needn’t be afraid of rejection and failed efforts — take Thomas Edison, for example. Every time the universe said no to one of his attempts to invent the electric light bulb, he saw it as a help rather than a hindrance. He saw it as an opportunity to put aside an ineffectual approach he was taking so that he could redirect his attention to an alternative approach that might yield the success he was looking for. Every failed attempt brought him closer to success by enabling him to eliminate a wrong way so that he could eventually find the right way.

There is a right way for all of us, regardless of what goals we have set for ourselves. But we will not find it if we get derailed by perceived setbacks, obstacles, rejections, delays and outright failed attempts. Best that we be okay with every no we get and every failed attempt, seeing each as a positive stepping stone to our ultimate success.

Best we stay true to our vision. Best we stay confident and positive. Best we be flexible and stay open to alternative paths so as to modify and adapt our plan when necessary. Above all else, we don’t give up. We keep on trucking. We remind ourselves that it’s never over till it’s over.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on September 18th, 2011 in Career | No comments Read related posts in confidence, motivation, optimism, personal growth, self help, success

Do You Lie to Yourself?

Do you ever have rough moments or days where you keep trying to tell yourself that you’re happy because you should be but you’re actually not? I know I do. I’ll think, “I’m happy,” but sometimes there’s moments or days, I’m not.

(It doesn’t really matter why I have those rough times, but mostly it’s because fear, uncertainty or doubt creep up on me and tackle me for a bit, before I can kick ‘em to the curb.)

I don’t mean to lie to myself, I do it automatically because I feel like I should be happy ALL THE TIME, given I have a clear life purpose, an incredible business, and an inspiring wife.

I feel guilty during times I’m not happy, like there’s something wrong with me. Especially with all the positives in my life, shouldn’t I be happy all the time?

That’s bullshit. I don’t know where my mind picked up the idea that I (or anyone) is supposed to be happy all the time, no matter how “successful” you are. There will ALWAYS be an ebb and flow in your life.

That’s just not real. Part of being human is having a range of emotions, including forms of fear.

In fact, it’s the challenges you’ve been through in life, the downs, that allow you to truly appreciate the ups.

If I hadn’t gotten married and divorced (and had many other short-term relationships), I wouldn’t be as grateful for my inspiring wife Jessica.

If I hadn’t worked in the corporate world (including starting a business and having it fail), I wouldn’t be as grateful for my fulfilling work with my authentic Unique Genius mentoring clients.

So be grateful for the downs - especially if you’re in one now!

Learn something from them, and inspire, educate and entertain others based on what you learned.

What past challenges can you be grateful for? Post them below in the ‘Share Your Thoughts’ section.

PS: those challenges, in some way, contribute to what I call your Unique Genius, and you can authentically help yourself by sharing your story and lessons learned with others.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Aaron Ross on September 16th, 2011 in Career, New Directions, Personal Stories | No comments

Changing Who We Are by Neutralizing Negativity

Many of us resist change because we are more comfortable with the known, as bad as it may be, compared to the unknown, which we fear could be far worse. Many of us resist change because we fear it may make others uncomfortable to the point where they distance themselves from us and possibly leave us, triggering our abandonment issues in the process.

Consequently, instead of making efforts to change and being willing to deal with the uncertainty of the unknown and the possible abandonment of others, we cling to the past, we cling to the unsatisfying relationships and circumstances of our lives, we don’t take risks and we accept a life less lived.

So what can we do about it? First, we have to deal with the prevailing fear which is dominating our resistance to change. We must make the conscious decision that it’s better to risk potential disappointments, in an effort to reach for the stars, rather than accept a life of dormant dreams and quiet desperation.

We must make the conscious decision that if people can’t accept us for choosing to change, it may be painful, but we’ll deal with it. We may feel abandoned by them, but we won’t abandon ourselves. We have faith that others will enter our lives, attracted by what we are striving to achieve, who will appreciate and support our growth efforts.

Once we make a commitment to change, we must vigilantly monitor our thoughts and neutralize our Inner Critic, that negative, disparaging, shaming and degrading voice inside our head that keeps telling us that we’re not good enough, that we’re not lovable, that we’re unworthy, that we don’t deserve success and happiness, and that it is a pointless waste of time to try to become something more.

We must de-fang our Inner Critic and give it no power to fuel our fear and our doubt, to discourage us and derail us. We must de-throne our Inner Critic and replace it with our Inner Colleague, that inspiring, encouraging, uplifting voice inside our head, that loving and nurturing voice of our Higher Self that truly knows what’s best for us.

For far too long we have kept that voice soft if not silent, relegating it to the back seat of our consciousness. But now, having made the commitment to change, we pump up the volume and use it to repeatedly reinforce positive, optimistic messages that neutralize the negative, critical labels from our Inner Critic and, at the same time, fuel our passion, our persistence and our perseverance.

Bottom line: We don’t have to sell ourselves short. We don’t have to settle for less. There is great joy and abundance available to each of us when we release ourselves from the bondage of “I can’t” and other limiting self-definitions.

Truth be told: We can break out of the habits of our past. We can become whatever sort of person we wish to be. We can manifest our destiny and create the life we desire. To do this, we must dare to put aside the judgments and limitations of our past. We must dare to have faith in our capacity to deal with change. We must dare to savor the challenges of emotional freedom. We must dare to discover our authentic self.

Above all else, we must dare to stay positive and optimistic, grateful and happy, regardless of any chaos and turbulence in our lives, regardless of any obstacles and pitfalls in our path. By doing so, we accelerate our progress and insure our eventual success.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on August 27th, 2011 in Career, New Directions, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in inner colleague, inner critic, neutralizing negativity, Positive Psychology, self help

How to View Setbacks on the Road to Success

When we set our sights on a goal, no matter what it might be, and someone or something gets in our way, our first impulse is often to feel badly about it.

We tend to get angry, anxious, depressed, frustrated, discouraged, and/or demoralized, due to our interpreting what has happened as a setback.

This is a mistake. At any one moment in time, we don’t really know if something that happens is, in the long run, going to be in our best interests or not. At any one moment in time, we don’t really know if something is good luck or bad luck.

The truth of it is: What we think is good luck today could prove, at a later date, to have been an unfortunate turn of events that led us down a road to nowhere. Equally so, what we think is bad luck today could prove, down the road, to have been a huge blessing in disguise that was pivotal in getting us to the ultimate place we wanted to go.

We just don’t know. We aren’t able to see the bigger picture at the moment something is happening to us. Therefore, it’s best that we not presume anything is good or bad for us and it’s best that we not make assumptions about the impact any event is going to have on our future. In which case, it’s best we not react emotionally, in a positive or negative way, to events as they occur, but rather stay calm and objective.

There’s no need to assume that something is an obstacle or a barrier to our success, simply because it’s blocking our path, and become discouraged by it. Conversely, there’s no need to assume that something seemingly positive is going to be our ticket to heaven and that we should start celebrating.

Of the two scenarios, perceiving something as a setback and driving ourselves emotionally into the ground because of it, tends to be the more damaging one that deserves closer attention. Let’s take a look at an example.

Let’s say I am an aspiring author. I send a query letter to an agent, seeking his representation to help me sell my book, and the agent sends me a curt note saying that, “The book will never sell. Better keep your day job.”

I have a choice. I can fill my mind with doom and gloom, with fearful, catastrophic thoughts that, “I’m not good enough. My book isn’t good enough. I’ll never get an agent. My book will never see the light of day. Nothing is ever going to work out. I am going to be an eternal failure.”

Or I can tell myself that the agent’s rejection doesn’t mean my book is worthless and won’t ever sell. Nor does it mean that I am worthless and will never amount to anything. I don’t have to go down that road in my head.

His rejection simply means that he doesn’t like my book. It simply means he is not going to be the one who’s going to represent me. It simply means he’s not in the final equation of my success. His rejection actually says nothing about my potential to succeed in the long run. It speaks more to who he is than to who I am.

I don’t have to fill my mind with catastrophic fear thoughts of a lifetime of failure and frustration. I don’t have to get depressed or anxious. I don’t have to get angry, bitter, and resentful. I can stay positive, be grateful that a dead end has revealed itself, and be confident that the opportunity I’m looking for is just around the corner.

In truth, rather than feeling beaten up by the agent’s letter, I can choose to view him as a great friend and ally, who has done me a huge favor by getting out of the way so that I can focus my energies on finding the right person who will share my vision and help me hit a home run out of the ballpark.

It is our fear that makes us assume the worst when something doesn’t happen the way we think it should or hope it will. It is our fear that makes us jump to negative conclusions about our future based on one isolated incident, the true value of which cannot be adequately defined in the moment it’s occurring. It is our fear that generates our catastrophic thoughts that we are not good enough and that nothing will ever fall our way.

Rather than give in to these catastrophic fear thoughts and allow them to terrorize and demoralize us, it behooves us to find another way to look at every seeming setback, to discover the blessings in every disguise, to examine every cloud for its silver lining, and to consider the possibility that, regardless of what is happening, we’re exactly where we are supposed to be, in which case, it behooves us to stay calm and confident, learn from our mistakes, move forward without fear, and smell the roses while we’re at it.

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on August 25th, 2011 in Career | No comments Read related posts in overcoming obstacles, personal development, self help, success

The Power of Negative Thinking

Negative thinking is our enemy. It dampens our enthusiasm and motivation. It contributes to indecision, inertia, procrastination and outright derailment of our goal-directed actions. It defeats us. It beats us. It creates the “bad luck” that we will later bemoan.

We are our own worst enemy when we indulge our negative thinking and tell ourselves, “It’s not going to work out… I’m unlucky… Something will go wrong… Such and such will happen and I’m just going to be more miserable, so why bother?”

There are an endless number of negative messages in all shapes and sizes that discourage us from being proactive and going forth into the world. And now is as good a time as any to stop playing this losing hand, to stop giving these negative messages any power.

A major problem in this regard is that, for the most part, we’re so used to our negative thinking that we aren’t even aware when we’re doing it. Consequently, we need to listen closely to the content of our thoughts. We need to hear our words as we speak them, with our negativity detector finely tuned.

When we recognize the negative thoughts and words, we need to stop them and counter them with alternative messages that are positive and optimistic, based on truth, not fear.

To be sure: just because things haven’t worked out in the past doesn’t mean they never will. Just because we have been rejected and disappointed in the past, doesn’t mean that this is our eternal fate that we must resign ourselves to. Just because we’ve been plagued with failure and perceived bad luck doesn’t mean that this is the way it always will or must be.

We are masters of our fate, whether we allow our fear or our optimism to propel us forward.

On an unconscious level, our negativity is a defense mechanism, a protective device such that if something bad should happen, we won’t be blindsided and devastated by it. By anticipating failure, we think we are softening the blow of failure should it occur.

Unfortunately, this is not a good plan. The negativity of anticipated bad luck and failure actually helps to create them because it contributes to us not putting our best foot forward. It blocks the flow of positive energy and directs the Law of Attraction to attract negative consequences rather than positive outcomes. It reinforces our fear and insecurity, and it diminishes our confidence and faith in ourselves and our objectives.

In this regard, negative thinking is actually a form of self-abuse. Certainly, it is important to be aware of the things that can go wrong so that we can have a strategy to address them and push forward, should they occur. But to beat ourselves into submission with our negative fear thoughts such that we don’t take risks and we don’t go the distance in order to protect ourselves from disappointment, shame and humiliation is simply self-punishment.

Letting fear and negativity derail us will never bring rainbows and sunshine into our lives. Rather than anticipating failure, we should anticipate success, while at the same time telling ourselves that should failure occur, we will be emotionally capable of dealing with it, that we will pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and continue on our path toward our goals because that is the only way we will get where we want to go.

It’s best that we remind ourselves that there is less shame in failure and defeat than in never trying at all, that many great hearts and minds have risen from the ashes of multiple failures and defeat to reap the rewards of great success and prosperity.

Bottom line: we must be vigilant over our thoughts, stop the negativity and be positive and enthusiastic regardless of adversity and seemingly overwhelming odds against us, and push forward with one true thought always in the forefront of our consciousness. Win, lose or draw, it’s much better to play the game than watch from the sidelines.

By Walter E Jacobson, MD
http://forgivetowin.com
info@walterjacobsonmd.com

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Walter E Jacobson, MD on August 14th, 2011 in Career, Health, Relationships, Spirituality | No comments Read related posts in Psychology, self help

Are You Operating at Your Maximum or Your Optimum?

Nido Qubein, president of High Point University, asked this question and it highlighted one of the behavioral mysteries I’ve long observed in the business world: So many people operate in maximum mode, running as fast as they can, barely keeping their head above water.

They rush around in reactive mode, relying on external pressures and sheer willpower to create adrenaline-driven motivation. Pushing as hard as they can for as long as they can – and sacrificing their health and wellbeing in the meantime – inevitably, they crash and burn.

On the other side of the fence are those who are operating at their optimum, setting a pace that’s sustainable for the long term and most favorable to achieving the results they want. Yes, they sprint full out when necessary but they do it on a full tank of gas and then take the time to rest and recover.

Which way sounds better to you? If you’re interested in a saner, healthier way to thrive and succeed, here are three ways to move toward optimum performance:

1. Know your why. Let’s start with a little brain science. In his book, Start With Why, Simon Sinek points out that the oldest part of our brain, the limbic system, is where our emotions and behavior originate.

The best way to access our emotions – which are what drive our actions — is by understanding our fundamental “why.” Is it to grow, to inspire, to teach? Rather than focusing solely on the “what” — the different career path or major promotion, say — digging deep to excavate a true sense of purpose is what will ignite your motivation and give you clarity.

2. Fortify your mindset. The more information we have access to – on TV, in the newspapers and in conversations overheard — the more negativity we’re likely to encounter. Unless, that is, we proactively create a shield against it.

Before you dive into your day, take 15 minutes to feed your mind inspiring content that shifts your default setting toward the positive and expands your idea of what’s possible –biographies of people you admire, personal development books, inspiring quotes — clear your mind with meditation or journaling, and mentally rehearse how you want the key events of the day to go. Your day will start off smoother and, when you do encounter a setback, you’ll handle it with greater ease and aplomb.

3. Create positive rituals for energy recovery. Sports psychologist Jim Loehr says: “Time, by itself, is fundamentally valueless unless it intersects with our best energy. That’s because it’s our best energy that enables us to be extraordinary.”

People in maximum mode burn through their energy sources until there’s nothing left. Energy, however, is a renewable resource, if we take measures to recover. One way to replenish our mental, emotional and spiritual energy is to create positive rituals. More than a routine, these are precise, consciously acquired behaviors that become automatic, fueled by a deep sense of meaning and purpose: date night on Fridays with your significant other, reading a chapter of a novel at lunchtime, or going to yoga class on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

No question, with the hyped-up expectations of the modern world breathing down your neck, choosing a sustainable pace requires discipline and conviction. But which would you rather be: ahead at the 25^th mile of the marathon, or the first to run across the finish line?

If you felt moved, inspired, touched, helped, annoyed, or anything after reading this, please let us know. Our wonderful bloggers really do appreciate your comments and feedback. It’s super easy and takes a minute. Click on comments below.

Posted by Renita Kalhorn on March 2nd, 2011 in Career, First30Days Book | No comments

The 3 Ways We (Accidentally) Help Our Kids Fail

I know we don’t mean to help our kids fail; sometimes we just do too much for them – we don’t make them do their work. Maybe we love them too much and want their lives to be easy. But too much of the wrong kind of help doesn’t prepare them define who they are, identify their talents, find their best place in the world and own their lives. I am a father of three daughters. I have learned some things that I feel have prepared them to step up and stand out in their lives – to own their lives. And I thought it was worth sharing.

My personal perspective is that the greatest gift we receive in life is the ability to invent our lives – we can create each day in the way we choose. And what we need to help us invent extraordinary lives – extraordinary according to our terms – we already have. We are born with unique talents and strengths (gifts) that exhibit themselves through our abilities and passions. We are great at some things, not others. We love some things and not others. Each of us is unique. Each of us is different. Learning about this difference is the key to inventing our most amazing lives, and helping our kids invent theirs.

For example, I am good at and love details, precision, social research and writing. My kids are not at all like this. They are more social, more scientific and are more take-charge. They would hate my job. And though I may feel that my job would be good fit for them and would give the resources to be successful in life, they don’t feel this. They must get up each morning and be thrilled by life. Following in my footsteps is not be the best choice for any or all of them. They need to choose for themselves those things that play to their particular talents, interests and passions. This is how they become successful. This is not what many parents do.

As a greatness coach and a parent, here are the most significant three ways I see that we (accidentally) help our kids to fail:

1. We do not help them know themselves – what they are good at and what they are passionate about. So many of today’s kids are very self-unaware; they have little sense of who they are, what their talents are and what they are passionate about. They go through life on autopilot – being directed by parents and friends – doing very little of their own thinking.

It is our role as parents to help them learn how to identify their talents, interests and passions. Many times our talents are so closely connected to how we think that we have a difficult time identifying them. This is a great opportunity for parents to share what they see in their kids and dialog about it. Catching a kid doing something great, and commenting on it, helps him notice his behaviors. And as much as we learn about what we do well, we also learn about what we don’t do well – also critical information. We aren’t good at everything but we each are good at some things. Learn to identify those things and we help our children learn to play to their strengths.

2. We don’t show them enough of their world, and talk to them about their options, so they can choose wisely in work and life. Critical to their success in life is first to know themselves, then to know their world. Their greatest success and happiness will be in finding places in their world that allow them to use what they are great – to have their greatest impact. For that, they must know their world to be able to choose wisely.

Connecting to what our kids are seeing and hearing is critical – particularly in today’s intellectual age. Kids see so much more than their Boomer parents saw at their age. And this information needs conversation – to help them become aware of what appeals to them and what does not. Family vacations, reading together, reviewing websites together, learning projects and being active in the community are ways to show kids what things are available – how large the world is. The more kids start to show interest in areas, the more they should be encouraged to investigate careers and work in those areas.

3. We define happiness for them by telling them who they should be, what they should do for work and how they should live. Many parents believe they know better so they choose their kid’s life directions. I remember telling my father as he told me what my profession was to be, that for me to be successful, happy and own my life, the choice about who I am, what I do and how I live, must be mine. Parents take away life accountability when they dictate the steps of life. The more we encourage our kids to know themselves and to know their world, the better decisions they will make about their lives. This allow us to be the guide from the side in their lives – available for counsel but always relinquishing the decision to the life owner. This is critical to help create the next generation of responsible, happy and personally successful people.

Each of us receives the gift of inventing one life – our own. It is entirely our choice how large or small we invent that life. In my coaching, I regularly see that parents want to ensure their children have happy and successful lives, so they take over and dictate life’s decisions. This generally creates the opposite response – instead of helping our kids feel successful and love their lives, they become unhappy and disappointed, feeling like they are living someone else’s life.

Our greatest role is to prepare our kids to take the baton and run their lives. We help them run successfully when we guide them to discover their unique greatness, understand their world, then find their best fit. There is a great place for each of us in life. Find that place and we love our lives. And loving life is what we want most for our kids.

Jay Forte is a business and motivational speaker, and greatness coach. He is the author of The Greatness Zone – Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform the World, and Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition. His coaching and programs inspire executives, employees, parents and students to discover and play to their greatness, to live and work with passion, power and purpose. More information at www.TheGreatnessZone.com and www.LiveFiredUp.com.

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Posted by Jay Forte on November 24th, 2010 in Career, Family, General, New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Teens, Things We Love | 1 comment Read related posts in choose wisely in life, Family, find your fit, greatness zone, help our kids fail, interests, kids, know yourself, love life, parents, passions, strengths, talents

Get Ready to Pass the Baton

As parents we all love to think our kids are great at everything. We love it when they walk early, talk early, excel in art class, earn good grades and are athletic. We brag, we boast – we feel so proud. It’s natural.

But nature, biology and even divine intervention seem to feel that we aren’t good at everything – that we should specialize. We are all different and must learn to understand ourselves to know our specific talents, strengths and passions – those attributes unique to each of us – so we can learn to find our best fit in today’s world. And when we find our place, we can create our best and most personalized lives – lives that are just right for us.

Inspired by our DNA are brain connections that are strong in some areas and weak in others. Early in our brain development, the brain allows the weaker connections to wither, allowing our strongest connections to lead. These connections create our personality, preferences, talents, strengths and passions. We are hardwired in very particular ways and our greatest performance (and happiness) happens when we understand this hardwiring and use it to make meaningful decisions about our work and life.

Science supports that we are good at some things and not others; we love some things and not others. Our greatest impact happens when we play to what we are intrinsically good at. We start to know this as we reach our later teenage years. Some realize it sooner, some later. But to realize what we are good at and are passionate about takes effort. It takes work. It takes work that each of us must do; we can’t do this work for our kids.

As parents, our role is to get them ready so we can pass them the baton of life – to be capable of taking it and running their life’s race. They choose where, how fast, with whom and how to run.

We are their coaches and trainers. We help them see their greatness – their talents, strengths and passions. We introduce them to the world so they can start to determine their best place – their best fit. We introduce them to the world so they realize they have choices – and the best choices will be those that allow them to play to what they are great at and passionate about. To be able to make these choices, they must know themselves and their world. And we bring all this together for them when they are young. We help them they discover the unique gifts they are born with and start to find their best place in the world that lets be who they were created to be.

When each of my three daughters graduated from high school, we hosted a “passing of the baton” ceremony. We explain that in the past 18 years, we have worked to help them discover who they are and have tried to show each of them how big the world is – to see all that is available. But when the baton is passed, they will own it all – their direction, success, happiness and choices. They will need to find their best fit – their place in their world – to be happy and thrilled by life each day. This is what is required to take the baton – to own your life.

We are still available for counsel and conversation but they must use all that they have seen to start to make wise personal choices – not to please us, be who we think they are supposed to be, or live as we feel they must – but, rather, to define happiness and success for themselves. We don’t tell them who to be. We remind them they must be the best at whatever they choose – and their best and happiest lives will be built around what they are good at and are passionate about doing.

Each of my three daughters has chosen wisely for herself; each took the baton and has owned her decisions, career and life. We may not always agree with the choices, but we realize they now own and invent their lives – as we did so many years ago. It is a wobbly process to start but with the right coaching, they learn very quickly to make good decisions.

Someone told me once that the worst thing a parent can hear their child say is “I have a miserable life.” We want our kids to be successful, but must also realize that success in our eyes may not be success in theirs. Maybe the better line is that we want our kids to love their lives and be thrilled by life each day.

So how can you coach your children well, to be ready to take the baton when it is passed to them:

1. Spend meaningful time with your kids and let them share what they think, feel and love. Listen generously.

2. Expose them to many things; many times our kids become things or do things because they didn’t know greater things were available. One of my favorite ways of showing kids the great choices in the workplace is to Google “job titles.” The sites show titles of jobs that many of us never knew we could be. It expands their options.

3. Watch the personal biases and judgments as kids start to connect to what matters most to them. An impartial approach allows kids to consider everything.

4. Careers and interests don’t always follow from parent to child. Allow children to search for those things that capture their interest, and always require them to see how what they are interested in fits in today’s world (they still have to make a living and move out of the house!).

Our kids are great – at some things. And effective coaches help their players (or kids) discover the things they are good at and then work hard to get better in those areas. This allows them to move from good to great. And to be successful in life, you must find your thing, then be great at it.

For me, the greatest success as a parent is a happy and passionate son or daughter – one who loves his/her life and does each day what he/she does best. That is success in my book. I don’t need or want my kids to be like me – unless that is what they want. Besides, the world needs us all to be different, to add the texture, color and richness of ideas and impact. We invent our world by those who live in it at this moment. To have the best world, we need everyone in their “greatness zone” – that place where they are connect to their best and share it with all of us. Help them get ready to take the baton and live their greatness.

Jay Forte is a business and motivational speaker, performance consultant and life coach. He is the author of Fire Up! Your Employees and Smoke Your Competition, and The Greatness Zone; Know Yourself, Find Your Fit, Transform Your World. Jay guides organizations – their leaders and managers – in how to attract, hire and retain today’s best talent. He coaches individuals how to reconnect to their talents and passions to achieve extraordinary personal and professional performance – to live their greatness. More information at www.LiveFiredUp.com and www.TheGreatnessZone.com.

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Posted by Jay Forte on October 28th, 2010 in Career, Family, New Directions, Personal Stories, Relationships, Spirituality, Teens | No comments Read related posts in careers, children, Family, find your fit, happiness, life choices, own your life